I used to like black, I used to think that it was the color that represent coolness. But today I hate black, today I hate to see black color in every direction. Everyone dressed in black, one to another hug me telling me their sorry. I don't need a sorry, I only need that person to come back alive.
Today I woke up like the usual day, rushing to the dining room to eat breakfast with her, the only person who's I share my load with. But today feels so weird, everyone is down there but no her, they were looking at me who's walk down the stair strangely.
"Where's grandma?" I already knew that her life won't pass through this year, but why so fast. It's still april, it's not even the mid-year. Yet she already gone.
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The funeral was so crowd, there are some familiar faces and there are also the peoples I never met before. They came to bid their farewell for grandma. Dad and his wife stand on the other side while grandpa start his speech for the farewell.
You were such lovely and kind. And you still are.
I look at the funeral blankly as Jeon Yeri, my other stepsister standing on my right hiccupping like crazy. She also closes to grandma, but never as close as me. Because she went to school abroad and rarely come home to Korea, make grandma spent most of her time with me, her new golden grandson, Jeon Jungkook.
I wish I can full fill every wish you had; I will make sure that I will do all those things.
Grandma, you said you'll be here for me, always. You said you still want to raise my child; you are liar.
Jeon Yoona, I love you.
I bit my lips when I saw grandpa crying as the last words he said. I know that words, I know the impact that words can make to someone who truly feel that feeling. It breaks the inside of your heart, creeping like cancer, poisoning the inner of your body to your blood, and slowly killing you. Indeed, love means weakness. Love means surrender. Love means lost.
Closing my eyes as I can't handle the feeling when I see my strict grandpa surrendering, look so weak and lost. I look down to the ground as I ease my heart inhaling the air. Life must go on, grandma probably happier when she is not in here, leaving the pain and sorrow that caused by the old body of her. I was lost in my thought as I sniff one familiar scent, the scent that I always telling grandma as hers.
"Barbie." I speak softly as my eyes widening, looking at my left when I sense someone step in the line.
I wish I could meet her before I die. How could she break my golden grandson's heart?
Grandma, do you see her now? She is right here, right beside me. Grandma, you told me that you will scold the one who break my heart right? She is here now. She is in here.
My barbie is in here.
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