CH 41

Ian and Chris' birthday is today. Last week I sent Chris a package by mail with gift cards for dinner and a movie. Apparently he has some friends that are taking him out, and I am really excited for him. There's been a guy he's been mentioning a lot lately, Sam, Samuel, and it sounds serious. I'm not sure what Ian's doing for his birthday, but I just slide the card under his windshield before school. I got him a subscription to Print magazine, which is one of the premiere magazines of the graphic artist world. It's not too expensive, so I also got a gift card for the art supply store on campus. I really hope he's happy in his program, otherwise his gifts are a bit useless, but it's the thought that counts. Plus when I see him, he still has sketchbooks with him.

All day at school I wonder if Ian likes his gift, but it's not like I'm going to ask him. I'm hoping he's meeting lots of people and maybe someone special who can understand and appreciate him. As for me, nothing bad is happening, which is good, I guess. In fact, there are a couple of good things that are happening. In my creative writing class, we have editing partners for each assignment, and mine this time is Max from elementary school. He's gotten a lot taller and has grown into his looks. When he was young, he was always kind of heavy and looked like a grown up. Now he just looks his age and he's kind of handsome. He's also been really great at editing my story.

"So, Grace, you know how we have to go to some sort of writer's event?" It's part of our class requirements.

"Yeah?"

"Well, want to go to one on Friday with me? I mean we can see if a few others from class want to come, too."

"Sure, Max, I'd love too." And I think going out with someone I know, who can't possibly be a threat might be a great way to ease back into having a social life.

"Great! Do you want me to pick you up or should we meet there?"

"I'll meet you there, if that's okay."

"Sounds good, Grace, I'm glad you can come."

"Me too."

After school, there's a flyer sized object on my car. I don't notice it until I get in. I hate it when people do this. Sometimes during the day all the cars at school get flyers and it's a nuisance, especially since a lot of the students just toss them to the ground, littering the parking lot. But looking around, there isn't one on anyone else's window. Cautiously, I get out of the car and slip the paper from under my window, but it's not a flyer at all. It's a folded piece of sketchbook paper, and when I open it, the word 'thanks' is scrawled across it. Each letter is drawn to make it look like they've been ripped from different publications, with the tear marks rendered in precise detail and the letters are different typefaces and colours. Under each piece of torn paper, it's shaded slightly to make it look like they've been glued to the page. It's a simple drawing, but complex in it's attention to detail and it's completely beautiful. I totally love it and I spend more than a few minutes studying the detail. I can't believe that Ian would take time out of his day to drive it here and surprise me. My heart aches to see him, but I am still standing firm. He needs to have more of a life than what I can offer, and I hope this is just a friendly note. There's no name, no love, nothing that shows anything other than thanks, so I hope that's what it means, but I am still going to cherish this, and I'm glad he liked my gift.

On Friday evening, I wear a decent pair of jeans, a loose cardigan and a patterned t-shirt. I'm not really sure what I should wear, but since it's on campus, I figure I'll just dress kind of like the students. I park in the visitor's lot and make the quick trip to the student bookstore/coffee shop. Tonight a short story author is reading excerpts from their prize winning collection, and I hope it's interesting because I actually like the author's work. Max is waiting out front for me, and looks really nervous until he sees me coming.

"Hey Grace, I guess I was a few minutes early. You look really nice tonight," he offers, kindly.

"Thanks Max, want to go find seats?"

"Sure." He holds the door for me, and we walk in. I love this bookstore, I've been coming here for years because they have such a fantastic selection, plus they have a great variety of baked goods at a decent price. The chairs are an eclectic mix, kind of like a student house, where they've combed the garbage for useful furniture items, as a result there are no matching chairs or tables in the place, but it's all quite relaxed. An edgy female with a lot of tattoos and piercings is working the counter, and Max treats me to a coffee and scone at his insistence. I tried to pay, but didn't want to force the issue.

"I'm glad you decided to come, Grace, I know things haven't been easy for you. I think everyone heard what happened last year." Max has always been very upfront.

"I'm just happy that it's over with. The court date was before exams and he's gone, so it's good."

"It's good to see you looking better. You were always so quiet and good, when I heard about Chad, I was disgusted. I'm surprised Chris and Ian didn't kill him," Max chortles a little.

"Well, Ian came close, I guess, but Chris isn't much of a fighter."

The rest of the evening goes pretty much like that. Polite and subdued, and not at all exciting. The author is good and we laugh at the appropriate parts, but the whole night is just flat, kind of the way I remember Max's personality before. Somewhere I am sure there is a girl that will just love Max, but it's not me.

"You know, Grace, I'm happy you came out with me. I don't get out much and it was nice to see a familiar face. I'll see you at school, okay?" I guess Max realizes there's no chemistry between us either. He doesn't try to touch me, and for that I'm really grateful.

"Sure Max, thanks for tonight. I really appreciate it." It was a good way to ease myself into going out without one of the twins or Kyle in tow.

Christmas this year is going to be hard. Andrea calls and delivers the news.

"Gracie, I'm so sorry, we're going to Maggie's for Christmas. You're welcome to come if you want."

"No, that's okay. I can't leave my mom. She's doing really well, but it's a hard time of the year for her. I'll just have to see baby Olivia some other time." I'm disappointed, but I can't fault Andrea and Steve for wanting to see their grandchild. I'm not a blood relative and I've interfered with too many of their holidays, especially since the twins have moved on. A few times now, I've seen a girl get out of a car and head into the house, Ian greeting her at the door. It hurts, but it isn't unexpected. Besides, it's want I wanted to happen. I just hope she's nice.

I have an interesting thought though. Knowing how bad my dad is at the holidays, like not paying any attention, I decide maybe we can start a new holiday tradition with Xavier. I discuss it with my mom, and she thinks it's great, so I call Elizabeth.

"What are you guys doing Christmas Day?"

"Not much, why?"

"We want you two to come here, we'd love to have you. I mean Daddy can come too, if he's around, but you know, we'd love to have you and Xavier."

"Are you sure Carla's okay with this? I'd hate to impose."

"No, she and I decided this together. Please come?"

"How can I resist my daughter?" she teases. "Of course we'll come. I can't speak for your dad, though."

It seems Maggie also really wants to see me at Christmas, too, and the baby, besides. She calls when she finds out I'm not coming with her parents. Eventually we hit upon a great idea. Chris is coming back here for a few days, then I will drive him back to school just before New Years. I can stay with Maggie and Marc for a few days, then drive home before school starts again. Thankfully my mom readily agrees, I think she's just happy to see me getting out a bit more, and seeing Chris and Maggie is totally safe in her books.

Two days before Christmas, Andrea, Steve and Ian are busy filling their car with things for Christmas away. I slip over with a bag of gifts and hand them to Steve. "These are for you guys. I hope you have a fantastic time!"

"Oh Grace, it won't be the same without you there, I'm sure the boys will fight and there won't be any way for us to stop them," Steve says with a knowing smile.

"I'm sure they're more mature than that now."

"Don't bet on it, Grace. I for one won't be happy until I get Chris to do something stupid." Ian says from behind me. I didn't hear him coming, but I don't start or freak out when he speaks, my heart just speeds up a bit and a flush comes to my face. Aside from the odd 'hi' it's the first thing he's said to me since my birthday.

I recover quickly, "Well, don't hurt him too badly. I want to be able to go visit Maggie next week."

"I'm glad you'll see her. She misses you." I try not to read anything into what he says.

But when I respond, "I miss her too," it definitely means more than I say.

"Gracie!" Andrea steps out of the house with a bag, "These are for you guys, and for Xavier, too. He's coming to your house on Christmas, right?"

"Yep."

Ian is surprised at this, "What?"

"My dad isn't the most reliable at Christmas, so Elizabeth and Xavier are coming over. That way Xavier can have a bit of a family Christmas," I explain.

"The weirdest family ever," Ian says with one of his trademark grins.

"Ian," Andrea warns.

"No, he's right," I shrug and smile back, "Thanks for these, so much, and drive safe. Merry Christmas!" I pull Andrea into a quick hug, and it's totally good, no issues. I can see Ian raise an eyebrow.

"Thanks Steve, Ian." I reach out carefully and touch each of them lightly on the arms very fast. I don't pass out or die or anything, so it's okay. Not great, but okay.

"Alright Grace?" Ian asks softly. I can't look at him, disappointment fills me.

I focus on the ground and the bag of presents at my feet. "yeah." I faintly respond. It's been over a year. A whole year. I should be better. But I'm not. Not fully. I swallow hard, then take the bag Andrea offered me. "Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas," they call after me as I walk into my house. I go inside and upstairs and cry, just for a little bit, not for too long.