"Oh my God! I'm so excited to go back in Tierra Blanca."

Sa sobrang excitement ay halos mapasayaw si Sariah matapos ianunsyo ni Papa na magbabakasyon kami ng Tierra Blanca. Kailangan daw naming magpahinga muna bago maging busy ang lahat sa darating na pasukan.

Last week, I spent most of my time studying for more tests, going to the university and getting all things done in preparation for my college. All of which were taken care of by me. Kaya ko naman kahit wala akong kasama. My father even suggested Sariah should go with me but I, once again, refused. Baka magbago lamang bigla ang desisyon nitong kumuha ng Nursing at gayahin na naman pati ang kurso ko.

Bahagyang nadismaya pa si Papa nang malamang Architecture ang kukunin ko. He really wanted me to take Business Administration so I could be of help in our business but my desire of building my own name in my chosen field is far greater than that. Sa huli ay wala na rin siyang nagawa sa naging desisyon ko.

"Now that you're both enrolled in college, we can go see your Lola Erlinda and spend a week in the house. Matutuwa iyon kapag malaman na magtatagal tayo doon," si Papa.

Hindi ko mapigilang mapairap nang makitang abot tenga ang ngiti ni Sariah. I have no idea what she is thinking right now but I can sense it has something to do with getting close with my relatives from Tierra Blanca. I'm not sure why she gets too excited about going there when she's from there, like she is really looking forward to it.

Si Vivian ay natuwa din sa nalaman. Hindi pa malaki ang umbok ng kanyang tiyan. But she's definitely glowing! And the more I looked at her, the more I could see how happy she is.

"What's the matter, Dani?" Papa asked. Huli ko nang namalayang nakasunod pala siya sa akin. Pupunta akong kusina. I need to drink some water! Sa dami ng tubig na iniinom ko kapag nagpupunta ako ng kusina, naiisip na ni Diosana na sinusubukan kong magwater therapy. Hindi naman sa ganoon.

"Pa, I hate it!" sabi ko nang hinarap ko siya. Bumuntong-hininga ako. "Look, Pa, wala naman akong magagawa kung gusto mong magpamilya ulit. But I don't want any of this... the sharing a room with Sariah... your marriage with Vivian... the fact na isasama natin sila sa Tierra Blanca. I don't remember agreeing to all of this!"

"Dani, isasama natin sila dahil parte na sila ng ating pamilya," mahinahon ang pagkakasambit niya at hinawakan ang magkabilang balikat ko. "Your Lola Erlinda would really want to see Vivian and Sari. She wanted to be on our wedding but she couldn't go that time."

Wala namang bonggang selebrasyon ang kasal. Nagpirmahan lang naman ng mga papeles at iyon lang. Mag-asawa na sila. Wala ring mga bisita. It's just Kuya Joaquin and Ate Rai, his fiance at ang isang kaibigan ni Vivian para sa mga witnesses. I didn't know why they opted for it but it's better that way. Mas malaking kasalan, mas maraming gastos. Sayang lang ang pera. It's my father's wealth that would suffer it if they pushed a grand wedding.

"Don't expect me to be so cooperative, Papa. Kahit kailan wala kang sinabi sa akin tungkol sa mga desisyon mo," I said what I long wanted him to hear. I knew he could tell I was sulking.

"I'm sorry, Dani. I thought you'd also want this for us. Kailangan natin ng panibagong buhay."

Sino bang nagsabi sa kanyang ganitong panibagong buhay ang gusto ko? I have been contended the way things were after Mama died. It's her absence we felt most of the time but it never felt like taking her out of the picture. We learned to deal with it and I thought we never had to see this day though I was kind of getting a feel that this moment would come. I hate to say this but it's hard for me to accept this reality before my eyes.

"When we go back here in Manila, I will move out, Papa," I blurted out as I  turned my back. Kumuha ako ng pitsel at pinuno ng tubig ang baso.

"Why would you do that? This house is so big, Dani. And it's not like your school is too far and you need to be close to it."

"Yes. This house is too big but you wanted me to share a room with Sariah. I didn't know that we lack rooms here," my voice dripped with sarcasm.

"Sari suggested that and I thought the idea was good, Dani. Hindi ko naman alam na ayaw mo."

"If I had told you that I didn't want it, would you never insist it?"

Umiling si Papa. "No. Of course, it's your comfort that matters, Dani. I've always known you as a child. Alam kong ayaw mong may kasama sa kwarto. Even when Emerald stayed here for a night before, you let her stay in the other room."

I only did that because Emerald and I were arguing over a school project. Siya ang partner ko ngunit wala naman siyang naaambag dahil panay kwento lang ang ginagawa niya. Nataong wala rin noon ang mga magulang niya sa kanila kaya dito siya nanatili pansamantala sa bahay. Ngunit nang ginagawa na namin, panay kwento ng buhay ng mga crush niya ang kadalasang lumalabas sa bibig biya. Hindi ako makapagconcentrate sa ginagawang project kaya naman pinatulog ko nalang siya sa kabilang kwarto para matahimik siya. If we're not arguing that time, I would have asked her to sleep in my room too.

"I want Sariah out of my room then, Papa. This is me being honest to you."

"I'll try to arrange that when we return here. Now, just pack your things for tomorrow. Aren't you excited to see your Lola Erlinda?"

"I am, Papa. It's been a while since the last time we came to visit her."

Papa hugged me. I feel glad that he still listened to me. I really thought he'd never give in when I told him I wanted to move out. He chose me and it really means a lot to me that I can persuade him.

Ibig sabihin ay hindi siya nakokontrol ng dalawa. It seems to me that Vivian and Sariah hold so much power over him that they can manipulate things as they like.

Kinabukasan, maaga kaming umalis papuntang Tierra Blanca. Kaunti lamang ang dala kong damit dahil meron naman akong naiwang gamit doon sa bahay. I have my own room in the house and Lola Erlinda always makes sure to have it cleaned especially when she knows I'm going to spend some time in the province.

Anim na oras ang lumipas bago namin marating ang maliit na bayan ng Tierra Blanca. Sa sobrang liit ng lugar hindi mo gugustuhing mamuhay doon ng matagal. Kung hindi lang dahil kay Lola Erlinda, hindi ko gugustuhing pumunta doon.

I have always been grateful that my parents decided to live in Manila and I embraced that life I've been living so far. Maingay man ang siyudad pero nakasanayan ko na. At ang nakasanayan ay nagiging parte na ng buhay. Kapag mawala iyon, dama mo na tila may kulang.

Sinalubong agad kami ni Tita Laila, ang bunsong kapatid ni Papa. Si Lola Erlinda naman ay humahangos na lumabas ng kusina para batiin kami at yayain para sa hapunan. Niyakap ako ni Lola at nakipagbeso naman kina Vivian at Sari.

I found it surprising that it didn't feel awkward to see them talking and laughing at dinner. Maybe because it wasn't their first meeting. Vivian and Sariah used to live in this town. Dito pa nga nag-aral si Sariah. Kaya naman sa mga panahong iyon ay malamang nagkita talaga sila.

"Maam, bakit nandito po kayo?"

Napalingon ako nang marinig ang boses. I saw Cora standing with a bunch of flowers in her hand. Madilim na ngunit aninag ko pa rin ang mukha niya dahil sa liwanag ng ilaw mula sa balkonahe.

Idinuyan ko ang sarili. Mahina ngunit sapat na para maibsan ang nararamdamang paninibugho.

"Saan ka galing at may dala kang bulaklak?" tanong ko, inignora ang tanong niya sa akin. Ang mga mata ko'y lumipat sa bintana sa bandang sala kung saan nakikita ko silang lahat na nag-uusap at nagtatawanan.

"Diyan lang po, Maam."

"Hindi mo naman kailangang itago na may boyfriend ka," saad ko. I saw Sariah going out of the house. She waved her hand at me.

Shit, she's going here. I need to find some place to stay ana hindi niya mahahanap. But it's too late.

Tumaas ang kilay ko nang makitang kay Cora ito lumapit. Napatigil ako sa pagduyan.

"He didn't have to do this," sabi ni Sariah  na nakangiti habang inaamoy ang kumpol na bulaklak na hawak kanina ni Cora. So it was for her?

"Pinabibigay sa akin. Gusto mo raw 'yan," sabi ni Cora.

"I like it very much," malapad na ngumiti ito kay Cora at inamoy ulit ang mga bulaklak. "Thank you."

Umalis na si Sariah at bumalik na sa loob ng bahay. It felt as though he couldn't see me after she held those flowers.

Hindi naman sa nangingialam pero...

"Kanino galing iyon?" I asked.

Cora turned back to look at me. Pabalik na rin siya ng maid's headquarters. "Kay Lee po."

"Lee?"

"Leandro Cordova po."

Tinanguan ko si Cora at agad din siyang umalis. Tama nga ang hinala ko. It was that guy she was talking about.

Bumalik na ako sa loob ng bahay. Knowing that no one's around anymore, I suddenly feel the chill running down my spine. Kaya naman bumalik ako sa loob ng bahay.

"Do you want a baby sister or a brother?" tanong ni Lola Erlinda kay Sariah. The way she treats her is just beyond my expectation.

People would tell me they love me. Does it mean they could love anyone too the way they love me?

"It doesn't matter if it's a girl or boy, Lola. As long as the baby is safe and healthy when it comes out," Sariah softly said. I couldn't see the flowers on her. She must have kept it somewhere.

"Hija, come sit with us," imbita sa akin ni Lola. "We're talking about your baby sibling on the way. Didn't you tell me you want one before?" she continued.

Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Did I really tell her that?

"Maybe, I did, Lola. But I don't remember saying I want a sibling from another woman."

Natahimik silang lahat. Vivian's mouth parted open and her face turned red.

Sariah shifted her eyes to me and smiled bitterly. She couldn't hide her true color anymore. I can see that she's getting upset. I don't care. That's all I wanted to happen... To see how far she can handle every hate and sarcasm I'd throw at them.

Papa leaned on the backrest, shutting his eyes closed and clenching his jaw. He never glanced at me to give me a warning look. And I wonder at this moment why he can't do it. I was kind of expecting him to reprimand me for what I did.

Napatikhim sa Tita Laila. "I think we're done for tonight. Mauna na ako sa itaas. May kailangan pa akong gawin," paalam nito at naglakad ngunit tumigil ito sandali malapit kina Lola Erlinda. "Sari, kung gusto mo sama na tayo sa kwarto ko matulog."

"I'm fine, Tita Laila. Lola Erlinda already showed me my room."

Thanks, heavens! We're not sharing a room! I want to hug Lola Erlinda for doing it in my favor. I never told her anything about my sentiments but I was sort of expecting that she felt bitter about anything to do with the two.

"Oh. Is that so? Sige, ikaw bahala. Pero kung magbago ang isip mo, punta ka lang sa kwarto ko. We can watch that latest Korean drama together," ani Tita Laila na sabik na sabik.

"Okay po," ganti nito ng ngiti.

Nagmamadaling umakyat ng winding staircase si Tita Laila.  Alam kong manonood lang naman ito ng drama pagbalik sa kaniyang kwarto gaya ng anyaya nito kay Sari.

Sunod akong umakyat nang hindi nagpapaalam. Nakita ko ang mapanuring sulyap ni Lola Erlinda nang bumaling ako sa kanya bago ko silang iniwang lahat sa sala. Sanay na akong mapagalitan ni Lola pero hindi ko yata kayang makitang nagagalit sa akin ngayon.

Nagkibit-balikat lamang ako. For sure, kung galit man si Lola ay mawawala din naman iyon. Alam kong hindi ako matitiis no'n. Itinulog ko nalang ang sakit ng ulo ko. Hindi ko kakayanin ang ganitong stress. 

But how can I do that when Vivian carries with her my baby sister...or brother? I'm really confused about what feeling should I have about this.

But I silently wish the baby would get his look after Papa. 

Sa sobrang lapit ng resemblance namin ni Mama ay ni hindi ko makita ang pagkakapareho namin ni Papa. 

Pagkagising ko ng umaga ay diretso agad ako ng kusina. Parang namamalik-mata ako nang inakalang si Diosana si Cora. Halos magkapareho lang kasi ang kanilang hairstyle at built ng katawan. But unlike Diosana, Cora seems to be so quiet and reserved. Feeling ko naman ay mapapagkatiwalaan ko siya. 

"Saan ka pupunta, Maam?" tanong ni Cora nang makitang palabas ako ng dining area. Ako pa lang yata ang gising sa mga oras na ito. Baka inabot na ng hating-gabi ang kanilang kwentuhan. Hindi pa naman sumisikat ang araw at tila gusto kong lumabas.

"Maglalakad lang sa labas. Babalik din ako agad," sabi ko.

Cora looked at my sleepwear. Tila hindi ito mapakali habang sinisipat ang kasuotan ko. 

"Don't worry. I'll change upstairs," sabi ko nalang nang hindi na siya umalma. Parang hihimatayin ito nang malamang lalabas ako na nasa ganoong ayos. I know how people in the province care so much about how people dress up. Ganoon talaga sa probinsiya. Kung sa city lamang ako, hindi ko iintihin ang mga ganitong bagay.

I wore black leggings and white shirt. Lumabas agad ako ng kwarto nang makuntento sa ayos ko. Nang pababa ako ng hagdan, may narinig ako na tila humahangos sa may bandang likod ko.

"Wait for me, Dani!" si Sariah nakasuot ng jogging pants at hooded jacket. Naipikit ko ang mga mata at mahinang bumuga ng hangin bago humalukiphip at tuluyang humarap sa kanya. "Sama ako sa'yo."

"Ano na naman ba ito?"

"Hindi kita guguluhin," sabi nito sabay angat ng palad niya. "I promise. Hindi ako mangungulit o mang-iisturbo sa lakad mo. Gusto ko lang makita si Lee." 

October 31, 2021