⚠️ Trigger warning: This chapter contains mild references to sexual abuse. If you're not in the mood for that, feel free to skip the first scene of this chapter.

In this vision, Emeth Auctor saw a world in which sorcerers and princesses were on equal footing in terms of magical power.

❂❂❂

Numb.

That was how Micah felt as he sat down in the Alwyn tavern to open Light Spinner's notes with Nell, three months later, and see if there were any clues on how to disconnect someone from the Black Garnet. Nell had translated the text into something less ostentatious than Light Spinner's flourishing vocabulary. As he read it, Micah zoned out.

If your misplaced attachment to her renders you unable to do your duties, you don't deserve to wear Bright Moon's crown.

"What's going on?" Nell asked. Then his gaze fixated on Shadow Weaver's felinetta, a huge beer in her hand. "Oh, criminy."

Carmen's face lit up, and she skipped over to the table, beer sloshing all over her pale dress. She wrinkled her nose. "Aw, bother. Hate wearin' wet clothes. Guess I'll take this puppy off an' throw her away."

Micah's face flushed. "You could get arrested for parading around naked."

Carmen burst out laughing. "You're right hilarious. I was jokin', yeah?"

"What are you doing here?" Micah asked pointedly. "You have some nerve, coming to Bright Moon after what happened in Dryl."

"An' you got some nerve, wearin' a shirt that makes you look like a Kryteyan," she said with a smiled, taking a vacant seat. Micah slid the notebook under the table, passing a look to Nell, who shrugged tiredly in his direction. "I like partyin' sometimes," Carmen chattered. "It's fun."

Nell tilted his head, and Micah shared his concern. After seeing how crazy Shadow Weaver was, he hadn't expected her servant to seem so...innocent. "They don't have parties in the Horde?" Nell asked.

"Mike thieved my lady's holo-pad couple'a years back," Carmen said around her drink. "Ain't sure why this is surprisin' t'ya."

"Don't call me Mike," Micah said.

"Cheer up, sandface. I'll call him Nellie instead. Fair trade?"

Nell sighed. "Carmen, why are you here?"

"Came to party. Already said that."

"That's what you told me last time, and then you murdered a man in cold blood."

Carmen's eyes widened, the catlike pupils narrowing. Micah frowned. Did it...bother her? Killing bothers most people. But often, there's a greater goal that outweighs the cost.

Why did he kill? Did he do it to protect? Or was he secretly...secretly...

"You look like your mama just died," Carmen broke in. "You awright? I'll buy ya some wine if you want."

"I'm fine," Micah said, a bit too forcefully to be convincing.

"He's had a rough past month," Nell said gently. "Carmen...do you know anything about your lady's past?"

Something twisted inside Micah; Carmen gave them an odd look. "Um...not really. All I know's she's not Tropicil."

"Really?" Nell asked with interest in his voice.

"I swear it. Cast a truth spell on me if ya want. But I'll tell her what'cha did."

Micah gritted his teeth. "Please," he stuttered. "I don't want to discuss this. I...I can't."

Carmen knit her brows together. "Does he need a shot'f alcohol?"

"I don't reckon so," Nell said. "He needs to be left alone. He's dealing with...a lot right now – no thanks to your lady. Or Mystacor," he added in a mutter.

"Mystacor?" the felinetta repeated, perking up.

"You know that place?"

"Who don't? Heard some'f my friends back at home talkin' about it. There's been a rumor Shads was cast out'f Mystacor since the coup."

Micah suddenly didn't want to be alone. "A coup? There's a way to –"

"Not anymore. My lady's extra vigilant, and we don't got no more defectors like Jibril." She spat the name like it was poison. "Wanna hear the story?"

"Um..." Micah passed a look to Nell, who shrugged. What could it hurt? They did need all the information they could get on the Fright Zone's weak points. "Sure."

Carmen crossed her legs "It ain't happy," she said in a soft voice. "When Shads and I joined the Horde, we were welcomed by a Force Captain named Jibril. He was a funny guy. Cool, smart, pretty handsome too. But what's most interestin'? He was an ex-Kryteyan."

Micah frowned. "But how? He would have been killed for leaving."

"Ain't so. Horde's given the Kryteya no authority to do that stuff, so he didn't die. He was my lady's best Force Captain for three years. But I'm thinkin' now he wasn't super sane. He was convinced Shads was a sorceress from Mystacor. One he fought in Illuras, long time ago?

"I dunno. But whoever the lady was, she wasn't super friendly to us at the time. I don't believe for a second it was Shads, but even if it was, I wouldn't care..." She trailed off, blushing. "Am I talkin' too much? Sorry – I'm a li'l weird..."

"It's okay," Micah said quickly. "Um...is your lady alright with you talking about this?"

"Prob'ly not," Carmen admitted, "but she never has to know, an' Nellie here's my friend, so –"

"That's stretching it a bit," Nell said, though he seemed fond of Carmen. "But go on."

Carmen nodded. "'Cause Jibril was convinced Shads was a traitor, he tried to get me to help him overthrow her. I was the only one who could, y'see – I was under her thumb, but I was also closest to her, besides Li'l Miss Adora. Anyway...one night, Jibbers came to me an' tried to get me on his side. Got in real close, wasn't too nice 'bout it. Course, I screamed, and my lady found us, yeah? She locked Jibs in prison an' scheduled him for Beast Island."

"The First Ones' toxic dump site?" Micah asked.

"That's the one," she said with a shrug. "The coup was only a plan, kinda. Lots'f other soldiers agreed with him an' tried to bust him out, but I stopped 'em. All by myself, too."

"Seriously?" Nell said. "That's impressive, Carmen. I mean...we may not be on your side, but still."

She grinned. "Thanks. But..." her expression darkened. "I..." she gripped the sides of her head, crushing her eyes shut. "I took food in for Jibbers' last meal. He asked me if I'd bring it to him, since he was right weak, yeah? So I did. An' he...I..."

Instead of finishing the sentence, she brought her hands upward and covered her breasts. The blood drained from Micah's face. Moons above. She smiles in spite of her pain.

Micah could do well to learn from her. "I'm sorry that happened to you."

Carmen shrugged. "Can't change it now. Never wanted to get married – now I sure as hell won't, if that's what it's like."

Micah didn't know how to respond. Had he known Carmen better, he might have offered a word of encouragement – not all such encounters had to be associated with humiliation. "Are you doing okay now?"

"As good as I can be. Popped out two kiddos later. Only one made it, but she's a real blessin', my li'l Catra." Her smile grew wider until Micah was certain it was forced. "But I had to get some help, y'see? It ain't easy, bein' violated an' losing a kit. I rested in a hospital afterward. Even got some real food, instead'f ration bars."

Nell knit his brows. "They don't serve real food in the Horde?"

"Nah. Just the bars. They're nutritious – full'f vitamins'n minerals, but tasteless. More efficient, that."

Micah tilted his head. There was a side to the felinetta he had never considered. Did Shadow Weaver treat her well? How had she reacted after Carmen got hurt? "You have a cool story," he admitted. "I'll give you that."

"Aw, well thank ya, Mike." She winked. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go get myself stoned. See y'all later!" With this, she stood and skipped away, looking nervous as she went to the bar to order another drink.

Micah sighed. "I don't know, Nell. Should we cast a truth spell on her?"

"I think she told us all she knows," Nell replied tiredly. "And she doesn't really know much about sorcery – I've tried to comb her for it."

As expected. Micah opened the notebook again. "Should we continue?"

"I guess. I'll keep an eye on her – I don't know what she's up to."

Just then, Carmen hissed from across the room. "I'm tellin' ya, I ain't here to cause trouble. Can't a cat get some good liquor without bein' hounded by sore losers?"

"You cheated in our last game," the Salinean across the room said. "I want my twelve moons back."

"Pity. I gave 'em to the king'f Bright Moon, over yonder. Pry 'em from him instead."

"You rat!" the Salinean bellowed in Carmen's face.

She grinned, standing there unfazed. How could she be so confident? "A rat? Where? Been dyin' to eat one'f those."

"GYRRRRAAHH!" The Salinean grabbed the felinetta's cape, which came off easily. From the back, Micah could see the dark red Horde symbol stamped across the white fabric.

Dead silence filled the area. "HORDE SOLDIER!" someone screamed.

And the dinner room erupted in chaos.

✧✧✧

Someone threw a plate at the ceiling, and screaming ensued around Nell. Glass shattered, and alarms sounded, blaring, like liquid metal poured into his ears. People rushed to the bar, beating up the waiters and the tender, searching for food on the other side.

Micah gripped Nell's hand. He squeezed it back, squinting, praying nothing would fly at his face and break his glasses. Micah shouted over the chaos. "I'll contact the battalion nearby! Get somewhere safe!"

"With respect, I think the safest place is with you!" Nell returned, covering his glasses and cringing. His head was spinning. Such shouting...so much noise...

Shaking, he ducked under a table on the far side of the riot as Micah opened a communication channel. "Angella!" he roared. "Get your troops down here! There's trouble!"

A gasp ensued, but Nell couldn't hear what the angel queen was saying. Fear, panic, terror that he would be hit again. That he would be hurt, and unable to escape...

Micah's voice. "Nell. Come on, buddy!"

"No..." Nell moaned, clutching his head. "No, no, no..." He was crying. Moons, he was sobbing. The smells of sweat and blood and the sounds of screaming...

"We have to leave!" Micah cried.

You're a bloody coward, Nell thought. Please...just move...

He grabbed the table, and Micah helped him to his feet. But the rioters had turned their attention on them. The doctor, whom they could hold hostage. The king, whom they could rob. Sweaty hands gripped Nell, and he couldn't escape. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't scream for help. He was trapped.

He grew dizzy as the crowd's yelling faded to white noise. Something collided with the back of his head, and Nell's slow faint turned to blackness.

❂❂❂

Did you know...

- Yes, Nell still struggles with having breakdowns over violent situations. The purpose of Chapter 29 was to show that he is willing to stand up and do what's right, but not necessarily able. These show a unique caveat to the "be willing to stand up and fight like a man" virtue.

- I tried to strike a balance between having Carmen's trauma affect her today while still being relatively vague about the details. I hope it's adequate for anyone who reads this.

Tell me what you think...

- How does Carmen's trauma impact her today?