Dearest Diary,

Agreeing to something like this in the '30s was really my only viable way of telling Bucky I wanted him.

Now, even as I'm clearly able to simply say those words aloud, I still feel that urge inside me making my mouth say want to say 'yes'... you know, to going to Coney Island. Again.

I suppose, now more so than ever before, it's because of that tradition that's been built up over the years. Every spring, we'd use our saved up money for entrance tickets into the park and spend a whole day there. The date, when it wasn't chosen at random, would tend to fall on my birthday, seeing as it was usually too cold when his came around.

I can think back and be brought right there again- just the two of us at dusk, lit up by the orange streetlights and colorful carnival rides, hoping everyone might just disappear on the carousel as we dreamed of kissing at the top every single go around.

Yet, there's still that fear that looms around my head and pools in my stomach. Sure, theme parks are supposed to be fun and, sure, I'm literally Captain America... but I threw up last time I was on the Cyclone, and I know Bucky's gonna wanna ride it again.

—————

Originally, we had invited Nat and Banner and Tony and Clint and their respective families to join us on my birthday this year, but after a few of them cancelled (namely Clint and Tony), we decided to rescind the invitation and request that we be there alone for old times sake. I think I'll have more fun this way- we both will.

We arrived at 4pm and planned to stay late into the night, as we always did.

It felt the same, too; immediately, upon walking in, I sensed it all come rushing back to me. I looked over at Bucky and saw that selfsame expression upon his face as rested upon mine. I hadn't made it up, I couldn't have, he felt it too.

"What first, old man?" he asked as we passed that initial shock and proceeded fully into the park.

"First, I'll be correcting you in that you're a year older than me," I joked. "Then, we can get some funnel cake. I bet it tastes like the '30s."

"I bet it does," he smiled, taking my hand in his and walking over to the nearest stand.

"One large funnel cake, please," I requested as we stood there. The woman handed the cake to me in awe after she realized who I was. We payed and walked away, sitting down at a bench and digging in.

"This place... it's so much bigger than I remember," he started, a mouth full of food.

I chuckled. "Well, it is. It's gotta be at least three times the size it used to be," I pointed out.

"Yea," he agreed. "I think we should stick to this side, though. Some of the newer rides look kinda-"

"Unsafe," I jumped in. "And ridiculous and, yea, I agree, let's stay over here."

"Don't think over here excludes The Cyclone, mister," he tore off more cake and ate it.

I sent him an appalled face. "Whaaaaat?" I bluffed. "The Cyclone? Of course we're riding The Cyclone... pfft, why wouldn't we?"

"Steve," he came in, food in his mouth, trying not to choke. "You really are riding The Cyclone."

"Am I though?" He said nothing and just looked at me. "Fine," I rolled my eyes.

He smiled. "Good, because that's where we're off to next."

"Woa, woa, woa- we just ate."

"And?"

"And, don't you remember what happened last time I rode The Cyclone?"

"Don't you remember what happened last time you mentioned what happened last time you rode The Cyclone?" he waited. "That's right, you guessed it, I fell off a freight car in the middle of the snowy Alps to my presumed death, was captured by HYDRA, and wasn't seen by anyone who lived to tell about it until 2014- but that's not gonna happen again, obviously, because you just mentioned it and nothing happened. There isn't even a train nearby, and it's summer, so it's not about to start snowing,"  he went on. "This is exactly the same as you riding The Cyclone again because you're not gonna throw up this time."

"Seriously?" I replied monotonously. "You couldn't have chosen a less insane reference to validate your point?"

"Nope." I waited. "You're being irrational, and I'm not even sorry I mentioned my brainwashed-horror-story because it was well worth the trauma."

"Irrational? I'm scarred. I have PTSD."

"PTSD? From a roller coaster? You fought in World War II, froze in ice for 66 years after I specifically told you not to do any dumb shit while I was gone only to wake up in the future, fought alongside as well as against mutants and super-humans like yourself, started a war for me in another country, fought an evil space titan - twice - lost half the population of the universe and then got it all back five years later... and you have PTSD from the time you rode a roller coaster in 1939 and threw up afterwards?"

"Yup."

"Okay, we're still doing it."

"But Buckyyyyyy-"

"None of that, you're a hundred years older than the age you're acting right now," he laughed.

"Are you telling me I'm acting like a 7 year old because I don't wanna ralph?"

"No, I'm telling you you're acting like a 7 year old because you just used the word ralph instead of puke."

"Because puke's a gross word," I answered.

"You're Captain America, did you really just say that?"

"Okay- as much fun as this has been," I chuckled. "I'll cave, but only if you ride with me."

"Only if I- Steve, that was always the plan," he smiled. "I'm with you 'til the end of the line; and I meant that through war and on a children's roller coaster at Luna Park in Coney Island," he started laughing uncontrollably. "Okay, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he put his hand on my thigh. "I'm sorry, let's go."

I chuckled. "Alright."

We stood up and approached the roller coaster, continuing to eat the funnel cake. After a moment, we simply stopped and looked at it and listened to the roar it made as it flung across the tracks.

"It doesn't look as big as it used to," I commented.

"That's probably because you're a foot taller," he laughed.

I smiled. "Good point. Still kinda scary, though."

He let go of my hand and grabbed my face in his hands, allowing his lips to hover above mine for a second. "This," he whispered, placing his lips on mine quickly. "Used to be scary. This concept of us used to be terrifying. Unimaginable. Impossible. And look where we are now."

I smiled as he back away. "While you may be comparing the gay rights movement to my fear of a children's rollercoaster, you're right," I agreed, looking down at the empty plate filled with powdered sugar that I held. "You always are... Let's go."

We approached the line and, on the way there, I threw away the plate in that very same garbage I threw up in all those years ago. Bucky sent me an all-knowing look as I did so, but the idea of riding this coaster and traveling back a few decades threw me for a loop. I wasn't even sure how to feel.

"Tickets please," the young girl requested, holding out her hand as we approached her.

I fumbled around in my pocket as Bucky handed her his. "Sorry, here you go," I finally handed it to her.

We boarded the cart in the very last seat, just as Bucky demanded minutes before. He explained for a good five minutes why the last seat is the fastest and best overall experience. Whatever, it's gonna terrify me either way.

Within minutes, he had taken my hand and we were off at what felt like light speed- even though it definitely wasn't because, well, I'd travelled at light speed before and this very-obviously wasn't that. The turns and huge drops that we crossed twice over made me feel like I was flying, and almost in a good way. It was like something had changed but I couldn't put my finger on what, exactly, it had been. My stomach dropping as we went down the tallest drop was electrifying rather than terrifying and the turns pushing wind through my hair was like nothing I could realistically explain.

By the time we stopped right where we had started, the smile plastered on my face was illuminating and Bucky has definitely seen it.

"That was exhilarating," I looked at him as the lap bar came up.

"You liked it, huh?" he wondered rhetorically, knowing full well that this was gonna be my reaction.

"Like it? Hell, I'd do it again right now," I replied as we walked off the platform and back into the park. "It has to have been the serum, because I should definitely be puking right now."

"Yea, I think you're right," he laughed. "Now, then... where to?"

I looked back at him. "Good question," I looked down at my wristwatch. It was already 7 and it was starting to get dark. "Ferris-Wheel?"

He smirked. "Definitely."

We wandered leisurely over to the wheel, which, upon sunset, had been lit up by colorful lights. We hopped on line and waited for what felt like years before we were let into a cart all by ourselves.

I sat down first, and he sat next to me, immediately placing his hand on my leg. I put my hand over it and smiled at the reality of all this and how surreal it felt.

We started up and up and up as everyone else behind us in line boarded their own carts. After, we started swiftly rotating around the stationary wheel and felt the cool summer breeze brushing our faces.

"So this is it, huh?" I whispered.

"What do you mean?" he questioned back.

"Well, this is that lost-life we've both been looking for, is all I was trying to say," I explained. "We had this for a few short years and lost it before either of us knew what was coming; sure, we assumed we'd get it back, but we also assumed that it'd be right after the war. We never saw any of that other stuff happening."

"You're right," he agreed. "In my eyes, our future was us as we'd always been, just the same, only older. You smaller, me taking care of you- no bionic arms, brainwashing, freezing in ice for six decades, rescue missions, Avengers, space villains... What I imagined for us was always simple, nothing out of the ordinary."

"And then we became everything but," I chuckled. "Surely we still are a bit... different... but, I think we're finally starting to find our simplicity in all of it."

He smiled really big and just looked at me. "I love that about you- God, I always have, haven't I?"

"What about me?"

"Your positivity," he answered. "Your hope and optimism in everything. Everything."

The Ferris-Wheel stopped... and we were right at the top slot.

"What about my spontaneity?" I suggested.

"What do you me-"

Before he replied, I kissed him, slipping my hand through his hair and below his jaw, pulling him in as much as I could. His hand on my leg tightened and slid up, forcing me to intake a sharp breath and plunge my tongue into his mouth. He reciprocated and brought his hand to my face, too.

The cart jolted as we started to descend again. We mutually pulled away.

"I see," he whispered with a smirk. "I like that kind of spontaneity."

"What other kind is th-"

"Well, lemme ask you this," he brought his lips up to my ear. "Did it hurt?"

"Did what hurt?" I whispered back.

He pulled away from my ear and started taking rather loudly. "When you deliberately did the most reckless thing you could possibly think of after I specifically told you not to do anything stupid until I came back, you know, by signing up for an experiment that could've killed your sorry ass and then flying an aircraft full of bombs into ice and freezing yourself for 66 years?"

"I-"

"Because that was dumb as shit," he laughed.

I started laughing alongside him. "So that's the kind of spontaneity you don't like, huh? The reckless kind... I see."

"Mmhm, yea."

"So... would you mind if I climbed out of this Ferris-Wheel cart and started on my way down the metal structure?" I wondered, standing and making my way to the door.

"Steve, don't."

"Why not?" I fought. "If I can jump out of an aircraft without a parachute, why can't I do this?"

"I'm sorry, you did what?"

"...Shit," I mumbled, meeting his eyes again as he looked disappointed. "Oops."

"When was this?"

"I uh, well... I mean, it was a while back," I stalled. "You know, uhmm, I think it may have been around the time when I- uhh..." I opened the latch for the door. We had already been more than halfway down.

"Steve I swear to God I'll-"

"You'll what?" I chuckled. "Fight me? We've already done that. And I think I won."

"Okay, you definitely didn't though," he chuckled back.

"Fine, fine, you kinda won. But you won't this time because, well, you won't be able to catch me," I said just as I jumped.

I heard people below me gasp as they watched me - some even screamed as I hit the ground, rolled and stood up unscathed with a smile on my face.

"Really?" Bucky yelled.

"Yup," I replied with a laugh.

A crowd of people started gathering around me, concerned.

"Are you okay?" a girl asked.

"Did you hurt yourself?" the man that was with her added.

"He's fine," Bucky approached from behind me. "He's just a dumbass."

I looked back at him with a smirk. "I prefer the term showoff."

"But, how'd you do it?" the girl asked.

"Don't you see?" an older, wrinkly man with slicked back white hair, aviator eyeglasses and a mustache jumped in. "That's Captain America you're talking to."

I looked over at him with a smile and he winked at me before walking away. He looked oddly familiar, too...

"We should probably get outta here before everyone realizes," Bucky pointed out.

I nodded in agreement and we were on our way, trying to escape as that girl and that man hyped up the whole crowd that I was among them.

"What about the roller coaster?" I murmured.

"What about it?"

"Well, I wanna ride The Cyclone," I replied.

He snickered. "That's an interesting name for my dick, Steve."

"Buck!" I whispered.

"I'm not even sorry, I've been waiting to use that one all day," he answered. "But for real, we should probably get going now that you kinda jumped out of the Ferris-Wheel and everyone knows Captain America's at Luna Park in Coney Island."

"Fair enough."

As we exited the park and headed for the car, not another word was said. Once we got there, though, he looked at me like there was something on his mind- I could see it behind his blue eyes.

He chuckled. "Steven Grant Rogers doing something stupid and James Buchanan Barnes coming to the rescue- just like old times," he mentioned.

"I wouldn't have it any other way... though, that just gave me an unimaginably genius idea."

"Steve Rogers and genius used in a non-joking way in the same sentence?" he went on. "Dear God, help us- what is it now?"

"Oh, shut up," I playfully shoved him. "I was just thinking about the fact that the day's almost over and also about the whole old times comment you just made."

"What about it?"

"Well, what if we could start the day over?"

"How do you-"

"You're not reading into it enough, Bucky... what if we started July 4, 2025 all over again- just in a different year?"

—————

So, I made a phone call... and my completely brilliant plan was underway.

~ Steve Rogers