Dear Diary,

Okay, I wasn't gonna say anything but this morning... I tried to enlist.

The man wouldn't let me, either. He stamped my form with a massive '4F', which apparently meant no go on the military for me. Coulda been on my asthma alone, he said.

What a load of bullshit.

I knew when he started asking me about my parents, there would be an issue. The whole mustard gas thing with dad wouldn't be that bad, but telling him about mom and her tuberculosis... that might kill me, and not only in the sense that I might get upset all over again, but also in the sense that they wouldn't let me enlist.

Ugh, and I tried telling him that I wanted the 107th, too. No luck there either, but I guess it might've helped for me to actually get through the enlistment office first...

Whatever, right?

—————

I watched the screen as the black and white videos flashed back and forth, a man narrating.

War continues to ravage occupied Europe... but help is on the way. Every able-bodied young man is lining top to serve his coubntry. Even little Timmy is doing his part; collecting scrap metal, nice work, Timmy.

"Who cares? Play the movie already!" A man a few rows ahead of me shouts at the screen. I looked to my left to see a woman in the aisle, she looks upset. I can nearly see the tears welling in her eyes. She probably has a man overseas, I thought, and soon so would I.

"Hey, you wanna show some respect?" I whispered to him, barely audibly. He didn't seem to even hear me, though.

Meanwhile, overseas, our brave boys are showing the Axis that the price of freedom is never too high!

"Let's go, get on with it! Hey, just start the cartoon!" The jerk in front of me yells again, but I didn't look at him. I was watching the woman. She reminded me of myself, in a way because when she flinched, I really felt it, too.

I jabbed his shoulder from behind, thinking about how the woman and I were one and the same, feeling my own face grow red from how much I was fuming. "hey, you want to shut up?"

Together with allied forces, we can face any threat, no matter the size!

I watch him as he spins around, slowly standing up... and up and up and- this man is massive, jeez, he didn't stop getting taller.

It was late in the afternoon when I made my way out of the theater... I managed to find myself in an alleyway, yet again fighting for what I believed in.

I felt my hands go up, hovering around my face in attempts to protect myself from what I saw coming. He hit me square in the jaw and I flew back, landing flat on the ground. My face was sore, but adrenaline pumped through my veins and got me back on my feet. He hit me again almost immediately after I had stood up again, landing me right back on the ground. I stood again, somehow, though. I picked up a trash can lid, remembering back to the last time I did that... I tried to block his next shot with the metal lid, but he managed to grab it from me and throe it to the side, punching me again right in the mouth. I felt may legs fly up as I fell to the ground again, this time my face throbbing like my heart had somehow made it's way up there.

It was all moving in slow motion. I watched him hovering over me, panting, waiting for me to give in. I felt my mind glitch, like there was something taking over and not letting go. It was a memory from when I was a young kid...

"Salvatore will put us on the street unless you-"

"Unless I what?!" she interrupted him. "Draw gold from the gutters?! You have to find work," she told him, yelling back. I hid under the table and covered my ears, trying to block out the unbearable noise.

"You think I'm not out there tryin' every day?!"

"That new building going up on Jefferson-"

"The foreman hates Irish!" He shouted, cutting her off. "How many times will you make me tell you?!"

"The world's always working against you- it's never your own doing! You sound more like your father every-"

I heard his hand smack against her face. She bent over and held her hands on her mouth, I watched as blood crept between her fingers. "Do you hear what you're saying to me? Trying to break my heart? Making the boy think I'm some kind of laggard? How dare you compare me to that man?!" He called out, defensively. He waited for a moment, collecting his thoughts. "Where do you- you just... you better go into the other room," he said to her rudely. "Watch what you're suggesting."

"What I'm suggesting," she replied, standing up, "is you get to work in the morning." She paused and stood tall across from him. "Sober."

"Damn your nerve, Sarah," He raised his clenched fist to her face, about ready to hit her again. "I should... I-" he stammered, almost realizing the gravity of what he'd done. I watched him grab his jacket and throw the door open, walking out and never looking back.

"Come out, dear," my mother said to me, bending down below the table where I had been crouched. "It's okay," she assured me, pulling me into a warm hug.

"Why?" I started. "Wh- why didn't you j- just stay down mama?" I asked, the lump in my throat making me stutter and forcing tears to fall from my innocent eyes.

"Because, and you listen close, Steven," she began, pulling away from the embrace and holding my face in her hands. "You always stand up."

Always stand up, she said, always stand up I'll do.

I got to my feet and put my hands back at their guard, refusing to give up. If my mom could stand up to a man twice her size, then I could do the same, right?

He shook his head at me. "You just don't know when to give up, do you?" he asked rhetorically.

"I can do this all day," I told him, wiping my bloody mouth with my sleeve.

I tried to punch him back, yet, he blocked me and punched me again, pushing me into the pile of trash from which I had taken the metal lid.

"Hey!" I hear a deep voice interject, grabbing the man by his arm. "Pick on somebody your own size," he said, pulling the man away from me. It was Bucky.

The man took a shot at him and I watched Bucky dodge it smoothly, and slug him straight in the face, spinning him around only to give him an army boot to the ass.

Bucky looked down at me as the man scurried off out of the alleyway. "Sometimes I think you like getting punched," he said to me.

"I had him on the ropes," I replied, getting up from the refuse heap. I see Bucky's eyes waver as my enlistment form drops from my pocket. Before I can grab it, he reaches down and takes it.

"How many times is this?" he asked, reading the paper. "Oh, you're from Paramus now? You know illegal to lie on the enlistment form...? And, seriously, Jersey?"

I made a face at him for the comment before realizing what he was wearing. Damn, he was in a uniform and I was taking it all in. He saw me looking him up and down, too, and I couldn't care less because, fuck, he was all mine. I would have kissed him one last time if I wasn't so afraid of someone seeing us.

"You get your orders?" I said like it was a question, hoping he'd tell me it was all a joke.

He looked at me like he didn't want to be the one to tell me that he really did it... that he'd actually gone through with it. He looked down, then, so that it might not be so difficult to finally get out with the words. "The 107th... Sergeant James Barnes, shipping out for England, first thing tomorrow."

Tomorrow. It's here... the day I have to say goodbye. It repeated in my head like a broken bell, never ending and never ceasing to torture me more and more with each ring. I had less than 24 hours with him and it, honestly, didn't even feel real. I looked down at his uniform so that I might distract myself from the truth. Though, I knew I'd have to deal with it at some point or another.

I shook my head, "I should be going," was all I could manage to say. And, to be fair, it was true. If he wasn't staying here with me, then I should be going there with him. That's how simple it is to me.

He waited a second before saying anything, making me think he was going to say nevermind, he wasn't going. But then, he put his hand on my shoulder and smiled before bringing his arm around both my shoulders. "Come on, man," he said, pulling me along with him as we exited the alleyway. "My last night, we gotta get you cleaned up."

"Why, where we goin'?" I asked.

"The future," he replied, handing me a newspaper. I opened it and it read World Exposition of Tomorrow across the top.

• • •

"I don't see what the problem is," he started, "you're about to be the last eligible man in New York... you know there's three and a half million women here," he pointed out to me.

I felt myself grinning at how normal this conversation might sound to outsiders. Hell, they don't know what we are, we might as well put on a show... right?

"Well, I'd settle for just one," I looked up at him and he looked down at me and he knew exactly what I meant... he knew damn well that I was talking about him, and that's just why he smiled.

"Good thing I took care of that," he told me, looking away and waving at two women in the distance. They called out his name and waved back.

I was annoyed, honestly, that he would think to do that. Can't we spend his last night alone? Is it really that hard to not be suspicious? "What'd you tell her about me?" I asked, thinking that if she didn't know I was gay already, she'd almost definitely know I was smitten over Sergeant Barnes over here.

"Only the good stuff," he replied with a smirk on his face before strutting over there with all the confidence I would never have. But, really, the good stuff? How much of that could there possibly be?

We met up with them and made our way around the fair, the brunette holding Bucky's hand and the blonde, Connie, was... holding the brunette, Bonnie's, hand. I lagged behind. It was kind of a bummer, if I'm being honest, that I can't be with him at a place like this.

"Ohhh my God! It's starting," the brunette said, running off to the stage so that they all might get to watch the show. I followed slowly behind.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Howard Stark!" the five woman on stage announced as they turned to bring him on stage. The crowd cheered for him, but I didn't see what was so great about him... he was just some short brown haired man who was trying to propel us to the future faster than we should naturally get there with all his crazy inventions. Ugh, and he just kissed that woman on stage... what a pervert.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he began. I offered some of my popcorn to the blonde I was supposed to be having a good time with, but she just looked at me like I was a freak. "What if I told you that in just a few short years, your automobile won't even have to touch the ground at all?" he continued.

The girls came in and took the tires off of the car that had resided on the stage. "Yes, thanks Mandy. With Stark Gravitic Reversion Technology, you'll be able to do just that," he told us, turning to his control panel. He turned a switch and raised a lever and the car started to raise off the ground. I couldn't believe my eyes when the metal where the wheels used to be started to glow and make noises.

"Holy cow," Bucky said in shock. None of us could stop looking at it... it was amazing.

But just as it had started to levitate, one of the metal machines fizzled out and sparked, causing a little explosion resulting in the whole car falling back onto the stage. "Well, I did say a few years, didn't I?" Stark said, smiling at the crowd in an embarrassed type of way as they continued to clap for him anyway.

I looked to my right, at Bucky, but he hadn't been looking at me, so I turned around to see yet another Uncle Sam poster talking about how he wanted me to join the United States Army. Bullshit. If they wanted me in, they would have let me do it the first time... right?

I turned and walked away from the stage and Bucky and the girls. They had to let me in this time, they just had to.

I walked into the building that read United States Armed Services Recruitment and didn't look back, hoping there'd be something there that'd cheer me up.

I stood on a pedestal to look at myself as if I were a soldier in the reflection across from me, but I was too short to even fit in the frame correctly. As I looked at myself in the distorted frame, I felt a hand push me forward. It was Bucky.

"Come on, you're kinda missing the point of a double date," he started. "We're taking the girls dancing." Dancing? Isn't that our thing? I mean, he taught me how to and all that I know... I could never stand watching him dance with someone else, I think it might kill me.

"You go ahead, I'll catch up with you," I told him, hoping to get out of this or to get across to him that I wanted to be with just him.

He stood there and looked at me sideways for a minute, making me think he might actually change his mind. "You're really gonna do this again?" he asked, coming out with the exact opposite of the words I wanted to hear. He really had no faith in me in that I could actually make it into the Army.

"Well, it's a fair, I'm gonna try my luck," I told him, hoping he would tell me go ahead, I hope you do it this time.

"As who? Steve from Ohio? They'll catch you- or worse, they'll actually take you."

"Look, I know you don't think I can do this but-"

"This isn't some back alley, Steve. It's a war."

"I know it's a war, you don't have to tell me it's a war..."

"Wh-why are you so keen to fight? There's so many important jobs."

"What do you want me to do, collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?"

"Yes!"

"I'm not gonna sit in a factory Bucky-"

"I don-"

"Bucky. Come on. There are men laying down their lives. I got no right to do any less than them. That's what you don't understand. This isn't about me," I told him. It's about them. It's about me playing my part. it's about everything and everyone else, but me.

Hell, it's about you.

"Right. 'Cause you've got nothin' to prove," he said, looking at me with eyes that felt like they just stabbed right through my heart.

"Hey Sarge? We going dancing?" the girls said as they found us. I didn't want him to go... he can't leave me like this. He can;'t just walk away while I'm feeling so broken.

"Yes we are," he announced to them, opening his arms and sounding so incredibly happy. He turned back to me and looked to see if anyone was watching then looked me up and down. "Don't do anything stupid until I get back," he said, beginning to back away from me.

"How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you," I looked at him all the same, just wanting him to come back, even oof it was for just a moment more.

He stopped for a second, looking around for a moment before making his way back to me. "You're a punk," he said, taking me into a hug.

"Jerk," I responded, exhaling.

Yet, before he pulled away completely, he whispered to me in my ear, almost inaudibly, a soft "I love you."

He let go all too soon and I didn't have a chance to reply... to tell him that I loved him so much more than he could ever imagine. All I could say was "be careful," as he was still close to me.

I took all of him in as he backed away. "Don't win the war 'til I get there," I shouted at him as he turned away.

He spun around to face me and stopped to salute me. Then he turned and walked away, calling out to the girls that they were leaving and that they were playing their song.

I watched him as long as I could until he was out of sight then walked away.

• • •

I sat in the examination room as the man packed away the equipment he had used to perform the physical. A nurse walked in and came up to him, whispering something in his ear and leaving.

"Wait here," he said to me.

"Is there a problem?" I asked.

"Just wait here," he replied before walking out through the curtain.

So I did. I sat there and looked around, noticing a sign behind me stating: IT IS ILLEGAL TO FALSIFY YOUR ENLISTMENT FORM. That's when I realized I was screwed.

I sat there for a moment wondering what the hell I was gone do about this, now that they probably found out that I lied a bunch of times about where I lived.

I stood and walked over to a chair not eh other side of the room and began putting my shoes back on when a military man walked in, escorting and older gentleman into the room.

"Thank you," he'd said in an unrecognizable accent before the man nodded and headed out, closing the curtains behind him.

"So, you want to go overseas," he started, opening a brown folder and rifling through some papers inside. "Kill some Nazis."

"Excuse me?" I asked, somewhat taken back by what he had said so blatantly.

"Dr. Abraham Erskine," he continued, coming closer and extending his hand to me so that I might shake it. "I represent the Strategic Scientific Reserve."

I stood and took his hand in mine. "Steve Rogers... where are you from?" I asked as he started to walk away.

"Queens. 73rd Street and Utopia Parkway. Before that, Germany... this troubles you?" he asked.

I shrugged, considering all of what he had just said. "No," I mumbled as quietly as possible.

"Where are you from, Mr. Rogers? Hmm? Is it New Haven or Paramus? Five exams in five different cit-"

"That might not be the right file."

"No, it's not the exams I'm interested in. it's the five tries. But, you didn't answer my question. Do you want to kill Nazis?" he came back.

I looked around for a second, thinking about how bizarre this conversation had become. "Is this a test?" I asked him.

"Yes."

"I don't wanna kill anyone. I don't like bullies... I don't care where they're from."

"Well, there are already so many big men fighting this war, maybe what we need now is the little guy, huh?" he pointed out to me. I guess I never really saw it from that perspective. "I can offer you a chance," he continued, pulling the curtains open and beginning to walk out. "Only a chance."

"I'll take it," I said eagerly, following closely behind him, feeling so incredibly grateful that he was willing to have faith in me.

"So, where is the little guy from- actually?" he questioned.

"Brooklyn," I returned with a smile.

"Congratulations, soldier."

—————

It was a really, really long day.

The only thing I learned at the end of it, that I wish I'd known in the beginning was my number... my soldier number. It was different from Bucky's.

That means he has to have been drafted. That's what that letter ORDER TO REPORT FOR INDUCTION meant... I had no idea.

That's why he was so angry with me about trying to join earlier. I mean, I just wanted to be like him, but he knew he had no choice in this. He wanted me to have a choice. He wanted me to be better than he was.

He wanted me to be free from what was to come.

~ Steve Rogers