Adelaide

Justin doesn't show up to school on Monday and it's a major bummer. For the whole five minutes between the warning bell and the final bell signalling the start of English, I stared at the crowd that filtered into the room. After the final bell rang, I kept thinking he was going to arrive late. Maybe he overslept his alarm – travelling does make you tired.

But it's lunch now and he hasn't shown up.

Meaning, we still haven't said a word to each other about what happened on Halloween. I mean, I guess I could text him and ask him what that kiss meant, but it seems too important to simply type up a few words and send them through the air to him. I feel like we need to talk face-to-face.

"Somebody's in love."

I blink at look at Nadira. Today, her silky black hair is tied up in a messy bun. "What?" I ask.

Jacey and Nadira take great interest in catching me off-guard; both of them turn around and begin inspecting the crowded cafeteria.

"Who do you think it could be?" Nadira asks, squinting at the jock's table.

"Well, it's definitely not Zander – Addie would never try and steal her own cousin's boyfriend. Hmm..." Jacey taps her chin. "What about Sebastian Ripley? We both know he's got a thing for Addie."

Unlike the last time they teased me about golden-boy Sebastian Ripley and his finesse, my cheeks don't turn pink. Sure, he's good looking, but he's not Justin McCallister. Don't get me wrong, Sebastian is a great guy – respectful, funny, and an all-around good person – but that's the problem. He's perfect. Justin isn't, making him more relatable and easier to talk to.

Real.

I roll my eyes as the girls trade banter back and forth. "Ladies, no matter which name you throw at me, you will not correctly guess the boy I am falling for." I turn my attention to the leftover spaghetti from last night, twirling the noodles around my fork. "As far as I know, he's at home today."

"So you're not denying it?" Jacey asks, blatantly playing stupid.

"Come on, Jacey. You know me – I say it like it is. And is it really that hard to believe that I like someone?"

"Yes," they reply in unison.

I frown, ready to argue with them. But then a thought occurs to me: I never really have liked a boy before. Sure, I've been friends with them and enjoyed their company – who doesn't love having friends that like to dirt bike, too? – but I've never felt anything more than friendship.

Justin is the first one.

Come to think of it, I guess I'm sort of like Justin was when I first met him: I'm nice but I don't associate very much.

Huh.

Maybe that's why we clicked.

"Okay, maybe it is hard to comprehend," I admit, setting down my fork.

"Cousin," Sophia says, cocking an eyebrow. "You flat out denied Sebastian when he asked you out on a date. We have reason to be incapable of understanding how you could possibly have feelings for someone else. I don't know how you could deny a guy like him. He's so perfect."

I shrug instead of explaining why I said no to the movies because I don't think I'll be able to justify my decision. Sometimes I feel like I'm a couple levels above them on the maturity level. Though I've never been through something emotionally jarring or traumatizing, I feel as though my parents' story has helped shape who I am. They're the perfect example of what a relationship should be; they both embrace each other's imperfections, want what's best for the other, and, most importantly, love each other and their families.

I want a relationship like theirs – one that stems from an undeniably powerful love.

But I don't let my friends or cousin know. They'd probably laugh at me.

Changing the subject, I say, "Be careful, Sophs. Someone might get the idea that you're pining for Sebastian rather than Zander."

Zander, who is sitting next to Sophia, laughs, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "Please. Seb knows I'd kick his ass if he touched Soph." He rubs the pad of his thumb against her cheek. "Besides, I know she can't think about anyone but me."

A small smile taints my lips. It's true – sometimes I get annoyed with how much Sophia talks about her boyfriend. But if she's happy, then I'm happy for her. Everyone deserves a love story.

Thankfully, the conversation about my secret crush fades into another topic – the upcoming senior boys' basketball game on Friday night. Though I try to stay focused on the game, my mind keeps reverting back to the previous conversation.

I honestly don't know how nobody at this table can't figure out it's Justin I can't stop thinking about. We were up in my bedroom for almost fifteen minutes, alone and together. I'd been worried a story that involved me losing my virginity would be thrown into the mix, but I suppose not.

Because I haven't checked my phone for the past five minutes, I check it again.

I almost let out a squeal of excitement.

Justin's texted me!

I quickly open the iMessage app.

Sorry for not showing up today, Addie. Think I caught a bug down in Vancouver. Should be back tomorrow. Can't wait to get all my homework from you.

I smile, my fingers flying across the keyboard at an unbelievable rate. It's okay. Don't rush yourself – come back when you're feeling 100%! Can't wait to see you.

Justin sends me a smiley face and I know that's the end of our conversation.

But I don't mind.

It's the little things that matter most.

Sooner than I like, my cloudlike feeling is ruined by the warning bell.

The girls groan. Zander gets to his feet because God-forbid he's ever late for class. I watch as he presses a kiss to Sophia's cheek. Envy makes my blood run green and it shocks me. I guess I didn't realize how much I really want Justin.

"See you ladies later," Zander says, running a hand through his slicked-back black hair.

When Zander's gone, the rest of us part ways, Sophia heading for English, Jacey shaking her keys in our faces to rub in the fact that she has a spare and can go home early, and me and Nadira trudging our way to Chemistry.

Halfway there, Nadira nudges me. "I know you like Justin McCallister. Little hard to miss out on the fact that you two were upstairs for so long."

I look at her, but not because I'm worried or anything. More like impressed. So someone was paying attention to the situation. Smiling, I raise my hands and say, "You caught me."

"I'll keep it a secret," Nadira smiles. "I know Justin's not a fan of being in the spotlight and I also know that Jacey and Sophia will blab." She squeezes my forearm. "I think you and Justin make a cute couple."

Blushing, I twirl a strand of hair around my finger. "Thanks, Nads, but we're not dating. We're just friends."

She bumps my shoulder with hers. "Don't lie to me, Addie – you're terrible at it. Seriously. Your bottom lip twitches and you get this distant look in your eyes."

I laugh. Both motions are traits I inherited from my parents; Dad can't make eye contact and Mom tries to prevent herself from giggling. "Yeah – I'm a bad liar."

"I can see that," she laughs.

Sighing, I adjust my backpack. "I want to be more than friends – I really like him. It's just...I get mixed messages. Sometimes he's pushy and acts like mosquito repellent and other times he's like a magnet. It's a little confusing."

Nadira snorts. "Since when are boys not confusing?"

"That's true," I reply.

Stopping, one of my best friends pulls me to the side of the hallway, just before the classroom we're supposed to sit in for the next two hours. She rests a hand on my shoulder. "Listen, I know your mom has already said this – because we all know she gives the best boyfriend advice – but just go with it. Dance in the rain, laugh in the sun, stay up and watch the stars – everything works out in the end. Just enjoy everything."

I run my fingers over the case of my iPhone, thinking about the small conversation I had with Justin.

He came into my life for a reason, right? I had no control over it. I didn't decide I wanted to meet Justin. The kiss also happened for a reason – we both felt the same emotions in that moment.

So I nod my head. "Though I've heard it before, I needed to hear it again," I smile. "Thank-you."

Flipping her hair over her shoulder, she gives my shoulder another squeeze. "Great. Now let's both suffer from two hours of Chemistry together."

Without another word, I follow Nadira into class, keeping the kiss I shared with Justin close to my heart, and the fact that Chemistry is my favourite class a beautiful secret.