Dear Diary,

Yes, I'm 20. I'm old. I get it.

Anyway, we're going to the beach. No, I don't know which one... somewhere in New Jersey I think.

—————

We were almost there, he said, his hand resting on my left thigh.

I let my hand lay over his... it was nice like this. Nice to be out in public, in a way, and hold hands.

I looked over at him as we pulled into a parking lot. He had been mouthing the lyrics to a song I didn't recognize.

The ignition went off and he turned to meet my gaze with a smile. He pulled down his sunglasses and smirked.

"Llllllllllet's hit the beach!" He announced, climbing out of the car and beginning to unpack the trunk.

I got out to help him, grabbing the bag of towels and snacks as he took the chairs and umbrella.

I could hear the sound of waves crashing and children playing getting louder with every step I took. I looked up to see not a could in the sky, only gulls painted on a clear blue canvas.

We walked for a very short distance before we were met by excruciatingly hot sand and a dark sea of blue.

We set our stuff down and got settled... by that, I mean the games began. Aaaaaaand by games, I mean the one game I play everyday and another that I play every time I go to the beach.

Game one:

How much sunscreen is enough?

Questions:
1. How often do I need to re-apply?
2. How much should I put on now?
3. Will I have white streaks on my face?
4. How long after we leave the beach will the sunburn set in?

Game two:

How horny am I gonna get today?

Questions:
1. When will he take his shirt off?
2. Are Bucky's swim trunks way too tight, or am I imagining that?
3. Will he sweat?
4. Is he gonna look at me with that look in his eyes to intentionally mess with me?

And so, I'm expecting it's going to be an equally fun and torturous beach day for the two reasons above. 

Dear God, how long I can last without ending up like a tomato with a boner?

Speaking of becoming a tomato, I'm not sure if you've actually heard of sunscreen before. The brand is Glacier Cream and apparently it's supposed to prevent me from getting red from the sun. This is only my second time trying it because it's actually kinda new. Some Austrian chemist invented it earlier this year and I thought I would give it a try. The container says that this particular sunscreen cream has a sun protection factor (spf) of 2, and I have no idea what that means...

Well, I applied literally a whole container of sunscreen before we did anything so hopefully that'll help. By that point, Bucky had already stripped off his shirt and was laying on his towel sunbathing. I found this to be... kinda bold honestly. Looking around, there weren't a lot of other guys in just swim trunks as most of them were wearing swim shirts too. I didn't even bother asking him if he wanted sunscreen cream seeing how he didn't usually burn like I did.

Then, I decided to join in and lay on my towel too. I pulled out my sunglasses and hat, laid on my back, and waited for the sun to do its magic.

I then proceeded to fall asleep. For 2 hours.

When Bucky finally woke me up, it was with a bucket of ice cold ocean water. Yea. To the face.

Yes, it worked. No, not the sunscreen. The sunscreen didn't work at all. The bucket of water, I mean.

"Steve. You look like a tomato," he said, laughing to himself.

"Yea ha ha laugh it up, Barnes. Real funny," I pouted, giving up hope on the whole sunscreen thing. I looked around in my angry daze to find something else to focus on, but my mind always went back to wondering what I might actually look like right about now.

I then see a hand extended before me, so I take it. Once I'm up, he starts pulling me through the massive crowds of people towards the ocean. Once we're there, he proceeds to push me in. I, though, pulled him in with me.

We swam out farther than anyone else, but not too far where we wouldn't be able to get back. Once we had settled, he splashed me. By then, it was all out war. He jumped on top of me and splashed me and play-drowned me until we were both laughing too much to continue.

By the time we waded back to the sand, almost everyone had left and it had already gotten dark. We walked back to the towels in silence.

I nearly sat down when Bucky rapped my shoulder and told me to wait. He then proceeded to look me up and down and let out a sigh. "You're so..." Perfect? Amazing? Sexy? Nope. "Burnt," he whispered bluntly.

"Shut up!" I play-shoved him and laughed. When he regained his balance, he grabbed onto my waist and tugged me in just a little bit to let me know that he was just messing around.

"You... you know I love you, don't you?" He murmured so softly, I almost couldn't hear him. "I mean, you knew it before I even said anything, didn't you? You knew it before I did."

I nodded yes, my eyes glued on his. I took notice of the white-blue light of the full moon lightly kissing his cheekbones and every other bump and crevice of his perfect form.

"Do you wanna move closer to the water?" I asked, suggesting that we bring the umbrella and towels along as well.

"Sure."

We set everything up again. It was my completely brilliant idea to have the umbrella iron on the sand and block the view of us from behind... good thing too, because he was looking so Goddamn perfect and it was only a matter of time before I acted on these thoughts.

I looked out to the seemingly endless ocean and picked out the brightest stars along the horizon, realizing that I could just sit here for hours on end staring into the sky in all of its black nothingness.

His hand met mine and it felt like electricity coursing through my veins. The words: "can I kiss you?" fell from his lips with utter perfection and it felt like the first time all over again.

"Mhm..." my voice trailed off as he inched closer. When his lips finally met mine, it was something I haven't felt in a long time.

It was this sort of rush, like a spike of energy mixed in with a trickle of fear pulsating through my muscles.

But before I had even realized that it had started, it was over... it was really for our own well being that we were done so soon, but good God was it torturous beyond belief.

"I love this," I blurted out to his face.

"Us, you mean?"

"Everything. You. These secret little moment that are just for us or the tiny things you'll say or do to me throughout the day or maybe the fact that you bring out things in me that I didn't even know were there."

He smiled. "I don't even know what to say to that."

"Then don't say anything. Just sit here with me."

—————

It's because of him that I don't feel so alone- so lonely. He makes me feel whole. He somehow completes everything that is me and I love it.

Oh, and the games. Forgot about those honestly.

Allow me to recap for future reference....

How much sunscreen is enough?

Questions:
1. How often do I need to re-apply?
          - literally every 20 minutes
2. How much should I put on now?
          - apparently a whole bottle
3. Will I have white streaks on my face?
          - unfortunately
4. How long after we leave the beach will the sunburn set in?
          - like, 20 minutes

And on to...

How horny am I gonna get today?

Questions:
1. When will he take his shirt off?
          - immediately
2. Are Bucky's swim trunks way too tight, or am I imagining that?
          - there is absolutely no way that was imaginary
3. Will he sweat?
          - yes... a lot
4. Is he gonna look at me with that look in his eyes to intentionally mess with me?
          - ugh yes, and it's still unclear whether or not that's a good thing

Anyway, it was fun today. I genuinely had an amazing birthday and I honestly don't think it would have been the same without him there for me.

~ Steve R.