This is a different post for me. I don't usually do things like this, but I will on this chapter. Probably will on some more too.

During the weeks of mid-June thru mid-July 2017, I took a break from Wattpad. Why, do you ask? It's because it was literally starting to take over my life.

You read that right. An app was taking over my life. It took over what I thought about. It took over what I talked about. It took over what I did. I lost time with my family--time I could have used for talking or playing around I was using for staring down at my phone or computer worrying about the next thing I would write.

The worst thing of all, I realized I didn't just use Wattpad. I realized I was worshipping it.

Yes. Worshipping. It's a word not thrown around lightly.

Now, some of you may be saying I'm exaggerating. "Worship," I mean, that's only for church, right? Unless I'm praying to Wattpad, then how can I be "worshipping" this thing? I just must mean obsession, right?

Not really.

I looked up the two words in the dictionary. (Yes, the actual dictionary. No Google involved. Believe it or not, some people still know how to use the strange book with words).

"Worship" is defined as:

1-- the feeling or expression of reverence and adoration of a deity.

There's that word. Deity. It means a god or God.

2--the acts or rites that make up a formal expression of reverence for a deity; a religious ceremony or ceremonies.

You can guess on that one. Still though, all of these definitions so far are pertaining to the worship of a god. Does that mean as long as I don't see my phone/WP as a god, then I'm not worshipping it? Let's see.

3--adoration or devotion comparable to religious homage, shown toward a person or principle.

There you go. Adoration or devotion comparable to religious homage.

I still hear some of you in the background screaming "obsession! What about obsession?" Well, let's take a lookie.

Obsession is an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.

If I were to continually think about my phone or WP all the time, then yes, it would be obsession. When the point comes that it's not thought of all the time, then it goes from obsession to worship.

How? Here's an example.

"Bob has recently bought a new video game. He absolutely loves it. Everyday, Bob sits down to play his game. It's all he can think about while eating, sleeping, bathing, or anything else.

"One day, Bob hears some bad news. Now, Bob has stopped thinking about his game all the time. It's just become a part of his routine. Each day he wakes up and plays the game. But, when Bob hears the bad news, what does he turn to? He turns to his game for comfort.

"Bob has gone past the point of constantly thinking about his game. Now, the game is a comfort to him. He uses it everyday. He turns to it when things go wrong."

Do you see what I mean? When something has become the thing you go to, it's no longer an obsession. It's an idol. If the thing is anything but God, then it's a false idol. Even if you aren't religious, then you are still, technically, worshipping something. You may not consider it your god, but think about how much time is spent with this thing. What do you see it as?

From personal experience, I can say that these things don't give lasting comfort.

Another example: my cat, very recently, had to go to the vet (she's fine, btw.) I was freaking out. Honestly, I thought something was wrong with her. But what did I do to try and calm myself down? I went to Instagram. I went to Twitter. Facebook. Wattpad. Any and all social media sites on my phone, because something had to calm me down.

Here's the thing. None of it did. Not one social media application. If anything, they made me more stressed.

I went to a false idol. Instead of going to God with my problems, I went to the world. I went to the world because something had to distract me.

Things can distract, but they can never relieve.

I was only calm after the vet trip.

Why couldn't I know everything would be fine before?

The Bible talks about false idols. They're actually a big deal. It's even one of the ten commandments.

In Exodus 20:3-6, it's said "(3)Thou shalt have no other gods before me.(4)Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. (5)Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; (6) and shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.” 

In an easier to understand language, God says that we cannot have any other gods before Him. We may not worship anything but God.

We are not to make any idols. Anything in the sky, on land, or in the sea, we are not to worship. In this generation, doesn't that mean man-made objects too? Doesn't that mean or phones and money or lifestyle? It still applies to animals and symbols of God or images of God.

We still have pictures of what we think Jesus looked like. Crosses are common. Now, I don't see a huge issue in it, as long as we don't worship them instead of God.

An example would be a cross. Say there is a cross on the wall that every night, before one goes to sleep, the person looks at and prays. If he is praying to God, fine, but if they pray to the cross, they have made an idol.

The last verse, Exodus 20:6 is the one that stands out to me in this group. God will show mercy onto those who love Him and obey His commandments. Doesn't this mean that if we pray to God, if we turn to God, He will show us mercy? He will help us, whether we think He is or not.

I've been worried about worldly events a lot recently. It seems everyday politics and race and peoples' views on specific religions and lifestyles strive to tear my country apart (please do not input your opinion on this matter. The one way to make someone mad is to bring up your opinions on lifestyle, politics, or religion.) It seems everyday the world gets closer to nuclear war.

Thing is, I've tried every night before I go to sleep, to pray. It's such a small thing. It's unspoken thoughts or spoken words.

My prayer isn't for protection. It isn't to see if the world I live in will last one more day.

It's to thank God for what I have.

Did I not get a book I want? Fine. I'm grateful for all the books I have. I'm grateful for my ability to buy books.

Did I have an argument with a family member? Fine. I'm thankful I have a family member to argue with.

Did a friend move? I thank God I was able to become friends with someone and love them enough to feel sorrow that they've left.

I have been grateful for what I have.

I also turn to the Bible. I read. If I'm scared enough I can't sleep, I read God's Word. The more I read, the more I calm down.

I can calm down more over the fear of death by reading the Bible and talking to God than I can while I'm anxious and turning to social media.

There have been studies on if social media affects stress levels. You can Google it and find them, but it does. I can even vouch for them. Why? Because I've experienced it.

I joined WP to be a silent reader. All I wanted was to read. I never planned on writing. It was never a thought.

Then, I did write. I lost my brain and typed stuff in. I didn't care if it was good or not, it was just begging to get out of my head and into a page. I wrote for enjoyment. I wrote for me. It was fun. I didn't give a pie in the horse as to how many reads/votes/comments/followers I had. Sure, it was fun to get notifications, but me? Really? It's not happening.

Suddenly, everything got big. My profile got much bigger than I expected. Ever. I had one or two people say I was the equivalent to "WP famous." I ranked at the top of a hot list. I got tons of likes and reads and follows and notifications.

The more this went on, the more I wasn't writing for me and anymore. I was writing for other people. I was writing "under duress." The love for the spitting of words onto a page I developed started to vanish.

I started to check WP everyday. I started to turn to WP for everything in my life. If something went wrong, WP. If something went right, WP.

Never God.

My youth group snapped me back to reality. They talked about what we really worshipped one night in small group. I didn't say anything. I didn't voice my thoughts.

I just knew that this identity I made for myself, this Noa Calleigh, had taken over my life. I wasn't just me. I was Noa. A lot of what I thought was Noa, not me.

 "(4)[Aaron] took what [the people] handed him and made it into an idol cast in the shape of a calf, fashioning it with a tool. Then they said, “These are your gods,[b]Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.”

5 When Aaron saw this, he built an altar in front of the calf and announced, “Tomorrow there will be a festival to the Lord.” 6 So the next day the people rose early and sacrificed burnt offerings and presented fellowship offerings. Afterward they sat down to eat and drink and got up to indulge in revelry.

7 Then the Lord said to Moses, “Go down, because your people, whom you brought up out of Egypt, have become corrupt. 8 They have been quick to turn away from what I commanded them and have made themselves an idol cast in the shape of a calf.They have bowed down to it and sacrificed to it and have said, ‘These are your gods, Israel, who brought you up out of Egypt.'"

--Exodus 32: 4-8

When Noa Calleigh started to take me over, I had become a false girl who worshipped a false god. The only difference between me and the Israelites is that I hid behind fake names and a computer screen. The false idol? For me, golden calf equaled WP.

That night, I stopped. I didn't touch WP for days. The time spent on my  phone was minimal. The time I would have spent on WP, I spent with my family. With chores. With school. With God.

It's amazing the difference this has made. Extra stress in my life has vanished. I have more time with friends and family. I laugh more. I'm outside more. I look around more. I still come on here, just not as much and for not as long. I love more.

I never want this to take over my life again. I never want anything other than God to take over my life again. Not like this.

I'll end with a two things. One, I hope I wrapped everything up nicely here. I hope I didn't leave any loose ends. I hope you understood.

Two, is: did you understand? Have you done the same things I've done? Try it, just for a week. Even three days is good. Put your phone down. Put your computer away. Leave social media alone. Get out from behind the false ask you shield yourself with and just be you. It doesn't help with anything, it just makes your problems vanish for a short time. It's like a drug withdrawal. If you don't have it, you want it. When you have it, nothing matters until you need it again. Soon, you're convinced this absolutely must be a part of your life. It's never fulfilling. Try something else. Try family. Try God. Anything but social media.

Give it a rest. Life, it's better unplugged.

---------------------

And now I realize, I have just written a paper about three pages longer than the longest paper I had to write in English in less than five hours (not all at once). The English class paper took almost two weeks.