*disclaimer*
some content in this book may unsettle some readers,read at your own risk.
strong subject matter and topics explored like mental health,sexual harassment,trauma etc...
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Min-Sun's POV:
the smell of coffee brewing from the nearby kitchen fills my nostrils.
Another day of barely surviving the last of my 20's,as I near 30 and I see all of my friends getting married or becoming mothers.
I can't help but wonder why I never thought the same,of course that could be answered by the golden plaques above my head that say Jung Min-Sun for various projects I've worked on from 6 years old beyond..
I didn't want to be a actress originally,I was so young and wanted a normal life.
However my parents forced me into acting young and I've been in the industry for over 23 years.
They all look at me like I'm a old hag now,they're waiting for me to flop so they can talk shit on the internet about how I failed at my comeback to acting.
I was cute and adorable back then,now I'm stubborn and hard to handle.
I've been in therapy for a incident that occurred a year ago,I don't remember much of it but I remember walking home and fainting before my best friend who's also my publicist Raya found me passed out on the floor,she urgently rushed me to the hospital and I'm still standing.
I get weird flashbacks of the incident and get nightmares from it,I try not to think about it often.
I'm estranged from my parents after I came out to the public 5 years ago,they imagined me living a normal life with a husband and kids.
While I did want kids,a husband wasn't in the plan.
Raya and I are rumored to be together by the press since we're inseparable and while we might look good together we're totally not dating.
She's not even my type!
I walk over to the kitchen and grab the mug from the coffee machine.
Now full of black steamed coffee,I eagerly take a gulp.
Black coffee always hits different.
I open my cabinet and grab my gummy jar.
I eat CBD gummies to help with my PTSD symptoms.
I pour two out onto my hand carefully and place the rest back into the jar,I put the jar away back in the cabinet.
I turn on the television and a rerun of one of the old shows I worked on plays,I see my younger 8 year old self and wonder how did that small adorable kid become this 29 year old struggling actress who's sitting in her apartment watching old reruns of herself to feel something inside.
Raya keeps me happy with her usual bubbly personality but it only lasts until she leaves for her own apartment,then I'm left alone in this dreary apartment with 4 boring gray walls staring at me,mocking me almost for being stuck inside instead of socializing with the outside world.
To be fair,the outside world isn't worth my energy anymore.
Paparazzi bothers me about what's new in my personal life,constantly making accusations that I'm pregnant whenever I gain a little weight,bully me about my looks because I'm the only Korean actress that's represented by my acting agency.
I'm pressured to be perfect & skinny.
I can't yell or can't take a break.
I just have to work,sleep if I can even get a blink of sleep,barely eat since they put me on horrendous diets that I don't even wanna follow anymore.
I have to act like nothing's wrong in my life,I'm pressured to drink at events so executives will find me fun and hire me.
Are they hiring me because I'm a good actress or because I can handle a whole bottle of cognac to the face without blacking out? The world will never know the truth.
I've been in and out of rehab in the past year and a half.
I'm pushed beyond my limits and can't complain.
So yeah,that's why I watch myself as a child in my living room.
To relive that childlike wonder,that unassuming girl who thought everything was perfect.
Where the world looked like rainbows and the clouds looked like cotton candy.
Life is not a fairytale...
I've learned that the hard way..
I look over my shoulder and see a dark figure shaped like a rabbit tapping my shoulder.
Any other person would panic.
I don't.
"Hi Angel" I say softly and the rabbit figure moves towards me.
The figure cuddles me on the couch as we watch the television together...