Dearest Diary,

Valentines is here again and this time, I have actual things I can reminisce upon.

Actual memories to recall and long for.

It's quite strange to me that only a year ago I had nothing. No one to think of in such a romantic way... I never thought I would be here right now, thinking of him the same way he's thinking of me.

It's incredible, really, to have someone like Bucky in my life. I can't imagine it without him.

—————

He sat there across from me with the warm yellow candle flickering between us with an ominous look upon his face. The little flame gave a much needed warmth to what would eventually be a romantic evening.

The open window across the room blew in a cold breeze, making the flame dance in its little glass cell.

His eyes weren't their usual cold, icey blue... well, actually, they were. Just, with the flame, they seemed to glow a soft amber. I watched their every movement, no matter how slight. The transfer from looking at one of my eyes to the other, a subtle glance down at my lips... anything.

I watched how he mimicked me, unintentionally giving away his attraction towards me. Ugh, and the way he licked his lips drove me mad but that was the best part of it all. Knowing that he and I had that effect on each other and that we felt that same pull towards one another was everything.

It reminded me of a simpler, yet more difficult, time... memories flooded my brain of him. Of things we did before there even was a 'we'.

Those memories seemed to linger like the scent of burning wood.

"So, Steve..." he started, pulling me down from the clouds and back into reality.

"Bucky," I replied, waiting for him to finish his sentence.

"Did you like it? The food, I mean."

"Oh, yea... it was really good Buck. You really are a good cook," I responded.

He smiled. "You know what they say, don't you?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, kiss the cook... duh," he smiled like a dork.

I didn't say anything; I just smiled. I then got out of my seat and walking over to kiss him as he stood. He seemed to catch my face in his hands as mine met his waist. It was quick and short but certainly enough to leave us both wanting more.

His eyes slowly flickered open as I pulled away, letting my lips linger softly upon his for a moment.

He took a few steps forward, pushing me up against the wall with a bit more force than necessary. His hands ran down the sides of my body as he kissed me again, yet this time slowed and deeper.

He kissed me faster as he began catching my involuntary, reactionary moans. He shoved his leg between both of mine and pushed up. I inhaled sharply at this new pressure and closed my eyes.

"We should, uh... we should clean up, Bucky. Wouldn't wanna leave the house a mess for when your dad gets home," I interrupted.

His breathing was heavy and I waited a moment for him to gather up his scrambling thoughts. "Yea... yea, I guess you're right," he finally admitted, pulling away from me and starting to clean up the table.

I walked over to help but he refused. "Steve, I got this. Wait for me in the living room, I'll be there in a minute."

I nodded and was on my way.

• • •

It was 11 by the time he had finished what he ha sto do in the kitchen, only 20 minutes after we had finished eating desert. Not bad timing, for having to clean the whole set up alone.

I was laying down facing the back of the sofa when I felt the cushions shift. Before I knew what was going on, I felt a familiar warmth weeping through my clothes and onto my back.

I felt a hand maneuver over my shoulder and rest on my chest, beginning to undo the buttons on my dress shirt. When he pulled the sleeves off of my arms, I realized he hadn't been wearing a shirt the whole while.

He threw my white button up shirt aside and unbuckled my belt, throwing it to the floor as well.

His hand lingered daringly at the belt loops in my dress pants, some of his fingers delving devilishly down into my pants.

He undid my pants button at a painfully slow pace making me lose my patience. Next was the zipper which was undone just as slow, if not slower.

He slid my dress pants down and pulled them off my legs, tossing them into the same pile as my shirt and belt... I noticed he was also in only underwear now too.

He cupped me in his hand and massaged me through my underwear, feeling that I was starting to get hard. Though, I could tell that it wasn't enough for him just by the raging hard on pressing relentlessly into my back.

I reluctantly released a small moan as he touched me though my thin underwear, longing for more.

Before long, I found myself shivering as he grazed his way down to my lower stomach, pumping hot red blood down my veins by slowly slipping his fingers under the elastic-waist-band of my underwear and pulling them down.

Without warning, he grabbed my ass in his one hand, pushing a sole finger quickly into me. I harshly inhaled at the sudden rush of feelings inside me and, to be fair, I was shocked that it didn't hurt all that much. He hummed at my reaction behind me and I could only imagine the look on his face at the sight before him. 

He slowly pulled his finger out, making my hips thrust forward when two came back in. The next time they came out, though, I wasn't met with three fingers...

He pushed himself slowly into me from this interesting sideways angle, trying to hold in his moans (and somehow, much to my surprise, failing). He stopped once he was as far in as he could physically be.

"Steve... you're so fucking tight," he whispered into my ear, giving me goosebumps. He stayed still for a moment after that, kissing my ear and neck making his way down to my bare shoulder. 

Before I could answer he was pulling nearly all the way out thrusting back in at full force. The pain made me wince but the explosion that followed made it well with it.

After a bit, I found myself whining and moaning so loud that his hand was over my mouth and his lips were at my ear whispering "fuck, Steve... that's fucking hot but you can't- ugh, fuck... they'll hear, you know... the neighbors."

But I couldn't stop... and he certainly didn't seem like he wanted me to, either.

He was relentless to say the least and this new angle was hitting that spot every. single. time.

He got faster and faster and I felt this weird pulsation inside me grow larger and fill my whole body with this insatiable heat.

His left hand wrapped around my dick out of nowhere and I couldn't help myself anymore as he stroked me for the first time and came into his hand and my own chest.

He rammed into me quicker, pushing me into the couch until I felt his hot cum push up into me. He grunted my name into my ear as he reached his climax, slowing down ever so slightly.

We stayed there for a moment before he pulled out and laid back. His breathing was as erratic as mine... I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

"Damn," he whispered.

"Tell me about it," I agreed, looking over at him and biting my lip.

—————

And this, to me, feels like an achievement.

It feels so... normal, now. I don't know, I mean, we've really only done this a couple of times but it feels so natural. I can't explain it any other way.

I honestly feel more confident and at home and comfortable with myself when I'm with him... when we're alone... when we're doing intimate things like this.

~ Steve Rogers