Justin

Tonight's the night of the Winter Formal and after a quick stop at my house to pick up my clothes, Addie and I go to her house. The event doesn't start until six, meaning we've got time to simply hang out.

As Addie puts together a snack for us – fresh spring rolls – I watch her closely. She's amazing. Her cuts on the carrots and cucumbers are precise and even, and she has no problem rolling everything and getting it to stick together. If I tried to do something like that, one end would end up loosening and everything would spill out, causing a huge mess.

"Do you cook a lot?" I ask.

Addie shrugs as she stirs together some type of sauce she's making. "I like to help out in the kitchen, and Dad has helped me learn a lot about the culinary arts. He went to one of the best culinary schools in Canada."

"That's really cool," I reply, "that you can help out and do all this."

She smiles at me. "What about your dad? What does he do?"

I feel my own smile falter. I knew at some point this was going to come up. Addie doesn't know the details about my parents' divorce – very few people that aren't family members do – and I don't want to go into depth about it. About that day and the chain reaction that followed. That still follows.

When I don't reply, Addie's smile falls and she looks away. "Sorry," she says softly. "I should have thought about that more before I spoke." She looks up at me through her lashes. "You don't have to tell me if it's too hard to do so. I understand."

But she's wrong. She could never possibly understand why I don't want to tell her. She would never understand the betrayal, the backstabbing, the shock, the lies – any of it. No one ever could. And, I don't even know where to start. How do you explain a perfect family's downfall when you can barely understand it yourself? Not to mention the way I react whenever I do attempt to tell the story. Memories of all the counsellors, police officers, and court appearances make the tension in me almost unbearable. There's a reason why I legally changed my last name from Karvonen to McCallister.

Yet it feels wrong for me to not answer her question. "He works for the RCMP back in Cache Creek," I reply cautiously.

Addie's eyes widen in surprise. "Really?"

I nod my head, doing my best to keep an unimpressed look off my face.

She squints at me. "You don't like that though, do you?"

Damn it. Maybe I've been spending too much time with her, or maybe I just suck at keeping the look of disgust away. "It's not the job. It's him."

Addie cocks a brow.

I sigh. Might as well tell her. If she knows a quarter of the reason why my parents divorced, then maybe she won't ask anymore questions. I trace the rim of my glass of water. "He cheated on my mom for three years. While they were married."

Addie looks more disgusted than I feel, which is saying a lot considering how I feel like meeting up with my dad and ramming my fist into his face. "That's...that's..." she trails off and looks at me. "What the fuck is wrong with him? How could he do that? Your mom is amazing."

I blink, shocked that she's sworn. The girl can't even call someone an ass, let alone say fuck. As I stare at her, her face goes pink with embarrassment, as if she's just realized what she's said.

"I-I'm..." she stutters. She stops and shakes her head. "No. I'm not sorry. A person who has the balls to do something like that doesn't deserve respect."

I probably shouldn't laugh, but I do anyway. Hearing Addie swear has got to be the funniest thing ever. She's so sweet that it's definitely out of character, hearing her say that.

Before I know it, she's laughing with me, clutching her stomach.

"I'm sorry, Justin," she says, wiping the tears away.

I like that. Seeing tears on her face that are caused from laughing too hard. I love that something that usually represents hurt and sadness can also represent happiness.

"Don't apologize," I grin. "I say that all the time. But hearing you say it...my God."

She giggles and turns back to the food. A couple minutes of watching her chop more vegetables go by. "You know," she finally says, "this might sound selfish, but if your parents hadn't divorced you wouldn't have moved here – we never would have met. It just proves that something good can come out of something bad."

It takes me a moment, but I realize she's right. I will admit, I do long for the old times, but I can't imagine a life without her in it anymore. I would have missed out on so much.

Setting the final fresh spring roll on the plate in front of her, Addie declares that she's done and we can now eat.

Halfway through the best spring rolls and sweet and sour sauce I've ever eaten, Addie asks me how I did on the Chem midterm.

"Uh..." I trail off. The truth is, when Addie texted me and said she couldn't come with me because she had a grad council meeting about tonight, I chickened out and joined Zander and his buddies at one of the tables in the cafeteria. "I didn't look."

"What?" she gasps, dropping a spring roll back onto the plate. "Why not? If you came out of that exam feeling good, Justin, then I'm sure you did good."

"I don't want to disappoint you," I admit. "You helped me so much, Addie. What if all that was for nothing?"

Addie takes my face in her hands. "Listen to me. No matter the circumstances, whatever effort you put in counts for something, even if the results aren't what you want them to be. I could never be disappointed in you. I saw how hard you worked."

I sigh, leaning into her touch. Why couldn't I have found her when things first started going downhill for my family? If she had been there to support me, I don't think I'd have as many regrets as I do now. "We can check my mark online," I mutter.

Addie drops her hands from my face and I instantly miss their softness and warmth, along with the couple callouses she has from working in the kitchen. "I'll grab my laptop," she says.

It takes her less than a minute to grab her laptop from the living room. It's a MacBook Pro with a blue hardcover case with the Toronto Maple Leafs symbol on the front. I watch, tapping my foot against the base of the island as she goes to the school website, and then finds the staff page where the links for each teacher's website are accessible.

"Ready?" Addie asks as she prepares to click on the link that has the class's marks.

I slowly nod my head, suddenly unable to breathe. If I don't pass this midterm, then I'm almost guaranteed a failing grade.

She clicks on the link and a photocopied PDF file pops up on the screen. Instead of being organized by names, the grades have been placed under our student numbers.

My eyes are drawn to mine instantly, and when I see my grade, my breath catches in my lungs. That can't be right. There's no way I could get a grade like that. I blink rapidly, wondering if I'm hallucinating. But I'm not. Sure enough, I'm looking at my own grade.

"So?" Addie asks curiously. "What did you get?"

"I, uh, got eighty-nine point two per cent."

Addie lets out the biggest squeal and throws her arms around me, planting little kisses all over my face. I laugh and hug her back.

"See?" she almost yells. "I told you you could do it!"

"Not without you," I reply.

"Please," she says, waving me off. "All I did was help. You're the one who took the midterm."

Again, she's got me there. But I'm still giving her most of the credit. She made damn sure that I understood all the concepts and key terms. And she has no possible idea about how grateful I am for that.

She has no idea.

* * *

"What did your dad want?" I ask when Addie steps back into the kitchen. Since we found out my mark, we've been playing heated games of cribbage and she's demolished me every time. She's either very good at this game or it's just dumb luck. Maybe she's got cards hidden in the ruffles of her dress.

"Jake and Alex have a hockey game tonight and since Dad is their coach, they all need to get there early. He was just wondering if we'd be okay. I told him we would because Sophs and Zander are going to be here within the next half hour."

I feel a twinge of guilt because I know that Addie's dad wouldn't ask if we were going to be okay on a regular basis. I'm sure Addie's been home alone plenty of times. He only asked because of me. Because of what Mom told him about my condition.

Normally, it would scare me, being left home alone. But with Wednesday night being shit and yesterday being a day of exhaustion, I think I'm due for a break. It also seems as though whenever Addie is around, I seem to be okay.

"Well," I say, "I hope they win."

"Me too," Addie nods, sitting down beside me in her little black dress that's the sexiest thing I've ever seen. I can't believe she found a dress like that with the little amount of time I gave her to find one. Personally, I wouldn't care if she wore jeans and a ratty old T-shirt – she'd still look remarkable. That dress, though...damn. "They haven't lost a single game yet this season. Jake and Alex are both tied for first in most goals scored, too. It's no surprise, though. Mom and Dad were both great hockey players."

"Your mom was a hockey player?"

"For a bit," she replies. "But then she found basketball and decided it was time to hang up the skates."

Everything I hear about Addie's parents makes me like them a little more each time. And I will admit, at first I wasn't a fan of her dad (mainly because I'm biased thanks to my own shitty father), but Brett is cool. Even if he is a little embarrassing.

"And that's why you're such a skilled basketball player, right?"

"Shut up," she blushes.

Looking at the countertop, I see that Addie's glass of water is as empty as mine. "Want some water?" I ask.

She looks at me. "You're my guest."

"Yeah," I shrug, grabbing her cup. "But you did make me food."

"So we'll call it even, then?" she laughs.

"Exactly."

So far, the night has been great. Another one I can define as the best of the best – and I rarely have any of those.

But all good things come to an end eventually.

As I fill up the cups from the tap, I get this strange sense of déjà vu. I set the cups down, knowing exactly what's about to happen to me.

Nononono. Not right now.

I take some deep breaths and try to calm myself – make the aura go away.

But trying to stop an oncoming seizure is like trying to stop a flood after a dam has broken – impossible.

I close my eyes, letting the fear grip me, twist my insides into a mess of panic and anxiety. Thankfully, I stay standing in one place; I don't rush over to Addie and hug her violently or bury my face in her neck. I stand at the sink, my back facing her.

But then she's right beside me. "Justin?" she asks. "Are you okay? You keep making noises."

Behind the barrier, my mind curses. On the other side, my motor functions react to the fear. I wrap my arms around Addie, needing her comfort and familiarity to help this pass.

"Justin," Addie says, sounding alarmed. "What's wrong? What's going on? Are you okay?"

She tries to push me away, but I'm latched on tightly.

Any second now, it's going to pass. They usually only last about ten to fifteen seconds.

But I'm wrong because for the second time this week, my knees give beneath my weight and I completely black out.