Christmas break is coming and I have been tiptoeing around Mommy because she is just over four months pregnant now, and isn't doing well. At the beginning of the month she started bleeding, just a little, but enough to be worried. She has to stay in bed all the time and isn't allowed out. I can tell it is really upsetting her because any noise I make she yells and she isn't really eating much. I bring her drinks and snacks, but most of the time they end up going into the garbage, untouched. It's like she knows everything is going to be bad and has given up hope. I am really thankful I know how to run the laundry and do some cooking, otherwise I'd be in big trouble because Daddy's started staying away again.

Sure enough, the bad thing happens one day when I'm at school. Chris, Ian and I are walking home, and when we get close, I see Daddy's car sitting ominously in the driveway. "Oh no." the colour drains from my face and I feel sick.

"It will be okay, Grace." Ian puts his arm protectively around my shoulder and Chris takes my backpack from me. Together we walk up my driveway.

Daddy is at the door, waiting for us to arrive. "Sweetpea, Mommy's lost the baby and she's at the hospital. Can you go to the Reed's so I can go back to the hospital?"

"We'll keep her for you, don't worry at all," Chris tells him.

"Thank you, boys. See you later, Gracie."

I spend the next five days at the Reed's house, the last two days of school and the first three of Christmas break. I sleep on the air mattress in the twin's room, and I'm not woken by Chris' nightmares this time, but I guess it's been a few years since that happened. One night though, I am really restless, worrying about what's going to happen when I get back home, and I must have woken Ian. He climbs down from the top bunk and curls up next to me until I fall back asleep. As much as the circumstances are bad, it's like a holiday from the solemnity of my house. The past few weeks have been horrible at home. To be able to talk in a normal volume and to not have to do the cooking and dishes is a huge break.

Mommy's in the hospital and Daddy spends most of his time at work or visiting Mommy, so I don't see either of them, but I don't actually mind too much, which makes me feel a little guilty. To make up for it, one of the days, I enlist Ian and Chris to come to my house and put up our Christmas tree and some decorations. It might be a nice surprise for when Mommy gets back. When I run upstairs to get some more clothes from my room, I catch a glimpse of Mommy and Daddy's room. There is dried blood on the bed and floor, and it's obvious that Daddy hasn't been sleeping here, unless he's staying in my room.

Twenty minutes later, Ian comes to find me. I am peeling the disgusting bedding off my parents' bed and crying. "Do you need help, Gracie?" he asks softly.

"I just want to make things nice for her, I know I can't do anything right, but maybe I can just do this?" I am blubbering.

Ian takes the sheets from my hand, "Gracie, you didn't do anything wrong. Your mom doesn't realize how awesome you are, but that's not your fault."

"Ian, why isn't this cleaned up? Why isn't Daddy sleeping here?" I ask.

"I don't know Grace, but if we are going to take these sheets off, we need to do it soon, because Chris faints at the sight of blood."

"I know," I sniffle, "thanks Ian."

Mommy is back home for Christmas Eve and Daddy doesn't say anything about the decorations or the sheets, but at least I know I did something. She is firmly ensconced on the sofa and I am quietly sitting on a floor pillow reading my book. Daddy dropped her home an hour ago, got me from the Reeds' then went out.

"Can I get you anything, Mommy? A drink or anything?"

"No, just quiet Grace, please," her voice is flat.

Daddy returns after bed time, and I hold out hope for Santa to come, but I'm not sure he will because I didn't get a chance to see him at the mall. I have a few presents ready though, because Maggie took me shopping at the dollar store with money I had saved up. I have a fancy pen for Daddy, a sleep mask for Mommy, a new calculator for Chris and a ninja figure for Ian. I also bought Mrs. Reed and Steve and Maggie stuff, too—it's amazing how far thirty dollars will go. I wanted to get better things but I guess it's the thought that counts and I've been thinking really hard about things.

On Christmas morning, I wake up to a quiet and cold house. I can't hear any noises, so I know that Mommy and Daddy are still in bed. My clock says it's only seven thirty, so I stay in bed reading for another hour, listening for any sounds or indications that I should get up. Finally I can't take it anymore. I take my meagre offerings in my hands and make my way to the living room. It is bare under the tree and Daddy is asleep on the couch. I put my presents down and go to the kitchen to start the coffee maker, because that is something I know how to do and that Daddy will appreciate. I turn on the small kitchen television to Christmas carols and a fireplace log (it's either that or church) and start on some breakfast, too. I make scrambled eggs and toast, and make a plate of food for Mommy. I get her a glass of juice and a bottle of water and take everything up to her in bed. Surprisingly, she's not asleep, she's just laying in bed with her eyes open.

"Merry Christmas, Mommy, I made you breakfast." I carefully put her food on her dresser for a second while I clear away the plates on her night table. Then I put the new food and drinks out for her.

"Merry Christmas, Grace," she responds, but she doesn't move. I can hear Daddy moving around downstairs now, the coffee having lured him awake, so I go to see him.

"Merry Christmas Daddy!" I give him a big hug. "I made breakfast and coffee!"

"Thanks Cupcake. What were you doing bothering your mother?"

"I wasn't, I just brought her some food and drinks in case she's hungry."

"Oh, that's nice of you, Honey."

"I have a present for you to open, Daddy!"

"Great, Sweetheart." I look towards the empty tree, trying to figure out if I'm going to have anything to open when Daddy adds, "Honey, I don't think Santa wanted to wake me. Maybe he'll send your presents in the mail?"

"Okay Daddy." I try to put on a brave face and I am not going to cry in front of him and spoil his Christmas. Instead I eat my breakfast, then get dressed and go outside, saving my tears for the treehouse where they fall in a steady stream. I wrap myself in the blankets up there and curl up.

Footsteps crunch across the dead grass, alerting me to someone coming, so I dry my eyes and pretend to read one of the books sitting in the corner. "Grace, are you up there?" Chris calls up.

"Yes, I was just reading." I respond.

"Well you need to come in the house, you have some presents to open."

"I do?" I explain about the mail Daddy says is coming.

"That's silly, everyone knows Santa is magic."

"oh," my face falls. Does that mean Daddy lied?

"Gracie, please come in, okay?" Chris realizes that maybe he said something wrong.

"Are you sure, Chris, I mean my family is at my house and your family is at your house."

"Grace, you are just as much a part of our family as everyone else inside. Now come."

"Okay." I climb down and he takes my hand to lead me inside. "Wait! I have presents for all of you, just let me run in to get them."

My house is completely quiet again. I don't know where Daddy is, and I am sure Mommy's still in bed so I tiptoe in, grab the packages I wrapped for the Reeds' house and go back to where Chris is waiting. We enter his noisy house and the warmth embraces me.

The day is lovely. They all like my gifts, and Steve is touched that I got him something, too. There are four whole presents for me to open, and I am so excited! The twins got me a winter hat, scarf and mitten set, Maggie gets me a fancy hair brush and some clips and ribbons, Mrs. Reed and Steve give me a really pretty dress, and Santa gives me a Lego set! I eat a big meal with them after Mrs. Reed calls my house to ask if it's okay, which of course it is. This is the best Christmas I can remember because it's just so cheery. After the meal I help do the dishes and tidying up, then I ask Mrs. Reed if I can take a plate of leftovers for Mommy, since I don't know if she's had anything since my eggs this morning.

"Of course you can, Honey," and she makes up a big plate which I take home right away.

"Mommy?" I ask gently, when I go in her bedroom.

"What?"

"I've brought you Christmas Dinner."

"Thank you, Honey. I'm so sorry." Mommy sits up and takes the plate from me.

"I'll go and get you a drink."

"No it's okay, Grace. Just stay here for a minute. Tell me, what did Santa bring you?"

"Well, Daddy said Santa was mailing my presents, but he left a Lego set for me at the Reeds'. And the twins got me..." I rhyme off my gifts. "I have something for you, too, Mommy. Maggie took me shopping last week." I quietly run to get it for her. "Here."

"Thank you, Gracie. Could you grab my jewelry box off the dresser for me?"

"Sure Mommy." After I retrieve it for her, she reaches in and pull out a bracelet.

"This was a gift from my grandma for me when I was a little girl, and now it's yours," she slips it on my wrist.

"Thank you Mommy. I love it." And I do.

A few days later, there is another present from Santa. Daddy brings it in with the mail when Mommy and I are sitting in the living room. I'm building things with my lego, and Mommy's reading.

"Look, Cupcake! The mail came!" He hands me a parcel. It's not big, but it has some weight to it. I tear off the wrapping and inside is an iPod touch. My name is engraved on the shiny metal back and there's a fancy pink case for it, too.

"Wow, Gracie, that's great!" Mommy says, looking up from her book, "just don't lose it."

"I won't!" I give them both a hug and a kiss, and I run next door to show the boys. When Maggie lets me in, she tells me the boys are up in their room. So I run right up.

"What's wrong, Ian?" When I burst in the room, he's laying on the top bunk tearing apart a piece of paper.

"Mommy is marrying Steve," he says. I have to think carefully about my answer. I think it's great, but I know that's not what Ian wants to hear. I climb up and lay on my side, holding his hand.

"Where's Chris?"

"He's down in the basement. He left because he's happy about this whole thing so I told him I'm going to beat him up." At least he didn't just hit him, so it's a start.

"What do you think about it?" I ask him.

"I hate it! It's not fair."

"Why isn't it fair? Is Steve making you move?" I hope that's not what's happening.

"No, it's just Daddy and Mommy are supposed to be together."

"But Ian, your Daddy is living with Missy, isn't he?"

"Yes," he says, sounding hurt.

"So wouldn't it be fair for your Mommy to have someone, too? I mean at least he wants to be here with you guys, and he is nice, too. It's not like he wants you to call him Daddy"

"Yeah. I guess, it just hurts, I mean she won't be a Reed anymore."

"Hmm, that's a good point. But she's still your mommy, at least—she'll just be happier." After a second or two, I realize, "What should I call her, I mean saying Mrs. Reed might not be right?"

Ian thinks, "I don't know." He seems puzzled, but no longer angry.

Now that Ian has calmed down, I take out my gift. "Look what Santa sent in the mail, Ian!"

"Wow, an iPod touch! Totally cool!" We spend the next few hours playing with it.

When we start back to school, I take it upon myself to warn our teacher Mrs. Johnson about the changes in the Reeds' life, but she thinks it's odd that I'm not concerned about my family. Instead, I spend the conversation trying to make sure that she understands how Chris and Ian are going through something hard for them.

"Grace, honey, I'm more concerned about you. I heard about your mother." Mrs. Johnson says in her super-worried voice.

"Don't worry about me, everything at home is the same as it always is. I just want to make sure that Ian and Chris don't get into any trouble." And I am telling her the truth. Mommy's in bed mostly and Daddy's at work, it really is the same, but a disruption next door is something I can't handle because they are my stability.

"I know that they can be spirited, but it's not really your concern, Grace. Now run along, Honey." She dismisses me, but I know that trouble is brewing.