▷ If u wanna stay - Sweatcult

«My feelings devouring»
___

April 1st

JANE ANDREWS spends all morning insisting on going out that Friday night. But for now, it's time for English after their lunch break, during which Jane hasn't stopped babbling about this new club in town.

After taking her usual seat in class next to Gilbert, Anne wonders how things have gotten to this point. The hazel-eyes boy is not ignoring her anymore, but things between them are not the same as they used to be. The air between them seems to be tense, as if there was something different between them that wasn't there before.

Chemistry.

She loves English, really, especially since Miss Stacy teaches it. But she can't seem to focus — not when Gilbert's sitting next to her with that black knit sweater and his grey jeans. Nope, she can't focus at all.

"Okay, class" the teacher calls the class's attention. "You'll have to hand in this assignment"

She writes a deadline in the blackboard and turns around instantly to face the twenty pair of eyes sitting in their respective desks.

"Each one of you will write your name in a piece of paper along with a literary work you want to work with" Miss Stacy explains, resting both her hands on the teacher's table. "The aim of this assignment is to write an essay to prove you know how to properly analyze a literary work" she says. "Oh, and you can't repeat any work! Each one of you must work on a different one, so that there's more variety, alright?"

Each student does as the teacher says and after a few minutes and every piece of paper gathered, Miss Stacy speaks again. "Oh, seems like two students chose the same work"

Anne smiles to herself, rolling her eyes. It's probably just Moody copying over Billy's shoulder or something like that.

"Anne and Gilbert?" Miss Stacy's eyes focus on the two students, sharing a desk.

There's a mix of whispering and snickering as the afore mentioned Anne and Gilbert look up.

"Oh" he turns his face to look at her. Her cheeks are almost as red as her hair. "I can choose anoth-"

"Don't worry" Anne says. She doesn't notice how the entire class is paying attention to them. Even Miss Stacy, who is approaching their desk quietly, looks at them with curiosity. "I can choose another one, if you want to-"

"Why don't you two work together?"

"Together?" the both ask at the same time, causing almost the entire class to giggle — their friends included.

"You two have proved to be really good at literary analysis" Miss Stacy says with a proud smile. "I'll allow you to work together on this project if you want"

Anne and Gilbert share a look.

"I'm in if you are" he says.

Of course he had to pick The Great Gatsby! It's his favorite novel. Crap. Crap. I shouldn't, I really shouldn't.

"Okay" she says. "We'll work together"

Anne mentally slaps herself after her words.

___

"Let's go out tonight!" Jane begs as the group makes their way out of school. Diana is telling Ruby about her latest date with Fred, Tillie and Moody are discussing over some new Netflix show and Billy has his arm wrapped around Josie as they walk out together.

Gilbert and Anne are trying to come up with a day to start their English project. "Tuesday?" she asks, walking side by side to him. "I can't, I'm meeting Rubs to help her with History" he explains as he points to the head of golden locks walking before them. "Wednesday?"

"Yeah, Wednesday's fine. My house?" she suggests, not wanting to intrude knowing his father is sick and everything.

He simply nods. "Did you listen to the mixtape?"

"I-" she was about to tell him how much she liked every single song in it when Diana turns around to talk to her.

Diana. Freaking Diana Barry. She found the note and the mixtape the other day. Her eyes scanned the track list and wide eyed, she looked at Anne. "How is this possible?!" she had said, holding the folded note in her delicate hands. "This track list is a love letter from Gilbert Blythe! TO YOU!"

As for Anne, she tried not to give it much thought. Truth is every song Gilbert included in that mixtape was about love — "And what about that?" Anne had told Diana. "Every fucking song on Earth is about love!"

"I think he's trying to tell you something" Diana concluded. "Maybe he wants to tell you with music what he can't with words"

But after a "Don't be ridiculous", Anne ended the conversation.

Now, a few days after that conversation, Diana Barry is looking at her.

"Anne, where's Jerry?" She asks. "He didn't come to class today"

"Oh, he couldn't come today" Anne says. "He's ill"

And with that, the group finishes school for the week, and parts different ways, each one of them making their way back home looking forward to the prospect of a weekend of early spring.

___

"Afternoon, Ms. Cuthbert!" Marilla Cuthbert opens the door that Friday afternoon to reveal an unexpected visitor. "Is Jerry home?"

"Oh, yes" the woman says calmly. "He's in his room, right in front of Anne's" Anne herself is not home right now. She's gone out to spend the afternoon with Diana before their night out.

"Thank you"

From his room, Jerry can't hear the quiet footsteps coming from the staircase approaching his room.

___

Jerry Baynard is lying on his bed between piles of cushions and a comic book in his hands when he hears a knock on his door.

"Come in, Marilla!" he says with a nasal voice after coughing twice.

Marilla doesn't come inside. "Marilla?"

When he gets up and opens the door, he cannot believe his eyes. She's wearing a grey knit dress underneath her usual pink, light coat and a dark grey beret that makes her look even more adorable than usual.

"R-Ruby?"

Ruby Gillis is in his house. And not to visit Anne. She knocked at his door to see him.

"Hi" she says. "Um, Marilla let me in"

"She did?" he asks, incredulously. "I mean, of course she did, ha! Please, come in!"

She walks in, taking a panoramic look into his room — the walls are almost nowhere to be seen, the vast majority of them is covered with science fiction movies and video games posters. "Your bedroom is cool" she just says.

"Oh, thanks" As he clasps his hands together, he tries to sound as casual as possible, but he doubts he can hide the fact that he is freaking out about her presence. "W-What brings you here?"

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay" she says, sitting on top of his bed. That small detail makes the boy panic even more. "I brought you homemade soup, it's in the kitchen"

"Thank you"

She notices he's acting weird. "Do you want me to leave?"

"NO! No, I just... wasn't expecting you" he clears is throat. "Do you... want to do... something?"

"How about a movie?" she smiles, tapping the spot in the bed next to her for him to sit with her.

"Oh, yeah, which one did you have in mind?" he says as he sits, drying the sweat off his hands in his tracksuit pants. He takes a deep breath, way too self-conscious about how awful he must look right now. From the corner of his eye, he takes a look at her.

With a crooked smile, Ruby has her eyes fixed on the Star Wars episode III poster in his room. "Well, I can see you have a certain devotion for Star Wars" she chuckles, now looking at him. "So let's just watch that one"

It may be her suggestion or the fact that chocolate eyes meet blue for the first time, but right that moment, in the quietness of his room, Jerry Baynard feel like the happiest boy on Earth.

___

That Friday night, the girls have ordered cocktails and Anne is wondering what the hell a 'sex on the beach' is when the rest of the gang show up.

Ruby's nowhere to be seen, but Billy, Moody, Fred and Gilbert walk in.

"Boys! Over here!" Tillie waves her hand for them to come to their table.

Anne watches as Gilbert greets everyone with his usual hug-giving. When she gets her turn, he buries his face in the crook of her neck and his lips accidentally brush against the girl's soft skin, making her shiver. "Are you okay?" he whispers in her ear, just as he separated from her.

She just nods, paralyzed by the boy's touch.

He looks at her from where he's standing, making a movement with his head that says "Do you wanna get out of here?".

She nods again before standing up.

___

"I liked the movie" Ruby says once they've made their way downstairs. Jerry reaches for her coat, scarf and beret and watches her putting them on in the hall.

"Well, you have like five more to watch!"

"Maybe we can watch the next one together" she suggests.

"I... I'd love to"

"Good, I'll text you"

"Sure. Do you want me to walk you home?"

She chuckles. "I think I'll be alright, J. Just stay home and get well soon. See you"

"See you..."

___

Anne and Gilbert aim to walk out of the club, side by side. She wants to talk to him, but she can't wait until they're outside. Just as they're far enough for their friends not to hear them, she stops in her tracks and opens her mouth.

"You've been ignoring me"

"Have I?" Gilbert asks in the most nonchalant way, although he knows what she means. But he believes it's better to act obliviously than to say "Yes, I've been putting some distance between us because I like you a lot and you're dating somebody else so what's the point?".

"Gilbert, please" Anne looks at him now with puppy blue eyes that beg him for an honest answer. "Did I do anything wrong or...? It seems like it annoyed you, like, the fact that you got paired with me for that English project"

"What?" How could she possibly think that? Gilbert wonders. Did she not notice how ridiculously excited I got when Miss Stacy got us paired? "No, I loved being paired with you" He bites his bottom lip and shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry, Shirley, I've been busy, that's all" Busy trying to find a girl that makes me feel as nervous as you. "Let's do something fun one of these days, okay?"

"Yeah..."

Just as they start to walk again, they hear Diana laughing hysterically at something that Fred has probably whispered in her ear.

"Diana looks so happy" Gilbert opens the door of the club and leans towards the outer brick wall. Anne is looking for something in her purse, and the boy, assuming that "something" must be her box of cigars, puts his hand on top of her and makes her stop. She blinks twice, not knowing how to feel at the contact of his hand against hers.

"It's Fred" she says as soon as Gilbert lets go off her hand. "He's her soulmate"

"Do you believe in soulmates?" The boy asks, half-joking, half-wanting to know the answer.

"Well, no" she says. "I mean, not in the 'I know you from another past life' way... but I do believe in the rare happening of two people that meet by pure and random chance and they just... something just clicks, you know?" he nods at her words, although she is not looking at him but at the starry sky above them. "And you feel like you've known them since forever; like they've always been there, and then you realise that they weren't and it's like 'Fuck! We didn't know each other back then' and it scares you to think that you'd lived all this time without that person"

"Fuck, Shirley" he whispers, giving her a crooked smile. "Didn't know you were so extremely profound"

She stiffens a laugh, still looking at the night sky. "Says you"

"Do you believe that's what's happened between us?" he asks, although he doesn't know where his own words are coming from. After realizing what he has just said, he clears is throat. "The soulmate thing"

She nervously gulps at his comment.

"In a friendy way, of course" he says calmly as he looks at her, wishing she'd look at him too. "I feel like I've found in you the friend that I've always needed"

That's when she looks at him. She looks more relaxed now. "I actually feel the same way" she whispers as she gets closer to him, leaning her head on his shoulder. "You get me in ways nobody else does"

"You kinda get me too" The boy stares at the front — there's a row of cars from the people inside the club parked in front of them, but the smile that has crept up Gilbert's face has nothing to do with cars. It's caused by the head of red curls resting quietly on his shoulder. He rests his head on top of hers, just like they did that one time at school. It feels different now, though — Gilbert feels this is a peak moment for their relationship, as if this was the exact moment in which he had finally gotten to her.

If he took a look at his right in this moment, he'd see that she's smiling to herself too, eyes closed because of the tranquility of the moment, enjoy the silence of the night that sometimes gets mistaken with the beat blasting through the speakers from the club.

"So, listen" he says out of the sudden after a few minutes of silence. The girl changes her position to look at him as he speaks. "I know you said you don't believe in soulmates in that way but..." he pauses, causing a mixture of confusion and butterflies in her. "Sometimes I feel like I know you from before" The redhead watches as the words leave his lips and she can't stop her eyes to travel from his eyes to his lips. Anne has never noticed how intriguing and captivating is to see how sounds, syllables and words form at someone's lips. "Like we've met each other in some other time, far away from where we are now"

Anne remembers then the poem he read in class not long ago. Was that poem for me? she wonders. She knows Gilbert likes her. But just as he likes every other girl. He's such a flirt! She looks into his eyes for a few seconds before breaking the silence. "That... was so dramatically deep" she manages to say before bursting into laughter. "Like you're some gentleman from two centuries ago, right, Blythe?"

He joins in her laughter; he loves it when she laughs. If only he knew that he's one of the few people that gets her to laugh like this. "Shut up, Shirley, you fucking love it when I act all gentlemanly"

"I don't" she hits his arm with her hand clenched into a fist. He raises his eyebrows in response.

"Ah, you do"

"You're an ass"

"I know" he nods. "Wanna go back inside?"

"Yeah, let's go"

Then they go inside again, Anne allows him to place a hand on her back, guiding her through the smoky atmosphere and messy crowd of the club.

___

April 6th

"Do you remember what you said about soulmates last weekend?"

Anne would have never imagined to spend a Wednesday evening with Gilbert Blythe lying on her bed with a book in his hand. She isn't lying beside him, obviously — instead, she chose her usual spot in her desk, facing the window and the trees outside.

The boy would have preferred the girl facing him instead of the trees outside the window. Well, actually, he would've preferred her lying beside him, but that would've been inappropriate. He's had to conform with the sight of the back of her head, red hair ties in two long fish-braids down her back and a scenery of green trees in the background.

"Yes" she says as she stands up from her chair with a swift move and walks to the bed. She sits cross-legged beside him. That's something, Gilbert thinks, still lying down.

"The green light. I really think we should focus on that, and the romance storyline"

Anne and Gilbert are going through their first study session, their noses buried in a book. They're working on that essay they are supposed to do together on The Great Gatsby. Anne should have at least expected that he would choose that novel as well. It's their favorite book.

"No"

He bursts into laughter, covering his face with the book.

"What?" Anne frowns, removing the book from his face. Hazel eyes look back at her.

"Nothing, it's just funny, you know? It's the first time we disagree over something, I think" he says. Crinkled eyes, dimpled smile and dark curls splattered over her flowery duvet. "And it's over our favorite novel. It's just curious" he points out. What Gilbert Blythe doesn't know, is that he's going to regret his next words. "Besides, I think you're an hypocrite"

"What did you just say?" A hypocrite? ME?!

"Yes, you, carrots" He sits up. Impulsed by God-knows-what, he leans in closer to her. He notices how she holds her breath when he does so. "Hypocrite" His voice is a subtle whisper when he reaches for one of her braids, pulling it.

Crap.

He watches Anne's face turn as red as her hair from pure anger. She takes the book he's been reading and without even thinking, whacks him over his head with The Great Gatsby, although she does this as softy as possibly so that it doesn't hurt him.

"Asshole!"

The boy looks at her with a grin before starting to laugh, taking the book off her hands and tapping the top of her head with it, again, softly. "Asshole!" he says, rolling his eyes and imitating a high-pitched voice that Anne assumes must be hers.

"I swear to God I'll kill you, Gilbert Blythe!" Anne says, trying to sound intimidating, but the truth is she's trying to bite back a smile. She proceeds to attack him with the book again, but her clumsiness and the fight over who grabs the book, ends up with boy lying down in bed again, her body on top of his.

Crap. His face his close. Too close. She can even see tiny freckles covering his nose and part of his cheeks. He has freckles? She hasn't noticed until now. She reaches her right hand to remove one of his dark curls from his eyes. That's when she notices that his eyes... his eyes are fixed on her lips.

Anne knows that this... position is wrong. She knows that she should move. But her brain is not functioning properly right now. She can feels his heart beating wildly and suspects he can feel hers too. She can also feel his breath against hers. Her lips are parted and he's biting his bottom lip. Is he as nervous as I am?

As for nonchalant, cool, relaxed and chill Gilbert Blythe... he's silently freaking out. There's a lot of songs that run through his mind right this second, but there's one that simply stands out. He thought about and played it mentally on his head when she rested her head on his shoulder the other night, but now it makes even more sense.

I fell in love again
There's no way around it
I want more than a friend
But feelings devouring
So when you wanna leave, please leave
And if you wanna stay, please stay

"Shirley?" he whispers.

"Hm?"

"There's someone knocking on the door"

___

Gilbert finishes the last slice of pizza. Marilla knocked on Anne's door half an hour earlier saying she'd ordered pizza so that they could study as they had dinner. "Ow, I'm so full I don't think I can even walk to my car" he says as he stretches his body on her bed. The girl watches him, chuckling.

Both of them are trying to act as if what happened earlier had not happened at all. But the thing is that none of them can't stop thinking about their bodies pressed together.

"You can stay for a while if you want" she says.

He is about to accept but he knows it would be wrong. He thinks about Charlie and as much as he likes this girl, Charlie is a great guy and today he's crossed a line. If he stayed, it would take everything in him not to kiss her.

"Nah, I should go" he says, walking to the door. The girl watches him leave. "But see you soon to finish this essay, alright, Daisy?"

She rolls his eyes at him before he disappears. "Bye, Gatsby"

As soon as the boy's gone, Anne makes her way to the bathroom. She needs a shower. With water running down her body, she makes a mental list of things she's done wrong today.

- I promised Marilla I'd do the dishes and I didn't.
- I stopped thinking about my boyfriend, Charlie Sloane.
- I was meant to study and ended up eating pizza in bed.
- For a few minutes, I was turned on by my friend, Gilbert Blythe.

___