My mom looks horrible, maybe it's because she hasn't slept in forever or the fact that she just lost another person that she loved deeply. Her hands that are holding mine look so frail and I fear that if I let go of them they would wilt away even further.

We're all dressed in all black, my bright red hair along with Flinette's have been pulled into a tight bun and then shoved under black hats so that the red doesn't remind us momentarily of hers.

Flinette is on the other side of my Mom, she is being held by Andre who hasn't left her side since she called him over yesterday. It makes me a bit jealous because I realize that there is no one like that for me, someone to stay with me and hold my hand and tell me that it is all okay and that I'll get through it while kissing my forehead.

My mom looks at me and pulls me closer to her and her hand comes around me and holds me closely like she's scared that I also will leave her just like our dad and now Adaira.

We've already walked past the coffin and looked at her one last time, it was hard but we managed it. As I passed her I couldn't bear to look at that face that would be hidden in a box and buried six feet underground, away from the sun, the wind, and most importantly her family.

I took a lot of my medication this morning, more than the normal dosage because the doctors said that I am not allowed to cry anymore because it could affect my health, so here I am, unable to cry and only watch painfully.

The smell of chocolates makes me stand up from the seat I had taken before even seeing the person. Shantele pulls me in for a hug and I wrap my arms tightly around her.

She doesn't say anything because she also believes that there's nothing you can really tell a grieving person that can make a difference, so the only thing to do is just to be there for them and offer them support.

She squeezes my hand and I can see her trying to hold in her tears and be strong for me. I love her for that.

The sight of blonde hair makes my stomach churn and immediately Shantele notices she takes me out the back door of the church and away from a potential dangerous scene that I would have caused.

Outside I see Shaze getting off his bike and as I watch him take off his helmet and shake his hair my heart clenches. Shantele rubs my hands and I turn my attention to her, she uses her head to point to Shaze.

"I'll be waiting right here for you" she says and gives me a little push so that I can walk towards Shaze.

I start slowly before breaking into a run and landing in his outstretched hands and he holds me so tightly that I feel like I might break and start crying all over again.

"I'm here for you" he says and I nod my head.

We stay like this, I find it comforting to be in the presence of someone who fully understands my pain. He was there when I lost my dad so he understands just how much Adaira means to us.

"Jossie" Micheal says from behind me and the tone of his voice is laced with disappointment, which is funny coming from him.

I turn slowly but keep my arms wrapped around Shaze, who in turn doesn't let go of me but only loosens his grip on me so I can turn slowly and look at Micheal.

"You came" I say and try to offer him a smile showing him that I am grateful he came to see off someone he barely knew.

He takes my hand and tries to pull me from Shaze, I frown at first, not completely understanding his intentions because the medication is slowing down my understanding.

I look down at my hand that is in his before looking back at his green eyes. I begin to feel sick from my stomach and I raise a finger slowly and stick it down my throat.

Everyone is confused and when I turn my head and throw up, the confusion turns to disgust on Micheal's part and worry on Shaze's.

Shaze hands me a napkin and I use it to wipe my mouth, grateful that I now have part of the medication out of my system.

"Let go" I say and Micheal looks at Shaze, "I'm talking to you Micheal"

He looks caught off guard and I pull my hand forcefully out of his, "From now on don't grab or touch me without my permission" there's a scowl on my lips, "In case you didn't notice, we're here for the funeral of my little sister so I advice you save your petty jealousy for another time or else I will have you escorted out of here"

I walk past him and back into the cathedral. I see Renae at the back row but I don't have the energy to have a fight with her and I wouldn't want to create a scene in front of everyone.

The Priest says some words that I zone out because all I can think of is my baby sister. We follow the procession outside towards the town graveyard where Adaira's coffin is lowered and she is removed from us forever.

It hurt even more than before, watching her being lowered into the ground, away from us and into the cold ground away from the warmth of her family that I'm sure she would have craved all the while she was unconscious.

My mom has been crying nonstop, Flinette and I stay by her side and take turns hugging her. This pain is so much and it hurts to think that I am the only one feeling this pain while the ones who are the root cause of it all will forget about it all by tomorrow.

I turn my head slowly and see Jordan who is hugging a crying Renae, I can feel the anger boiling up inside of me. They have the guts to come here and be all lovey dovey, it disgusts me and I want to walk up to them and create a scene and at least let a little bit of blood spill so that they will feel a fraction of the pain I am feeling right now.

"Don't make a scene" Flinette whispers into my ear, "this isn't the right time or place, wait till we get home and then you can scheme and destroy them in a more fashionable way"

I nod my head and feel a hot tear drop slide down my cheek, "I will make them all pay" I say.

"Adaira and I are counting on you" Flinette squeezes my shoulder and walks to Andre who calls her over so she can take a seat and rest.

I look at my mom who looks like a vacant shell of herself, "I'll make them pay for you also mom, no one messes with my family and enjoys a shred of happiness" I clench my fists and I feel pain in the hand that I stabbed, "For each tear drop you shed they will shed double by the time I'm done with them"

*

The house feels empty, well it's been void of Adaira for a long time but now it feels even more empty than before because back then there was a flicker of hope that she would walk through our front door at any moment and fill our house with laughter and joy.

Everything has lost it's color and I can't even bear to look at the walls of the house because they house pictures of the one person we would never see again.

I drag my feet slowly up the stairs, feeling reluctant to even be in this house at all. I open my bedroom door and slowly my heart squeezes because all I can see are memories of my sister hanging out in my room and filling it with laughter and joy.

I fall to my knees and squeeze my chest because it hurts so much and I just want it to stop, I want the pain to go away, I want the voices singing bloody murder to go silent, I want the demons that haunt me to disappear, and I want the guilt to be gone.

A song begins to play in my head and I remembered it was Adaira's favorite BTS song even though she said she didn't really fancy the group because they were all too pretty for her taste, she always preferred rugged bad boy type.

I haven't listened to the song after she became comatose because it would only remind me of her, but tonight, the last day I spent with her I want to give her that honor and listen to it one last time.

I go to my shelf where I keep all my BTS albums and pick their YOU NEVER WALK ALONE album and play the intro track Boy Meets Evil. I can see clearly see why she likes this particular, J-hope's rap certainly steers up a lot of emotions.

I sit down on the floor by the wall and wrap my arms around myself and curl into a ball and continue where I left off in my crying. With every breath I take it just keeps hitting me more and more that she is gone and it feels like she took a part of me with her, the part that still wanted to see the good in people and forgive.

AN

Hello everyone. I still wanted to show the grieving process and all.

As I said earlier it was really hard to write these chapters but I did so I hope you appreciate them as well.