▷ By your side - The 1975

«You think I'd leave your side, baby? You know me better than that»

___

[DON'T PLAY THE SONG YET!]

JOSIE PYE is telling the girls every single detail about her prom dress — a beautiful, lilac, sleeveless, long dress — when her eyes spot a redhead in the parking lot.

The gang is gathered up in a small circle at the foot of the steps that lead to Avonlea's Secondary School's main entrance. It's Tuesday now, mid-May.

Unbothered by the girl talk, Moody, Billy and Jerry talk about the latest Netflix show they've been binge-watching. As for Gilbert Blythe, eyes fixed on his phone, he scrolls down Instagram, checking if Anne's posted something.

Last thing she posted was a picture of her with Charlie and the Empire State Building begins them, flashing a smile to the camera.

So I guess she's doing alright after all.

"Is that Anne?" Josie points out to the figure of the parking lot. That's all it takes for Gilbert to stand up abruptly — all eyes lie on him.

There's a wave of red hair moving between the parked cars, she's wearing a loose, flowery, dark dress that reaches above her knee. "Yeah, it's her" Gilbert whispers before jogging her way, meeting her half way.

He's the only one that runs to her. He stands now right in front of her, panting and wiping a few curls away from his forehead.

"You're back!" he blurts out just when he sees her. Wide eyed, she looks at him, raising her eyebrows in tremendous surprise.

"Yes" she says, blinking twice at the realization of seeing him again. It's only been like ten days but it's felt like years. "Hi"

"How- how's Charlie?"

Charlie, seriously? Is that the first thing you're going to ask her about, Blythe?

"He's alright" she says, looking down at her feet for a few seconds. Then she lifts up her eyes to her friends, still sitting on the school steps, away from them.

It's just Gilbert and her.

"And... how are you?" he asks. He's acting quite awkwardly — he's not the teasing, flirty and kind-of-an-ass Gilbert Blythe. Instead, he's nervously fiddling with his fingers as he looks at her, his head tilted to a side.

"I'm okay, Gilbert" she says, biting her bottom lip. Her eyes nervously flicker between him, his eyes, his lips, their friends, a tree and a car parked nearby.

He's wearing a black T-shirt and blue jeans. What makes her lose her shit completely, she thinks, is the fact that he has a flannel wrapped around his waist, that he's probably taken off because of the warmth of spring.

Oh, shit. Here we go again.

"I've missed you, y'know". He awkwardly clears his throat when he realizes that she's been looking at him for longer that she should have. "You disappeared after Fred's party"

"Yeah, um- me too" she mumbles, fidgeting with the hem or her sleeve. "But I should get to class, you know, to catch up and everything"

She starts walking past him, making her way to school. Her shoulder accidentally brush against his as she walks. He turns around with her, following the girl with his eyes.

"Shirley, wait!" he exclaims.

But the girl's already run into school, leaving him standing in the parking lot, alone and with his heart on his hands.

___

Diana walks into school with her backpack and a paper bag on her hands.

"How was New York?!" Diana clings onto Anne's arm as they walk together to class.

"It was great!" Anne does really sound excited. She procedes then to tell her every detail about her visit. She tells her about every place they've gone to eat, every landmark and each hidden spot of the city. Yet there's not a moment in which she mentions anything about Charlie — something personal about him, about them.

"How's this Gilbert and Jane thing going?"

Diana stops in her tracks because of the redhead's not-so-subtle question. That's when she instantly knows that she has to do something.

She can't allow her friend to keep lying to herself like this. Someone needs to open her eyes, and that someone's going to be her.

"Well, Im not sure — neither of us are" Diana replies, furrowing her eyebrows at the question. "They do seem to be closer, but no public display affection since their heavy make session out at Fred's party"

"Oh"

"Why do you ask?"

"Pure curiosity"

You sound quite salty for just "pure curiosity", Diana thinks when they walk into class together, arms linked.

___

Anne manages to avoid Gilbert for the rest of the school day. It's not that she doesn't want to talk to him, but this week away from him has done her some good and she fears that being exposed to him would trigger some butterflies down her stomach that she managed to kill when she was with Charlie.

As soon as the bell rings, announcing the end of school for that day, Gilbert is about to start looking for his favorite redhead when someone taps his shoulder.

He turns around.

"Hey, Gil" It's Diana Barry.

"Hi, Di"

The raven-haired girl politely asks him to drive her to his own house — she wants to spend the afternoon with Fred today. Despite wanting to look for Anne instead, he nods before starting to walk to his car enjoying the serene company of a silently-plotting Diana Barry.

___

Just as he parks in his driveway, Diana Barry hops out the car, rushing to the door and Gilbert Blythe receives a text that brightens up his day, although he doesn't want to get his hopes too high.

AnnE
can we talk?
coffee? our place?

He doesn't think twice when he types an answer back before turning the engine back on.

Gilbert Blythe
see you there in 15

___

Gilbert is already there when she walks into the café. Partially, she likes the fact that this has become "their place", since they always met here for their English project. On the other hand, she believes that it's a bit odd to call a place "our place" when you're just friends with a person you feel extremely attracted to (sexually, at least).

The wave of his hand from the table distracts her from her own thoughts. There's already a cup of coffee waiting for her when she sits, and the fact that he hasn't forgotten her coffee order makes her smile. She used to be mad at him but that feeling faded away instantly.

The smell of cinnamon fills her nostrils and the piercing state of a pair of hazel-eyes in front of her remind her that she hasn't even spoken a single word.

"Hi" she says timidly. A little smile is curving up her lips.

"Hey"

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm fine" she says. She doesn't want to give him any further explanations, so that will work. "Sorry if I bothered you"

At least that better than saying: "Listen, I'm sorry that I got mad at you for making out with someone even though you're single and I'm not. I guess I kinda liked the idea of you liking me because nobody's ever liked me since Charlie. I'm also sorry for feeling so attracted to you — you're just really, really handsome and I got confused for a few days. Oh, but don't worry, now that I've traveled all the way to New York to see my boyfriend I'm doing quite alright and I'm ready for us to keep of being good friends"

"Bothered me?" he blinks twice as he holds his cup of coffee with both hands. "Not at all. I was worried"

"Oh"

"Anyway" he says. His expression has been serious ever since she walked in and Anne wonders if he's mad at her for the awful things she said to him at Fred's party. "I've been meaning to talk to you about something for a while now"

"Have you?"

"Yes. I- I don't really know where to start" Anne studies the look on his face. Yup, definitely serious topic. "I think I owe you an apology"

"No, you don't"

And she means it. He did nothing wrong and there's nothing to apologize for. The only did what he did that could bother her was making out with Jane and he's a single, free person — just like Jane.

As she looks into his eyes, sipping coffee from her mug, she wonders what he's going to apologize for.

"Yes, I do" he says. "I pushed you way over the limit at Fred's party. You didn't want to talk and I went too hard on you. I'm sorry about that"

"No, Gilbert. I'm the one who has to apologize" she places the cup of coffee on the table — some liquid dropped to the wooden surface. "I said some things that I regret. I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I just hope you can forgive me"

She accepts his apology. Seriously, she does! It's just what he does next that truly irritates her. He does that classic Gilbert Blythe thing — that one thing he does with his eyes, batting them before looking up to her again and his lips curved up into a crooked smile. Ugh.

"I'll forgive you if you forgive me" he says. It's the only time ever since she walked into the café that he's smiles to her. "Deal?"

"It's water under the bridge"

"Just, please" he whispers. Anne doesn't know why but his eyes don't face her anymore. Instead, they focus on his cup of coffee as if it was the most interesting thing to watch in the world. "Don't so that again, please. Don't disappear like that, I- we were so scared"

"I know" she doesn't look at him either — she's embarrassed because she knows he's right. They're friends. Really good friends. She should've told him she was leaving. "I'm sorry, it won't happen again. I know it's no excuse but... It's been a rough year, since you know, um-"

He instantly knows what she means.

"Shirley". Seeing that her hand was on the table, he places his on top of hers. His is warm because of the hot cup of coffee, and for her, the contact of his warm skin against her makes her feel good somehow. "You don't have to tell me about him. I told you you could tell me whenever you felt ready"

"I'm ready now"

He stares at her intensively, with an empathetic smile. She just smiles weakly — it's a sad smile. Oh, Gilbert knows about that kind of smiles.

"I assume Jerry told you that Matthew was Marilla's brother" she mutters.

He nods. That's the only thing he knows. Jerry didn't talk about it either.

"Well, he- he died last year's spring" she says. "I was out with the girls and Charlie at some party and he came to pick me up. He always- he always came to pick me up" she smiles at the memory, remembering every ride on the car with Matthew. How he taught her how to drive. The songs they played. The sunset seen from the windshield. Jerry and Marilla in the backseats. "It didn't matter where I was, but he always came in that car that now I drive" she wipes a single tear away. "He had an accident. He didn't even make it to the hospital"

Gilbert eyes go wide in shock. Not only she did lose her biological parents to a car accident, but also her adoptive father. He can't believe how someone could manage and deal with so much pain — she's only a teenager.

"Shirley..." he whispers. It's barely audible but she hears it.

"I feel so guilty. I still have nightmares of him driving and... I don't know" she buries her face in her hands. "I'm still haunted by it"

"Stand up" he says out of the sudden before standing up himself.

"What? Why? I still haven't drink my coffee-"

"Stand up, you idiot"

She does stand up, also thinking about how great is the fact that he's called her an idiot. That means they're back to the usual banter that characterizes their friendship. Nevertheless, she's unable to smile because she's too curious and surprised at his words.

What does completely surprise her is the fact that before she can ever notice, his arms are wrapped around her. He's hugging her, tightly. It feels good, but she can't quite react. Her arms fall languidly in parallel to her torso, instead wrapping them around him.

It's not his embrace, though, what warms her heart — it's his words.

"I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. I'm so sorry that you had to lose again someone that you loved and that was important to you. I wish I could understand the pain you're going through, I wish I-"

"You understood everything" she whispers as she now does wrap her arms around him.

She understands now, as she can feel his heart beat (way too faster, may she add), that Gilbert is a good friend. In fact, he's one of the best friends she's ever had. He gets her. He really does, and she knows she regrets many things that have to do with Gilbert Blythe.

1. She regrets having doubted her healthy and valuable relationship with Charlie.
2. She regrets feeling jealous of the two girls that have made out with Gilbert Blythe.
3. She regrets yelling at him at Fred's party.

"I hope I never lose you, Gilbert" she says against his shoulder, making Gilbert feel the movement of her lips caressing the fabric of his flannel.

Diana didn't understand. Or Ruby. Not even Charlie. His words are what she's been wanting to listen over the past year.

"I don't understand what you're going through but I'll be here for you if you need me".

"You'll never lose me" he says. "I'm so glad you're back, Shirley"

Neither of them know if Gilbert meant the fact that she was physically back or the fact that they seem to be going back to their usual dynamic.

"Me too"

They awkwardly go back to their seats, considering that a few pair of eyes belonging to the people from the café, have been watching the scene with a tender look.

It's not like that! she wants to yell. But instead, she sits down and finishes her coffee.

"Now, tell me about your week with Charlie. How's New York?! I've always wanted to visit it!"

___

Gilbert walks into his house around 5 p.m. Bash and his father don't seem to be there — they must've gone for one of their usual walks near the pond since the doctor said John could use some fresh air for his lungs.

He hurried up to his room, a foolish grin on his face at the prospect of him and Anne being friends again. It's going to be difficult, but I can handle it, he thinks as his shoes creak against the steps. She's happy with Charlie. I'm not going to ruin that, nope. As he opens the door to his room, he finds not one, but two figures sitting on his bed.

It's Fred and Diana.

"Oh, no, no no, no" Gilbert says, covering his eyes with his hands. "Tell me you're not doing anything weird, oh my god"

"Gilly, for fuck's sake" Fred says between laughs. "We're dressed and sitting"

Diana just giggles.

"What the hell are you two doing in my room? Is this a kind of sexual kink or something?"

"Oh, my god" Diana says. "He sounds just like Anne, it's actually frustrating"

"Leave Anne alone"

Diana smiles. "Okay. Just sit down with us, Gil"

"What the hell do you want now? What's with this thing of waiting in my bedroom?"

He does, sit down between his two friends.

"Relax, man, we're not going to ask for a threesome"

"Fred!" Diana slaps his boyfriend's arm, causing a "Ow!" to escape his lips. Gilbert just watches the situation, not knowing what to expect from this scenario that looks like some kind of intervention.

"Gil" Diana says cautiously. "I might regret what I'm going to do next but... I-we need to tell you something"

"What is it?" Gilbert asks, eyebrows burrowed that make his face look like a question mark. "You're scaring me"

"We... we've been lying to you, hiding the truth...?" Fred says. Gilbert understands then that this probably was all Diana's plan.

"Anne likes you" Diana blurts out.

"Yeah right" Gilbert's voice is a hybrid between a chuckle and a scoff. He tries to stand up, but Diana's hand grips his arm, dragging him back to sit by the edge of his bed. "Not funny"

"We are serious. She told me"

"And me" Fred adds. "On the day we met"

"On the day we met".

Wait. On the day they met? Wasn't that the karaoke night? Wasn't that the night right after Billy's party, the one in which Anne and him finally became friends?

That was... October. That was months ago. Anne's liked me for months?

Realization hits him in the most expected way — he's mad.

"Excuse me?" Gilbert mutters quietly, closing his eyes.

Fred gulps. He's never seen Gilbert like this.

"Are you seriously telling me that you've known this FOR MONTHS, and you're telling me now? Seriously, Fred?"

"I'm sorry Gil! I promised Anne I'd never tell you. I'm breaking a promise here!" Fred lifts his hands in a defensive way.

"I promised her I wouldn't say anything either" Diana says, biting the inside of her cheek.

"She told me she felt attracted to you because you were, and I'm quoting her here 'her dream guy'" Fred adds.

Her dream guy... me?

"Holy shit" Gilbert mumbles. His eyes stopped looking at Fred and Diana for a while, now he's keeping them focused on his window, as if the view of the trees outside could tell him what he has to do next. He's not angry now. He's trying to decide whether he's shocked, confused or euphoric. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Completely"

Gilbert blinks twice — he's decided to go for confused.

"What do I do now?"

"Well, considering that Anne won't do anything, you need to make a move" Diana suggests, well, demands.

"A... move? Like...?"

"Oh my god, and to think that he used to be such a flirt!" Diana lies her back in Gilbert's bed, bursting into laughter.

"It's what love does to people, Di" Fred says, biting his bottom lip to contain his own laughter.

"Um, hi, I'm still here!" Gilbert scoffs, making Fred laugh again and Diana go back to her sitting position.

"Look, considering the undeniable and ridiculous sexual tension between you, Anne won't meet with you alone. But that's okay, because you have us" Fred explains.

Sexual tension? Gilbert thinks. I mean, I definitely feel the sexual tension between us — She has to feel that too. But we hung out today, just the two of us, and everything was fine. I don't think she was tense. I, on the contrary, was tense as fuck.

"And? What's the plan?"

"We'll hang out, together, the four of us. Then Fred and I will leave you guys alone and that's when you need to use your charms"

Gilbert pauses to think for a moment. Then he stands up, looking at Fred and then at Diana.

"No"

"What do you mean no?!" Diana stands up too, approaching Gilbert and grabbing his shoulders before shaking them enthusiastically, as if she could make him see that way how stupid he's being.

"She's just spent a week away with her boyfriend. I'm not doing that, it wouldn't be empathetic"

"Empath-? What the hell? You like her!" Fred stands now next to Diana.

"I just got her back, as a friend. I'm not going to put her through that"

"But she likes you!" Diana says with a loud and high-pitched voice.

"She doesn't like me enough"

Both Fred and Diana let out a sigh of exasperation. Knowing Gilbert Blythe and how similar he is to Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, they can confirm that he won't make a move. He's too stubborn.

"Now leave, please" Gilbert says, rubbing his temple with his fingers. He's frustrated. "I need to... think"

___

Gilbert's thought quite a lot lately. It's been a few days since Diana and Fred told him about Anne's feelings towards him.

Talking about Anne, she seems to have gone to her usual self: she's getting the best grades in class, she flips Gilbert off every once in a while and she shares new songs with him as well. Everything is in place.

It's Friday night now, and the hazel-eyes boy has seemed to forget what Fred and Diana's initial set up was: getting him and Anne alone. Because now he's in some random club downtown, the smoky atmosphere of the building is making his eyes blink more than usual and the loud music blasting out the speakers makes it difficult to listen to any important conversation.

He certainly doesn't listen when Diana and Fred, sitting in the table with Anne and him, talk between them before standing up and leave. Hand in hand, the couple wave them goodbye and run away like two love birds.

___

The air outside the club is a blessing — it's clear and fresh. Diana has been leaning her back against a nearby tree for about ten minutes, sharing kisses with his boyfriend, Fred Wright. It's between one of those kisses, between a shining moon of May, that he whispers:

"Di?"

"Yes?" The girl asks, looking at his dark eyes under the moonlight.

"I love you" he whispers before crushing his lips against hers one more time, this time in a softer, almost feather-like way.

"I love you too"

___

Fred and Diana have left, probably to enjoy a heavy make out session. Ah, talking about making out... he scans the sight of Anne Shirley-Cuthbert, who is sitting in front of him, one leg crossed over the other, her eyes seemingly distracted by the non-interesting environment that surrounds them. She's wearing a loose black dress, fishnets and her signal combat boots. Damn, what a look, Gilbert thinks, unable to tears his eyes away from her.

"Shirley, wanna dance?"

He just blurts his words out. Seeing her so quiet and interested in whatever's surrounding her, makes him want to grab her and drag her to the dance floor.

"Um..."

"It's not like we're gonna waltz around the room or something" he says, standing up and offering his hand for her to take. "Come here"

"No"

She's so stubborn. That's what I like about her. Well, at least one of the many things.

[PLAY THE SONG NOW]

"A little dancing never killed nobody, right?" he says, obviously teasing her. "Just dance with me, you idiot"

Just as his words leave is lips, the chords to a familiar song starts playing. It's By your side, by The 1975.

"Shit" she curses under her breath, placing both her hands on her hips — she's annoyed.

"What?"

"I love this song"

"Me too" he tilts his head to take a better look at her. "Come here, Shirley" he says again. "I won't bite, I promise"

"Do you ever stop flirting?" she scoffs.

"I'm not flirting" he scoffs too, mimicking her. "You don't want to dance with me because you're scared or what?"

There he is, Gilbert Blythe at his best.

Scared? Me? she thinks.

You think I'd leave your side, baby
You know me better than that

"Fine" she says, taking his hand and dragging him to the dance floor.

"Fine"

Once they get to the dance floor, they start dancing, bodies moving and surrounding them. Not a smart move for Anne Shirley-Cuthbert considering this is a slow-dancing song. But as Gilbert said, a little dance never killed nobody.

Right?

Well, their dance surely doesn't kill nobody.

What started like two friends innocently dancing together, end up in a totally different thing.

They're both unsure about who initiates it — it could be the fact that the club is massively crowded and the bodies surrounding them are only pushing them closer to the other. They don't have much space to dance.

None of them realise that they have gotten closer than they've ever been. She can even feel his minty breath mixed with alcohol on her face. He places a hand on her shoulder and she fears yet awaits excitedly what he's going to do next.

Not even Gilbert Blythe knows what he's doing next. He's not working properly — he didn't want to "make a move", as Diana and Fred said. But she's so close and she looks so beautiful tonight...

He just can't help it.

There we go, he thinks.

"Where... are Fred... and Di...?" Anne whispers. She feels as if she's going to faint, her legs are barely keeping her steady. His hand travels from her shoulder to her hand, running his finger through the length of her arm, causing goosebumps on the girl's skin.

When you're lost and you're alone and you can't get back again
I will find you
Darling and I will bring you home

He interlocks their fingers together with his right hand. With his left one, he reaches for her hair and tucks it behind her ear, whispering something in it.

"Do you want to talk about them or do you want to finish what happened that one time in your room?"

Her mind flashbacks to their bodies accidentally pressed together in her bed. Fuck.

Whats happening to me? she mentally asks herself. She should tell him to back off. She should, yes, but she shouldn't also be feeling how she's feeling right now.

Just thinking of the anticipation of what he's going to do next makes her feel ecstatic.

She holds her breath. "I know you still think about that day. You know how I do? Because I think about it too — and great minds think alike" he whispers as he gets closer and closer to her.

She could kiss him. She really could, there's nothing she wants more right this second. And she's forgotten about everything else surrounding them. There's no Fred and Diana, no more bodies dancing in the club. No Charlie, no Jane.

"Tell me, Shirley, does he make you feel like I do? Just by looking at you?"

It's just Anne and Gilbert.

Gilbert Blythe leaves her ear and looks at her now. He has a habit for staring and her, but, oh,

he's never looked at her like that.

Actually, no one's ever looked at her like that.

It wouldn't take much for their lips to brush, but then, Gilbert decides to take a last look into her eyes before finally closing the distance between them — that fucking distance he's been wanting to close ever since he first laid eyes on her.

She looks terrified.

And that's all it takes for him to back off.

What am I doing? I'll ruin her. If I do this now, she'll feel guilty forever. She'll never forgive herself for doing this to Charlie.

Although I want her so much, I can't do this — not to her.

He takes a step backwards, his eyes that were filled with burning craving for her, are now completely alive with guilt.

What am I doing? I'm not like this. I stopped being like this the moment she came into the picture.

The heat of the moment suddenly dissolves into an air of awkwardness between them. They've just been closer than they've ever been but now it feels as if there were miles apart.

"Uh, sorry, I forgot I needed to..."

That's the last thing Gilbert Blythe says before disappearing into the crowd of the club.

___

It takes a few minutes for Anne to finally react to what just happened. She doesn't find Gilbert, although she doesn't even look for him. Instead, she makes her way out of the club.

Once she's out, that's when she finds Diana — she's alone. Anne's eyes go wild of fury as soon as they spot Diana.

"You did this, didn't you?" Anne's tone has gotten louder and more aggressive than Diana's ever heard.

"Anne-"

Anne knows instantly. She doesn't even need to listen to Diana's futile attempts of an explanation. The look on her face speaks for herself.

She knows.

"I knew it" she spits. "How could you? How could you do this to me? Both of you!"

"Anne, what happened?"

"I can't believe you put me through this. Especially you, Diana. I though you understood. I thought you respected me"

"I- we only wanted to help"

"I can take my own choices, you know? I almost cheated on my boyfriend!"

Diana builds up a scenario on her mind. By the look on Gilbert's face when she saw him abandon the building and just by how furious Anne looks now, she seems to understand. The pieces of the puzzle make sense now.

"It's not my fault that you don't like Charlie!"

Anne goes silent for a bit.

"I guess not all of us have a perfect relationship like you!" Anne says. "Did it ever cross your mind that maybe, maybe the whole long-distance relationship thing didn't work for me? That it made me suffer? That maybe, just, fucking maybe, Diana, the fact of losing Charlie right after losing Matthew broke me? Did you ever think about that? Didn't you even consider that being this confused about Gilbert only made me feel worse and worse each and every day?" Anne's crying now. "Of course not! I can't believe you!" Anne wipes her tears away — she's furious. "The worst thing is that I would have expected this kind of... betrayal from everyone else. But not from you"

"I just- I wanted what was best for you, Anne, I'm sorry"

"Guess Diana Barry was not as perfect as everyone expected!"

That's the last thing Anne says before leaving her friend standing there with tears coming out of her dark eyes.

That Friday night, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert walks home on her own, enjoying the solitary company of the night, since Gilbert Blythe is not there to drive her.

___

A/N

LONGEST. CHAPTER. EVER. +5k words!!!! Anyway, I hope you liked it, it's one of my faves 💘

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