▷ I know it's over - The Smiths

«Love is natural and real
But not for such as you and I, my love»

___

[DON'T PLAY THE SONG YET]

May 21st

DIANA BARRY has been thinking a lot lately. She's messed up — she's messed up really bad. She's lying on Fred's bed. The boy strokes her hair as she lets out muffled sobs against his chest.

"I'm the worst friend in the world" she cries. "How could I be so selfish?"

"It's okay, Di" Fred whispers as he plants little kisses on her head. He hates to see her like this. "People make mistakes every day"

"This wasn't a mistake, Fred" the girl looks at him now, sitting up in his bed. "This was a fatal error — I almost broke her relationship"

It's been five days since what happened with Anne and Gilbert and the club (although Fred and Diana know nothing about the details of what happened) and Anne hasn't spoken a single word to Diana. The raven-haired told Fred everything that happened between her and Anne, taking all the blame for her.

"Hey, I was involved too" he says.

"How's Gilbert?" she asks. They're at his house yet the boy hasn't left his room.

"I don't know. He seems... off?"

"What have we done? Not only we tried to ruin Anne and Charlie's relationship but I'm also pretty sure we just ruined Anne and Gilbert's too"

Diana bites her bottom lip, guilty and nervous. Fred cups her face, forcing her to look at him.

"Don't say that" Fred reassures her. "I know who can fix this"

___

I'm all alone.

Matthew's dead.

Charlie's miles away from here.

No Gilbert.

No Diana. God, I miss Diana. How could I blame her? It was all my fault.

There's a knock on her bedroom door that snaps Anne out of her thoughts. She walks over to the door, opening it and revealing an unexpected visit.

There's Ruby. And Diana, with her eyes fixed on the floor.

"I brought ice cream and we'll watch some stupid Netflix show, okay?" Ruby says, holding up a supermarket bag with different ice cream flavors and allowing herself in Anne's bedroom without an invitation.

"And both of you are going to apologize to each other for whatever shit happened between you" the blonde says, seeing that neither Anne or Diana have spoken a single word. "I've known you for years and you've never had an argument. I don't know what happened but I'm sure it's not as important as your friendship"

Anne fixes her eyes on her book case as Diana keeps her on the wooden floor.

"Okay, can you both stop this? You love each other! You're the best of friends! Bosom friends" Ruby walks up to Anne's night table and grabs a framed picture of Diana and her. She holds it up so that the two girls can see it. "What does it say here? Tell me"

There's something scribbled in the photo frame with the worst handwriting ever. It was written when they were twelve.

"Kindred spirits" they both say at once with a monotonous voice.

"Exactly!" Ruby exclaims in exasperation. "You two are my best friends. Please don't ruin what you have! I know we haven't really had time for the three of us lately but I miss you two and I don't want any more distance between us, please"

"I'm sorry" Diana says after a pause.

"I'm sorry too" Anne mutters. "I know you only meant to help"

Ruby looks at the two of them. She doesn't have a clue of what happened, but whatever happened must've been wild — because there's literally nothing that could come up between these two.

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have done what I did" Diana insists.

"It's all forgotten" Anne says quietly.

"Is it?"

"I said some ugly things and I just hope you can forgive me"

"I said some things I regret too" Diana bites her lip.

"I forgive you"

"I forgive you too"

"Okay, hug already!" Ruby claps and jumps a bit on her spot at the sight of her best friends being friends again. She doesn't hesitate to join the hug when the two embrace.

"I love you two so much" she says with a grin on her face. "Now let's binge-watch Stranger Things... unless you'd rather watch Taylor Swift's reputation tour!"

Anne and Diana roll their eyes in unison.

"I was kidding!" Ruby says as she jumps onto Anne's bed, tapping the free spots to each of her sides for her friends to lie there with her.

___

After a very much deserved Stranger Things marathon, Ruby leaves the Cuthberts' home, leaving her two best friends to have some time on their own so that they can talk things over.

"You still have something to say, right? About Gilbert". Anne says after a while. It feels weird, she thinks. Saying his name out loud again. She's been trying to avoid even mentioning him because she's still on the course of trying to process what happened that night.

Gilbert had tried to kiss her (or so she thinks) and she would have allowed him to do so if he had not back off.

"What? No, I don't" Diana says from the bed. Anne looks at her from her desk.

"You do — your eyebrows are furrowed and you haven't stop fixing your hair since Ruby left"

"I don't want to ruin things again" Diana mumbles, playing with a few strands of her own hair. Anne and her are okay again — things are a bit tense but it will fade away. But surely talking about Gilbert won't make the process of smoothing things up any easier.

"It's okay, Di. Your opinion matters to me"

Diana pauses to think for a moment, considering her words carefully.

"Did you talk things over with him?"

"We haven't talked over the past few days... and it's- it feels weird" Anne sighs. "I don't know. I was so used to him, to us talking every single day... and now..." she continues. "We haven't texted, we avoid each other at school — I don't know"

"Do you miss him?" Diana asks cautiously, her words slow and premeditated.

"Yeah" Anne admits. "But it's probably better off this way"

"Why?"

"Because if I don't talk to him, if I don't see him, it would be... easier to forget about him"

"Anne, I'm not going to judge you" Diana says. "What happened?"

Her brain reminds her all the events of that fateful night. His close proximity. All the things he whispered in her ear.

"He almost kissed me — he backed off"

"Would you have let him kissed you?"

"I think I would have, and that's what annoys me. I don't like him like that! I don't want to leave Charlie"

Diana stands up, walking over to her desk and taking Anne's hand in hers. "I know you're scared. I know change terrifies you, and I know that you've been through a lot of changes emotionally talking. But you need to consider things rationally for a moment. What you're doing is not fair. Not for Charlie, not for Gilbert — not for you"

"I'm in love with Charlie and our relationship is great" Anne sounds pretty convinced and Diana wants to facepalm herself for having such a stubborn friend. "Why would I throw that away for just... hormonal stuff?"

"Because never in three years he's made you feel half as nervous as Gilbert does" Diana says. "Anne, you know I love you. You're the person in this world that I love the most. And I like Charlie, he's my friend and he's a good guy. But I want to be honest here. There's something you and Gilbert have that you'll never have with Charlie"

"And what is that?"

"Chemistry. You two have an undeniable connection and everyone can see that"

Anne abruptly takes her hand away from the raven-haired girl's. Is she really saying that you have to break a relationship just because we have 'a connection'? Relationships include many other things! I would never leave my amazing, charming boyfriend for a flirt like my friend Gilbert Blythe.

"Listen to me, Diana" she says. "I listened to your opinion, okay? But I'll let you know pretty clear now so that mistakes like last week's don't happen again: I would never, never leave Charlie for Gil. I'm just confused and everything will fade away when I move in with Charlie in fall"

"You still have to survive a whole summer with Gilbert" Diana sighs before she starts making her way to the door now. It's getting late and dark outside and she should get home before her mom freaks out.

Anne considers Diana's words. But then she remembers how things are between Gilbert and her. They're not even talking anymore.

It's over between us.

"It's over, Di"

"I don't know Anne" Diana says from under the door frame. "It seems to be that some people appear only once in your life. You may not want to be romantically involved with him, but he cares about you and you care about him. You're friends — don't ruin that, because you'll never find someone like Gilbert"

And with that, Diana Barry closes the door, leaving an in-deep-thought Anne Shirley-Cuthbert all alone in her darkening room.

___

The following day, Gilbert Blythe is sitting in his backyard, leaning his back against a the trunk of a tree that gives him the perfect shadow to cover from the sun rays. His nose is stuck in a book. He should be revising for finals but he can't seem to concentrate when his mind is clearly somewhere else. The only thing that keeps him distracted to a certain degree from auburn hair and blue eyes are the pages of The Great Gatsby.

Ironic much? he thinks as his eyes flicker through the pages. There's a passage that he's read several times but catches the attention of his eye anyway.

«His heart beat faster and faster as Daisy's white face came up to his own. He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips' touch she blossomed like a flower and the incarnation was complete.»

Ah, kisses. Yes, Gilbert Blythe hasn't stopped thinking about kisses lately. It's been a week since he almost kissed Anne and he still hasn't recovered from it. He can't even face her when they bump into each other in the school's hallways. There was also that time, last Tuesday, when they ran into each other at the supermarket and they pretended not to see the other.

It was just as if they'd never been friends. As if they were complete strangers. He's so absorbed in his thoughts that he doesn't notice the sound of quiet footsteps against the grass, approaching him silently.

"I thought you liked Anne"

The tall figure of Fred right stands before him. Gilbert doesn't even look up to him — he keeps his eyes focused on the words he's reading. It takes him a few seconds to answer after he closes the book at leaves it to rest on the grass.

"I like Anne". He states these facts as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Then why are you ignoring her?"

Because I'm extremely embarrassed for what I did.

"Because that's easier" Gilbert says, eyes looking up to the branches of the tree above his head.

"I'm not following" Fred sits next to him.

"I don't want to bother her anymore. It's better if I simply stay away"

"That's bullshit"

"I just want what's best for her. And that doesn't include me. Charlie's her future, not me" Gilbert winces at his own words. He been thinking a lot lately, and he hasn't stop repeating these words to himself: Get. Over. Anne. But the mere thought of him not being a part of his future break him a little bit more every time he tries to convince himself of the fact that she doesn't want him. "She has her plan: she'll move in with him in fall and she'll forget about soon enough"

"What did you do anyway?" Fred asks. He can slightly imagine what could've happen that night at the club, but he doesn't want to jump into any conclusion. "Is that the reason why you two are not talking?"

Gilbert looks at Fred, furrowing his eyebrows before letting his eyes travel to the flowers and other plants from his garden.

"It doesn't matter anymore" he says in a quiet voice. "The thing is she made a choice and... that's not me. She chose Charlie. I have to respect that" he sighs. "It's my fault anyway, I'm the one who fell for a girl who's dating somebody else. Although I know she feels attracted to me somehow, I'm not going to ruin something as precious to her as her relationship with Charlie"

Fred isn't the best at comforting people, but he places his hand on Gilbert's shoulder. "Sometimes you have to be selfish" he says. "It's not bad to want something for yourself for a change"

Gilbert looks at Fred Wright with an offended look that makes the latter look as if he'd said the most scandalous yet stupidest thing in the world.

"I can't be selfish, not when it comes to Anne" Gilbert says. "Besides, if she liked me just as much as I like her, she would've broken up with him by now, don't you think?" It's his following words what breaks him completely. "She doesn't like me enough to leave Charlie"

"I don't know, Gilly" Fred sighs, resting his head on Gilbert's shoulder. "I'll always support you but I think you're taking the wrong choices here — you can't let her go"

"How is this wrong?" Gilbert asks, although it sounds more like a rhetorical question directed to no one in particular. "I'm doing what's best for her. She's made it pretty clear. She doesn't want me — I just wish we could be friend again"

If I could go back and erase what I did...

"Are you going to be able to stay friends, do you really think so?" Fred says. It doesn't sound like teasing, though — it sounds like an actual questions. "You're smitten, dude"

I'm more than smitten.

"I know, I don't wanna be her friend. I mean, I do!" Gilbert runs a hand through his curls, making Fred to move his head from his shoulder. Fred switches his position to look at him now, listening quietly to his friend's rambling causes by a certain redhead. "I want to be her friend. But I can't help myself when I see her standing there — I feel like I want to kiss her all the time. I want more, but I can't force her to break up with her boyfriend"

Gilbert takes a deep breath after processing everything he's just said. And that's just a quarter part of everything that's in his head.

"Then make a move and stop being a coward, Gilbert!" Fred says, probably raising his voice a bit too much. "Tell her how you feel for once, be straight forward and stop playing the stupid flirt — give her the facts: I'm whipped for you, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, plain and simple"

Coward. Coward. Coward.

"I need to go for a walk" Gilbert mutters as he abruptly stands up from the grass out of the sudden.

"Gil, no, I'm sorry" Fred says, still sitting. "Gilly, wait!"

But Gilbert as already gathered his things from the ground — his walkman and his keys — and left the house, unconsciously following the path down to a familiar place.

___

[PLAY THE SONG!]

There's a secret hideaway in between where Cornelia Street and Hook's Walk meet. At least it used to be secret when Gilbert Blythe discovered the tiny place just two weeks after he moved in to Avonlea. He used to go there whenever he had to focus on his homework or simply needed time to relax and enjoy a hot cup of coffee — he also brought a certain and special redhead.

Surrounded by the security of brick walls and hanging plants, the place surely became their place.

The hazel-eyed boy walks now down one of his favorite streets in town. He admires the old buildings, a mixture of different tones of brown, grey and green that conform Cornelia Street.

Hands shoved in his pockets, he wonders how this street and this whole town were both unknown to him a year ago, before he moved in to Avonlea with his father and Bash.

Before he knew Anne.

Lifting his eyes up to the old buildings that make this part of town look more compact than it is, he comes to the realization that town city screams her name.

I don't know where else I can go

In front of him is the café where he took her to work on their essay. It's also where they went to talk things over after what happened at Fred's party. It's their place. He approaches one of the tiny old windows that allows his sight dive into the inside of the place.

There's a couple now that occupies their usual spot and he can't help but let out a sad chuckle at the ironic situation happening before his eyes.

I know it's over, he thinks as he goes backwards to sit in a nearby bench. He watches the people come and go — although it's not a street that's characterized by being very crowded or busy.

He feels a mixture of sadness and melancholy fill his entire body and the song that he's unintentionally listening to is not helping.

I know it's over
and it never really began

Memories of him with Anne start flashing in his mind. The night they met for the first time. How they sat together at school. The first time she opened herself to him. Drinking shots with her. Driving her home multiple times. Music recommendations, snowball fights and discussions over poems and novels.

But in my heart
it as all so real

The night she fainted and he almost died of pure fright. The mixtape he made for her birthday and the undelivered one he made a couple of weeks ago. The night she helped him fall asleep when he was drunk and torn. All the nights he stayed up late to check that she fell asleep. All the texting.

Every moment with her slaps him right in the face with the realization that whatever there was between them,

never really began.

He doesn't cry as memories passes by, although he feels like he's going to explode any time soon — he feels numb.

Is this it? He thinks. Is this what heartbreak feels like?

Meeting the person who completes you and then... letting them walk away and want another person that's not you?

It's a rather pathetic set of circumstances. A heart-broken boy, sitting all alone in a bench in the middle of the street, watching the people come and go. He's never experienced heartbreak and he doesn't know how to deal with it — it seems to him that this is the kind of heartbreak that not even time heals.

Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms

But suddenly it hits him — he understands now. He's in deep. And he knows because certain songs have started to make sense.

And unrequited love hurts.

It takes strength to be gentle and kind

If only he hadn't been so selfish and so self-challenging none of this would've happened. He would've met Anne, they would've stayed friends and that's it — no feelings involved. He could've keep going with his usual dynamic of making out with random girls. And that would be it.

But instead, he's lost one of the best and most unique people he's ever met for a stupid matter of... attraction?

Love is natural and real
But not for you, my love
Not tonight, my love
Love is natural and real
But not for such as you and I, my love

No, it's not just attraction. It's love, he thinks as he stands up. For a few seconds, he admires the streets, the trees, the buildings, even the sky — he breathes in the scent of the Avonlea air and how much it reminds him of Anne. Every single thing that composes the tiny town of Avonlea leads him back to her.

This town screams her name.

Suddenly, Gilbert Blythe knows what poem he's going to choose for his next English class.

___

May 24th

English is not the same for Anne Shirley-Cuthbert. She doesn't sit with Gilbert anymore. Just like in Maths, he sits with Jerry and she sits with Josie. It's their last week of school and Miss Stacey has just walked in the classroom.

"Today you will be all reading this week's poem" she announces with a proud smile. "No one will escape today"

Following alphabetical order, Billy Andrews goes first, followed by her sister Jane, Diana and Jerry.

After that, it's Gilbert's turn.

He can't help but sweat nervously at the fact that he feels every single pair of eyes paying attention to him. But the pair of blue eyes that he wishes were looking at him, are looking down at some book, reading it words with concentration.

For a split second Gilbert regrets that the poem he's chosen might be too straight forward. Every single person in the room could tell why he chose it — who he chose it for. But regrets now are helpless and pointless.

Here goes nothing, is the last thing he thinks before clearing his throat and starting to recite the poem from the paper his hands are holding carefully.

"Once I pass'd through a populous city imprinting my brain for
future use with its shows, architecture, customs, traditions,
Yet now of all that city I remember only a woman I casually met
there who detain'd me for love of me"

He pauses for a second to check if he's gotten her attention.

He has.

Now piercing blue eyes are looking at him. He doesn't tear his eyes away from hers when he recites by perfect memory the following verses.

"Day by day and night by night we were together—all else has
long been forgotten by me,"

The girl's expression is impossible for him to read. She's not annoyed, she's not happy, but he doesn't believe she's sad either. Well, maybe a little. It might be a mixture of sadness and curiosity.

"I remember I say only that woman who passionately clung to me,
Again we wander, we love, we separate again,
Again she holds me by the hand, I must not go,
I see her close beside me with silent lips sad and tremulous"

Once he's done reading, Miss Stacy claps proudly. "A great choice of Walt Whitman again, Gilbert. It was a beautiful rendition"

The boy politely nods before making his way back to his seat next to Jerry, who, once he's sitting next to him, pats his back in a friendly way that makes Gilbert feel a bit better.

After having almost the whole class read their poems out loud, Muriel Stacy calls Anne to the blackboard.

"Anne?"

"Yes, Miss Stacy"

The girl walks to the blackboard, her black denim skirt above her knee distracting and catching Gilbert Blythe's attention.

Anne clears her throat before starting her performance.

"In you
I have found all I
never dared dream I could
deserve of have — the kind
of connection that it's rare"

Anne lifts her eyes as she recites the last verses. Gilbert is looking straight at her, and when she does notice his gaze, despite knowing the poem by heart, she forces her eyes to go back to the paper.

"Being known in a way that
touches the deepest parts
of me. Accepted in a way
that blows my mind"

She clears her throat.

"In you,
what I have always
desired to give now has a
place to call home. I have
been a skeptic, but you are

my undeniable miracle.

The questions don't matter
anymore.

Anne hopes she can make him understand with this poem. That despite what happened, she wants him back. She wants his friendship, at least, back. That's when she recites the last verse, looking straight at him.

"We have finally
found each other"

She locks eyes with Gilbert again, eyelashes fluttering against her soft cheek, her emotions raw. She's trying her best not to cry when she says the last verse.

"and that
is enough"

After Miss Stacy congrats her for her work and her overall performance, Diana and Ruby stand up, clapping enthusiastically. Jerry joins in, standing up as well.

Gilbert hesitates for a second, but he stands up too. He gives her a half-smile that makes her tear her eyes away from his.

From where he's standing, Gilbert Blythe adds one more thing to his mental list of reasons why he shouldn't confess his feelings to Anne Shirley-Cuthbert.

4. I don't want to trouble her with my feelings considering how insanely in love I am with her

That's when he knows what he has to do.

___

A/N

Okay, HI

What do you think it's going to happen next?

What will Gilbert do?

Will Anne break up with Charlie?

JUST TWO CHAPTERS LEFT + EPILOGUE