4 years ago--

That's all my fault. My inner self keep remind me of what I've done as my mistake, I struggled so much even though now I live far from them. The distance is not affecting so much to the pain in me. It's getting worse and worse every day. I had been the amsoniac since the day I wake up from my comma that day. So many things crashing inside my head to the point it won't stop working, keep me awake even though my slow heartbeat begging my brain to stop and let them sleep.

You kill so many people. You do not deserve to be alive. I look at the distance, the same bright day like before. The same blue sky, the same bright and sunny day. Even until now I wonder will Jinny and B.I still alive if I didn't act all brave and risking their life instead of mine. I inhale as much as the fresh air into my lungs, give it its last chance to feel it.

You have such a good life when my auntie should suffer her life inside the asylum. All memories keep comes; they are coming just like the missing pieces of the unfinished puzzle I had in my mind. Am I even a killer? Or just everything around me went wrong? I am not even having intention to kill them all, but they fall just like snow, willingly, quickly, unstoppably.

I must been crazy, because I can always saw his face right beside me every time I called his name. It hurts me more than I could imagine. I love him but then I realize that my existence will only bring him in such confusion.

Kookie. I smile when I saw his face again, so beautiful and again, sad. He smiles sadly while looking into my eyes, his brown orbs twinkle beautifully, vividly as if he is really right beside me.

Now forget all the sad memories, hold my hand and smile. My eyes automatically finding it ways to his hand, where the couple rings placed. That's mine. That's our wedding rings. Strangely my chest feels tightened, as if it become narrowed and become smaller and smaller.

Jungkook loves me. No, he loves me. He pitied you. I can't stand how I simply throwing away my love to only give him the better life when in fact I don't even know that it's best thing I could do for him or not. Do I threw him to heaven or to hell, I don't know. No matter how far you reach for him, it's just an empty dream. Dream, you are only a dream. Wake up. Please wake me up.

I am here. You never walk alone, barbie. I am here. Where are you? Why don't you run and stop me from leaving you? Why don't you love me enough to at least give me the reason to stay? Why am I found my self alone, again? Where are you now? Sobs just run out from my lips as if I was singing, as I took the step forward, watching to the infinity.

But who want to stay alive with such the pain they had? It's better to die, it will end your pain, it will end your heart break, it will end everything. Will it Soomi? Will it make me free?Jinny I miss you, how can I meet you? I want to apologize to you and B.I. Will you forgive me, if I jump too?

"A man?" I startled to the voice from my back make me immediately look away, watching one man with the same patience uniform as mine walking straight to me. His face look so calm while he reaches my spot, at the edge of the rooftop where I want to end my life. Without making eye contact then he sat on the floor, hanging his both legs in the air watching to the ground, waving his hand to the crowd.

I didn't give him the answer but then he keep talking his shit which is strangely distract my sadness, pulling out the aching in my heart. "For your information, this hospital rooftop isn't high enough." I frown to him while he look up at me, his eyes look so small, his looks not really like a citizen around here, he more like an asians.

"I've jump from here and ended up only breaking my legs." What a weird man. "I also try some methods with knife, but it only left scares. Do you have one?" he then shows me so many marks of knife slice on his inner wrist, but he shows it with a wide smile make me somehow sends me shiver.

I can say he had through a lot, tougher than mine, with scars like that, but how could he smile like that? Just like an innocent man. Not really sure but I show him the scars on both of my inner hand, where I used to catch the knife from Soomi. It did leave the deep scars there. He snorts and then motioning his hand to reach mine, tugging it lightly asking me to sit down beside him. I was hesitating at first, but his words somehow hit the right part in my heart which make it got better. "Follow me, I swear you won't regret."

Then I sat beside him, hanging my foot on the air just like his, then I look at his mermaid shock which make me smile a little. I was passed out starving myself to death and mom send me to the hospital, this is my 3rd day when I wake up broken, feeling the emptiness so real, more real than another day. It felt like the hole built in my heart got bigger and bigger. It probably nearly ripped my heart now.

"By the way, what's your name?" our stare then meet as I tell him my name innocently make him smile, then he look up to the sky inhaling the air deeply as he shut his eyes.

"Isn't it a good day?" he then ask make me nodded looking at the bird flying from the left to right. "Too good to die."

And there he talk boldly, make me feel strength slowly charged to my body. For a second I forget what I feel, forget what is my intention in here, I am just looking at him who's talking nonsense but I am still giving him all the attention as we smile and even laugh.

"If I were you I would not wasting my life for someone who probably now enjoying their life, or even if they had the hard time just like you. The time is still tickling, tick tock. I did it, I try to die, but I just can't. Life, sometimes just like this, it likes to play and joking around with us, isn't it?"

"So I am playing with it, to pleasure god. I went to medical things for my mental breakdown." I look at him disbelief, how can the one who have such a bright personality like him will have such a thing. "Oh yeah, I mentally ill." He smirk and then laying his head on the floor, make me do the same.

"I am still sick, anyway. I try to found out how to heal this one here." He then pointed out to his head, putting his finger like a gun. "I wonder how could the brain can be breaking after I am done breaking my heart."

"What happen?"

"She doesn't love me back. Aniyo, she said she loves me but..."

"But?"

"There is a difference between someone telling you they love you and them actually love you. But I am cool now."

"How?"

"She is dead." I frown on him feeling sorry. I was about to ask him what makes her dead, not after he look at my eyes, sternly, with a little sweet smile. "I killed her."

"She is so cold, so I try tu burn something to make her heart warm. But, even after her body burned alive, her heart won't be warm in any soon." It was shocked me how honest he could be to me, the one who stay with him less than 1 hour on this rooftop. If he can always talk like this, how can he steel be free after taking other life?

"And stop being sad, you are too hot to be sad." He then extending his hand to me after that, keeping his eagle eyes on me, his brows so bold, and his jaw could cut anything which is touch its. He smiles when I took his hand for hand shake.

"Song Mino."

--

"Mino." I call his name as I tightened my foot around his hips, he keep trusting his hips mercilessly while he hide himself on my neck. Roughly I pull his hair make he look up, I'm craving to see his face when we do this. His face look so damn good when he hold his lust trying to not come before me.

"Liz." He growled as he grip my hips even harder make me opened my mouth, holding the gasp from the force he gave me. "I miss you."

"Me too."I whispered on his ear as I pull down his head to my lips, then I lick his earlobe make him shudder and moan. Yeah, this is us. The commit suicide buddy, become fuck buddy and ended up got engaged a year ago. I was rejecting him but he crazily showing his affection in front of people make me uncomfortable. He said that he will make me pregnant if I didn't approve his proposal, he even once sneakily stole the birth control from my bag.

"I like the sounds you make when I am inside you." he spoke breathlessly make me smile. He could only saying sweet thing in a dirty way. Just how amazing it was, when he did it to me, touching me, constantly I forget everything, even the pain of the past. He is savage, he doesn't care of anything but himself, he spite fire and doesn't flinch to say that he hates what I do if he hates it, he is so truthful to me.

We make it. We heal each other pain, he heal my broken heart with just simply being savage around me. He respect all of my thought, even if I told him that I will leave to Korea for family matter, he keep telling me to do what I should do. Even when I ask him to stop contacting me when I am in Korea, he did so. I feel like he trust me fully, make me feel good in a strange way.

He changes. They said. You change him. But it wasn't true, I did nothing to him, he just simply growing to be a better man, and if there was someone who change someone, he must be the one who change me.

"Mino!" I scream when I feel something built in me, wanting to explode, hug him tighter I bite his shoulder as it flexed.

"Here, I am here." He said kissing my lips as he sending me to the nine cloud, fucking come numerous time will I feel sore down there. He then come not long after I did, still trusting his hips until he feel he finishes all his cum inside then he lay on the bed beside me, giving me light kiss on my cheeks he then back hugging me. Pulling the blanket on our body, he hummed that song again make me smile.

"Mino." I call him again to annoy him, wanting him to take a rest rather than humming like a crazy person.

"Fucking stop calling me." He pissed off while shaking my body lightly make me chuckled. "I told you I am here. I am here."

Such a relieved, after all of this, I have someone who granted my wish. To stay with me.

--

"Barbie."

"You call the wrong number dude."

"Who are you? You are not barbie."

"Exactly. So stop arguing, just fucking hang up."

"Where is Lisa?"

"Oh, you mean Lalice? She is sleeping now after I bang her."

"...."

"Hello? Did you just hang up without my permission? Dude you are not cool."

"I told you to stop playing with my phone." She tell me as she pour milk for me on the table in front of me. I am grinning happily, oh how I miss this morning routine when we were in Swiss.

"It's ringing and freaking annoying." I tell her when she snatched her phone from me and then put it inside her pocket.

"Who was that calling me?"

"Jungkook." It gave me enough hint that everything I thought was right, the moment her facial expression hardened I know its him. The one who nearly become the reason of her death 4 years ago. "Jeon Jungkook."