Dear Diary,

Tomorrow is Valentine's day and that totally sucks. I mean, normally, it wouldn't... it's just that this year it does.

Bucky is busy tomorrow and I don't really even know what he's doing but it doesn't really matter... he's not gonna be here with me so I guess that's all that really matters.

Anyway, he wanted to hang out today seeing how we couldn't tomorrow which... kind of gives me goosebumps thinking about him and, uh... well, his intentions.

—————

It was dark before he got there, or at least almost dark. The sun had set and the top of the sky was a harsh blackish blue color while the horizon line still donned a purple, almost dark pink, hue. I sat by the window and watched the myriad of colors as the night grew older and older. I almost wished I could lay out there under the stars and wait for him, but it was awfully cold for that this time of year.

He arrived ten minutes early, like he always does, and knocked on the front door. I walked over to it, unlatching the lock. Then there he was. "You know, Buck, you don't gotta knock anymore... you practically live here."

"Yea yea... where's Sarah?" he asked, partially walking in an hovering in the doorway looking around for her.

"I'm right here, James," she announced as she walked into the room. He straightened his body up and walked over to greet her with a hug. I didn't even get one of those... how rude.

"How are you Mrs. Rogers?"

"I'm okay, thanks," she somewhat whispered, looking down. She wasn't dressed up like she usually was and Bucky noticed this.

"Mom, I thought you were going out," I mentioned.

She half smiled. She looked kind of sad. "No, honey... I was but, I decided to stay home tonight," She said reluctantly looked up at Bucky who had just shot me a worried look like oh shit, now what, Steve? "Don't worry boys, I'll stay out of your way. I know you wanted to hang out tonight," she winked at me and walked back into the other room.

Bucky's eyes bulged out of his head as he walked towards me, "What was that about?" he asked.

"What?"

"That. The wink she sent you... what was that all about?"

"I- well, I dunno..." and that's the truth. I really didn't know what was happening. It's almost ike she knows.

"It don't matter, nothing we can do about it. She went to the living room, right?"

"Yea."

"You wanna go to your room then?" that's actually a great idea....

"Sure," I replied.

We then headed down the hall to my room. The door creaked open and revealed my somewhat messy bed and floors. "Sorry about the mess," I apologized.

"Don't worry, Steve, mines a lot worse," he said, patting my shoulder.

I turned my head to look at him and he was already doing the same. He flashed that smile of his and I could literally feel my insides melting.

I smiled back but his had already faded. He switched his gaze to the door behind us before he shut it. I heard the lock click into place and felt my face get hot and my ears burn up. He looked back at me and a wave of adrenaline hit me like a brick wall. My heart was racing and I could feel the blood pumping through my veins like electricity.

He pushed my back against the door. I took in a harsh breath and attempted to figure out what that look meant that lingered in his eyes. It looked like he was on a mission. Like he was scoping me out.... admiring me. His body was up against mine and his hands made their way down my arms to my hands. Before I knew it, he was holding them above my head with his lips just inches from mine.

"God... Steve, I've barely touched you, nevermind kissed you, yet and I'm hard..." he said aloud.

"Buck, you gotta be quieter... my mom is right in the other room," I whispered back.

"I don't give a shit, I want you, the whole fucking world can know."

"But they can't, Bucky. That's the problem," I reminded him. He pouted down at me like a toddler. "Just kiss me," I leaned my face closer but he wouldn't.

My hands were tied, literally, and all I wanted was a kiss. "Fine," he said, approaching my mouth. Right when he got within reach, he kissed my cheek instead. Then my jaw and neck and... he unbuttoned my shirt at the top and kissed my chest then started sucking. His tongue, I could feel it wetting my skin... it was so warm.

It almost hurt but I didn't want him to stop... it was so intimate but not all that complex. His hand met my neck and the other, my waist. I moaned quietly into the air and then, out of nothing, he pulled away leaving my skin cold and barren.

I grabbed his hair and pulled him up to my lips and kissed him. His hands met the door behind me from the force I pulled him in with. When they met my body I spun him around so his back was the one against the door.

"Steve what're you do-"

"I'm taking initiative, Buck, just like you wanted. I want this just as much as you do..." I looked into his eyes as they softened.

"Okay," he replied, simply. So I kissed him again, pulling his down and pushing into him... I undid his shirt as he undid mine. I pulled it out from his slacks and he undid my suspenders.

I continued to kiss him, our tongues danced back and forth, and I reached for his belt. He hesitated and said nothing, but I kept on going.

His pants hit the floor with a clinking noise from his belt. I let my fingers span his strong arms then his chest... I let them slip down to his stomach and a little under his boxer waist band. His hips jolted foreword and he shivered, pulling away from my lips.

"Steve..." He was out of breath. "You sure you want this?" He paused. "I mean, uh, did you really mean what you said?" I stared at him. I looked him right in the eyes as I slowly pulled his underwear down. He took a breath in as his dick hit my stomach...

I got down on my knees. "I've never meant anything more" I said, shifting my gaze down from his eyes.

Oh shit shit shit I did NOT think this through at all... what the fuck do I even do? Like, okay he did it once, I can do this... I think. Oh God, what have I gotten myself into this time? I mean, I guess I just put it in my mouth and... pray? Hope for the best. Fuck. Here we go...

And then, it was in my mouth and I was hoping I wasn't doing anything wrong... I sucked and tried to keep my teeth out of the way and it seemed to work. It kinda gagged me a little too if I'm being honest which I wasn't sure was normal. Is it? I dunno. He ran his fingers through my hair and guided my head and that was that. He was moaning right from the get go and that was more encouraging.

What came, quite literally, next was what I was unprepared for. I knew what to expect, as I very obviously have experienced it myself before... I just, uh... never had cum in my mouth...

"Fuck, Steve... fuck..." he tried to whisper but it wasn't really working out all that well. All those noises he was making sent me over the edge, each one sending shivers down my spine and made my blood go hot. The supper on my pants hurt like hell and I didn't know how to stop it, so I let it be.

I mumbled a moan onto him and kinda.... well, I came. Shit. He hasn't even touched me and it's just from the noises he's making... is that even a thing? Is that even possible?

He gripped my hair tightly and wouldn't let go and then he just relaxed and I felt him cum into my throat and... well, I instinctively just kind of swallowed, I guess.

I stood up and he didn't even say a word. He pulled me in and kissed me deeper than ever before.

After a while he finally spoke. "Steve... I've gotta be honest. I didn't think you had it in ya." He looked me up and down and noticed something...

I smiled and shrugged the compliment off. It wasn't all that bad anyway.

"Steven Grant Rogers, oh my God," he whispered in disbelief.

"What?" I asked, actually unaware of what he was talking about.

"I was gonna return the favor but... looks like you, uh, already... well..." he was looking down at my pants. Shit. I wasn't even thinking.

I looked back up at him and my fav burned a bright red, I could feel it. Then we both started dying laughing. It was pretty funny, I had to admit it.

—————

And, after all that, it was definitely worth the nerves and laughs and embarrassment because this brought us so much closer...

At least I hope it did...

~ S. R.