As it gets closer to spring, around the same time Mrs. Reed starts wedding planning, Ian starts picking fights at recess and just being bad. He spends more and more time at home either hiding in the treehouse in the freezing cold or sulking in the basement. It's hard work, but I keep him out of big trouble most days.

"Gracie, I have a favour to ask you." Mrs. Reed stops me on the way to their basement.

"Sure, Mrs. Reed. What can I do?" I am always eager to help her.

"First of all, since I'm marrying Steve, I won't be Mrs. Reed anymore."

"I know." I think for a second, "What's Steve's last name?"
"Kazinsky, but I think it will be easier if you just call me Andrea." She smiles at me.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, but here's what I was really going to ask you...will you be the flower girl?"

"Me. Really?" I am beyond thrilled.

"Yes, you. Normally you ask someone in your family, and you are like a member of the family, Grace."

"Thanks you, Mrs... I mean Andrea!" I give her a hug and run down to share the news with the boys. They're both groomsmen, so we're all going to be in the wedding!

"Guess what! I'm going to be the flower girl! I'm going to have a beautiful dress and flowers and I can sit with you guys for the dinner!"

"That's awesome!" Chris says enthusiastically.

"Why don't you just leave, Grace. We don't need anyone else trying to steal our family away. We already have Steve pushing his way in, I don't need another stupid sister!" Ian is vicious and my excitement is killed in a moment.

"Fine, Ian, I will leave. I know when I'm not wanted." I'm too hurt to try and reason with him.

I turn to go and Ian shouts after me, "No you don't Grace. You never know. You're not wanted at your house and you aren't wanted here either." I run through their house and out the door. I don't stop until I get to my room and throw myself on the bed. My heart is broken into a million pieces. I know I'm not wanted, I try and try to be good and helpful and yet, Daddy's still never home and Mommy just wants me to leave her alone. She spends most of her time holed up in her room. I didn't mean to intrude on the Reeds' life, they always invite me, and as much as I've wished for a million times to be part of their family, I know I'm not, even though they've always made me feel welcome. Well, until today.

For the next few weeks, Ian holds his grudge and I've gotten very good at ignoring him. I walk to and from school with Chris and at recess, I play with some of the girls. Melody and I always get along, and as well as Audra, even though she's the one who stuck gum in my hair last year. As the weather gets nicer, we play outside a lot more and I even have playdates with them. Mommy is happy to let me be a flower girl, but she's also thrilled that I am hanging out with some girls. They are great, but it's not the same. I miss my best friends.

"Grace, it's time for your dress fitting." Mrs Reed, I mean Andrea, calls to me from across the fence. "Come on over, we have to go." I was playing on my swing all by myself, so it takes me just a second to hop over the fence.

Maggie, Andrea and I are going to the wedding dress store to get our dresses altered so they fit perfectly. "Why haven't we seen you around as much?" Maggie asks as we get into the car.

"She and Ian are in a fight," Andrea informs her.

"Really?"

"No, well, I didn't fight. Ian's mad at me, though. He was angry that I was excited at being in the wedding."

"Is that all?" Maggie asks pointedly, she knows us better than that. "Come on Grace, what did he really say?"

"Not exactly all. He said that I already had a family so I need to stop stealing his, and that nobody wants me, not his family or mine." It hurts to say it because it feels so true. I try not to cry.

"Oh my God. Mom, what a little jerk!" Maggie's indignation is palpable. "Grace, you don't believe him do you?"

"I..." I begin slowly, trying to figure out what to say.

"Gracie, we love you and you are my sister, no matter what that little ass says. Your mom and dad want you too, they are just a bit too messed up to show it right."

"Maggie!" Andrea tries to stop her from continuing.

"No Mom, she needs to hear this." Maggie turns back to face me again, "It is not your fault your mom suffers from severe depression and your dad can't deal with it. They need to stop trying to have another child and pay attention to the fantastic one they do have. If I was old enough I'd adopt you in a second."

I'm not sure what to say to Maggie, because I don't fully understand what she's telling me, but I do know that she wants me, and that makes me really happy, so I smile at her, "Thanks Maggie. I wish you were my sister."

"I am your sister, Gracie." Maggie answers honestly and truthfully.

"And Grace, you know Ian is just angry. He didn't mean what he said to you, he's mad at me. Our house is your house anytime, so you can't outstay your welcome." Andrea tells me. For the first time in weeks I feel better, like maybe I do belong after all.

We do a whole girls day; dresses, then shopping for accessories, then lunch. It's a new experience for me, and I really enjoy it. Andrea gets me some really beautiful shoes to go with my dress and Maggie helps me pick out some flowered barrettes to match. My hair has grown long and wavy and should look really pretty. Whatever hurt I felt about being in the wedding has now turned to anticipation again. If Ian bothers me, I'll just ignore him, that will bother him more than arguing.

"What's depression?" I ask Andrea one day when I'm next door. I've been building lego with Chris in the basement, but came up to have a drink. The question has been bothering me since Maggie mentioned it, and I really want to know.

"Well, it's kind of like a sadness that's so deep and dark and draining, that even if you can see a way out, it's really far in the distance and too hard to reach. It doesn't matter what people do around you because you can't really see anything except the hurt you feel."

"Oh." I think for a minute, "have you ever been depressed?"

"Sure, everyone is depressed sometimes, but there's a difference between being depressed and suffering from depression. I'm no doctor, but I'm pretty sure your mom is suffering, really suffering, from depression."

"So it's not my fault?"

"No Honey, not at all, and I could ring Ian's neck for making you think it is."

"And it's not my fault Mommy lost the baby?"

"Goodness, no," she scoops me up in her arms, holding me close. "That could never be your fault. Sometimes babies just aren't meant to be. I lost one after having the boys. It's no one's fault, honey." After a second or two, she adds, "but it does make people really sad, and sometimes they say things they don't mean when they're really sad."

I consider this last statement, digesting it, "Maybe Ian's depressed a bit, too?"

"You know, I think you're right." I take my drink and go back downstairs, Andrea staring off with a thoughtful look and I feel a whole lot better than I have in forever.

The wedding is two weeks away, right at the beginning of summer break and I am getting really excited. I had my last fitting for my dress yesterday, and they had to let out the hem a bit because I hit a growth spurt. Today I am in the soft green meadow of the forest laying out on my stomach on a blanket I've snuck outside from my room, drawing pictures on a big pad of paper. Chris and Ian went out for an appointment, so I am on my own, not that Ian's been talking to me much anyway.

The breeze is barely whispering through the trees, the buzzing of lazy flies, and the warm sun in my special spot deep in the forest is a gift. My meadow is warm and comforting, somewhere I belong. Like a sixth sense I can tell I'm no longer alone. Turning my head, I can see Ian standing at the edge of the clearing, just watching me.

"What?" I ask trying to keep the weeks worth of hurt out of my voice. "Have you come to tell me I shouldn't be here, either?"

Ian steps towards me and I can tell he's been crying and it tugs at my heart. I sit up and pat to a place next to me. "What's wrong, Ian?"

He's standing in front of me and I have to shield my eyes to see him, silhouetted by the sun. "Grace, I'm so sorry. I've been so mean to you. I was mad at my mom and dad and Steve and myself, but I took it out on you and that wasn't fair."

I don't know what to say to him, but I do know that I can make it better, so I stand up and give him a hug. A big hug. I've missed him so much. I love playing with Chris, he's always so happy and logical that nothing seems to faze him, but Ian brings a whole other dimension to everything, an excitement, and that's what's been missing for the past few months. We sit down together and lean against the cool rock wall.

"Mommy took us to a doctor. She thinks that maybe I was really sad about everything and that I needed to talk. Thank you, Grace, I know it was your idea and it really helped. Chris and I have gone for a few weeks and I know that I need to apologize to you." Ian is looking at his hands, picking at a pill in the fabric nervously.

"It wasn't really my idea, Ian, but I'm really happy that it helped." I try to think of what I want to say, "I missed you. I hate when we fight because you are my best friend. And I'm sorry if you think I was trying to take your family away, but I am jealous. Your family is amazing and mine isn't so great."

"Grace, I was just being mean, I don't like change very much and everything is changing. I'm actually excited you're going to be in the wedding with us. And your parents love you too, they just aren't too good at showing it. Besides, you are my family. I choose you for my family and that's always better than the ones you have to have."

I take his hand before he pulls a hole in his shorts, stilling it, and happy to be next to him again. "Wanna draw pictures with me?"

"Sure." And it's as easy as that. Both of us lay side by side drawing in my open book in the sun.