Nell was woozy.

He gazed down at his cup of wine with a drowsy smile. The passage of time under drunkenness was hazy, but Nell thought he remembered. Was it three months ago he'd left her? Yes, that must be right...

Nell had seen her by the creek several times. Hoping he would come back, perhaps.

Her last words stung Nell to his core.

Happiness never came to him. Father died; Nell still had a year left of school. He couldn't. Seem. To escape. Luís had kept his promise not to hit Nell again, but they never reconnected. Meaning Nell had left sweet Alura...for a lie.

How could he? Why had he done such a stupid thing? Laughter eased out of his mouth. Nell gazed down at the self-inflicted cuts on his arms – wounds that would scar eventually – and groaned.

Nothing numbed the pain.

But at least the wine made him forget. So he swigged the dregs and stumbled toward the hotel, ready to fall into a stupor once again.

✧✧✧

Light Spinner began her Merith, studying how to lie.

Light illusions, after all, were nothing more than immortal glass. Bits of translucency, a haunting image of deception. She would not make the same mistake with any future lover. From now on, Light Spinner would accept reality and all the ugly parts that came with it.

I never loved him. The mantra was tiresome. He was never in my life. Light Spinner shoved Nell down to the recesses of her mind – where her love for her mother resided, where pain from stigma was still fresh.

A wagon rested at his house. What was it doing there? Nell and his family walked everywhere – they couldn't afford a carriage. Frowning, Light Spinner rose and peered between the blinds of her bedroom.

She'd seen the coffin nine months ago when it had been wheeled out. Luís was dead; Nell left her for nothing. Light Spinner couldn't say that she was surprised. People never stayed because she was too worthless to deserve love.

She refused to accept that she was a monster. So Light Spinner took off her gloves and let her light burn freely. She would learn to control her powers to prove that people like her were not dangerous. Even if no one believed her.

And as for Nell, he had made his own bed. He would do well to lie in it.

✧✧✧

Nell arrived in his cramped Meyan apartment two weeks later. He brought next to nothing – a cot, the money that remained to his name, and his clothes.

He couldn't stay in Mystacor. Not as he watched Alura sit sadly by the creek. Not as Mum gave him those pitying glances. He'd managed to stay away from alcohol for the past two months. Nell could only hope it would last.

He could search for new beginnings in Meya. He could run away, just as Alura had accused him of. He was a coward at heart, but he could still help others despite his greatest sins.

Sitting down, Nell opened an application he'd received from the job center. Queen Angella needed a palace nurse, certified and ready to start as soon as possible. If he accepted this job, he could afford to complete his medical training and become a doctor.

Nell clicked a pen, filling out the paper. Even if his future was hopeless, he would at least try to atone for all he'd done.

❂❂❂

Did you know...

- This marks the end of the Starwalker memories. It's all downhill from here.

- If there was one thing I wanted to explore more in this book, it's how Nell's motives for being a doctor change and shift. Instead of his father defining him, he should become a doctor for his own reasons. I think I'll be exploring that theme a lot in Seraphite.

Tell me what you think...

- Were Light Spinner and Nell better off not being together anymore? Why or why not?

- Did you consider their relationship healthy? Why or why not?