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Why is this happening to me?

What's wrong with me?

Why do I feel like this?

Why do I feel so, empty...?

I've been running for a while, and now the others are long gone from my vision. Now I don't know where I am... I don't know anything anymore...

-

I wiped my eyes with my free arm, and tried to get a familiarity of my surroundings.

Except, I've never seen this place before!

Instead of relying on instinct, I pulled out my phone, ignoring all the messages and calls, and pulled up my maps.

Apparently, I was in a totally different city now! How did I let myself get this far?!

Luckily for me, the house isn't "that" far from my current location. I'll just explore around here, before I eventually head home.

-

The streets and the buildings here are huuuuuge!

Sure, they're huge near home too, but this is just ridiculous! What if a storm comes? All of these huge buildings could really do some damage. What a waste of time.

Huh. Kinda like how I've been wasting my time...

Anyway...

Good thing I have some money left over from earlier to buy something to eat! But what...?

Ice Cream? No.... Definitely not...

Burgers? No..... Not in the mood

Ramyeon? ....Definitely!

I made my way over to a ramyeon shop. Just my luck! When I got inside, I realized it was Naruto themed!

So cooooool~! It's one of my favorite animes too~!

I looked through the menu selections, and I chose Nongshim Soon Veggie Noodle Soup~! When they brought it to me, they even gave me a couple packs of it for back home!

Thankfully, I had enough money for it, with some left over!

I left the shop soon after, and looked for something else to to. I suddenly remembered I needed a new phone case. What a perfect time to buy one before I head home~. I searched around for an accessory shop in my maps, and I dashed to one I found nearby.

I chose two phone cases, one Kingdom Hearts and one Final Fantasy. The Kingdom Hearts one has Ventus, Vanitas, and Sora on it, and the Final Fantasy one has Vivi on it.

Then, I found a cute Steven Universe charm. And you'll never guess who it was a charm of~.

None other than Lion~.

Finally, I got a new popsocket~. It was Bleach themed, with Ichigo's Half Hollow Mask on it.

Thankfully the stuff wasn't all that expensive, so I had enough for it all.

After the cashier gave me the bag and I thanked him, I left out the store. I was about to put the bag in my other hand, but I realized that it was already occupied, with Y/N's bag of gifts...

I totally forgot why I was out here. I suddenly felt empty again. I couldn't move. I just stood here in front of the accessory shop like a fool...

I'm lost...

-

Unexpectedly, I felt something wet fall on my forehead, snapping me out of my rather depressing thoughts.

I ignored it, thinking that it was just my imagination, but I felt yet another drop against my temple. And another. And another.

I looked at my weather app, and there were expected showers by four to six pm. I looked at my clock, and I froze again.

"3:59?!"

Technically 15:59.

I use military time instead of regular time. It seems more fun and helps me learn it faster.

While I was still frozen in place, it suddenly started to poor down, hard. The droplets of the rain felt more and more painful with every hit. Putting my phone in my bag, I started to run again, since that seems to be one of the only things I seem to be good at anyway.

I've always been the one to run away from my problems. From bullies. From my fears. From rain. Even from myself. I've always been the one running. Never ending running. Never facing my problems and predicaments head on. I'm terrified, of those problems, of failure, of myself. Except, even if you run away from everyone and everything else, you'll never be able to run away from yourself....

You can't outrun your own fate...

-

I soon found myself in the park Jeno and I visited before.

Relieved that this was somewhere that I'm familiar with, I dashed to that tree we all sat under. Not only to get shelter, but also to protect the many gifts in my bags. But, why would Y/N's things matter to me...?

Why do I still care?

Why do I still love her...?

I'm so confused, too confused.

-

I don't know how long I've been out here, but now I'm feeling colder and weaker than usual.

Could it be from the rain? Or could it be from my stupid emotions...?

I put my back up against the tree, to feel the comfort and shelter from it. It was nice. I felt safe, secure, at peace. Barely able to keep my eyes open, I slowly let myself be taken by my fatigue and overall weakness, and let myself sleep in this cold wet state... Alone...

-

4 Hours Later
Around 8-9 o'clock

-

I woke feeling even weaker than before. It was especially hard keeping my eyes open, and I had a headache.

Actually, everything felt bad. My chest, my head, my muscles, my eyes, my nose, my throat, everything. Not to mention, I'm freezing despite being under my covers and-

Wait...

How did I get home?!

Well at least I'm alo-.

"Achoo!"

"JISUNG?!"

I heard Chenle squeal.

Great. Curse my sudden sneeze.

I soon saw everyone dashing into my room, except for Y/N and Mark???

"Jisung~!"

Chenle cheered hugging me tightly, making me groan in pain.

"Aish!!!!"

"Oh! Sorry~! I just really missed you~"

He cheered, making me smile a little bit.

"Good to see you smiling Jisung~"

Mark cooed, coming into the room.

What's weird was that he was only wearing shorts, and he had a towel over his head.

"Mark-hyung! Where were you?"

I asked, with my surprising raspy voice.

"In the shower, even though I was already wet before~"

He giggled while drying his hair.

I tilted my head in confusion to avoid speaking too much.

"Oh right. I should explain... We all went looking for you when you didn't come back before it started raining. It was raining really hard too, so it was a good thing Taeyong-hyung called all of the others beforehand. So we all went looking for you, umbrellas in hand. We looked everywhere you might've run off to, but we just couldn't find you. Then Jeno suggested that we look by the park, so we went there. We were about to look elsewhere, but then I saw you sitting under the tree we went to before"

Chenle gently pet my head, as Mark continued to explain.

"I ran to you without thinking, dropping my umbrella in the process. I called your name multiple times, but you didn't answer. I thought you were just upset and ignoring me, but when I finally got to you, I saw you were unconscious. I checked for any foreign wounds, but there weren't any, so I assumed you were just asleep. I shook you and called your name, but you didn't wake up at all, not even a single budge. I felt your forehead, and you were burning up. It was then that I realized you were soaking wet. So, I picked you up, making sure we didn't leave your bags, and I ran home with you, kinda forgetting the others and leaving my umbrella behind..."

Mark explained.

"And forgetting that Taeyong-hyung had the keys to get back in the house..."

Donghyuck added, flustering Mark.

"You overreacted again..."

Yuta added, making Mark become more flustered.

"I-It was for a good cause, and out of good intentions! Anyway.... When the others finally caught up and opened the door, I dashed in laying you on the couch, and dashed to grab some towels. I thoroughly dried you off and proceeded to remove your drenched clothes, and Renjun helped me get you some fresh, dry clothes. And Chenle helped me put you in bed."

"I got the salt water!"

Donghyuck cheered.

"I got the regular water!"

Jeno cheered, pointing to the water on my nightstand.

"And I got the Tylenol~!"

Jaemin cheered enthusiastically.

"Yes, thank you all for your help. I also made sure that this room would be slightly warmer for you. I'm just now getting out the shower, because I didn't leave until a few minutes ago. I wanted to stay until you woke up, but I couldn't deny how cold I was from the rain. I won't be surprised if I get sick with a cold too... But I'm just glad you're ok~"

"T-Thank you all so much~. But...., where's Y/N?"

I asked.

But, why am I so concerned for her still...?

"...She locked herself in her room"

Taeyong sighed.

"She was worried sick about you, especially when you told her to leave you alone. She was on a guilt trip the entire time we waited for you to come back. She came with us to look for you, but when she saw your condition from the time we found you up until we put you in bed, I guess she felt more guilty and locked herself in her room...."

Renjun explained.

I've really done it now...

Why am I like this...? I never meant to hurt her... I'm awful...

I started to get up despite how much pain I was in. I don't care anymore. I have a new priority.

"J-Jisung! You should really lay back down..."

Donghyuck whimpered, trying to lay me back down.

"I can't. Not now. I hurt someone close to my heart. I don't care about what happened anymore. I have to right what I've done wrong, right now"

I insisted.

The room fell silent.

What has gotten into me??? Aren't I still upset?? I don't even know or care anymore. I just need to fix what I've done.

"Donghyuck, let him go"

Taeil agreed, seeing my point of view.

Donghyuck actually made it better by helping me get up and walked with me to
Y/N's room. I knocked on her door, and I could hear sobs coming from the other side.

I really messed up....

"Y-Y/N..., it's Jisung. Please l-let me in..."

I stuttered, trying to hold in my own tears.

It was silent for a moment until I heard the door unlock. Thank goodness...

"C-Come in..."

I was relieved to hear those words.

-

I opened the door and Donghyuck helped me in.

It was a depressing sight to see in front of me. The room was dimly lit, I could hear "I'm Sorry", by Madame Macabre faintly playing in the background, and Y/N looked very depressed as she held Euphoria in her lap.

I can't believe I did this to her....

"You want me to help sit you on the bed Jisungie?"

Donghyuck asked.

"Y-Yeah. Thanks..."

He helped me walk over, and rested me next to Y/N and Euphoria.

"I'll leave you two to talk. Call any of us if you need help ok?"

"G-Got it..."

He smiled at us, and closed the door before he left.

There was a depressing silence, and all that could be heard was that same song on repeat in the background. Until, we both made conversation at the same time.

"I'm sorry!"
"I'm sorry!"

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