Boys
I can never be myself
Around them
I must be
Strong
Insensitive
Like them

Manhunt
I'm it
I go
And hear voices
Stupids
You aren't supposed
To talk in manhunt
I stop
Find the spot
And run
And trip
And  F  A  L  L
Ow

"Stupid"
They say
"Dummy"
"Everyone knows not to go there"
"That's dumb"
I only went there because of you
Because I heard you
A shortcut

Try again
I count
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10

I stop
I can't trust myself
Not to cry
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
"20"

Keep going
I make it to 30
Phew
I run
Right behind the fence
"Tag!"
G yells
"You didn't count out loud!"
"Not fair!"
"Cheater!"

How can I say
That I didn't count aloud
Because I didn't want to cry
Because
I couldn't trust myself
Cheater or Baby?
Both are bad

"Count again"
So I do
Aloud
The tears creep in
I cry
My voice wavers
I hate myself
For being weak
And I go

"Tag."
There is no joy
I just run
And hide
The tears come
And I let myself cry
I just want to hide
And hate myself

And now
I can't stop from
Shaking
And fearing
And hating
And wishing
That I was strong
With no pretenses
I wish I could be as I am
Free
Emotional
Me