A/N:

WARNING Chapter Contains: Brief Sexual Content and Triggered PTSD

As previously mentioned, you can skip from the ❥  to the ❥‖ to avoid the explicit section if you wish (both warnings are in the same excerpt).

—

❥ Jason threw his arm over his eyes, chest heaving as he caught his breath. He was sprawled bonelessly across the bed, and he thought he might never be able to move again ⁠— in the very best way, of course.

"Hhhnfk" he mumbled, and then groaned as Dick eased the toy out of him.

Dick snorted. "Was that actually supposed to be words, or are you just making noises now?"

Jason gave another small wordless groan, and managed to fling his arm back off of his face. 

He looked over at Dick, eyes still half-lidded. "Don't bully me. That was…really good. Super mega good." He managed to form his hand into a lazy thumbs up and then dropped it, and Dick snorted again.

"'Really super mega good', huh?"

"Mmn stop being mean. You okay?" Jason checked as he rolled himself up onto his side, feeling some of the post-orgasm brain fog start to disperse. Dick nodded, and Jason held out his hand to him, two fingers outstretched for a 'kiss'.

Dick started to comply, bringing their fingers together, but Jason jerked his hand back at the last second.

"Bastard, you used that hand on purpose! Give me that."

He grabbed Dick's wrist and held up the offending hand still covered in Jason's come between them. “You’re not cute.”

“That’s a bold lie ⁠— I’m adorable.”

Jason pressed a kiss to his wrist. “Fine. You are cute, but you’re still a bastard,” he muttered into the skin, and nipped lightly at the heel of Dick’s hand. “Wouldn't want to stain the sheets though," he teased. "This alright?”

Dick nodded, and watched as Jason slowly traced his tongue up the side of his hand and over his pinky finger.

"Still good?" he asked again, and Dick nodded impatiently, flexing his fingers back.

Jason took the hint, and dragged his tongue over Dick's palm, cleaning it off thoroughly and carefully, before moving up the side of his pointer finger. He swirled his tongue over the tip of the finger, and then dipped down between it and the middle finger, working in long slow strokes of his tongue and watching Dick's eyes begin to darken.

"Tell me if you want me to stop, okay?"

Dick flicked his eyes away from where he'd been staring, transfixed by Jason's tongue working on his fingers. He caught Jason's own earnest eyes just for a split second before returning his attention to his mouth.

"Don't stop," he said softly, pushing the two fingers fully into Jason's mouth. 

He felt himself start to get hard as Jason sucked on his fingers, playing with them with his tongue and occasionally bobbing his head. Dick found himself leaning over him, pushing him back against the pillows.

"You look so good like this, Little Wing," he murmured, sliding in his ring finger alongside the other two. "It's been a while, huh?"

Jason hummed in agreement around his fingers, and Dick found himself pushing them deeper, making Jason swallow reflexively, which made his tongue undulate against Dick's fingers. He started to palm himself through his pants unconsciously with his other hand.

"You wanna suck my cock, Jaybird? Want something proper to use that tongue on?" he asked.

Jason's eyes widened, and he pushed Dick's hand back, removing the fingers from his mouth.

"Dick. Are you sure you… Are you sure?"

"Do I look like I'm unsure?"

"...Not exactly," Jason's eyes darted down to where Dick was rubbing his obvious erection. "I just...are you really sure? This seems so soon, and you're still not comfortable with so much. I just don't want you to do this right now and then regret it later."

Yes, Dick was still rather uncomfortable with a lot of things, and had been doing his level best to try to distract Jason from the fact that he still didn't want to be kissed. Of course, he should've known Jason wouldn't let anything slip by unquestioned.

It was just...yeah this was probably a bad idea, and Dick knew it, but that didn't mean he hadn't sought it out. And that definitely didn't mean he was going to stop now.

Jason was probably right ⁠— it was pretty damn likely that he'd regret this as soon as it happened, but that was his business. It wasn't like he was gonna tell Jason or anything; it was his own problem to deal with. Because he had to try, he just had to.

Dick was just so fucking tired of being uncomfortable and scared and having this massive fucking roadblock in the way whenever he wanted to do anything, and he was going to get past this. He'd let it go on too long as it was.

They'd started fucking again after The Woman On The Roof, and that meant they could start fucking again after this. Dick just had to get over himself and try.

He undid the drawstring on his pajamas. "I'm sure, Jay. I know what I want, and what I want is a blowjob from my boyfriend with the absolutely wicked tongue."

Jason smirked, but he still looked slightly concerned, even as he joked, "As opposed to your other boyfriend?"

"Yeah, you might know him? Shiny red helmet, overly fond of guns, does crimes ⁠— oh, I'm sorry ⁠— 'fights crime' with a small team of my exes?"

Jason laughed. "Yeah, that guy; I dunno, I heard he's kind of an asshole."

"Well, sometimes I'm in the mood to top, so it works out alright."

"Come here," Jason laughed again. "You and your fucking puns. How do you want to do this?"

He carelessly swiped the toys Dick had used on him earlier off of the bed to deal with later, and Dick settled himself sitting up against the headboard.

"This should be fine." He started to wriggle out of his pajama pants, even as he felt a small flame of panic flicker up his throat.

He felt so vulnerable, so exposed, and he wasn't even undressed yet. Dick clenched his jaw and ignored the feeling, even as his stomach started to flip. He was going to do this, and he was going to get past all of this shit, and it was going to be fine.

He pushed the bottoms and boxers off the rest of the way, and stripped his t-shirt off too, and then Jason was lying between his legs, running reverent hands up his thighs.

Pretty much from that first touch, Dick started to feel distant, almost like he was spectating as a third party, but he fought to answer Jason's questions normally and correctly without letting on, even though sound was becoming more and more distant as well.

And then finally, finally Jason's mouth was on his cock so he couldn't ask any more questions that Dick would have to figure out the right answers to, and Dick had no idea what his body was doing, but he hoped it'd throw him a bone (so to speak) and stay hard, because if he didn't then that would just cause more questions. And, and…Dick was just going to float here and continue focusing on the slightly uneven paint on the right corner of the windowsill because that seemed like something he could do…

❥‖ Jason realized Dick had gone unnervingly still ⁠— had done it gradually, so it had taken Jason a minute to notice, but now that he had, it was impossible to ignore. He looked up to Dick's face, and immediately pulled off when he saw him staring vacantly at a fixed point.

"Dick? Dick!"

Dick blinked. "What⁠— Oh, why'd you stop?" He attempted a smile, but he still looked far away and unfocused.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. It's good."

Jason just stared at him. He...how was he even supposed to respond? This⁠— from his responses, it sounded an awful lot like Dick had done this on purpose ⁠— was still trying to get him to continue. It would be different if he had thought he was ready, and things went wrong, but Dick was pretending it was fine.

"Are you sure you're okay? What's wrong? You're⁠—"

"I'm fine, okay? We're good, I'm good, you feel amazing."

So. He really had apparently intended for this.

Jason got up and left the room.

He didn't know what to think, what he was supposed to think. He was angry. Angry that Dick was lying and hurting himself in the process, and hurting Jason by setting him up to be the one to do the actual hurting. And then he was angry at himself for not noticing what was happening, and for immediately thinking that he shouldn't trust Dick's answers about himself. But then he was angry again that Dick would lie in the first place and put him in this position.

Anger was the easiest to deal with, and the brightest, easiest to see emotion, but he wasn't just angry. He wasn't even mostly angry.

He was sad and afraid and guilty, and a million other things. He was devastated that he'd just probably made things way worse for Dick, and he was scared because he didn't know if Dick was ever going to recover from this or if he could even trust anything Dick said about himself and his own mental state. And he was guilty for leaving Dick alone right now to deal, when Jason knew he wasn't fine, no matter what he said. And above all else he was bitter.

Not even the sharp kind of bitter he used to be ⁠— no, this was a defeated kind of bitter, where he hated that life had to be this way, had to keep throwing harder and harder punches at them both, but where he also understood and was utterly resigned to the fact that there was absolutely nothing at all he could do to stop it.

It wasn't often that this happened, usually his anger burned so bright it completely overshadowed everything else, but right now Jason just felt like weeping.

◇◇◇

Dick was exactly where he had left him when Jason finally went back into the room. His immediate instinct was to ask again if he was alright, but Jason just couldn't handle Dick pretending things were fine right now. He was going to at least get dressed before he decided whether to ask.

"Dick...sweetheart…" He sighed. He couldn't ask, he couldn't.

He took another deep breath, and started again. Options, there were always other options. "I don't think it's a good idea for us to be alone right now."

"Why not?" Dick still looked detached, and it was incredibly unnerving, so Jason turned back to the bureau to find some clothes for Dick.

"Because." He bit his lip briefly, unsure how to explain without Dick arguing with him. No, fuck that, he'd tell it like it was. At least someone in the room could be straightforward right now.

"Because you're clearly not okay and you're lying and I don't know how to deal with it right now. Maybe I'm not the person to help you, I don't know, all I know is that I don't know what to do."

"Fine, go find someone to sort things out with if you want. I'm staying here."

Fuck Jason wanted to snap so badly, but that wasn't useful. It would just make things much worse for both of them, he knew that. But it was still so, so tempting.

"I don't know if you're not listening or you don't care, but I'm not leaving you alone right now. If you don't want to leave the apartment, fine, let's call someone. But I'm not leaving you by yourself right now," he responded levelly.

"I can take care of myself. I'm older than you, I'm clearly capable of not having a nanny."

"It's not about that and you know it. Get dressed. Please." Jason tossed the clothes he'd selected at him. Dick looked somewhat surprised to remember that he wasn't currently wearing anything. Great, that was just a fantastic sign.

Jason started pulling his own clothes on.

"Where are we meant to be going then?" Dick finally asked, once he'd gotten most of the clothes on.

"Alfred." Jason responded simply.

◇◇◇

Jason’s hands clutched his mug of tea on the table with a death grip as he heard Alfred finally sit down across from him with his own mug of tea. He didn’t look up, continuing to keep his eyes trained on the steam rising from his mug, and Alfred patiently waited for him to talk.

At least Dick was settled in one of the sitting rooms with Damian, who would keep an eye on him even if he pretended he was too busy drawing to pay attention. 

That didn’t make any of what had happened better, though, and it wasn’t going to reverse Dick being retraumatised or whatever the fuck what had happened was supposed to be called.

“Were you planning on ever explaining this sudden visit, Master Jason?” Alfred asked, the stiffness of the words undercut by his gentle, caring tone. 

Jason felt his eyes start to fill. Damn, Alfred was always there for him, and always so nice and understanding about it. That almost made things hurt worse. Jason knew it was probably some result of him being fucked up blah blah blah, just like everything else was, but he couldn’t control that kindness when he felt like shit hurt.

He appreciated it, but it still made things feel worse.

“I…” he croaked, near-soundlessly, and forcibly swallowed to whet his throat. “Dick lied to me, and I hurt him, and now I don’t know what to do, Alfie. I⁠—” His voice broke and he tried to swallow again.

“Did you really?” Alfred questioned calmly, not sounding like he believed Jason had actually done anything intentionally harmful at all.

“Not on purpose. But I should’ve known, and I⁠— I don’t know how to trust him anymore. I don’t wanna doubt him, but I can’t⁠— I can’t do this again.” His eyes reached capacity, and finally started to overflow, and his breath hiccuped. “I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know what to do⁠—” he broke off, finally succumbing to silent crying into his hands.

He felt Alfred reach over the table and lay a hand on his shoulder, and it was several long minutes before his tears slowed.

“Why don’t you explain to me what happened so I can understand?” Alfred asked, once he had calmed a bit.

"We were...we were in the bedroom," he finally said. "And one thing led to another, and he said he was ready — I had to've asked half a dozen times, and he kept insisting he wanted to. But then he, like, immediately started dissociating; so I obviously stopped and asked if he was okay and then," he ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "And then he just kept trying to pretend he wasn't completely out of it, and kept saying everything was fine and trying to get me to continue, and then I just had to leave the room because I couldn't handle it."

He sighed.

"But then I felt guilty for leaving him to deal on his own because I know he wasn't okay, no matter what he kept saying, I know he wasn't. I still didn't know how to handle it though, so I told him I didn't want us to be alone and we needed to go to someone or call someone over if he didn't wanna leave, and that's how we ended up here," he finished, and brought his mug up to take a sip. He froze halfway, though, as a thought occurred to him. "Oh god, I should've noticed. He didn't even check to see if it was me — oh fuck how did I not notice something was wrong?"

Alfred patted his shoulder again. "It isn't your fault you didn't notice. Despite what Master Bruce thinks, it's quite impossible for us humans to pick up on every little detail all the time."

Jason gave him a look. "Don't blow smoke up my ass, Alfie; that's not a little detail, that's a damn big thing. He checks to see whether I'm really me all the time. For things much smaller than this. 

"He won't even kiss me still — and that's fine, but I don't know why I let him convince me he was ready for this when he's not even ready for that."

"I'm quite sure I do no such thing. You aren't to blame for this; Master Dick made a choice and it sounds like nothing was going to change his mind. I don't know why he made the decisions he did, but I'm sure he had his reasons."

"Fucking stupid ones," Jason said.

"Language, Master Jason."

"Sorry Alfie."

Alfred gave a small sigh. "Have you considered simply asking him to explain?"

Jason laughed, but it was an ugly, bitter thing. "He's barely told me a goddamn thing of any sort of substance since That Night. We had a talk the night after, but since then he's completely shut me out and he utterly refuses to talk about anything serious. The closest we've gotten was me telling him I'm fine with not kissing and even that he sulked through. Anything even remotely serious and he just up and leaves the damned room.

"And the one time he has told me anything — tonight — he was lying the whole damned time. So I don't know, maybe I don't bother trying for communication anymore when he's making it an impossibility."

"Well all you can do is try. And you have to keep trying, because if you give up on this, that means giving up entirely. Are you ready to do that?"

Jason slumped forward. "No," he said softly. "Of course I'm not giving up."

"Then you must ask, even if you don't think you'll get an honest response, or any response at all. You have to put in your half, and whether or not Master Dick wants to meet you halfway is a decision he will have to make. And if he doesn't, then you will have to keep making the decision. To give up or to try again and give it more time. It certainly isn't an easy thing to do by any means, but I have faith in you."

Jason looked down into his mug of tea. It wasn't a nice answer, or a pretty answer, or an easy one, but that wasn't why he came to Alfred. He came to him for the truth and for clear insight, and that was what he'd gotten. That was what Alfred would always freely give.

"Thank you," he said, and boy did he ever mean it. He'd never be able to thank Alfred enough for being there for him through the years.

"You're very welcome."

Jason looked back up, meeting the butler's kind eyes.

"You know I love you, right?" he asked.

Alfred gave a small smile. "Of course," he said. "And I you, Master Jason. And I you." He stood up and straightened his waistcoat. "Now, drink your tea before it gets cold. I'm going to have a chat with Master Dick."

Jason smiled into his tea as Alfred left the room. It was good to have Alfie always in his corner.

◇◇◇

Jason didn't know what exactly Alfred had said to Dick, but he sulked all the way home the way he always did when he got a good bitching out from Alfred.

Once they got in the door, Dick took his sulking to the couch and laid down dramatically.

"So," Jason said, sitting himself down in the armchair. "Are we going to talk?"

Dick pouted for a little longer, before finally answering. "Fine."

Jason leaned back, kicking his legs out and steepling his fingers in front of him, elbows resting on the armrests. "Then let's start with why. Why would you lie to me — purposely lie to me — about being ready? And then why would you continue to lie, even once you were clearly having a bad reaction?" He kept his voice level, trying his best to keep any accusatory notes out.

Dick stared directly up at the ceiling as he answered in a monotone voice. "I'm sick of being scared, I wanted to get over it."

"And you didn't think to let me in on your little plan? You thought that would even work, that it would do anything other than make you worse, why?"

"Well what else was I supposed to do?"

A part of Dick wanted to snap it, to scream it, to get up in Jason's face and make him see the way Dick did. Jason didn't understand — could never understand — he just didn't get it, and that made a part of Dick furious. 

But. But actually being angry, actually acting angry...it just required so much, and Dick didn't have it in him. It wasn't like it mattered anyway. No matter what he said or how he said it, he'd never be able to make Jason see. There was no point in trying.

Okay, so that wasn't entirely fair. He knew Jason loved him, loved him enough to try his damndest to understand, but maybe Dick didn't want him too. Maybe it was easier to not even try, because trying and failing would hurt so much more. Knowing that there was no amount of love that could bridge the gap to make Jason feel the way he felt — that would hurt a hell of a lot more than just accepting it as an impossibility and not trying.

He didn't want Jason to try and fail and try harder — because he was Jason, and that's exactly what he'd do. He wouldn't give up trying, he'd try and try and burn himself out trying on an impossibility. And if he did manage to fight his way to the barest inkling of understanding, well Dick didn't want that for him either. He didn't want Jason to understand the pain and fear and desperation, the humiliation and the self-loathing, and the nameless, toxic sludge in his mind that weighed him down, grasping at him, trying to drown him every second of every day that he had to keep existing. 

So no, he didn't want Jason to understand. He didn't want him to understand just as badly as he didn't want him to be unable to understand. There was no winning — through every door was disappointment and more pain.

And so it was better to do nothing. To not try. To go ahead and accept the distance between them and let it be.

"Not that, for a start," Jason said. 

Right. He'd asked what else he was supposed to do. Dick hadn't wanted an answer, and he especially didn't want a snappy non-answer like that, but he just couldn't bring himself to actually fucking care.

He said nothing.

"Dick," Jason said tersely. And then, after a moment, softer, "Dick, sweetheart, come on. I'm trying, I'm trying so damn hard, why won't you just talk to me?"

And that was exactly what Dick didn't want. His trying.

"What is there to say?" he asked blankly.

"Everything. Anything." Jason's voice was still pleading, and it made Dick's lungs ache a little. His chest felt watery and he wasn't sure he knew quite why. He wanted this to be over. He wanted Jason to stop pleading, stop trying, stop hurting.

Well if there was no conversation, at the very least Dick wouldn't have to be witness to any of that.

"I'm going to take a shower."

He felt more than heard Jason frantically grasp at the edge of the conversation as it attempted to fade away, trying to sink his claws in and keep ahold.

"Aren't you going on patrol? You're gonna take a shower before you get all sweaty? Dick, please. Stay. Talk to me."

Dick swore he could see Jason inching closer to the precipice. He felt sick. He'd found the line, or something very close to it. It was finally too much, and Jason was going to leave him. He'd pushed him too far.

He paused. "I'm going to take a shower," he repeated blankly, unable to make himself do anything else. He hadn't wanted the necessary distance between them to mean the complete dissolution of their relationship, but what else could he do?

Jason was going to leave him and Dick wasn't ready to let him go, but he had no way to bring him closer. He was still stuck. The course of inaction was inescapable. There was no other choice.

He turned his back and left the room.

◇◇◇

At the end of the week, Jason decided to invite Roy over. What the hell, things certainly couldn't get much worse between the two of them, and maybe adding an extra person to the mix would help. Somehow.

Jason was getting a bit desperate.

"Hey guys!" Roy greeted, when Jason opened the door and waved him in.

"Hi Roy," Dick said, with a weak imitation of a smile.

"How's it been going? How's our little Lian doing?" Jason asked, sitting down on the couch two and a half feet away from where Dick was curled on the other side.

Roy sat down on the cushy chair beside the couch and sighed. "I've been doing fine. Lian's great — thrilled to be having a 'cool aunt' night with Kory."

"Good, good," Jason said.

The three of them talked for a few hours, and Jason noticed that Dick had excused himself at least seven times during that time. Dick was gone once again as the topic turned to Roy's love life — or lack thereof, as the case was.

"It sounds pathetic, but I'm fucking lonely. Starting to understand people who get married to a stranger just to have someone around."

Jason frowned. "Oh, Roy. Come here."

Roy joined him on the couch without hesitation, and Jason hugged him tightly. "Tell me about it?"

Roy leaned his head on Jason's shoulder, hugging him back just as tightly. "It just feels like I'm never gonna find anybody. I'm such a fucking wreck, and it's been so long since I've even dated, and— just— everything. Sex doesn't even help, 'cause I know whoever I'm hooking up with doesn't give a shit about me, just like I don't give a fuck about them." He blew out a breath. "I'm not even into anyone right now — not really — but I'm starting to feel lowkey into everyone 'cause I'm that desperate. I'm thirty now, and I don't have anyone. I just wanna feel loved, and to have someone else around for Lian in case something happens to me."

Shit, as much as Jay didn't want Roy to be feeling this way, it was such a relief just to hear someone open up to him. To allow themselves to be vulnerable and truthful, and to trust him.

Jason stroked a hand over Roy's hair and kissed the side of his head. Oh. He hadn't realized until this moment just how much he'd missed even the most platonic physical affection. God, he needed to hang out with Roy and Kory more. He desperately needed a good cuddle.

"Roy, you are so loved, come on. I love you, Dick loves you, Kory loves you. Lian adores you. Ollie still cares, even if he's an asshole and a bastard, and you know Dinah loves you too. You're gonna find someone, we've just gotta wait until it's someone good enough for you. And you know if anything were to happen, any — or probably all of us — wouldn't hesitate to step in and care for Lian."

"Kory says the same shit, but—"

"Yeah, because it's true, you stupid asshole."

Roy laughed into his shoulder. "You're the stupid asshole; that's not very comforting, you know."

"Yeah, well that's what happens when you're about to talk shit about one of my best friends. I just know you were about to say some shit about how you don't deserve it or whatever, and that's bullshit."

"I'm a fucking loser, though."

"Don't make me throw you out the window."

"You wouldn't. Or at least not without a grappling line or something."

"You're right — it's almost like you're an incredibly loveable person who I care about a lot," Jason said in a mock-surprised voice, briefly squeezing him tighter.

"I hate you."

Jason scoffed, and they stayed there, holding each other in silence for a few moments before he spoke up again. Maybe he could help Roy feel better and get a cuddle. Two birds with one stone.

"Do you wanna stay the night? Might not be what you meant, but you don't have to be alone tonight. You left Lian with Kory, right?"

"Yeah, Kory was gonna spend the night with her anyway. But...I dunno, do you think that's a good idea with Dick? I mean he's still...not dealing great with all the shit that went down, right?"

Jason shrugged. "I'd have to ask him, but I'm guessing he won't mind. Not to be depressing about it, but he kind of already has the worst case scenario every morning. I'm not sure if it could be worse, you know? And maybe if it wasn't just me…I dunno."

Roy nodded and finally released him, leaning back against the couch. "I guess we'll see what he says."

"Speaking of, he's been gone for almost half an hour, I'm gonna go find him." He heaved himself up off of the couch, and started his search in the bedroom.

"Hey sweetheart." He tapped lightly on the open door.

Dick looked up from the book he was reading, curled up on the bed, but didn't reply.

"You feeling okay?"

He shrugged. "Yeah. Just...a little overwhelmed."

"Okay." Jason nodded. Fuck he never knew where he stood with Dick these days. He was trying so fucking hard to be loving and supportive, but Dick just continued to give mixed messages. Saying he loved him one day, and being as cold and blank as the night they'd gone to Alfred the next. And always, always holding him at arms length, never letting him in, no matter which side of him was showing.

"We got to talking, and Roy said he's been feeling super lonely lately," Jason spoke up again. "I offered to let him stay over. Obviously if you don't want that, that's fine, and he knows that — he doesn't want to make anything worse for you."

"Stay over...like in the bed?"

"Yeah, just...like with Damian. But it's fine if that's too much."

Dick shrugged. "No that's fine. Just...he knows not to touch me, right?"

"Yeah. I'll sleep in the middle if you want."

Dick nodded. "He's real lonely, huh?" he said quietly. "I guess he hasn't dated in a while."

"Pretty much. He's just feeling...unloved lately."

Dick frowned, and blurted out, "I don't care if you fuck him."

Jason blinked. "What? Dick…"

"I didn't mean that how it sounded. I'm not like bitter, really, I just...I don't know if we're ever gonna have sex again at this point, and I know you still want to, and I...wouldn't mind if you wanted to hook up with him. Or Kory. Or both, I dunno, but I trust them, and it just seems like…"

Jason shut the door, and came over to sit on his desk chair, already shaking his head long before Dick trailed off. Was this just another way for Dick to continue to push him away? A way to pawn off every bit of their relationship piece by piece to different people until nothing was left?

"I'm not...wired like that — I couldn't. If you're not involved I'm just...not interested. And I don't mean that like— I'm not saying like I won't be satisfied unless you have sex with me; I'm fine with it if we never have sex again, if that's what keeps you comfortable. I'm just not the type to...find outlets elsewhere, I guess. We're working this out, right? We can keep going like this. This is perfectly fine with me, okay?"

He knew he sounded a bit desperate by the end. They weren't working things out, not at all, but god he was trying to. He wanted to, and they could — he had to believe they could — if only Dick would meet him halfway.

Dick nodded, but it was hesitant. "If you change your mind, just...I'm not gonna be mad if you decide you want to, okay?"

"I won't. But thank you, I guess. I love you." He held two fingers out, and Dick met them with his own. So it was still friendly Dick today. That made life easier at least. "We should probably all eat some dinner before patrol. I've got some shit in the freezer I can heat up."

Dick stood. "Alright then."

◇◇◇

Dinner was surprisingly comfortable and smooth, and when they got into bed after a fairly short patrol, Dick felt shockingly peaceful.

Jason was, as promised, in between him and Roy (who was apparently an excellent little spoon).

Dick slid his hand over Jason's side to link his fingers with Roy's, and Roy turned his head and smiled, moving their hands up to rest on Jason's hip. "Thanks Dick," he said quietly.

It was the least Dick felt he could do. He didn't know how else to show his support. He was being a shit friend and he knew it, but he just felt so lost these days. Everything was so much all the time, and he didn't know what to do with it all. He was falling apart at the seams over his own shit, so how could he possibly handle somebody else's? He knew he should have at least made an effort to stick around, to lend a listening ear, but he just...couldn't. 

And so he held Roy's hand and tried not to squirm away when he felt the heat of Jason's body radiating into his open palm, and he hoped it was enough.

Morning wasn't altogether different from most mornings, but Dick felt pretty alright leaning on the kitchen door frame, watching Roy and Jason make pancakes after he'd calmed down.

They...they could be alright.