For once the weather in England was being uncharacteristically cheerful. It was just about warm enough for Basil to roll up the sleeves of his jacket as he walked down the familiar road. Around him the birds were singing, the sun was shining and he wanted nothing more than to shoot each feathery fucker until they felt like he did. (Unfortunately he had to give us his gun before going home. He still had his knives though). The road was dirt, still untouched by concrete, and the farm houses lining it were picturesque white roses in the front gardens and vines climbing up the front. As Basil looked up, the blue door on the house at the end of the lane opened and a small dark figure stepped out.

Basil felt a slight smile tug at his features, the first smile in two days, and he sped up into a jog. He lifted a hand to wave as he came to a stop at the iron gate. "You're still alive!" Phillip called as Basil unlocked the gate. The boy was obviously in his teens. With tanned golden skin and a halo of curly brown hair round his head. He was gangly, almost as tall as Basil but with skinny limbs of teen growth spurts. He wore a pair of brown trousers and a cream shirt. As Basil stepped up the path Phillip strode forwards and they met halfway.

Basil tried to grin but it fell short. "Unfortunately". Phillip took in his expression and then looked around.

"You didn't bring the blue eyes".

"Ah", Basil swallowed down his tears. "Well, he didn't make it".

Phillip looked him over. Basil never hid anything from his brother. Phillip had always been unusually perceptive. He sighed and opened his arms. Basil huffed and smiled slightly as he bent down to give his younger brother a hug. "You've grown", he muttered. "The last time I saw you, you were five inches shorter".

"Yeah well it has been over a year", Phillip pointed out as they separated. "I'm sorry about blue eyes".

"I told him that I loved him before it happened. We had our time. This is war, I should have known that one of us wouldn't make it. I'm just so sad that it had to be him".

"Well I'm glad it wasn't you". There was the sound of the door behind them. Phillip winced. "Brace yourself", he whispered as a shrill cry echoed. There was a clatter of footsteps and a flurry of shawls and skirts.

"Jahi!" Basil yelped as his mother threw her arms around his shoulders. Phillip sniggered behind her as she pulled him close. "Jahi. It's so lovely to see you. Oh my boy", She leaned back to cup his face in her hands. Basil watched as her brown eyes scanned over his features. Sara Parrish was a small petit woman with beautiful long dark hair and burnt caramel skin. Wrinkles lined her forehead and the corners of her mouth. Basil shared her high cheek bones and the shape of her lips. But he had his father's nose, curly hair and green eyes.

Speaking of his father, John Parrish stepped out the doorway behind his wife. He smiled as Sara fussed over her oldest son. He was a man in his fifties with greying ginger curls and freckled skin. He was tall and skinny compared to his small curvy wife. "Mother, mother I'm okay", Basil reassured, hands held up to placate her.

"Nonsense!" She scolded. "What have they been feeding you? You're too skinny". She tutted as she looked him over. "Come inside and let me feed you up". She turned and strode inside in another whirlwind of shawls and long skirts. Basil sighed fondly and shoulder his bag to follow her. He met his father in the doorway. John took one look at him and patted him on the shoulder.

"Are you okay son?"

Basil sagged in his father's hold. He had never told his parents about his attraction to men, wanting to save them if he was ever caught and sentenced. But he had a feeling that his parents knew something. They had raised him after all. "I had a friend. I wanted to bring him back with me but I lost him last week", he exhaled shakily. John silently drew his son into a hug and let Basil lean on him. Basil was still a few inches shorter than his father and he guessed that he would always be. (He had inherited his mother's height). It that moment a hug was just what he needed.

"Come on", John drew back and pushed his son inside. "Your mother is going to feed you so much before you leave that you will wish you have a second stomach". Basil made a noise that was half laugh half sob. John patted him on the shoulders and steered him inside.

——

Dawn was breaking as the front door opened. Phillip stepped out, still wearing his blue stripped pyjamas and slippers. He yawned as he sat down on the doorstep at Basil's side. His mop of curly hair was half flattered on one side from bed head. He yawned again. "Do you really have to leave so early?" He asked grumpily. "You've only been there three days". Basil turned and ruffled the curls so that they all stood up with frizz. Phillip swatted at his hands with a groan. "Stooppp".

"Never!" Basil redoubled his efforts until Phillip was laughing.

"You're such a arsehole".

"Yeah yeah", Basil waved a hand and turned back to watch the sun light up his mother's rose bushes. Peach, yellow, red, pink, white, the buds covered the fence.

"So are you leaving? Not going to say goodbye to mother and father?"

"I said goodbye to them last night and I left them a letter", Basil muttered.

"I saw", Phillip sighed. "What about me? We're you going to say goodbye to me?"

"You're caught me didn't you?" Basil offered a slight smile. "I knew that you'd catch me before I left".

"So you're leaving?"

"Yeah. I have to report in to my captain at five this evening".

"Is your captain really captain America?" Phillip asked excitedly. "You hinted at it in your letters. Does that mean that you're part of the howling commandos?"

Basil rolled his eyes. "I'm not supposed to tell you but it's true".

"That's so cool. Then who was blue eyes. You only mentioned his name once and I can't remember".

Basil huffed at his little brother. "Why do I tell you anything?"

"Hey. You kept going on about how lovely and handsome he was, don't blame me for skim reading those parts".

"He was absolutely amazing", Basil sighed, tears in his eyes. "Way too good for me. I know that now".

"What do you mean?" Phillip bubbled their shoulders together. "No one is ever too good for you. You are my brother, you have to have some respect Jahi".

"I miss him. I don't want to go back there without him", Basil let out a half choked sob and pressed his fingers into his eyelids as if to physically push back the tears. After several shaky inhales, he removed his hands and rubbed his face before looking up. Face once again set and emotions buried.

"He really ruined you didn't he?" Phillip murmured softly.

"I think he cut out my heart and took it with him when he fell", Basil laughed softly. "I had never felt like that before, the way I felt with him. I don't know if I will again".

"I can't say anything since I have never experienced it", Phillip spoke. "But is love this bad? It had changed you. I got the sense that you were happy in your letters but now I see you, I see how love has broken you". He paused and there was a moment of silence between them as they watched the street begin to wake up. The cat from next door padded over. It was a tabby cat with short fur. It brushed it's whiskers against Phillip's hand and the boy stroked it gently. It began purring at them.

"You're not coming back are you?" Phillip stated, hand still stroking the cat. "Mother and father will never recover. I won't either".

"I know", Basil nodded. He held out his hand and the cat sniffed it before bumping it with it's nose. "This war is hell, there is not other word for it. I have been through hell and come out the other side. Dozens of men die everyday and dozens of families are ruined. At first I survived for you, but I can honestly say that without Bucky, I would already be dead. I would have died last year, or six months ago, or two months ago, or last week. The only reason I'm alive is because I'm lucky and I had my lover and friends watching over me. I know the consequences of my death and I am sorry".

He turned to his brother and placed his hands on his shoulders. "You are going to be an amazing man Phillip, I just know it. You are going to live long and have a wonderful life. You can get married, you can have kids. I can't do those things. I'd much rather die as a hero for my country than later have to take my own life because of medical castration or being cast as insane for loving who I love. As soon as I became a man I knew that a normal life was never in the cards for me. If I die in the war then mother and father will be crushed but proud. I will be their hero son who died for honour. Not the shame of the family, the cause of gossip and social outcasting".

"But it shouldn't be this way!" Phillip clutched at his shirt as tears sprung in his eyes. Basil's heart broke to see his little brother cry and he pulled him into a hug. "It's unfair. I want my brother".

"I know. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Phillip. I am", Basil murmured into his hair as they rocked back and forwards. "But if I stay and keep having to life this lie then I will end up having to die by my own hand. I cannot do it. I will not let society pressure me into marriage to a woman who I will never love, and force me to forget the man I did. I am going to die with honour and respect. My only regret if leaving you behind".

"But this is unfair! It's unfair".

"War is unfair. Life is unfair. Please Phillip. Just wish me well and know that you will always be my brother". Basil hummed into Phillip's curls as he sobbed against his uniform. His voice singing a soft song as his brother's crying calmed and he pulled himself together. It was a soft lullaby their mother would sing to them as babes. Basil had memories of singing it to Phillip when the younger boy was a toddler.

When Phillips had sniffed and dried his eyes, Basil let him go. The boy sat up and wiped the tear tracks on his sleeve as Basil picked up his bag. He stood and ruffled his hand through Phillip's hair. "I'll see you later Phillip".

"Send me back your knives!" Phillip called, voice cracking as he watched his brother walk down the path. Basil keen the gate and stopped as it closed behind him. He turned and gave a small wave and a wide smile. It crinkled his eyes and tugged at his cheeks, the sun turning his skin golden and his eyes vibrant against his green uniform. It was the happiest Phillip had seen his brother in years.

"Of course", Basil beamed. "I'll get nazi blood on them and everything!" Then he was waving again as he stepped onto the road and began walking away. Phillip stood on the front step and watch as Basil finally turned and didn't look back. He watched as his brother disappeared down the road.

(Phillip Amon Parrish on his brother, Jahi Basilton Parrish of the howling commandos. Interview taken in 1998. From the captain American exhibit in the Smithsonian museum.

"I think my brother was born for tragedy. He was too loud, to vibrant, he felt too much to be nothing more than a fleeting thing. I think our parents knew it too. Jahi means bright and shining, you see. It also means dignified, but Jahi never had any shame ore dignity. He was romantic and loved far too much, and his rage equaled his love.
I feel like he was born in the wrong time. He couldn't handle not being allowed to love. If war hadn't killed him then I think that would have. In someways I'm glad the war got their first. I didn't want to watch as society slowly suffocated him.
He was an amazing brother, despite his flaws, and I will always miss him. I just spoke hope that the children of today can hear his story and appreciate how much he gave up for change and freedom.")

Unedited

Did I cry writing this? Yes.