▷ Supercut - Lorde

«Because ours are the moments I play in the dark»
___

[DON'T PLAY THE SONG YET!]

MURIEL STACY is much a better teacher than Mr. Phillips ever was. She teaches both English and Maths, and Anne can't understand how she can be so good at two subjects that are two polar opposites. How could you possibly compare the coldness of numbers against the warmth and passion of words?

Anne wishes she could sit with Gilbert in Maths too — he could help her into understanding this mess. But she sits with Josie and he sits with Jerry instead. The boys are sitting a few desks away from her, watching what she guesses must be some stupid yet funny YouTube video.

It's been a month since she fainted at Josie's party. Gilbert used to check on her every night during the days that followed the fainting incident, texting her a "Still up?" or "Wanna talk?" each and every night. Anne appreciated that.

But those faded away about a week ago. Now Anne's trying to concentrate on different equations and formulas, although her mind drifts away to a head full of messy dark curls and a pair of hazel eyes sitting not too far away from her.

"I can't believe your birthday is just three days away" Josie says, snapping Anne out of her thoughts. Anne looks up to her.

"Me neither. I'm turning 18, that's- that's crazy"

"Wanna know what's crazy?" Josie whispers as he leans closer to Anne. By the tone in her voice Anne assumes she's about to hear the juiciest of gossips. That girl? A potential Mrs. Lynde, just wait and see.

"What's crazy?" Anne does as Josie expects: she asks, as if she's bothered or intrigued about whichever gossip Josie is about to drop. Keyword: if. Anne couldn't care less. Or at least, that's what she thought, because as soon as she hears who the subject of this gossip is, her heart stops a beat.

"I saw Gilbert the other day, downtown. He was with a girl!"

Anne feels a sinking feeling in her stomach that feels new, unfamiliar. Not familiar at all. With a girl?

"With a girl? Which girl?"

"Ella something, she's from a different school" Josie says as she copies some mathematical equation from the blackboard. Fortunately, she's not looking at Anne, because if she did, she'd notice the look of pure jealousy on her face. Anne, on the other hand, doesn't know that what she's feeling is jealousy. Yet. "They did seem to have fun, she was laughing hysterically at something he said!"

"Oh"

Anne bits the inside of her cheeks, gripping her pencil and looking down at the mess of numbers and letters on notebook.

"So, what do you think?" Josie does look at her now, resting her chin on her palm.

"What do I think?" Anne says as she scribbles something down. "Why does that even matter? He's a grown up, he can do whatever the fuck he wants and make his own decisions, he most certainly doesn't need my permission to-"

"Jeez, Anne, okay. I just wanted to know if you knew something about this since you two seem to be... close, that's it" Josie silently taps her pencil against her notebook.

"Close? What do you mean by that?" Anne's frown is evident. She hasn't noticed how she's gotten so angry at the thought of Gilbert with somebody else.

"Close friends?"

"Oh, yeah. We are friends, but he doesn't talk about those things. Besides, we barely hang out outside school"

Are they friends? They text almost every day (at least they did until a week ago), whenever they go out with the rest of the group they end up talking to each other or walking a few feet before the rest — they did have lots of things in common and they usually thought alike. Is that a friend? They've never hung out alone, for example. Truth is they'd bump into each other more than twice, but they'd never done something just the two of them. That's weird. Is it weird that I want to hang out with him?

"Anne?"

"Sorry, Josie" Anne says, shaking her head and eyes still fixed on her homework. "I was thinking about... how complex this equation is"

Josie raises a perfect blonde eyebrow. "Sure"

"What were you saying?"

"I said that I just solved the equation. It's pretty clear now"

Anne wonders if Josie's actually talking about Maths it about Gilbert and her. She hopes the blond girl means the equation, because when it comes to Gilbert and her...

The redhead turns her head to her right to look at him. The boy in question is writing his answers down, furrowed eyebrows that prove that he's focused and concentrated on his homework, completely oblivious to Anne's gaze.

When it comes to Gilbert and her... that's an equation she still needs to figure out.

___

Gilbert is definitely ignoring Anne. He has been for over a week now. Anne assumes this "Ella something" girl from another school must be keeping him busy.

"Huh" she whispers in the loneliness of her room. "Stupid Gilbert Blythe, who does he think he is?" she hisses as she closes the book she was reading it, marking the page she was on before leaving it on the night table. "Nobody ignores Anne Shirley-Cuthbert"

A text won't hurt. He's usually the one who starts conversations between them, well, he was. Now it's time for her to text him. She'll teach him a lesson! "You can't ignore your friends, Gilbert Blythe"

She grabs her phone and texts him without giving it too much thought. Done.

AnnE
Heyyyy

It takes him about five minutes to reply.

Gilbert Blythe
Heyy

AnnE
Wanna talk? I'm bored af

Gilbert Blythe
I'm kind of busy, maybe another time?

AnnE
Yeah sure

Busy? Busy?!

"Yeah, sucking a girl's face surely got you busy"

Anne leaves the phone in her desk and decides to lie in bed, eyes fixed on the ceiling. It's time to think, and music always helps. She puts on her playlist and connects it to the speaker.

Supercut by Lorde starts playing.

In my head I play a supercut of us

"Why?" was the first question that Anne's brain comes up with. She rests her head on the pillow and crosses her arms over her stomach.

And in my head
the visions never stop

"Why did I get so... angry when I heard about Gilbert seeing another girl? I thought he liked me. He was pretty obvious about it. He liked me, didn't he? All the teasing, the eye-winking, holding her hand to cross a crowd of people, all the music recommendations and the late night texting... it had to mean something, right?"

I'm someone you maybe might love
I'll be your quiet afternoon crush

"But I don't like him. I can't like him, because I'm dating Charlie and I have for three years. That can't just go away"

She closes her eyes, trying not to think about Gilbert. But memories of him and her flash in their mind, rapidly, vividly. "It's funny", she thinks. A year ago, she didn't know him — he didn't exist in her universe, yet she can't imagine her life without Gilbert now. Although she's admitted to herself now that she feels... somehow attracted to him, he's a good friend. Or at least was, because now he's acting like a dick.

Gilbert. Gilbert. Gilbert.

For a split second (really, it only lasts a second) she wonders if things would be different between them if she was single. She opens her eyes at the realization of her thoughts. It's wrong. It's so wrong.

"I can't think about that — not when I'm dating Charlie. I love Charlie"

It's just a supercut of us

"They say everything happens for a reason" she thinks as she sits up in her bed, looking out at the trees, through the window. It's getting dark outside and a rush of wind moves the different branches. "If Gilbert and I met under these circumstances, maybe... maybe we're meant to be just friends"

'Cause in my head I'd do anything right

With music still playing, Anne leaves her bed and gets closer to the window, opening it. The breeze from outside touches her face with a wild caress, moving her auburn locks a bit. She tilts her head, reaching a hand out to touch some branches of the cherry blossom trees.

One of them is different than the other. Some of them are thicker, weaker, prettier... some others even have their own tiny little branches — each branch could be a different possibility.

The girl takes a deep breath, caressing the surface of a branch with her thumb. She allows herself now, to wonder how her life would be in this exact moment if she'd taken different choices in the past. What if... what if she'd been single the moment she met Gilbert Blythe with that stupid Walkman? "Would I like him the way he likes — or liked — me? Would I have flirted back whenever he did? Would I have been as bold as he is sometimes when it comes to me? Would I have allowed myself to fall in love with him?"

She feels guilty the moment the word "love" crosses her mind. She takes a step back, closing the window abruptly. Turning to her left, she admires the photo collage on her wall, right next to her mirror.

Because ours (are the moments I play in the dark)
We were wild and fluorescent

A photo of Charlie and her from last summer. She smiles warmly at the remembrance of the memory.

"Who's the only you've known since you were ten?

Charlie.

Who's the one that was there for you when Matthew died?

Charlie.

Who's the one that makes your legs go weak and your heart skip a beat every time you see him?

Gil- Charlie. Definitely Charlie."

She goes back to bed after putting her pajamas on. "I've wasted quite enough energy on Gilbert Blythe" she whispers as she lays back on her bed, between cushions. She stays like that until an hour past midnight. She can't sleep again, so she focuses on listening to some old album when a loud noise coming from outside startles her.

Something, well, someone is throwing rocks against her window.

For a split second, again, her mind drifts to Gilbert. She imagines him, standing near her cherry tree, hands shoved in his coat's pockets and wearing that stupid beanie he wears when it's cold outside. She can picture his teasing and boyish smile so perfectly, and for a moment she allows herself to fantasize with the idea of him coming to her, late at night, looking for a talk or just some time together.

When she looks out of the window, down to her front yard, that's when she sees the figure.

"Di?"

"Anne" Diana Barry's voice sounds worried – broken. She's hugging herself over her thick coat. "Could you let me in?"

Anne runs silently down the stairs and opens the door to reveal an oddly quiet Diana. The raven-haired girl says nothing and makes her way upstairs, to her best friend's room.

Anne follows behind her and they both sit in the bed. Diana exhales a deep breath and the redhead remains silent, waiting for her friend to feel comfortable enough to let out what's been eating her.

After a while, Diana barry breaks the silence. "Mom's found out about me and Fred"

By the tone of her voice Anne knows that it's worse than she would've ever imagined. "How?"

"We were just... texting... he was just telling me about some shit he's going through with his family..." Diana says, and she sounds as if she's about to burst into tears. "Mom went through my phone"

Diana explained how she was just taking a shower. When she came back to her room, Eliza Barry was holding her phone with a very, very furious look on her face.

"That's such a fucking twisted thing to do"

Diana doesn't talk. She looks down at the wooden floor, eyes void of emotion.

"I'm sorry, Di" Anne wraps her arms around her, hugging her. "What did she say?"

"That I'm not allowed to see him again... that he's a homeless piece of s-..." That's all it takes. She's started crying so desperately that it instantly breaks Anne's heart. "Oh, Anne" she clings onto her friend and lets out quiet sobs as Anne strokes her hair.

"It'll be okay" Anne whispers. Diana's head is buried in her neck, and she can feel the hot tears wetting her t-shirt. "I promise, Di, it'll be okay"

___

March 5th

Anne's having lunch on the day of her birthday and she's already received tons of "happy birthday" texts and calls. Even Diana called — it's been a couple of days since she came to hear in the depths of despair. She's doing better now and Fred and her are... still secretly dating.

Anne can't help but wonder about Gilbert. Will she get a happy birthday text from him too? Their last interaction was that awkward texting the other day.

She doesn't get any text or call from him.

That Saturday afternoon, as much as Anne hates surprises, she gets a surprise birthday party. Of course. Although it's not really a surprise anymore since her friends prepare one for her every year. It's more of a tradition than an actual surprise.

She's reading some book in her room when Jerry knocks on her door. "Come downstairs" he says once he's inside. "Marilla... needs your help"

She just rolls her eyes. "Sure". Anne walks down the stairs with Jerry to find all her friends gathered in the living room. Marilla's there too. Anne can feel the smell of carrot cake baking in the oven. Her favorite, just like every year.

"SURPRISE!" they all scream in unison.

The now eighteen year old girl pretends to look surprised as she greets all her friends. Diana. Fred. Ruby. Billy and Josie. Jane and Tillie. Moody.

Yet Gilbert's nowhere to be seen.

After chatting a bit with her guests and eating some nibbles Marilla and Jerry have prepared, Anne can hear a knock on the door over the music that's playing in the living room.

She walks towards the door. "I'll get that"

She places her hand on the door knob to reveal him, and only him.

Gilbert. His face is barely visible under his beanie and a scarf that protects his mouth from the cold. He's carrying an umbrella — when did it start raining? Anne thinks whilst studying the sight of the boy in her door way.

"Hi"

Hi?! After more than a week of no talking you come here and say "hi"?!

She wants to hug him and slap him at the same time, but instead, she chooses a "Hi" that sounds way to awkward. It's been an awkward week.

"Can I come in?" he says, looking up to the rainy sky.

"Oh, yeah, sure" She lets him in and they stand awkwardly in the hall. The girl watches him take his coat, scarf and beanie off, leaving him in just his converse, jeans and a grey shirt.

Wow, a shirt. He looks good.

"I've got something for you" he says. Anne notices now that he's been carrying a paper bag as well this whole time.

"Y-you didn't have to" she says when he hands her the present.

"I wanted to" She didn't remember his voice being so smooth and soothing. It may be because of the fact that they haven't talked for over a week. He sounds so calm and serious at the same time.

Anne takes a quick look at the living room. Nobody seems to be looking at them. She takes a last look at him before tearing the gift paper off the square box.

Although she was kind of mad at him... when she sees what the box reveals, she can't help but let out a little chuckle. The boy is standing right in front of her — not close, but not too far. He tilts his head to see her reaction, biting his lip to hide the smile that was creeping up his face.

"A Walkman" she whispers, caressing the object.

"Yeah — it's a very old one" he whispers back. There's no need to whisper because it is impossible for the rest to hear them, but still. "I found it in a vintage store downtown and I just had to buy it for you. It's from 1987! But it works perfectly"

Anne nods. "I'll need to check the attic, there might be a few cassettes in Matthew's stuff"

That's when he lets out a laugh. "You're an idiot. Check the box properly"

Under the Walkman and some paper, there's something more. A mixtape. "I've added some songs that I thought you might like"

"Thank you, Gilbert" she says, looking up to him. Suddenly, all the anger she felt towards him fades away. "I love it"

"I knew you would" he says, shoving his hands in his jean's pockets. With his hands there, he'll contain the urge of hugging her. Seeing Anne standing there, just turned eighteen and that grateful look on her face... Fuck, he thinks. She looks so pretty today with her black turtleneck and her yellow skirt.

Secretly she wants wants to hug him too.

She doesn't — instead, she says something she regrets the second the words leave her lips.

"So, listen, um, Josie told me you've been seeing this girl"

"Oh" he says, clearly taken aback by her words. "Yeah, um-, there's nothing there"

"There's not?" Anne asks, playing with he present in her hands.

"No, it was a one time thing" he clears his throat. "No need to worry"

"I'm not worried. Just curious"

And maybe a bit jealous.

"Fine"

"Fine"

Awkward.

"Anyway, um, happy birthday, Sh-"

"Anne! Come here!" Diana calls her from the living room, making Anne look at the room.

Anne looks back at Gilbert.

"C'mon, birthday girl, lets go" he grabs her by the shoulders and walks her towards the small crowd of people, waiting for her to blow out the candles.

After that, Fred Wright and his guitar performed a brilliant acoustic version of Happy Birthday; Jane, Tillie and Josie got her a bunch of new make-up; Moody and Billy got her a nice skirt (that was probably chosen by Josie) and T-shirt that read "I'm with the stupid", "to wear when she was near Jerry" they said. Jerry himself bought a pair of new headphones for her.

"And now, our present!" Diana squeals in excitement when Ruby and her get their turn.

"Before you open it" Ruby says. "Fred helped us choose it"

Fred winks at her from the other side of the room, where he is chatting to Gilbert about something.

Her best friends in the whole world hand her a rectangular box. What could it possibly be?

Anne's fingers open the box with curious hands, and she can't believe her eyes when she sees it. She's been wanting this for a few years now.

A beautiful, black ukelele.

Anne holds the instrument carefully, looking at it and studying it with amazement.

"By the look on your face..." Diana begins to say. "You love it!" Ruby finishes Diana's sentence.

"I..." Anne says. Her eyes are a bit glossy and she can't even begin to express how grateful she is. From a corner of the room, a curly-haired boy with hazel eyes, stares at her with such amazement that Fred Wright has to hit his shoulder to make his state less obvious. "Thank you" is the only thing Anne can manage to say. But she means her words, which are not only directed to Ruby and Diana but to everyone in the room.

She feared this day because she thought it will never be the same without Charlie here — without Matthew. However, taking a panoramic look at the room and seeing Marilla, her brother and the best friends she could ever ask for, she feels complete again, as if each person in the room was part of a puzzle that made her life much happier. About to burst of merriment, she knows. Every single piece, every single branch of the tree that her life his, is important. That's when she looks discretely, from the corner of her eye, to Gilbert Blythe. From a safe distance, he's looking at her too.

More concretely, he's staring.

___

END OF PART I.