Dear Diary,

This past year living with Bucky as more than just a friend or secret boyfriend or actual boyfriend felt great. Hell, people who would recognize me in the street asking about who this was would have a very simple conversation with us that was always the same:

Captain America? Yep, that's me. My goodness, I'm such a huge fan! Thank you. Who's this? Well, that's my childhood best friend, Bucky, also known as The Winter Soldier; he's a hero too. Really? Yes. That's so cool that you grew up together and both became heroes and are still such great friends. I suppose you're right, though, we're a little more than just friends nowadays. What do you mean? Well, we're together, as in, he's actually my fiancée. Oh, well, congratulations, then... have a nice day! You too.

Like that- every time. Always ends in the other person abruptly leaving out of confusion or curiosity or utter shock. We never have anyone ask us about our relationship... that is, no one other than the Avengers and those alike.

Kinda like the entirety of the engagement party Natasha and Banner threw for us...

—————

"So, tell us everything," Natasha requested after we were surprised upon arrival at the party, ate, and were served drinks.

"That's a Hell of a lot of information to get through in one day, Tasha," Bucky replied. "If you wanted the entirety of my and your - or your and Steve's - relationship, that would be a lot simpler."

She smirked. "Fair enough... though, I should have known after not having had sex with either of you that you were-"

"Gay as Hell?" Bucky interrupted.

I laughed as I sat down next to him. "Fuckin' gay, if you've ever seen it." He laughed, too, and so did a few others.

"Ok, tell us about your first kiss, then," Natasha started as everyone started to settle around us. "Who made the first move?"

"I did," Bucky said as I pointed at him with a smile.

"Yup, definitely him," I agreed.

"We were at the docks and it was... it had to be 1935, and we decided to swim, so it was definitely summer, too," he explained. "The water was still fucking cold, though."

"You were warm, so I held onto you the whole time, if I recall," I added.

"Lucky you were only 90 pounds then, yeesh," he chuckled. "And, I mean, I was really taking a leap of faith there, making any move at all when, if I had been wrong, I would have been arrested and probably killed."

"I'm so glad you did, though, because I never would have been able to build up the courage to say or do anything," I replied.

"Oh, yeah? But you could build up the courage punch some random ass guy on the street and piss him off enough that I had to fight him off for you?" Bucky came back.

"When was that?" Banner asked, taken back.

"It happened more than once, trust me," Bucky answered, chuckling.

"So, how'd it happen?" Natasha went on.

"I said, was it everything you expected it to be? then kissed him," Bucky told her.

"Then I answered it was more," I smiled at him. "The rest is history."

"How cute," Tony slid in. I sent him a look.

"What about the war, what did that do to your relationship?" Wanda wondered.

"We found a way," I put simply. "Though, a lot of the dynamic had changed after I took the serum and was, for a short period, way taller and heavier than him, if you know what I mean."

"TMI, Rogers," Tony commented.

"We didn't ask for your opinion, Tony," Natasha shunned him as he threw his hands up in innocence, shook his head and walked away. "Go on."

"Well, before long, he was presumed dead - and I thought he was - until 2014," I went on.

"Though, I didn't really know you then," Bucky said. "Not really, anyway."

"When was the first time you guys kissed after all that time, then?" A woman I had only recently met, known as Hope VanDyne, The Wasp.

"In that jet," Bucky replied with a smile. "After Nat let us leave the airport in Germany."

"During the whole Accords thing?" Nat wondered.

"Yea," I confirmed. "Right as we landed in Siberia as we were about to go in after Zemo."

"I know what you're thinking," Bucky laughed. "How romantic."

"It may not have been romantic, but if the moment was right, it was right," Natasha put in.

I looked over at Bucky and he smiled at me, letting me know a little more than met the common eye. Sure, he was happy, but he didn't want to tell them everything. Little things like this were fun to discuss, sure, but a lot of the things in our deep past should remain only within our two minds. God, to think of how connected we must be for me to have gathered such a complete thought from just a glance.

The conversation and questions seemed to be at a lull, so Bucky and I just sat there, having a conversation with our eyes... or, perhaps, undressing each other with them, as it felt. I know, I know, this wasn't the place or time for this, but we couldn't help it- this was how we'd grown used to flirting... silently and publicly without anyone knowing but us. It felt romantic, to say the least, but I definitely couldn't help feeling like we should say we wanted to leave so we could fuck in the car.

"I got a question for you, if you're man enough to answer, that is," Tony interjected the mumbling amongst silence.

"Go on," Bucky replied slyly.

"I've actually been wondering since you kissed in front of us all," he started. "Who's the so-called man of the relationship?"

"What?" I answered, shocked and curious as to what exactly he thought he was asking.

"Who tops?" Tony restated.

Bucky looked over at me and I looked back at him but we both said nothing. Hell, what did he want us to say? Yea, Tony, I'm the one that takes it up the ass, good question.

Then, before we could even think of anything to say, everyone started speculating.

"Well, it's gotta be Steve," Hope started. "He was the one to become the super soldier first."

"Right," Banner agreed. "But they were together before he became Captain America, making Barnes the one who started off as the bigger one."

"That's where it's confusing, though," Natasha joined. "Because I dated them both. Maybe they both... you know."

"That's unlikely," Scott stated. "Their dynamic isn't very telling of that, though I can't prove anything otherwise."

"Why don't you just let them ans-"

"Because they'll never tell," Natasha interrupted Clint.

"It's true," Rhodey added.

"I have an algorithm," Vision eventually came in. "After analyzing past behavioral patterns, it seems to be James an-"

"I get the idea that it's Cap," Tony popped in. "Just his demeanor and all that, the way he talks to people."

"Just because Barnes is quiet and used to be shy around everyone doesn't mean he... well," Wanda answered. "Just look at me. I used to be shy, but I'm the strongest Avenger."

"That's debatable," Banner told her and she just smiled.

"All right, we can't decide," Tony cut in. "Let's take a poll. Raise a hand if you think it's Cap."

It was 6: Tony, Clint, Hope, Scott, Rhodes and Vision.

"And, Barnes?" Tony proposed.

It was 3: Banner, Wanda and Natasha.

"Looks like it's Cap, then; I guess I was ri-"

"Uhm, you didn't give me enough time to raise my hand," Bucky pointed out.

"Me either," I joined him.

"Apologies," he said. "Please, enlighten us."

"Can those for me raise their hands again?" I requested. They did. "Okay, now, those for Bucky."

They did, only, this time, Bucky raised his hand too.

Everyone started yelling and there was some serious uproar.

"I think that's enough about our private lives for one day," Bucky stated, placing a hand on my thigh for literally everyone to notice. "We should get going."

"Agreed," I replied, putting my hand on top of his.

We made our way down the elevator and headed out of the building for the street. It had rained and the sky was dark, the air thick and full of that telltale New York City scent.

"Where'd we park again?" I wondered as he took my hand in his and we started walking aimlessly.

"I don't remember, but, does it matter?" he replied, looking over at me with a child-like ambition stirring within his eyes.

"Not in the slightest," I smiled at him, directing us to the right, down East 45th street towards Grand Central Station and away from Stark Tower and the Baxter Building.

We were wandering amongst all the people there in the night, surrounded by car sounds and puddle splashes alike, without a care in the world because no one knew us, somehow. It felt like we were covered in night: no stars above, only rain droplets; no surrounding sound, only thick air; no people around, only us.

"Remember that time we ran out into the middle of the street and chased each other on that rainy day all those years ago?" He wondered.

"I do," I recalled. "Just thinking about that now, though, about how strange it is that we could do something like that on just a rainy day when, now, it's the same thing but the streets are still full as ever."

"Not all of them," he reminded me, tugging me a long with him as we crossed East 45th street, approaching a little side-street.

We walked up the simple concrete stairs there were, approaching Lea Wine Bar on our left. There was a significant lack of people there and, well, I suppose he was right. There were still some places left in The City that were untouched.

There was someone walking the other way and towards us and... well, actually, it looks like they're coming at us? Wait-

He stopped in front of us, somehow taller than we both were, and said nothing. The New York nightlife was something else, but this guys was just looking at us.

"Can we help you?" I asked, as he wouldn't let us pass.

"A couple'a faggots like youse wanna help me?" he scoffed in his New York accent.  "Please."

Bucky laughed. "What did you just say to me?"

"I was talking to ya pansy ass boyfriend," he pointed at me.

I looked over at Bucky with a smile on my face, both of us remembering the last time this happened and the way that ended up.

"Fiancée, actually," I corrected him calmly.

"That's disgusting," he spat. "How d'ya live with ya'self?"

I chuckled. "Excuse us," I moved to go past him.

"Where d'ya think youse're goin'?" he near-yelled, pushing me and disconnecting Bucky's hand from mine after catching us both off guard.

"You better back off, pal," Bucky warned him.

He scoffed. "What're you gonna do about it?" he shoved him.

Everything went red. I couldn't see straight, because enough was enough. You can break my soul, take my life away, beat me, hurt me, kill me, but for the love of God, don't touch him.

I grabbed him by his lapel and shook him where he stood. "You have no idea what I'm capable of," I pushed him gently and he took a few steps back. "You better walk away from this, because I'm far too angry to give a damn about such a sorry life like yours."

"At least I got a better life than youse, I ain't no fairy, after all," he added, walking back up to me and sticking his chest in my face.

I smiled to myself. I grabbed his shirt and lifted him up off the ground, much to his surprise. He started waving his arms around and trying to kick me so I'd let him go, so I did. He nearly fell to the ground.

"What are you?" he looked at me, horrified.

I smirked. "Your worst nightmare, bud."

He snickered. "I doubt that," he swung at my head and I ducked, standing tall before him anew.

"Really?" I asked, wailing him with an uppercut from Hell, sending him flying into the air before he hit the ground harder than I anticipated. "I don't."

He tried to sit up, still dazed. "Lesson for the future: don't go around ranting about stuff like that- especially if you don't know who you're dealing with."

"I ain't d-done with you m-mattress munchers," he stumbled, trying to stand up.

"Well," I looked at Bucky with a smile. "While I could do this all day... we gotta get going."

"Good luck with your life," Bucky looked back at him, still on the ground, as we walked away.

"What?" I asked as we got far enough away and out of his sight, noticing he was watching me.

"I just... it was like a switch in your brain went off like last time this happened, though, now you got the brawn to actually carry out on what you're feeling."

"Gotta admit, it feels kinda good, too," I replied.

He stopped and pulled my hands into his, tugging me closer. "It was hot, too, just saying."

I chuckled and kissed him, openly and in the middle of the side-street... even though there wasn't anyone else there to see other than us and a passed out homophobe a ways away.

Oh well.

—————

As much as I hate picking fights with people, I feel this one was warranted... right?

Yea. He had it coming.

~ S. Rogers