Hobbes: *pulls back the curtain while Calvin is showering*
Hobbes: Hey did we - stop screaming it's me - did we run out of Cheerios?

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Calvin: Why does my arm shake and turn bright red when I'm eating dirt?
Hobbes:
Hobbes: Why are you eating dirt?
Calvin: Did I ask you if I should eat dirt? No, so answer my question.

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Calvin: Look, I'm glad everyone's on the same page.
Calvin: But it's the last page in a book titled "we're all going to die".
Hobbes: That's not even clever.

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Calvin: Stop failing.
Hobbes: Don't tell me what to do! I'll fail right now!
Hobbes: *Succeeds*
Hobbes: Dang it!

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Hobbes: I'm never having a debate with Calvin again, they literally started their argument with "Riddle me this." 

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Calvin: Oooh, a train!
Hobbes: We're in a train station, Calvin.

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Calvin: Everyone knows that Santa is an invention designed by the big five corporations to sell tinsel and video games to an unsuspecting public.
Hobbes: The whole "childhood wonder" stage just blew right past you, didn't it?

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Calvin: Do you know a turtles only weakness?
Hobbes: No... well, their slowness.
Calvin: Their weaknesss is they can't roll over when they are on their backs.
Calvin: Now I have a plan.
Calvin: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.