Chapter 5

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It was her first night back at the hospital coffee kiosk after going home for Christmas. Bernie made tarragon roast chicken and cauliflower stuffed perogies from rice pasta, drizzled in a faux white sauce for Alex's dinner. She knew he had never eaten cauliflower as a potato substitute and that his gluten sensitivity deprived him of so many wonderful dishes like perogies. She pitied him. Every day it seemed like she made something he had never eaten or that made him ill in its normal recipe.

When no one showed up between 9PM and midnight, Bernie knew the doctors must be busy or forgot the coffee stand reopened tonight. She fretted for over an hour after midnight before she decided to deliver Alex's meal. She shyly made her way to the E.R. with three coffees and the dish. The E.R. was filled, people hurrying everywhere.

One of the nurses who always drank a half-caff double skinny flashed Bernie a smile. "Thank goodness you're back!"

"What's going on?" Bernie looked around at the chaos.

"A bus full of people headed to one of the casinos went off the road and rolled. If you're delivering, I'm dying." The nurse eyed the cups greedily. Bernie remembered her name was Stephanie.

Bernie chewed her lip, "These are for Dr. Mahdif and Dr. Marvillis, but if everyone needs coffee, I can take the orders and bring them back. I also made brownies and orange-ginger scones."

Dr. Mahdif hurried by and picked up his two cups, "Thank you, my coffee angel."

He walked straight into another room, and a moment later, Alex rushed out and looked around for her. Alex hurried up to her so Bernie quickly said to Stephanie, "Have everyone write down what they want."

"Bernie, you're back." He gently took her by the arm and led her to the break room. She handed him his coffee, and he took a slow savoring drink. "Omigawd, I missed this. What's that?"

She popped the lid and picked one of the perogies up with a fork, "Chicken and cauliflower perogies. I knew you never had them, and I thought you might like them."

He ate it from the fork and groaned, the tablet in his pocket buzzed and he looked at it, typing rapidly. He opened his mouth automatically every time she held up the fork then chewed and swallowed the savory ravioli-like bite. After six bites, he held up his finger.

"This is amazing, but I gotta get back." He gulped his coffee and handed her the empty cup. "Bernie... I..." His pocket vibrated making him curse before he rushed out. A moment later he rushed back in and hugged her, putting a quick kiss on her cheek. "Thanks, you saved my life tonight."

She stood there in a daze for a moment, with her fingers lingering over her cheek.

"Well, I lost the pool," Stephanie teased as she held out a notepad, there were at least twenty coffees written down.

"Pool?" Bernie asked confused as she glanced at the types of drinks.

"There was a standing wager as to whether or not Dr. Alex was gay and when he was coming out, since he has resisted the advances of every predatory female who has looked his way. Then you came along and proved us all wrong." Stephanie grinned.

Dr. Mahdif appeared in the breakroom and took the food from Bernie and sat down to eat, "Oh my angel, you are too good for Alex to marry, if I were thirty years younger, I would marry you myself." He chewed quickly and handed her a credit card with the university hospital logo on it. "Charge the coffees to this. Just bring me the receipt and bring all the sweets you made tonight."

Stephanie laughed at Bernie's dismayed blush. "Don't be embarrassed, honey. I'm glad it's you and Marvillis, and not that flirty Dr. Mason. Please hurry back, we're dying here."

Bernie rushed back to the coffee kiosk and made the coffees as fast as she could and in less than fifteen minutes, she was wheeling a cart with the coffees, espressos, and lattes back to the E.R., along with all of her sweets. The staff rushed in and out of the breakroom behind the nurses' station as she handed out the coffees. Many just took a few swallows and set the named cups down.

Dr. Mahdif scowled when he signed the receipt and took his card back. "You didn't tip yourself, Bernie."

"It wouldn't be right to just put in a random tip without you there to see it," Bernie answered shyly, as she set the sweets on a table. "I have to get back. Thank you, Dr Mahdif."

Several families were arriving through the emergency room and the security guards, who gratefully accepted coffees

and brownies, began sending them to the main lobby. Bernie ended up staying until morning. When the opening girl came in, she was shocked to see Bernie had a line waiting to pick up coffees as she rushed to the counter.

"What is going on?" Becky demanded as she intercepted the food delivery and signed for it.

"Bus rolled over with seventy-four people on it. The families have been showing up since 2AM. We are gonna have to have the receipts pulled. I already called Craig," Bernie said as she called out, smiling tiredly. "Wilson family? Hi there. Two Caramel Lattes, a mochaccino, and a hot cocoa with extra whip. Baxter? Two double shot, double foam, no sugar." She turned back to the steaming machine and looked at the next four cups as she pressed the grounds into the portafilters, twisted them back into place, and let the espresso drip into the shot glasses, while she poured syrups and steamed milk. "Carson, next?"

Craig came in and gawked at the number of people in the lobby. "You should have called sooner, Bernie."

Bernie shrugged "I had it and you both are going to be busy, there is a press conference in an hour."

"Was it that bad?" Becky asked as she plated one of her chili spiced brownies on a plate for a customer. Bernie nodded.

Craig straightened the kiosk as Bernie and Becky cleared the last few customers. He quickly counted out the register, paid Bernie for the sweets Dr. Mahdif bought for the E.R. staff and gave her the cash tips, before sending her home. Becky was busy selling out of brownies and her churro-inspired sugar cookies.

Bernie was just walking out when Alex caught up with her. She staggered in exhaustion, and he caught ahold of her arm

keeping her from face-planting on the snowy sidewalk. "Bernie, are you okay?"

She nodded blearily, "I've been awake since this time yesterday."

"You didn't take a nap before you came in?" He was shocked.

"No... I drove back then I needed to bake for the booth and cook for you," she said defensively. "You don't have to get mad about it."

"I'm not mad... I... I'm just surprised. You didn't have to cook for me," he declared as he walked her to her car.

"You didn't like it?" Her usual doubt nagged at her to just cut her losses and walk away, like it always did when she started to feel anything for a guy.

He turned her body to face him before she could unlock her car. "Bernadette, it was wonderful. It is always wonderful. I... I've never had anyone cook for me the way you do. Dr. Mahdif ate the rest of those... um... pergottis?"

"Perogies," Bernadette corrected.

"Right, perogies... Dr. Mahdif said it was better than the ones from five-star restaurants in New York. Bernie, why do you put so much effort into cooking for me?" Alex asked, his ice blue eyes held an intensity that made her squirm but not in a bad way.

"I... you..." Bernie stammered to find something to say that wouldn't make her sound like a lovesick girl.

"Just kiss her already," someone shouted from a few cars down. It sounded like Stephanie.

Bernie ducked her head in embarrassment, but Alex laughed. He opened the door for her, and she got in quickly, then rolled down the window, and looked at him with uncertainty, "See you tonight?"

"Are we running?" he asked.

"I don't like to run in the snow and ice," she confessed.

"The frat house has side by side treadmills in the basement. If you don't want to be out?" He was hopeful she would agree but when she hesitated, he added, "I promise no one will bother you. Trust me."

She chewed her lip in the way he found so adorable then she nodded, and whispered back, "I do."

He waited until she drove away, before he shouted, "Yay!" Then he sprinted across campus toward the road where the frat houses were located. Mike Mason was just stepping out of the shower and paraded down the hall in a towel, when Alex headed for his room. Mike had been off duty.

"Long night?"

"It was a great night, we had seventy-four patients from a bus accident, and my coffee angel is back and brought me perogies for dinner. She actually fed me six of them while I was sharing telemetry with the cardiologist on-call." Alex grinned. "But Mahdif ate the rest of them."

Mike laughed, "That old guy... I have no idea where he puts everything he eats. How's it feel to have a girlfriend?"

"We're not quite there yet. I gotta be really careful. She's... I think she's a lot like Sheila." Alex glanced at Mike, who had gone rigid at the mention of his sister's name. "You okay, dude?"

"Yeah, it's..." Mike scrubbed his face. "This is the week it happened... Aww man, I feel like such a jerk now for flirting with her all the time. But she seems so happy, so normal. Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure. She puts up a good front. Look, she's coming over to run with me on the treadmills this afternoon. If you could keep the guys clear, I'd owe you." Alex asked.

"Sure, man. As long as you don't break her heart, if she leaves and takes her cookies and stuff with her, I swear I'll go into muffin withdrawal and die," Mike joked, and Alex laughed with him.

"Get some sleep, Alex. You look half-dead."

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After hanging up her trench coat, Trixie slipped out of her stilettos and wrap dress. She gratefully unsnapped the corset she wore to work today. A flip of her fingers snapped open the alligator suspender clips. She learned in her teens that the soft plastic loop and button style of modern garter clips would not hold up to a real workout or long wear. She replaced the useless pieces with the ones her grandmother's generation used. All her workwear lingerie had to be modified so they didn't show too much skin, and, rather than pay someone else to do it, Trixie did the alterations herself. She also learned not to buy cheap nylons.

As she hand-washed and hung her day's work wear, her grandmother knocked. "You got a package from some intimates' shop."

"Thanks, grandmum. I wonder how much sewing I'll have to do on these," Trixie opened the box and laid out the pieces.

"These are nice." Her grandmum fingered the brocade fabric. "Why don't you wear those lace and fishnet body socks the other girls wear, it would be cheaper and less work."

"One reason is, I don't have the upper assets the other girls have, and those hide the shape of my legs and butt. I have only found two that look good. Besides, they itch, and they snag on everything."

Trixie frowned, remembering. "Nima came in with one she just bought and didn't realize it was crotchless. It didn't look it on the picture. I worked an extra half-hour while she tried to sew it up enough to pass code. She still ended up wearing boy briefs under it."

"And you would rather look like a higher end lingerie model than a street walker?"

"Grandmum, no hate," Trixie scolded, "Some guys like flashy fishnets, some guys like vinyl and lace, some guys like corsets and old-fashioned garters. There's a style for every kink and they all tip well."

"Mm mm hmmm," her grandmother hummed, then observed, "You never wear thongs and pushups to work anymore or your completely sheer baby dolls and teddies. You've changed what you wear since you were attacked. Trixie, I am worried about you."

"You don't need to be, grandmum," Trixie attempted to ignore the implication as she sat at her sewing table and tried to match suspender clips to the new lingerie.

"You never cared before. Is it because they were let go?" Emma asked softly. When Trixie remained silent, Emma prodded, "You can talk to me."

Trixie's lips made a thin line. "Grandmum, I never cared who I had sex with before. It just didn't matter to me. I like sex, I like it a lot, and I have had sex in the best hotels and the worst, in cars, on cars, and in the backrooms and bathrooms of every bar and club in the city. I've even had sex in a dirty alley against a tagged wall next to a dumpster. Twosomes, threesomes, even foursomes at an orgy here and there, but it was always because I wanted it. I didn't want it, not that night, not there, not from them. They wouldn't listen, they wouldn't leave. Then when I heard those cops saying maybe I asked for it, maybe I should have just let them screw me, so they'd leave without beating me up... I got so mad. No one touches me without my consent, not anymore."

Trixie tossed the garter belt on the table and put her face in her hands and started to cry. Emma tutted and rubbed her back until Trixie stopped crying.

"I'm sorry, Grandmum. I'm sorry I'm so messed up. I'm sorry I'm Jane."

"Now, now, Beatrix. You are not Jane. You care about others, you care about yourself and your sovereignty as a woman. Those are things your mother never did. She would let any man do

anything to her as long as he said she was special, and he loved her. She needed men and not just for sex." Emma shook her head sadly.

"But you are wiser than her, stronger and fiercely independent. There is nothing wrong with liking good sex, just like there is nothing wrong with choosing to show more skin or less. It is always your choice," Emma cooed, then she coughed, and Trixie noticed how blue her grandmum's lips became.

"Let's get you back on your leash, Grandmum, and I'll make dinner," Trixie offered, for a moment her heart seized in pain at how little time she had left with her grandmother. "Steak or salmon?"

"Neither. You and I are going out tonight for Italian. Get dressed, my dearest." Emma smiled.

"Are you sure?" Trixie could never hide her concern from Emma.

"I have a concentrator to put in a bag, so my leash is portable. Come child, it's stuffed cannelloni and cannoli for us. We will eat, have a good bottle of Gavi, and enjoy the moon setting over the bay," Emma promised.

"I love you, Grandmum, you know the way to a girl's heart," Trixie grinned.

"That's because it is the way to my own."