Drowning.

No more air in your lungs is something heartbreaking, as if your ribcage and ribs are clutching around your insides and the urge to vomit is huge.

Your hands are sweating, your arms are shaking, your head is spinning and your vision is blurring.

You can't tell your right from your left anymore.

The colors mix.

You feel threatened.

You're like a little goldfish in a bowl, watching time go by from behind a thick glass without being able to escape from that vicious circle.
Some children then come to you, ticking the glass with their curious fingers and the water in the bowl vibrates, it moves.
A loud noise is created, a whistle then pierces your ears.

Make them stop.

Make theM STOP.

"MAKE THEM STOP!!!!"

Hanamaki woke up in panic as his sheets caught him on the mattress.
He put his hands to his throat and started coughing.
And coughing and coughing.
His vocal cords had frayed like those of a forgotten violin.
Toxic tears came down heavy on his cheeks, pale from the lack of oxygen.

His coughing did not stop and his throat began to burn.
Mentally, he couldn't think of how to get rid of that heartbreak.
So he looked around quickly.
There was a small bottle on the bedside table, but it was empty.
His heart lost a beat, the only solution... it wasn't there.

His temples began to hammer, a strong sense of nausea pervaded his stomach.
What to do?!

Resigning seemed the right choice.

As he continued coughing, however, in another corner of the small house he was in, he heard distinct noises of someone hurrying.

Then fast footsteps and the voice of someone calling out to him.

"Makki!"

Takahiro looked up, still shaken by strong spasms, to see the frightened boy in front of him wrapped in the dark shadows of his room.

"M- couf- ttsu- couf couf!"

With a strangled voice the boy called the other, as if for a cry for help.

Matsukawa knew what to do in such cases.
He quickly got to where Makki was sitting and made him move his hands away from his face and put his own to tighten his mouth.
Hanamaki continued coughing, but soon the air ran out, so his throat, which had become cold, cut by the icy air in his room, warmed up with the one he couldn't get out.
For a few seconds, the spasms became more severe and after a short while, finally, Takahiro stopped coughing in that unbelievable way.

Matsukawa removed his hand, wet from the other's saliva, and Hanamaki was able to catch his breath.
Heavy breaths left his lips.

"Are you all right?!"

Issei asked him, worried, while a straw of sweaty dark locks fell before his forehead.
Makki signalled "yes" with his head as he recovered.

"Oh, thank god"

A desperate relief crossed Matsukawa who passed his other hand through his gnarled curly hair.
He took a breath too.

"...sorry"

Makki looked a moment at Issei's dirty and sweaty hand.

"It's was nothing, this and more to save your life."

The dark said seriously.
Hanamaki again made a sign of assent with his head, crossing his arms to warm himself; now that he was no longer under the covers, the cozy warmth had left him.

Matsukawa got up slowly, so as not to make the wooden rods of the bed creak too much.
He walked towards the door and went to the bathroom to rinse off his right hand.
Hanamaki stood there, staring into nowhere.
It wasn't the first time something like this had happened, yes, but it was only rare that it did.

Soon, without even noticing it, Issei returned to open the bedroom door, more slowly this time, as he had noticed from the alarm clock in the bathroom that it was barely three o'clock in the morning.
He sat down once more on the covers of the bed, looking at the other one.

He was familiar with that expression of Takahiro, dejected and haggard after coughing out his soul.
His eyes swollen with weeping, his hair floppy and damp in that special color - a pink on the light strawberry - and his cheeks striped and pale, cold to the touch.
He seemed devoid of soul as he continued to stare into the void.

"...hey"

He took it easy as he reached the other's hands with his own, trying to give him warmth.

"...do you want me to make you some chamomile tea?"

The question hung in the silence that continued.
Takahiro looked up, broken, to meet the other's maternal gaze.

"...thank you"

He finally answered.
Mattsun made a little sound of understanding and then got up from the duvet, on his way to the kitchen.

Hanamaki returned to look at nothing.
He and Issei had been living together for about two years, they had already agreed upon it by the end of high school because they didn't have a lot of savings.
Now they were attending university and leading a happy life... or so it seemed.
Takahiro was diagnosed with a case of hyperventilation that was rare in his genetics and was later discovered to be hereditary by a very old relative.
It wasn't a big deal at first, Hanamaki didn't try too hard and tried to have allways everything that he needed for a hypothetical light asthma.
But it got worse.
They didn't know how, but the poor boy's windpipe caught an inflammation and as a result the risk for his health increased.
Hanamaki started walking around with a mask so as not to attach it to the others and tried not to breathe too much outside air as prescribed by the medical specialists.
The boy was happy, however, he continued to smile even after all the suffering he was going through.
Until one day his breathing went out of control.
During a simple evening in August he started coughing and rasping with his voice, until he couldn't breathe anymore.
There anxiety took over, causing a further panic attack that only made the situation worse.
The only person in his company there was the same Matsukawa who rushed to call the ambulance.
A few hours later the two of them found themselves in a hospital room, Takahiro with a breathing mask, lying on the bed and Issei sitting on a blue plastic chair near the bedside while he massaged the back of the other's hand with his thumb.

The doctors once again confirmed their certainties after the unfortunate event and forbade Hanamaki to go out often during the day, when the air was much more laborious given the time of the day, and later explained to both of them what to do in case of other such powerful asthma attacks, prescribing an unlikely dose of antibiotics to poor Takahiro, bewildering him.

In that last year and a half the two best friends had gone through some ups and downs; unfortunately, a dear relative of Matsukawa's even passed away, and Issei entered a phase of very strong discouragement, from which he came out only with the support of Takahiro.
Issei could not explain it, how strong his friend was, how he always smiled even during the thousand sufferings and when he saw his support in such a hostile phase of his life... he fell in love with him.

Yes, Matsukawa loved his best friend, his personality, his way of doing things, all the little single gestures he made, how he smiled at him in the morning while he was making coffee for the both of them, how much grit he took to get on with his life reduced to pieces after the tragic events that kept on going on, the joy he put into all his big projects...
Takahiro was a beautiful person.
Kind.
Brave.
Admirable.
Funny.
Lovely.

But unfortunately, those strong feelings of his, he couldn't let them go, he couldn't let anyone know they existed because he knew it would only complicate things again.

When the boy whit curly dark hair finally crossed the threshold of his room with his favorite cup in his hand, Makki reassured himself.
The worst was over.

Mattsun sat on the edge of the mattress again and handed the cup of chamomile tea to the other with kindness.
Hanamaki took it and carried it to himself, pausing to stare a moment beyond the edge of the lukewarm drink with its sweet, graceful aroma.

"...shall we go for a walk?"

Suddenly Takahiro was slow to be asked by his companion.

"...where?"

He simply answered.

"Where will the stars take us"

The pale pink haired boy looked up to see Matsukawa look at him with adoration.

.

.

.

.

.

". . .that sounds like a great idea. "

☆ ~　•゜☆ •゜~ ☆

"Look Mattsun, that's Cassiopeia!"

"Cassio what?"

Makki laughed.

"Oh come on, I didn't know you were so bad with constellations."

"Excuse me if I don't take an advanced astronomy class like you."

He said sarcastically offended.
Takahiro laughed again.

"Ok ok ok I was joking, but if you look closely it stands out very well from the other stars tonight..."

The boy pointed to an inaccurate point in the sky above them.
It was a real spectacle: satellites, comets, stars, bright trails, in the celestial vault you could distinguish the billions of millions of little dots that looked like Christmas decorations, shining in the dark and immense space.

The two had chosen a place near the park two blocks away from their apartment; it was quiet and the grass had just been cut, the light breeze that was messing up their hair was almost pleasant...

Takahiro fixed the breathing tube better and moved the oxygen tank a little further away from himself.

"Mattsun?"

"Tell me, my queen."

He joked.

"What would you do... if I died?"

The air in his throat went sideways.

"M-makki!?"

"Is that a serious question? Yes, definitely."

Issei stood there, lying next to his best friend, in silence.
Takahiro, also lying on the soft lawn, opposite Mattsun, squeezed himself into the big jacket that was kindly given him by the other one before, when he had complained about too much air.

"...I think I'll end up trying to follow you."

Finally he answered, quietly, cautiously.

"What do you mean?"

Takahiro whispered.

He heard a movement near his right ear. He turned his head to try to find out where it came from.

He found himself staring directly into the dark, shining irises of Matsukawa, beneath them given their position, where he saw something similar to the gaze of someone lost.

"What do you mean?"

Hanamaki repeated, even slower.

Issei, who wetted his lower lip with his tongue for a moment - a sign of nervousness, familiar to Takahiro - continued to look at him as he reflected.

"...indeed, no...I don't think I could let you go so easily..."

He sulked slightly.
The rose, which wasn't really understanding - Matsukawa was beginning to mumble about something senseless at this point - chuckled softly, observing the various expressions that were painted on the other's faces.

"I mean, I don't think I'd let you go - I don't know how, but - I don't know what to do without you..."

His cheeks were getting more colorful and it wasn't because of the cold that the time had come down.

His babbling was suddenly interrupted by Makki who kissed him on the forehead.

"Ha ha ha, I understand, I understand, but you know I couldn't leave you anyway."

Mattsun shut himself up simultaneously.

"...Takahiro?"

Hanamaki was surprised at the other's drastic change of tone.

"Yes?"

"Have you ever had a secret that could destroy your life?"

"...yes"

"Me too."

They kept looking at each other, trying to decipher their intentions, knowing that the course of events was getting slower and slower, to dwell on every tiny moment, every single movement of the grass beneath them, making the long wires attached to Takahiro's tank more vivid.

Issei gently placed one of his palms on the other's cheek, while Takahiro tucked his palm into the major's thick black curls, combing them gently.

At that moment it was just the two of them; like the last two stars in a constellation, they remained behind on purpose to enjoy each other's company.

"Makki... I'll never leave you and you know that..."

He spoke in a muffled voice, so as not to disturb the peace of the night.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me in my life; you're an incredible person, a funny roommate, the best friend I've ever wanted..."

Now they were closer together, their noses a few inches apart, their breaths mixed and condensed in the fresh air.
With a haystack of understanding, they began to realize the situation: three centimeters from each other, lying together on a hill, at night, under a starry sky...

It looked a lot like the scene in a movie.

"...but it's wrong"

He broke the Hanamaki silence, implying something.

"It depends on how you look at it..."

Maybe they understood each other, maybe they didn't, the fact was that Issei couldn't take it anymore and apparently Takahiro was waiting for something too.

The space separating them was like a thin glass from where both of them had always looked at each other over the years, admiring each other's strengths and weaknesses.
Studying each other all this time, as a result, had led them to conclusions that continued to confirm themselves as they continued to stay whit the other.

It was no accident that when Mattsun got up in the morning and found Makki in the kitchen making pancakes while humming a melody - most likely something by Meghan Trainor - he smiled.

It was no coincidence that every time Makki didn't understand something about biology and had a test coming up, he was as happy as an Easter when Mattsun offered to study together.

It wasn't by chance that when Mattsun came home late from part-time work and found Makki lying on the couch, he snorted resigned to the fact that his roommate was a chronic mess and eventually took him back to his room and picked him up.

It was no coincidence that Makki blushed when he saw Issei coming out of the bathroom without his shirt and always ended up looking at his all too well-done pecs - apparently Mattsun went to the gym in his spare time.

It was no coincidence that Mattsun's heartbeat would stop for a moment when he saw Takahiro in the evening, greeting him warmly and giving him a beautiful view of his fantastic smile.

It was no coincidence that when Issei was feeling a little down, Takahiro would do anything to cheer him up.

Yet yes, there were times when they would argue, never over bullshit, and Issei would go out on the balcony and smoke a cigarette, knowing full well that the pink would not follow him so as not to risk breathing the shaggy air of the lighter and the flame burning the cartridge.

But they didn't fight seriously, they couldn't do it, the thought of moving away from each other scared them both to death.

They couldn't live apart, they would have felt sick just thinking about it.

It was no accident that they were looking for eachother like moths are looking for a source of light.

It wasn't an accident if they loved each other too much to really hate each other.

It wasn't a coincidence that eachone of them needed each other like they were a drug.

Issei was sure, more than certain of what he was going to do.

Never been safer in his life.

Stealing away his breath, he took Takahiro's head with gentle and eager kindness and accompanied him towards himself, as if inviting him to do the same.

When their nose and skins and lips met, amd there were no more words to add.

Enjoying the magnificent moment, Issei felt the other's white palms tangling in his hair and his fingers continuing on gently combing his black ash curls.

Everything was perfect.

He couldn't have asked for better.

He could feel the sweet taste of chamomile tea mixed with an aftertaste of wet kisses, the ones he had been waiting for too long and did not dare to claim.

A unique and new sensation that made his limbs go haywire and that pushed him to embrace the other more to himself, who moved slightly out of position to be able to caress his fresh cheeks.

They finally detached only after a good few minutes, with short breath and hot cheeks and faces.

Mattsun took the first word.

"Takahiro, I love you, I always have and I always will, so..."

"Please stay by my side"

The rose boy finished the sentence, who was beginning to smile madly while his eyes were watering.
The little transparent pearls went to moisten the little plastic tube placed on the right for his nose.

"Oh Issei, you can't understand how happy I am right now."

He whispered.

"I think my heart will explode if we keep this up."

"No no no no, please hold it!"

They both laughed.

Meanwhile, their eyes had never left each other, and Matsukawa had sat down, bent over the younger one with his back.
Even Issei continued to feel his heartbeat fluttering against his ribs and the adrenaline flowing back into his veins from the euphoria.

That was, finally he said to himself, true happiness.

The one he found early one morning, under a sea of ink flooded with stars and galaxies.

After years of running, turning, crossing, clashes, bad weather, hail, rain, snowfall, storms, sun, clouds, discomfort, comfort, laughter, handshakes, hugs...

He could say he got where he really wanted to be.

That night, at the first light of dawn, he found Takahiro lying on an emerald lawn laughing and crying while whispering sweet words he would remember for the rest of his entire existence, which he would think about every day to give himself streingth to go on.

Sometimes life doesn't turn out the way you want it to.

It can be as good for you as it can be bad.

It can be as simple as it can be unfair.

It can be as small and insignificant as a grain of sand as it could be huge and massive as a supernova.

But they didn't care.

They had... they.

Just saying 'they' was everything.

In the morning, waking up next to each other was already an immense joy.

Every day, hearing each other on the phone was a huge accomplishment.

Every night eating together was the best thing that had ever happened to them.

They, even if they were two of the most insignificant stars or flashes in the sky, would be fine.

Why?

Simple

One had the other

And they would never leave each other for any reason in the world...

τнє єи∂~

【ʰᵉʸᵃᵃᵃ, ᵗʰⁱˢ ʷᵃˢ ʳᵉᵃˡʸ ᶠᵘⁿⁿʸ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ!
ᵗʰⁱˢ ⁱˢ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉⁿᵍˡⁱˢʰ ᵛᵉʳˢⁱᵒⁿ ᵒᶠ ᵒⁿᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵐʸ ⁱᵗᵃˡⁱᵃⁿ ᵒⁿᵉ-ˢʰᵒᵗ, ʰᵒᵖᵉ ʸᵒᵘ ᵉⁿʲᵒᵉᵈ ⁱᵗ🤧 ˢᵒ ᵉᵐᵐ ⁱ ˡᵒᵛᵉ ᵐᵃᵗᵗˢᵘⁿ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵐᵃᵏᵏⁱ ˢᵒ ᵐᵘᶜʰ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ⁱ ʰᵃᵈ ᵗᵒ ʷʳⁱᵗᵉ ˢᵒᵐᵉᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰᵉᵐ🥺💓 ᵖˢ ᵐᵉᵐᵉ ᵗᵉᵃᵐ ⁱˢ ᵃˡʷᵃʸˢ ᵗʰᵃ ʷᵃʸ. ᵒᵏ ⁿᵒʷ ⁱ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ⁱᵐ ᵍᵒⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ˢˡᵉᵃᵖ ᵃⁿᵈ ᶜᵒᵐᵇᵘˢᵗ ʳᵉᵗʰⁱⁿᵏⁱⁿᵍ ᵃᵇᵒᵘᵗ ᵗʰⁱˢ, ᵍᵒᵒᵈᵇʸᵉ~】

ーglo.