On Halloween Daddy has to work, so Mommy pays Maggie to take me out with the twins. As much as I'm sad that Daddy can't come, I am thrilled that I am going with Ian and Chris. We plan our costumes together, and Maggie even follows suit. Ian is Mario, Chris is Luigi, I am Princess Peach, and Maggie decides to be King Boo. We've been playing Mario a whole bunch at the Reed's house lately, even though Mommy and Daddy think video games rot your brains. Maggie is going to a party after trick or treating, so we drag our bags from house to house running, so that Maggie doesn't lose her patience and we can cover as much ground in the time she gives us before taking us home.

At eight o'clock Maggie walks us back, but Mrs. Reed is waiting for us on the front porch. My house is suspiciously dark.

"Grace, Honey, you're staying at our house tonight. Your Mommy isn't feeling well, so your Daddy took her to the hospital. Are you okay with sleeping here?" She asks, sympathy tinges her voice.

"Is Mommy okay?" I ask.

"I'm sure she'll be fine, Honey."

"Is the baby okay?" Maggie asks. "Grace knows, Mom." Mrs. Reed's face betrays the answer without even speaking.

"Come inside, now children."

Maggie lets me stay in her room while she changes into her real costume, a flapper, she says, which as far as I can tell just means a short dress and some beads.

"Why are you changing?"

"Because a ghost is a great costume if you don't want to get noticed, but a short dress is a good costume if you do," Maggie patiently explains.

"Why would you want to get noticed?" This is interesting stuff.

"To get a boyfriend."

"Oh, I don't need one of those."

"Nope, besides if you had one, my brothers would kill him." Maggie finishes her make-up while I watch, then slips on a pair of fancy shoes.

"You look so pretty, Maggie," and she does. Her whole outfit makes her look a bunch older. "You look at least in high school."

"I do?" She's pleased with the compliment. "Now get out of my room and go hang out with the twins."

I get to stay at the Reeds house for three whole nights and it is the most fun I've ever had. I miss Daddy and I'm concerned that Mommy is sick, but sleeping over at the Reed's is like lifting a giant weight off my shoulder. Making noise in their house is allowed. I can put my feet on the sofa and if I run in the halls, it's not a big deal. We eat our Halloween candy for breakfast, and it's okay. I'm supposed to sleep in the twin's room on an air mattress that they had in the garage and we tell scary stories before bed. In the middle of the first night, I'm woken up by Chris who is having a bad dream. When I sit up and look across the room, Ian has climbed down from the top bunk and is sitting on Chris' bed, rubbing his back.

"It's okay, Gracie, go back to sleep," Ian sleepily explains, "he does this sometimes."

Ian isn't just my protector, he's Chris's too. It's a big job for an almost seven year old, so I get up and join him. Together we sit with Chris between us and whisper silly secrets until we fall back asleep. And that's how Maggie finds us in the morning when she wakes us for breakfast.

"Like three peas in a pod," she says, shaking her head.

The next two nights, the air mattress is forgotten, and I just climb into bed with Chris, happy to help him sleep better. Ian must feel left out, though, because he climbs in with us sometime in the night, too.

The day Mommy comes home there is no pleasing her; I run up to give her a hug and I get in trouble right away. "No, Honeybun," Daddy explains, "Mommy's really sore right now, you need to give her some space." And I nod like I understand, but I really don't.

She stays in bed and I tiptoe around her, trying to keep from making her angry. Mommy spends lots of time crying so I bring her a box of tissues. She doesn't say thank you, or even see me standing there with the box. Daddy spends lots of time on campus, so Auntie Jem and Uncle Paul come to stay for a few days to help take care of things. I wish I could take care of things, but I can't. I wish I could make Mommy happy, but I'm not a new baby and I never will be.

In November, the twins have their birthday. They are going to go bowling and are inviting four friends each, but I don't count in that number. Mrs Reed says I automatically count as a member of the family, and I am so happy. Their family is a much happier place to be because their mommy doesn't stay in bed and cry, and even though their daddy lives somewhere else, he spends two whole weekends a month with them. My Daddy is always busy with school and is usually only around at dinner.

Auntie Jem takes me out to get the twins presents.

"What do you think they want?"

"I don't know, but they're going to be a year older than me again, and it's not fair," I pout.

"Gracie, that's just the way the world works, they're always going to be ten months older, no matter what the number of years is," she explains. I consider this for a moment.

"Then I guess we better get something for them I like, in case they get too old for it."

"Honey, that's not really the way it works, besides the twins will probably act goofy longer than you will. Boys are like that."

"Oh...well how about nerf guns then? I like those, and we won't too big for them for a long time."

We get them the best nerf gun set with two guns and lots of ammunition, plus some body armour, and I'm so excited I'm jumping in the store.

At their party, everything goes well. I get to bowl with Maggie, and Mrs and Mr Reed—the parents trying to get along for the twins' sake, but I know having their dad here is really upsetting Ian, so I try really hard to keep him happy by joking around and cheering for him when he bowls. I also cheer for Chris, but he doesn't seem upset at all that his dad's around.

One of the guests, Frankie, starts to notice that I'm trying to make Ian feel better, so he starts to pick on me.

"Shame shame, double shame, now I know you boyfriend's name," he taunts.

Ian is like a rubber band all wound up and ready to snap. "You leave Gracie alone. She's just being my friend, which you would know if you were a good one."

"Ian, it's okay. Frankie's just goofing around. It's your turn," I pat him on the back and begrudgingly he lets it go and hops up for his turn. Chris comes up and gives me a hug, then distracts Frankie by starting to make fart noises. Soon all the boys are making various fart sounds, so I go and sit with Maggie.

"Ugh, are you sure you want to hang around a bunch of boys?" Maggie asks me with a disgusted look on her face.

"You're the one who wants a boyfriend," and I stick my tongue out at her.

"But boys my age are much more mature," she says with certainty.

"Really?"

"No, not really," she says, sadly, watching her daddy make fart noises, too.

A week later, Aunt Jem and Uncle Paul are going home. Mommy is able to get out of bed more, and does for a few hours at a time. "Hang in there, Sweetheart. You're such a good girl." Uncle Paul ruffles my hair and I scowl.

"If you need anything, Mrs. Reed is always next door, and you can always call us. Okay, Gracie?" Aunt Jem whispers to me, when she crouches down to hug me. There are tears in her eyes and I kiss her on the cheek. Louder she says as she stands, "You be sure to mind your mommy, she's still not 100% yet, but I'm sure she will be soon."

"Thanks for coming, Jem, Paul." She gives them each a quick hug, and they are gone out the door to their van. Mommy turns to me after she closes the door, "I'm tired and I'm going to lay down. I don't want any noise."

"Okay, Mommy, I love you." Mommy turns and shuffles up the stairs. She doesn't come down for five days. When Daddy gets home from school, long after dark, he makes us microwave dinners and brings home pizza one day. In the mornings I dig through my clothes to find things that aren't too dirty when Mommy yells at me to get up. Daddy's already gone, so I just go to the neighbours. There isn't any food in our house right now, anyway. Before school, Maggie checks my lunch bag when I get to the Reeds', making me a sandwich and giving me an apple.

"Did you have any breakfast?" she asks.

"I wasn't hungry," I tell her. Maggie rolls her eyes and gives me a bowl of cereal.

"Thanks Maggie." And I gobble it all up.

A few days later, maybe a week, Mrs. Reed takes me aside after school when the boys and I run around the living room. "Honey, when's the last time you had a bath?"

"When Aunt Jem was here," I answer honestly.

She looks concerned. "How about clean laundry?"

"Aunt Jem did it."

"Gracie, Honey, you need to bring me all your dirty clothes, okay? I'm going to teach you how to use the washing machine and dryer," she tells me gently.

Suddenly something occurs to me, "Mrs. Reed, do I smell?" I ask her with tears in my eyes. Ian hit Frankie today for calling me 'Spacey Gracie, the garbage girl' and tried to make him take it back.

"Not too bad, Honey, and we'll take care of you right away," she's being nice about it, I can tell.

"Mrs. Reed, why doesn't Mommy get out of bed?" I am biting on my thumb nail.

Mrs. Reed takes my hand from my mouth, "Sometimes she gets really sad, and losing the baby really hurt her. Imagine how upset she'd get if she lost you."

"I don't think she'd mind at all."

"Oh, Sweetie, of course she would." Mrs Reed says quickly, but I'm not so sure. She stoops down and gives me a big hug.

I run home and grab all my laundry, including my bedding and drag it all back in my canvas laundry bag. She teaches me how to measure the soap, load the laundry and start the machine, and once that's done, she gives me a bath, taking care to untangle my curls and wash my hair. For the first time in a few weeks, I am clean and it feels fantastic. When I get out of the tub, she wraps me in a big fluffy towel and uses another to dry my hair. It's so nice, I start to cry. Mommy hasn't done this for me in months.

"Thank you Mrs. Reed," I sniffle into the towel.

"Oh, Honey, it's okay, it will get better." She dresses me in some of the twin's old clothes, then shows me how to use the dryer. I learn about emptying the lint screen and making sure there aren't too many heavy things in one load.

"Gracie, you look funny in our clothes," Chris, Ian, and I sit on the couch, watching tv while I wait for the dryer to finish.

"But you look happier." Ian thinks for a second, "I don't mind sharing our mommy with you, maybe you could move in here. You could share our room or Maggie's room, or even Mommy's since she doesn't share with Daddy anymore."

"I can't," I whisper, knowing Mommy would be furious if I even suggested it, no matter how happy it would make me, besides, Daddy might miss me, "even if I wanted to." And the boys each put an arm over my shoulders.

A few weeks of doing my own laundry and running my own baths, and I have schedule all set. I put my clothes in the wash once a week and take baths twice a week. I try to do it when Mommy's sleeping so I don't bother her, but I'm not sure she would notice if she was awake, either. The basement still scares me, especially since the stairs are steep, but I am really careful when I take my clothes for the laundry down so I don't fall. Eventually, by Christmas break, Mommy is getting out of bed again even though her smile doesn't reach her eyes, but it's enough for now. Maggie doesn't have to pack me lunches anymore and Mommy starts making dinners again. She is a lot skinnier than she was before and her skin and clothes just hang off her, but Daddy is happy that Mommy is up and around.

That year was hard on all of us. We clung together, ferociously. Trying to protect each other from the problems adults bring into the lives of children. We played and laughed and cried together. Why Grace's mom could treat her like that took us years to figure out, but Grace needed us, just like we needed her, and maybe that was enough.