Emma
Sometimes I feel like some days drag on for years, and that's how I felt this morning.On a second thought, everyday feels like this.

Why does everyone have to be so annoying? Can't they understand? I hate it.

But that's not why I suffer from depression, it's because my brother died in a car accident two years ago. I hated everything and everyone around me. It was such a hard time for my family. In my memory, I couldn't remember a day where I haven't cried.
We were told he was drunk-driving after a high school party and he drove straight into a tree. He broke a few bones and fractured his ribs. He also suffered from internal bleeding in his lungs, which resulted in his death.
We were also told he died at the scene, so they had no chance to save him.
A long time after his death my mom noticed that I was locking myself out of the real world instead of trying to move on, so she took me to a therapist. I never really liked that therapist but it's not like I have a choice. Basically, she's the one who prescribed the antidepressants.

When I cut myself out of the real world, I met a few friends online who helped me through my rough times, but over the period of a few months later out connection decreased until we didn't talk again. But the only person who still talks to me is @bunnydemon. He has a weird username and he refuses to explain the story behind it. I feel a special type of connection that I haven't felt with anyone for such a long time. He was my closest friend and the only person I trust on this planet. I told him about Troy, my crush ever since 5th grade.
The weirdest part about this, though, is that he never told me anything about his life except that he goes to Meadows High School, which also happened to be the school I go to.  
He's the only reason I haven't left this school yet, because I keep on hoping that I find out who he is.

I walk into school wearing my longest sweater (to hide my cuts) and some white, scruffy jeans I found in my closet.
The worst part of all this is the fact that I haven't been clean for a single day. I don't want to stop. when I cut, I feel like all my problems have been put on pause for a while. I know this sounds crazy, but it's true.

I walk to my locker and get my science books out for next class, until super-hot-school-cheerleading-team-leader and Biatch shows up. Kaylee. she was such a bi*ch I felt pity for her.
"Hey Emma, what's up with the ugly sweater, afraid to show your cuts?" She does a crying expression. "Get a life Kaylee," I mutter under my breath. "Oh you don't want me here, I feel so sad, let me tell you something Emma, people like me matter here, but people like you never will," she gives me a small, evil smile and her entire squad of worthless sidekicks start laughing.

I slam my locker door shut and turn around, and there's Troy. He's standing in the perfect position and location. I could see the light reflecting on his baby-blue eyes. He flips luxurious, silk-like, brown hair and runs his fingers through it to make it smoother. Everything goes slower and suddenly all I could see was Troy, just making his was towards me. How aesthetic.

In the middle of my daydreaming session, Kaylee intrudes and hops onto Troy and she starts kissing every inch of his face. She was blocking the view of the only thing I wanted to look at, so I turn around and walk away.
I don't mind if I'm five minutes early to class.

Kaylee was always trying to make me jealous or ruin my life, for some reason. Even thought I didn't do anything but ditch her squad of losers. I didn't want to live in her shadow forever. I was always the side-kick she'd come to when she needed a favor.
When Kaylee started dating Troy I hated her so much because she knew I had a crush on him. She knew he was off limits.
They've been together for almost a whole year now, which made it even harder for me to get over my brother's death. Ever since then, there wasn't a time where I was happy, I forgot what it even felt like.

I hear the school bell, and before I can react Kaylee pushes me aside and enters the class. She looks behind her shoulder and gives me a dirty face. 
I get to my seat and I sit down. That's when I feel something make weird noises under me. I get up to look at the chair and find it covered in a black liquid. I look at my white pair of pants
And find the largest, black stain on it, which only grows bigger. I look at kaylee and she starts laughing and pointing, which catches everyone's attention. Within seconds, the entire class is giggling and laughing at me. "BE QUIET!" Mr. Meyers shouts so loud that everyone squeals in shock and the entire room goes quiet. "Emma, would you like to go to the bathroom to clean that up?" He says in the calmest tone, so I cover up the stain with my sweater and leave the room.
Kaylee may have played so many other pranks against me, but they weren't as humiliating as this one.

Kaylee always claims to be intelligent and smart. She always brags about how smart and beautiful she is. She insults other people and bullies. She always exaggerates about how expensive her dresses, sunglasses and handbags are. She makes fun of other people's outfits behind their backs, she is extremely mean and witty. She always begging for attention from other people no matter what.

I have dull eyes and eyes that look sunk. I'm always lost in my thoughts, I'm pale, weary. Usually, I'm the only person who can realise this for myself, only if my depression gets worst (which I hope it doesn't, it was bad enough). I sleep on average 16 hours a day, I get no pleasure from anything that I do, I cry a lot, I don't show a lot of emotion. I really don't talk to people, I'm literally cut out of the human world. I'm hurt.

I tried suiciding once before, but I always woke up in the hospital with tubes up my nose and red sober eyes. I hated my life, I never knew what the point of it was.

You suck, why are you even here?

What have done? You ruined everything!

You're a whore, just die.

I remember most of the names I've been called. I couldn't name all of them, because the list wouldn't end.

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