The car was fast, I noted as I let my eyes watch blurry figures go by in the dark night. I was not sure where we were headed but I didn't find the strength in me to ask as I turned to watched the boy who I was older than drive. He turned his head briefly to my side and took it back to face the road. The tears had stopped as soon as I had stepped out of the hostel gate. And I would have made my way to my bed and deal with my problem another way if his vehicle had not been directly in front of the hostel. He had been dressed in a black singlet and short when he stepped out of his vehicle which caught the attention of a few students and hostel staffs around. All I could do was run into his car before any of us could have been recognized.

"Why are you on a singlet?" I finally asked, sniffing involuntarily. My curiosity got the best of me.

He looked at me and then back at the road, turning the steering a bit when he had to overtake a bus, "Well, I forgot to wear a shirt."

I almost laughed, but my chest was too tight to let it out. "How could you?"

"Grabbed my keys and ran out the house?" He looked but I turned away, unable to let myself imagine he had dashed out of his house like that for my sake. Silence filled the vehicle for a short period.

"You can lend me your jacket if this makes you uncomfortable," he said cheerily and I bit my lips. I touched the arm of the jacket, imagining I could feel the bare skin. I was not sure if he meant his statement or made it as a joke.

"I'm cold." I lied and momentarily looked in his direction. All he did was and nod and drive on.

The vehicle slowed as it approached a traffic light and from some tall buildings, I was able to identify where we were. I decided it was time to know where the driver was headed. "Where we are going?"

"If I told you, it wouldn't be fun." The vehicles—including ours—moved again and I looked from him to the road.

"This is Allen Roundabout," I stated as a matter of fact, knowing he would take a turn just as we closed in on the roundabout and go straight till he got to one of the most famous malls in all of Lagos. And I was in no mood to visit a mall, maybe shop and pretend my life was as simple and glamorous as the items we would come across. "This is the route to ICM."

"If I told you, it wouldn't be fun," he said even more calmly. I sighed and relaxed more into the chair, the seat belt added more tightness to my chest. I should have known agreeing to go with him would be a mistake. One, there was no way I could risk telling him what had made me call and two, there was no way he would understand.

Just as I had predicted, Kiishiju drove into the wide compound filled with cars even at the time of night. In bold, bright light, the words Ikeja City Mall glittered. It angered me, the fact that he would think someplace as this was where I needed to be.

"I made a mistake," I muttered under my breath just as he got down from the vehicle. I took the seat belt off but had no intention to get down. I could have just added some new lines and the pain would be forgotten. My body shook at the memory of the call that had happened a few hours ago. I knew I had not escaped him fully, but I thought I already had some space and all over again he had power. There really was no escaping him and running was not an option.

The drivers door opened and the head of the artiste popped in. "As much as I would like to be a gentleman and come to that side and open the door for you and maybe kiss your hand, which is not the only thing I would love to kiss, we are on a timed adventure. Please get out."

His tone was commanding. I took a deep breath and stepped out, heavy wind blew and the sky was cloudy.

"Its going to rain, we should go." I told the boy who simply locked the car door and began to walk straight towards the entrance of the mall. I had no choice but to follow. Underneath the almost blinding lights of the mall, Kiishiju looked like he was one of those whose home was under a bridge with his black singlet having with small white particles all over, his short was far above his knees and on his feet was a simple red flip flop. And then there was his hair, dishevelled and unkempt. He really wasn't a sight anyone would want to be associated with and the weary glances the others in the mall threw him told me so. But he seemed oblivious to all of this.

I really did make a mistake.

"What are we doing here?" I made my way quickly to his side, conscious of the eyes of others. I hoped he did not have fans who would spot him and make a scene or the deadliest ones—people out to get him. I could not stop thinking about what Campus Critic wrote about him.

"Getting a few stuffs," he grinned at me, his hazel eyes glittered all the more in the brightness of the mall. But I could see the white of his eyes had a pinkish color.

"I don't want to buy anything."

"Oh no, we are not doing that. Just making a stop and then we're going up." I frowned as we passed a shop for jewelries. I looked through the glass window briefly before I faced the boy.

"Up?"

"Yeah, up. Above all these falseness."

I cocked my head just as we came to the entrance into the Shoprite store. "Falseness?"

We, led by him mostly, walked straight to a fridge. "Yep, material falseness that don't matter at all." He grabbed two Coca-Cola soda. I took time to process his words, following him as he walked to a line for snacks. He picked out a couple of items before we headed to the second counter. There was a small queue.

"I don't understand you. I really don't think I should have bothered you, plus i'm better than I was when I called,"

"Dear mermaid," he licked his lips and frowned, "you're a liar."

I was taken aback by his statement. I blinked many times like the reason why he had said that would come from my sight. The boy said nothing else as the line moved till he got to his turn. He dropped the items, handed out his credit card. I caught sight of a brown item accompanied with the card as it was returned by the male cashier.

Kiishiju walked out of the store and I followed behind, my eyes darted back and forth. Instead of heading towards the exit, he made a turn. I frowned but followed like a sheep and her shepherd. We walked through a narrow hallway until we approached a small door painted white and which had the words; Staff Only.

It was a stupid question but I had to ask, "Are you a staff?"

Kiishiju turned to look at me for the first time, "Maybe." He set down the bag of things and fished out the brown object I had seen earlier. It happened to be a key. Now he had me worried at where exactly we were headed.

"Is this safe?"

"Maybe," he pulled the door open to reveal a narrow stairway. I studied his face for a moment, noting he meant it when he said Up. He gestured for me to go first and I faked a smile, conquering the stairs just one at a time. We climbed for a few seconds until I saw a door which I pushed open only to be greeted by vast space and gush of wind. I closed the door quickly, my heart raced. I hated height and this place which appeared to be like the rooftop of the mall did not have any railing to protect one from sudden death. When height and I are associated, all I thought was the possible worse case scenarios that were to happen.

"Don't tell me you are scared of that little height?" the voice of Kiishiju startled me a bit as he came to my side. At first it was just us, in the semi-dark stairway, breathing simultaneously until he pushed open the door and I yelped.

"This...that is not little." I finally managed to say. He walked out and left me to stand before the door. I wondered what I was to do, leave—but I had not taken money with me, or force back my phobia and step out. Before I could decide, the boy returned, a small smirk on his face.

"I'm surprised you're still here."

"Same," I admitted and looked from him to the edge of the area. He noticed and turned to see where I had my eyes on.

"Don't worry about that, it won't get smaller and have you fall from it. Trust me," he smiled with his head bent in my direction. I bit my lips. There were a million and one thoughts running in my head and all of them involved me tripping on something and falling to the ground which I assumed was very far from up here. One scenario even included my glasses falling and I stupidly trying to get it only to fall straight to the ground.

"Alright," the groan of the male snapped me out of my dark imaginations. He grabbed my hand and softly pulled me out of the door. Under my feet, the roof made low popping sounds and I wanted to run back to solid ground. My entire body shook as Kiishiju took me where he had arranged the soda and snacks.

"This. Is. Not. Safe."

"Don't worry, its just asphalt, strong enough to hold us," his hand slipped from my arm to my hands. He squeezed it as our fingers interlocked. I stared at both our hands and felt myself calm a bit. He proceeded to seat down which pulled me, slightly, along. The roof made a series of popping sounds as I took my seat. I could spot the unprotected edge and looked around to understand how it the mall had this as a part of it. There was a higher part of the roof that slanted all the way down unlike where we were which was flat. Attached to the higher roof was a ladder. I hoped the boy would not make me climb it.

"Its usually when they have a rooftop problem they come here," he answered the question that burned in me internally. For the first time I appreciated the view the rooftop gave. The illumination from some buildings and the street lights in the area had on created an aesthetic sight in the darkness. I wondered if the whole of Nigeria would be like this someday. Somewhere where you would like to see how they looked in the night, somewhere that the towns and city were not always as black as the night.

"Still afraid?" I looked at his face. The moon struggled with the clouds in the sky and sometimes won, just like now. A part of it painted over the boy and his eyes shone bright.

"Definitely, you don't get over your fear of heights just by walking on a roof."

"Then I need to take you to a higher building. And maybe you need to do it naked then you would not be so scared of heights." I coughed.

"Naked? How does being so high naked make you not scared?"

"When you're naked, you are in your most vulnerable state. You're open to enter and are as bare as your mind. So, if you achieve something while being naked, you would be confident to do it again in clothes." He stared into the darkness, cold wind blew around us.

"Really?"

"Nope. It'll just be funny enough to make you try again," Kiishiju looked at me and gave a wink while releasing my hand. It felt empty and cold now without mine in his hold. I put it into my jacket to make warm. It was no use.

"So," he turned his body to face me, my heart skipped a bit with how he did it fast enough to make him fall. What would the nation say if he fell from up here. I pushed him? Or worse. "What do you mean by he is going to hurt her?"

I had forgotten all that had made us meet. What was I to tell him? The truth? No one would ever look at me the same after the truth and no one can help me fight the truth, therefore, there was no point. He stretched a soda to me and capped his, not drinking, just holding the bottle.

I sighed. "Its nothing."

"You were crying, that's pretty messed up if you ask me."

"Messed up?" I sneered. Yes it was but having him say it angered me.

"Not like messed up messed up, but it is definitely not nothing for you to have shed tears and sound frightened," he grinned at me like everything was supposed to be funny. Like my call had amused him and why he had asked for me to meet him was so he could laugh in my face as I told him the entire issue.

"What?"

The smile vanished at once and he used his free hand to scratch his hair. "I'm sorry, jeez. Its not like I say. Just—what happened Fumnanya?" He did not call me mermaid, somehow I had began to gt used to the name.

"I'm serious, I panicked a little and dialed your number. That's all." My voice betrayed me. It really did because I saw the look on Kiishijus face. It told me he was not buying what I just said and he would not buy any other lie I tried to come up with.

"Mermaid, you call me of all people when you have your oldest...friends. Not that I'm not grateful you did, I am. Really, but I know it is not nothing especially since you went on a crying spree. They say a problem shared is a problem half solved...which I don't believe by the way, but share." For fear of slipping to the ground, I could not hug my knees. Even after what he had said, I could not bring myself to speak. How would he look at me? Pitifully? Disgusted? I thought about my reputation with him now.

"Is it related to you cutting yourself?" What? I looked at him in shock. My heartbeat tripled. There was no way anyone knew about that. There had to be no way.

"What?" Maybe I heard him say something else, especially since I was panicking internally.

"Your hand..." finally he took a long gulp from the soda before he went on, "...it has a couple of marks. They are long too. Saw it at the bridge the other day. Plus you always wear something long sleeved," he pointed at my jacket. Now, I wanted to willingly fall of the roof if it meant I got away from him. How could he notice what I hid from everyone? Even Derrick saw the marks but never noticed. Or did he not just care?

"What no...that's...that's absurd. Why would I self harm?" Every part of me screamed to get away from him, but I could not move, not with the sound of my heartbeat in my ears. Again, my voice betrayed me. Kiishiju chuckled and asked me to take the jacket off.

"There's cold."

"I admit its a bit chilly now, but you're always with a Jacket."

"You don't know that," I argued in his face.

"Of course I do," he gulped down the last contents of the soda, "I really do, mermaid."

Shame washed over me. I could only wonder what he thought of me since he knew about the cuts, but there was no way I would agree with the truth. "You don't know anything about me."

"True, which is why I'm asking what happened."

"Its none of your business." I shot back in defense and it sounded harsher than I had intended. I couldn't apologize, instead I looked away and distracted myself with the drink in my hand.

There was a long sigh from the boy beside me. I turned to him. He had given up on questioning me and adjusted his position on the roof, which caused more low pops as he laid on his back. His face up into the sky. With how cloudy it was this night, I wondered what he saw in it.

"They say there are five stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance." All I did was stare at him and try to understand his words. "My therapist told me I skipped all of the stages and went straight to acceptance. Like no one expected me to accept my brother was dead?" He chuckled lowly and there was nothing humorous in it. I shifted uncomfortably as he went on.

"Two weeks after, I was back with the woman. I had locked myself up a week before and hurt my knuckles from the continuous punches I gave my brothers room wall." He took his hands to his face and stares at his rolled fist. The wind blew heavily against us, but with my concentration on the boy who was talking to me, I could not conjure up thoughts of falling to death.

"I was in stage two, which was ironic because I had accepted my brothers death but I was angry at every fiber of me. And you know what she told me to do," he looked at me, no familiar emotion on his face. "She said, when you get angry, close your eyes and imagine he's a star."

"Now that's absurd because how the hell was I to imagine Adetola as a star?" He sniffed and I wondered if he was teary or if it was just as a result of the cold wind. He sat up and looked straight ahead before he spoke.

"Imagine he was one and try to locate him, she had said. I asked her how that would help and..." he chuckled again, "she said it wouldn't, it would just keep me busy enough to forget my anger."

"W-what?" I managed to say in disbelief. The therapist needed to have her qualifications checked.

"I walked out of her office and never went back. But I did try her suggestion and it has been part of what has helped me." He smiled as he looked at me, goosebumps flooded my body, "Slowly, I began to realize the true meaning of her words, try to locate him."

I frowned, about to speak when he continued. "I read about stars, found out sometimes people turn to stars..." memory of when he first called accompanied those words, "...couldn't go deep into astronomy cause it got confusing at a point, spent time outside more than indoors, not like I ever liked being indoors."

Abruptly the speaker got on his feet and boldly made his way to the very edge of the roof. My breath seized more times than I could count. It was like he had a wish and it involved death as he strolled back and forth by the very edge.

"Get a-away from there," I said with a shaky voice.

"I'm not going to fall while you're here," he told me plainly and spoke on, "It got to the point where all I could think about was Stars and how fascinating it was that they were millions and people held meaning to them. That's when I understood fully what she had said. Imagine Tola is a star and find a meaning, my own meaning."

He played dangerously at the spot he stood, confusing me with his words and scaring me with his actions. "As at this moment, I'm going through all the stages of grieving." He gave a melancholic laugh, "All at once."

"It doesn't make sense but I deny his death and still accept it. I ask myself what if and know what if, I'm angry and tumble in deep sadness every time I recall his voice all the way from where he sat as he looked behind one last time." Kiishiju had his hand outstretched like he reached out for something or someone I could not see.

"So, I suppress all that with spotting him in the midst of the millions of stars. Probably I would spot him in a constellation, probably a single star will shin so bright I would know its him or probably I would have to join him to know."

He stopped and the breeze found the moment to talk in harsh sounds, carrying dust with it. I tapped my laps, worried I would say something stupid. I did not fully understand all he had said. But the boy had opened up and wasn't that what I wanted him to do back on the bridge?

"Its really easy to make sense of everything when you make sense of nothing." A full smile was on his face when I looked at him. He made his way back to where I sat and took his former position, our skins would have touched if not for my jacket.

"I-i'm sorry."

"You didn't kill him, I did." He stated casually.

"T-thats what people say when others loose loved ones," I told him calmly as I tried to understand if he knew the weight of the word 'kill' which he had said.

"Its useless really. Your turn, this is not a one sided heart to heart. Its like sex, two people have to be involved for it to be a complete cycle. But now that I think about it sex is overrated. Its a pleasure for only a few minutes and then after that its like you forget the feeling which makes you want to get it back again...thus yearning for more. But this...its a feeling for a life time." He put his hand under his jaw and scrunched his face, amusing me a little.

"...Yes, baring your soul with another lasts a life time because when dark secrets come in contact, it causes a burst of euphoria that you can feel over and over again. So, therefore, mermaid. Your turn." I chuckled a bit at his choice of words, although I panicked internally. What was I to tell him? I positioned my eyes won the moving cars outside of the mall and cleared my throat.

I didn't have to tell him all of it, "M-my..." I cleared my throat again. "My mother married my father... as usual," I chuckled.

"Had me and my brother before things began to go sour...or did it go sour before they had him? I'm not sure. But I know he left us for someone much younger than my mother. A model, as my mother said each night we asked where our father was. We payed a visit one day and...uhm, we wanted fees but he kicked her out of his house...kicked us out and let his new wife call us beggars." It was a vague memory, but it felt so real as I said it out. Tears slid down my face.

"Finally, he sent a message to my mother and told her to change our names that we were not worthy of being his children." I took a long sigh as the memories rushed out. All of the memories. "Called me, the child he had said was the best thing to ever happened to him...worthless."

My lips shook from the impending tears, "So my mother did just that. Remarried and had us change our last names, but to her own fathers name. And..." I began to loose control of my breathing. If it was possible I would pass out from remembering my experiences, I would. They felt way too real.

"Calm down," the voice of the musician did nothing to help. He took my hand and pushed up the sleeve, rubbing my bare skin. That quickly calmed me as I snatched my hand from his and stood up, forgetting my fear of heights. He touched my cuts.

"Uhm. My father left and is back and that is basically it." I cleared my throat and looked away from him.

The sounds of popping told me he had made an attempt to stand. "So, that's it?"

My chest was tight, I rubbed my sides as the wind pickd up. Lightning flashed in the sky. "Yes."

"Then he would hurt her meant?"

God, I felt stupid as I remembered the words I had said to him in panic.

"Its nothing."

"I don't believe you," he said simply. I clenched my teeth. No one would believe me that is why I never asked anyone to.

"Didn't ask you to."

"Not verbally, yes."

I turned to him, he had his face in my direction, backing the lights. I was glad the night had gone darker than before because I did not want to see his eyes.

"Well, you could go to the police if he's stalking you, but those people are devils. I think that's why they wear black, don't you think?"

"What?" I was confused at what he had said.

"Or family?"

"For?"

"Your father, who you seem very scared of but say its nothing." I shifted my weight to my other leg and watched the sky again. It was very clear the rain was about to come down.

"Families don't care, Kiishiju."

"Kiishi," he corrected, "Yeah, I think I remember you said that. Okay, lets see. Government can't do shit, family too. Then you fight him? You're old enough."

He came closer. "He's crazy for having to abandon someone like you and I know that's not all and I wish you would tell me, but I respect your decision. I want you to feel safe therefore I'll get in touch with a friend who knows some sort of people who keep these sort of people away--"

I frowned, scared my thoughts could be true. "Cultists?"

"No, no. I make sure not to mess with societies. I mean Non-Governmental Organizations. They can keep him far from you."

I let him caress my face, feeling guilty, before I asked, "Why are you helping me?"

"Maybe something about you pulls me?"

"I-i don't ge—" But before I could complete it, the rain descended without droplets of warning. I yelped as we carefully made our way out of it, back to the stairway. I was sure he would look at me differently if I told him the full truth, but why did I feel bad he wanted to help with the least important issue in my life?

•••
I apologize if most of the things Kiishi said make no sense. I'm still trying to make sense of them as this was a hard chapter to rewrite.

When I first wrote this, it had a different conversation entirely but it didn't match with the book.

I've been feeling off and I hope it doesn't show in the chapter. Theres no song for this one, mostly because I wasn't feeling myself but the song I used in writing this was :

Eyes Shut by Years & Years.

next chapter...next.

;)