─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

SEASON 3 EPISODE 12

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

System: Volii

Faction: Freestar Collective

Planet: Volii Alpha

Place: Neon

A/N: This is my personal favorite chapter and probably the most important one in s3 so far since it really defines Jimin's mental state and his journey through self-destruction. I'm actually really proud of it. It was a lot of fun to write.

It may be a little confusing at times, but that's very intentional since it's such an unknown feeling to Jimin that I'm describing. In his POV, he doesn't know what's happening either, so it's gonna be a little weird and whacky, and probably confusing.

Anyway, like I said, this is my personal favorite I've written so far, which is saying something. So I hope you like it!

You should totalllyyyyy leave comments to tell me your thoughts on this chapter. Just cause I'm curious, y'know?

☆☆☆

Jimin

Neon.

Jimin would never tire of the rotten fish scent mixed with the fecal matter lining the sidewalks. Neon Core had it a bit better than Ebbside, seeing as it was the main hub where tourists came, so there were janitors working there. Not very good ones, but it was the thought that counted.

Jimin stood next to the metal box of doom that led to the spaceport. None of his crew bothered to follow him. All of them continued their inspections for heat leeches. Part of him was surprised Taehyung didn't take a stroll with him, but every other part of him was grateful to have some time alone.

The Astral Lounge was his destination. As much as it was a sucky club for rich snobs, Jimin was a rich snob after the whole Crimson Fleet ordeal. Legacy credits had stocked his account up. He could buy the Astral Lounge. If it weren't owned by Benjamin Bayu, that was. That bastard wouldn't give up an inch of land, let alone his most profitable club.

Neon shined in the perpetual darkness. The glow from the golden conduction grid didn't stop the pink lights Neon was known for from glittering in the darkness of the pitch black sky. The flashing signs switched between various hues of cyan, purple, and red, and the PA systems inside each store blurted out conflicting messages.

Newill's Goods! All you'll ever need in one store!

Don't be cheap. Find the best luxury gift for your significant other now, only at The Emporium.

Look at you... beautiful, stunning... BORED. Get a new look today at Enhance!.

The constant audio advertisements combined with the loud chatter and stomping footsteps led to sensory overload. It didn't help that there were vents pumping out steam to clog Jimin's vision more. The Astral Lounge was crazy, sure, but it was less overstimulating than Neon Core. So that was where he went.

He went to the opposite side of Ryujin (fuck them) and entered the bar from the staircase next to the elevator to the Trade Tower. Jimin made sure to kick the golden Benjamin Bayu statue outside as he passed. If he didn't want to get arrested, he'd melt it with a solar flare. But he worked for the guy. That meant he had to play nice for the time being.

Jimin opted to ignore all the pressures weighing down on his brain and heart, entering the club and hearing the house music blasting louder than any advertisement outside. The strippers were front and center with breasts flashing and asses jiggling. Jimin stared and stared, but not for perverted reasons; it brought memories of his stripper episode all that time ago. He felt old just thinking about it, despite it being only a year and a half ago.

Music burst his eardrums when he moved from the entrance hallway to the club floor. It was packed that night, and Jimin realized it was the "weekend" in UTC. Not many planets had much in the way of weekdays and weekends due to the day-night cycles being so different, but one thing remained the same: night time equaled partying. And on Neon, the parties never stopped.

Bodies and bodies and bodies pounded together, and the smell of sweat wrapped around his flaring nostrils. Alcohol got spilled. Dancers spilled drinks on guests just so they could lick it off and earn tips. The couches in the far back had strippers giving lap dances while men had their eyes rolled back. Jimin grimaced at the sight but otherwise moved along.

He ignored the dancing and shimmied his way through. Being there reminded Jimin why he hated the Astral Lounge. It gave him memories of his childhood, back when older men and women had-

'Squeeze!'

A solar flare erupted through his hand as he whipped around and grabbed the woman who had groped his ass by the throat. He didn't care that a giant burn would be left afterward.

"You touch me one more fucking time and I'll melt your eyes and make you drink them," Jimin said in a hiss, his voice low but sharp enough to be heard over the music. With the over a hundred people in the cramped space, no one noticed. If they did, they were either too high or drunk to know it wasn't a hallucination, or they thought the woman was into it.

The short and slim woman with frizzy, bobbed blonde hair nodded right away, and Jimin released her, trembling as he did so. That convinced him to pick up his pace and push his way through. Sparkles bounced off his right hand, and he had to shut it into a fist and hold his heart. Adrenaline infected him, and he begged his pulse to calm down.

"It's okay," Y/n's voice said in his mind. He couldn't tell if it was the Starborn or merely a memory of his beloved. "Just breathe."

"Honey, I..."

"I know, I know. Deep breaths. Get a drink, okay? You've earned it."

I've earned it, he repeated in his mind. That gave him the final push needed to make it to the bar. Less people were there. There were three people total; two men, one woman. Another waited behind the bar, but Jimin didn't count him since he was the bartender.

He plopped down and let his scarf dangle behind him as he folded his hands together on the counter and nodded to the bartender. "Strongest shit you got."

"We talking alc, or...?"

"I don't care. Anything."

The bartender with lizard-like bright green eyes and spiky brown hair dashed off to fetch Jimin whatever it was that would knock him out the fastest. Anything to take the edge off. The last thing he needed to think about was his wife and crew.

A mop of dark hair clouded Jimin's vision. Brushing it back did nothing. It formed a mullet down his neck and under his scarf, but he hadn't had the energy to cut it. Taehyung had offered, but Jimin didn't care to accept it. Taehyung deserved to use his talents elsewhere, not being a barber. Half of Jimin felt terrible for guilting Taehyung on the crew only to have him do next to nothing, though he couldn't think about that. No. He came to the bar to forget, not to think.

"Jimin," Y/n's voice said. That time, he knew it was the Starborn. "Be careful with how much you drink, okay? Your crew isn't around you-"

Shut up. Jimin snapped the words in his mind as his eyes narrowed on nothing in particular. You did this to me. You made me your little prized contestant, right? So do me one favor and let me drink in peace.

Y/n didn't reply after that, not that he wanted her to. Just in time, too; the bartender returned with a liquor Jimin didn't recognize and a tiny metal box. The bartender poured the liquid as black as Neon's ocean and sky into a shot glass, and then pushed the metal box forward.

"On the house," the bartender said, and Jimin furrowed his brows at that.

"Why?"

"Mr. Park, no one wants to get on your bad side."

"Ah, you recognize me even through all..." Jimin motioned to his less-than-ideal hair situation. "This?"

"Bayu keeps us informed. Told us we never know what you'll do next, so we gotta stay on our toes."

"Well." Jimin paused to raise the shot glass, not caring if it would kill him or not. He pointed it upward in a cheers motion. "For the first time in my life, I agree with Benjamin God damn Bayu. Fuck me, I'm going insane."

Jimin downed the alcohol and gagged from how strong it was. The bartender snorted at Jimin's expense, and upon receiving a glare, the man held up his hands.

"You asked for the strongest stuff we have. That's 190 proof."

"Jesus," Jimin mumbled, almost certain his single word went unheard over the blasting music. He set the glass down and grabbed the metal box instead. "And this?"

"Special treat Bayu had all the bartenders put aside, just in case you wanted it."

"A gift from Bayu himself? It's poison, isn't it?"

The bartender didn't answer, so Jimin took it as a sign to shut up and see for himself. He opened it, and what waited inside was a bright purple powder that glowed several different shades of violet under the flickering lights of the club. The mixes of blues, purples, reds, and pinks the lounge was known for almost had Jimin unsure what the substance was, but he recognized it from all the nights he had wiped it off his Ma's lips.

Aurora.

"Bayu wants me to snort the same shit my Ma does?" Jimin laughed and slapped his knee. "He should give up politics and get into comedy instead."

"Well," the bartender said with a shrug, "he said if you ever came here, you'd probably be desperate enough to try it."

Jimin slid the little box forward and saw there was more than enough there to keep him high the rest of the month. "Ah, shit, the old bastard's not as dumb as I thought."

Aurora wasn't for him. The last time he had had it countless years ago had been an awful experience. It involved puking, diarrhea, and migraines for a week. Most were fine after taking it, but Jimin's body didn't like it. Maybe it was the knowledge in the back of his mind that he'd turn out like his mother if he used it.

That didn't stop him that time.

He took his retractable tactical knife out from his boot, snapped it open, and started slow with a couple bits of powder on the tip of the knife. The drug shimmered and taunted him. The bartender stepped away to give him privacy, and the others at the bar didn't so much as acknowledge Jimin's presence. However, fate had other plans. When he went to snort it, he heard a soft gasp from his right side.

"June?"

Jimin stiffened. That was a name he hadn't heard in well over a year, and as he lowered the knife and tilted his head, he saw a face he never expected to see again. The face of the woman he had seduced all that time ago.

Freckles lined her soft cheeks that looked more plump than the rest of her small face and body. Her dark hair was tied into a braid that went down her right shoulder, the shade matching her short dress that had many frills at the ends. Thin, golden bracelets bounced off her tiny wrists, including the one wrist that raised to her full lips to cover her open mouth.

Isabelle.

"Oh," Jimin said. It was about as good an answer as any. "Hey, Iz. Been a while."

"Been a..." Iz trailed off and lowered her hand, her eyebrows shooting up and her eyes going from a doe's to a siren's in a blink. "Can you imagine my surprise when I found out the man who I thought was interested in me wasn't at all, and not only that, but his real name was Park Jimin, not June?"

Jimin grabbed the liquor bottle the bartender left him and poured himself another shot. "Can you imagine my surprise when I was coerced into doing it by the UC and Crimson Fleet combined?"

Isabelle went quiet after that. Then, she sat next to him and snatched the shot glass from him so she could take it. She, like him, gagged and coughed, and he patted her back to help.

"Shit," she mumbled, wiping the corner of her lips with her long, pale index finger. "Care to elaborate, or should I stay curious?"

Jimin hadn't spoken about the Crimson Fleet in a long time. Even when Y/n was around, he hadn't told her all his thoughts on them. Probably for the best; however, that did mean he had a burning desire in his stomach to open his jaw and let his tongue spill all the torment he had gone through.

Austin. Larry. Delgado. Hoseok.

Jimin cleared his throat. "I'm one of the best hackers in the Settled Systems, so I have quite the reputation. When my dumbass decided to steal something in New Atlantis, Commander Min Yoongi of UC SysDef nabbed me and coerced me into going undercover and taking down the Crimson Fleet from the inside."

"You're kidding."

"I wish I was. That's why I was with you that night: I was distracting you." Jimin stopped to sigh. "For whatever it's worth, I'm sorry. And I didn't completely lie that night. Most of what I said was true."

"Like what?"

"I believe in soulmates," Jimin said with a tongue click, pouring a shot. He took it before she could. He didn't bother coughing that time. "And you're beautiful, Iz. Any guy would be lucky to have you."

"Not you?"

He didn't make eye contact. "I'm married."

"Really? But SSNN said that woman-"

"Y/n," Jimin interrupted, whipping his head to glare. She shut up. "Her name is Y/n. And she's..." Jimin clenched the shot glass, and Iz reached over and loosened his grip so he wouldn't break it.

Silence carried on between them. Isabelle pried his hand off the glass and returned it to his side so he wouldn't hurt himself. Jimin didn't feel any tears. The only burn he felt came from the alcohol killing his throat and liver, but he paid it no mind and instead did his best to keep his voice steady. He failed.

"She's probably dead." Jimin laughed after saying it. It sounded more like a hiccup. "And it was my fault. I used my powers and got her killed." Jimin watched crimson sparkles fly off his right hand, but he didn't close his fist. He was sure his eyes glowed, too. "Everyone tells me these things are a miracle, but no miracle should hurt this much. Every time I use my powers, little Jimin is in the back of my mind. The same Jimin who was sold to older men. The same Jimin who had no control over his body." He shuddered, deciding to squeeze his fingers shut and finally cease the glow. "Looks like some things never change."

Iz rested a soft hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I'm not good at comforting people, but for what it's worth, I think she'd be proud of you. You're a good man."

Jimin shook her off him. "Even after what I did to you?"

"You had no choice. It hurt, I won't lie, but it led to the destruction of the pirates. Maybe I'm telling myself I had a big role to play in that, and that's making me feel better."

"You did, Iz." Jimin rested his hand on top of hers. "More than you realize, you did."

Isabelle sighed and lowered her head, and Jimin realized there was no way he could comfort her. Like her, he sucked at comforting others unless they were Y/n. It came naturally with his wife. But anyone else was a no no. That led to him picking up his knife and chuckling to attempt to lift the atmosphere.

"Well, screw comfort. That's what this shit is for."

Isabelle didn't protest, and Jimin couldn't tell if that was because she didn't disapprove or she was feeling the alcohol. Jimin had done two shots, and his mind had fuzzed up. His above-average body distilled some of it, but he knew he would be blackout drunk and high soon enough. And that appealed to him more than it should.

Jimin lifted the knife to his nostrils and could sense the potency of the substance. It smelled the same as always; like lavender, to disguise how disgusting it was. Yet that didn't stop him from taking it.

Being inexperienced meant he snorted it with the grace of a flopping Neon fish. Half of it ended up on his pants while the other half went up and hit him in a flash as fast as the club's lights. The effects took hold, and the music slowed, reality blurring as if he had used his time power five times in a row. Chatter surrounded him and sounded distorted. Laughter spewed out, and he couldn't identify where it was coming from.

His eyes fluttered while he scanned his surroundings. Everything had a purple glow to it. A smile blessed him when he realized it: his pain was gone. Anxiety departed him, same with the thoughts of his crew. They became a distant mutter drowned out by Neon's sea. What he saw in that moment was a slow-moving Isabelle asking if he was okay.

"I..." His voice sounded as distant as his crew. It reverberated inside his lungs and brain before coming out. "Need more of this shit."

Jimin planted his face on the metal platter and sucked up the rest of it. The effects kicked in three times as hard. The music played backwards, and his hair floated. He didn't know if he had triggered his powers by accident or what, but he giggled and kicked his feet, falling off the stool. Instead of hitting the ground, he hovered above it, and he laughed and told his body to go down. It did, and he hit the floor with a thud.

Jimin rolled over and gazed at the bubbling ceiling. It looked like it was being boiled. Hands reached down from it; the hands of all his past victims. He swore he saw Hoseok's face in there, too.

"Hobi," Jimin whispered with a laugh, doubling over and holding his stomach as he laughed up a storm. His jagged tooth scratched against his plump lower lip.

More hands came down, but that time, they touched him and hoisted him to his feet. Jimin saw Isabelle there, gripping both of his shoulders, and he snickered and shook her concern off.

"I'm fiine." Jimin blew a raspberry and got saliva on her forehead. "I want to dance. Watch me."

Jimin scurried away from her grasp, not caring about how she ran after him. Jimin dodged her and fled into the mob. All at once, the music swelled and continued playing backwards. The dancers moved in reverse, the crowd doing the same. Jimin threw his hands up and cheered, convinced his voice got drowned out by the chaos. He did a few spins, going around and around and around until he fell and banged his head off the floor.

Groans slipped from his moist tongue. If it weren't for the liquid building inside his mouth, he would think his tongue wasn't real. When he looked at his hands, he thought they were fake and bit them to see if they'd come off. They didn't, and he cried. He didn't know why.

The next time he opened his eyes, he saw nothing. The Astral Lounge was there, only empty. No sign of the dancers, Isabelle, the bartender, or anyone else. The music had been dialed down, though it continued to play in reverse. He heard each pound of the bass as it warped in on itself and vibrated the entire building.

Jimin's senses were enhanced as he stood in slow motion. His hair floated more, and he wandered over to the couches with stumbles in every step he took. Laughter returned, and he slumped down on the couch and hummed to himself a melody his Ma used to sing as a lullaby. It was as soft as her touch had once been. If he focused hard enough, he swore he could feel her stroking his hair-

"Jimin?"

Jimin yawned, rubbed his eyes, and glanced up. As soon as he did, he scrambled to his feet, his jaw falling and his teeth feeling like they went with it. A single woman stood there, in the center of the club with her eyes wide and her gaze locked on his. The face he never thought he'd see again.

Y/n.

"Y/n!" He sprinted toward her and fell in the process, but he didn't let that stop him. Jimin rolled to his feet and didn't slow down until he reached her. Jimin knocked her to the ground with the force of his hug, and without hesitation, he smashed his lips on hers, craving a kiss more than anything.

She returned it in a flash, and he moaned into it, keeping his eyes shut as he made out with her on the floor, not caring if anyone came back to witness the scene. Her legs wrapped around his waist, and he panted and bit her lower lip, pulling it back and staring at her in the process.

"I missed you so fucking much, baby," he whispered, pressing pecks all over her face before picking her up, and she grinned at him.

"Show me how much."

He did. Without hesitation.

Jimin threw her on the nearest couch and got to work undressing her and him. The whole galaxy could be watching, but he wouldn't stop. Nothing could stop him in that moment, and he heaved as he left hickies on her neck and cherished the warmth of her figure on his. He didn't know how to stop.

"Jimin," she said in a soft moan that had him trembling and pressing his forehead on hers to gaze into her eyes.

"I love you. I'm so sorry, honey. I love you."

She didn't reply, and he didn't ask why. All he did was make love to her on that couch, kissing her throughout it all until he couldn't handle it anymore. Jimin buried his head in the crook of her neck and sobbed. If she noticed, she didn't comment on it, and that gave him permission to go for as long as he could. For as long as his body would allow.

No ecstasy could match being so close to her. Nothing could match seeing her, let alone touching her, and Jimin slid his hands up and down her sides to cherish every inch as the warped music pounded the building and the flashing lights illuminated her pretty face. He swore he saw a braid in her hair every couple blinks, but he didn't slow down to focus on it. Her eyes were far more important.

"You're so perfect. Please forgive me... God, please forgive me," he murmured through his wails, his hips refusing to slow down as every emotion he knew of swelled through him, but most of all, numbness.

It was ironic. He felt so much, yet so little. And when Y/n didn't say anything, he found himself sobbing more and soaking her hair with water. He didn't get to feel any peak pleasures. What came instead was blackness cramping down on his vision, and he gasped as consciousness struggled to stay with him, but it lost its fight.

And he sunk into the void.

☆☆☆

Fucking headaches.

Jimin grunted and rubbed his head as consciousness returned to him. He had no idea where he was, and honestly, part of him didn't remember who he was either, but he brushed it off to instead smack the side of his noggin to snap himself into focus.

His legs tingled, same with the rest of him. His ears rang, too. Well, to be honest, that was the state of his entire figure. Everything felt... off. And all in a way he couldn't describe. Something about his physical state felt wrong, and he gave himself a few beats to recover before he decided to take in his surroundings.

When he did, he realized he was in a familiar place: his home. No, not his ship—his childhood home. The crate him and Ma used to share, but it belonged to Ma at that time. It was as dry as always, with no decorations and no space for anything extra. It was a miracle Jimin fit on the bed.

But if Jimin was on the bed...

Jimin peeked back and saw Ma passed out on the floor with purple powder on her lips. Upon feeling his mouth, he too noticed the powder there and scrambled back. He saw he had his normal attire on, including Hoseok's scarf and a glove covering his left hand. Nothing appeared off aside from the fact that he had done Aurora. He didn't know how to process that information, though, deep down, he remembered every second of that feeling.

And he understood why his mother did it.

"Ma," Jimin said, but his voice was so hoarse it sounded like a different person's. "Wake up."

"Don't worry, she'll wake up soon."

The second voice had Jimin stiffening, and he whipped around to face the door. Kim Seokjin leaned against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest, and beside him was Taehyung, who averted his gaze.

"Sorry, Captain," Taehyung said, shifting in his spot. "But when Jungkook told me you left the ship angry, I figured you were gonna do something stupid, so..."

"He called me. If I got a hundred credits for every time I got called off Mars to come babysit your ass, I'd be able to move off Mars." Jin stepped into the crate and sighed, kneeling and making a sweater paw with his thin white lab coat and brushing the Aurora off Jimin's lips. "How you holding up, kid?"

"I'm in my thirties," Jimin said in a grumble, but he knew by grumbling he was only proving Jin's words right. He huffed. "I feel like shit, but I don't care about that. Anyone know what happened? How long was I out?"

Taehyung answered while Jin cleaned Jimin's face. "No clue. We found you passed out on the couch next to some girl who was just as passed out. It's been three hours since we found you. Not bad for an Aurora high."

"Gee, that makes me feel better, thanks." Jimin stopped and let silence dominate the home. He stared at Ma the entire time Jin cleaned him up. Ma didn't stir. If anything, she looked peaceful with her eyes shut, her hair pushed back, and her clothes not a mess for once.

"We did our best to make her comfortable. Sorry, Capt, but our priority was you," Taehyung said, and Jimin didn't bother responding.

He hadn't seen Ma in so long. Not since she went back to Aurora. Credits were no issue for Jimin, but he didn't want to keep enabling her. Although, was he one to judge anymore? He was begging for more Aurora in his mind.

"Sure." Jimin swallowed. His saliva tasted like Aurora. "Thanks. No offense, but I think I want a moment alone with her."

"Without us?" Jin asked, stopping his movements. "Are you sure?"

Yeah, it was no secret Jimin and his mother had a "cuddly" relationship, but Jimin knew he needed to stop running from her. Ma was the only woman left in his life. Sarah and Andreja didn't count, seeing as one of them avoided him like the plague and the other rarely showed up since she was probably off doing Va'ruun shit.

"I'm sure. Thank you for being here, Jin."

Using manners had Jimin's stomach filling with more bile than usual. It crept up his throat, but he washed it down with a solid gulp that got caught halfway down. He coughed, and Jin wiped that away, too.

"I'm always here, kid. As soon as I get more time off, I'll stay on your ship for a while, okay?"

"No, Jin." Jimin leaned back, and Jin's hand hung limp in the air. "You're doing important shit."

"And you're not?"

Okay, touché. What Jimin was doing could lead to A) the location of his wife, and B) the discovery of who created the universe. If the Starborn Y/n was real and not just a figment of his imagination, that was, though he had a feeling she was real. It was the only thing he was sure of anymore.

"But you're dealing with Terrormorphs and the microbe. What you're doing saves millions of lives," Jimin said, and Jin shook Jimin off.

"Jimin, your decision was the right one. The microbe is performing well. My work is almost done, and then I can come help your scientist try and figure your brain out."

Ah, Noel. The poor girl hadn't made much progress, not that Jimin blamed her. Jimin gained new powers every other day, it seemed, and keeping up with a subject that changed his matter all the time couldn't be easy. Having a more experienced scientist could tilt the scales in their favor. Well, okay, yeah, all of Constellation were "scientists" on a technical scale, but Noel was the scientist. Others, like Sam and Walter, could care less about the science and just wanted the adventure. Then there was Matteo, who wanted to see proof of a higher power, like Y/n had once. Then Andreja. Jimin had no clue what the fuck she wanted.

"You're not changing your mind, are you?" Jimin asked, and Jin didn't answer. Jimin blew a raspberry and motioned for him to leave. "Alright, alright, I get your point. Now shoo. I need to talk to Ma."

Jin and Taehyung lingered by the door, and then, they departed, closing the entrance as they did so. Jimin took a second before going over and sitting next to Ma. At least no powder covered her lips, unlike his a few moments prior.

"Y'know, I've always hated you," he said, and she didn't reply. "I hated everything about you. You left me and made me raise myself. You never taught me to tie my shoes. You never showed me the padauk out in..." Jimin clicked his tongue and glanced at her, watching her shut eyes and closed lips. "But I love you, Ma. I just wish you loved me too."

Jimin leaned forward and kissed the side of her head, leaving a tiny purple splotch there as he pulled away.

"I understand now. I can't forgive you, but I understand." He rubbed his lower lip, picking up bits of Aurora on his finger as a result. "Goodbye, Ma. Maybe I'll see you soon."

Jimin got up, wobbled, and stumbled his way to the exit, opening it in time for Taehyung to rest a hand on his shoulder to steady him. Dark brown eyes met Jimin's, and he stopped to gaze at Tae for a beat before swiping the hand off.

"Thanks, but I can manage."

Jimin stepped by and shoved his hands in his jacket's pockets. Neon's heat enveloped him, yet he didn't remove his layers. His scarf blew in the "wind" created by Neon's giant fans.

"Can't you just let us help?" Taehyung asked from behind, but that changed in a flash when Taehyung ended up in front of Jimin, blocking his path back to Neon Core. "If you want me to stay on your crew, you need to actually use me. I'm more than a tattoo artist. I think. Please, let me prove it to you and myself."

Taehyung was much too idealistic for Neon. Then again, he had been the one to save Jimin all those years ago. Instead of killing Jimin, he had helped, which was more than anyone else on Neon had ever done.

"No one can help me with this, Tae," Jimin muttered, kicking at the ground and trying his best to avoid eye contact. "Now you best stop bothering me about it. You're starting to sound like Jungkook, and he's the last person you want to sound like."

Always nagging. That summed up Jeon Jungkook. Jimin could breathe and Jungkook would find a way to turn it into a lecture about how Jimin wasn't opening up enough. It made Jimin roll his eyes and want to melt off Jungkook's metal arm and watch the man fumble around for a few hours before Barrett made him a new one with VASCO's assistance.

Taehyung didn't answer, so Jimin continued his trek back to the ship. Jin and Taehyung followed far behind. Neither of them spoke to Jimin or each other. That meant Jimin got peace and quiet, aside from the loud chatter and advertisements making up Neon. And the rainfall, of course.

Eventually, Jimin made it to the spaceport and to the landing pad they were parked on. Security scanners showed he had no Aurora on him. His system had it, but not his pockets, so they let him through but advised him not to fly. As if. He hated flying and sucked at it, so if he could avoid it, he would. Sam would fly them back to New Atlantis to the Lodge, where they could sleep for twelve hours straight. Well, Jimin would. The others? He didn't care what they did.

Rain hit him and caused his mullet to stick to the back of his neck. His long hair got in his face and covered his eyes, too. It felt like it got in his ears and mouth, drowning him from all angles.

Instead of entering the ship, he stood off to the side, near the edge of the pad. The view was as bland as ever—a dark ocean covered by fog with massive waves and rain slamming against the water. Sometimes ships got wiped off the platforms from tsunamis. They were built over a hundred feet above the water, yet mother nature found a way. It always had.

"Better than Mars," Jin said from behind him, walking over and stopping next to Jimin. When Jimin glanced back, he saw Taehyung retreating to the ship to give Jin and Jimin a moment alone. "Not pleasant, but better."

"Don't like sandstorms?"

"Who does? Bad for equipment. Covers everything with dust that takes days to clean just for another storm to come and make us do it all again."

"Sounds like hell."

"Welcome to Mars." Jin stopped and hesitated before continuing. "When the UC stationed me there, I thought I'd be making more of a difference."

Jimin watched the horizon instead of Jin, taking in the way the clouds fogged the sky and hid the stars. "Aren't you?"

"Not even a little. When I was working with you and Y/n, I did more in a day than I've done in the past six months trapped in that lab."

Y/n. A name few dared say around Jimin, and he couldn't blame them. The mention of her could cause his eyes to glow red. That time, they didn't. He didn't know why. Maybe it was because Jin was the only one who didn't hesitate to mention Jimin's fallen wife.

"What are you saying?" Jimin asked. He had to clear his throat after he said it.

"I'm saying you make a difference. A real difference. Everywhere you go, something changes. You took down the Fleet, you discovered artifacts and powers, you stopped the Terrormorphs..." Jin trailed off and placed a hand on Jimin's shoulder, forcing the two to lock eyes. "You have something, kid. Something no one else has. Please, don't waste it."

Jimin noticed the way the dim neon pink lights of the spaceport flickered over Jin's wide eyes. Jin had a tendency to loosen his eyes around Jimin. They would go wider, and they seemed higher up than usual whenever Jimin was present.

"I'm so fucking tired," Jimin whispered, and his voice cracked as he said it. Tears threatened to come, but he held them in his lungs and let a wheeze take their place. His nose hurt from all the pressure building there, same with the space between his eyes.

"I know."

Jimin's lower lip quivered. "I think I want to die, Jin."

Jin slowly pulled Jimin into an embrace, his hands gripping the metal shoulder pad Jimin used to block bullets. Each dent told a tale of a firefight Jimin had survived, yet, for every one, he wished he hadn't. Jin didn't comment on that, not that he knew that backstory. Instead, the man squeezed Jimin, his soft breaths brushing by Jimin's ear.

"I know."

No other words came to mind. Jimin's mind went numb, like it had when he had been shot by the EM rifles. Everything felt distant, as if someone had transported him far away. His brain and body felt separate. Wouldn't be the first time for that.

Several silent minutes ticked by. Just the two of them embracing near the edge of the platform, away from most onlookers aside from essential staff. Otherwise, quietude dominated them. Rain and rain and more rain coated them in moisture. More moisture than sweat could provide, and Jimin was used to bodily fluids considering his attire was a thick jacket to protect from the cold and long pants that had that same goal in mind.

"You're gonna be okay, kiddo. I promise. Can you trust me?" Jin asked while pulling away to recover the lost eye contact.

Jimin trusted Jin with his life, but the problem was Jimin himself. No amount of pep talks or psych evals could stop his tormenting thoughts from popping up every day. Thoughts of Y/n's final moments, with Jimin's powers being the cause of her downfall. Or when Jungkook lost his arm, also due to Jimin's powers. Because Jimin wasn't invincible. Jimin was an all-powerful being—an amalgamation of the universe—yet he couldn't save those who mattered most. Y/n. Jungkook. Hoseok.

And even Jimin.

"I do, but I don't think you get it. It's not you or anyone around me. It's me. Every damn day, something new happens and fucks me up. I need a break from all of this."

"And no one deserves a break more than you, Jimin." Jin paused to nod while remaining close to Jimin. "But please, don't lose what little you have left of yourself trying to find it. Aurora isn't for you. You know that. Please, don't do it again."

Jimin didn't answer for too long. When he did, his voice came out slow. Like his lungs needed to cough the single word up.

"Okay."

Jin sighed and stepped away to give Jimin room to breathe. The added room didn't change anything. On the contrary, Jimin felt more suffocated than before, but he didn't voice that thought.

"Come on, let's get out of the rain and get you cleaned up, okay?" Jin asked, beckoning Jimin forward.

Jimin followed without a word. The rain had washed the purple powder off any visible area of Jimin's body. That didn't change how he could feel it in his veins. It was as if his entire body glowed thanks to the drug. Instead of red eyes and sparkles pouring off his hand, they were purple. Aurora was all he could think about, and although he didn't want to lie to Jin, he had to so no suspicion would arise. Ma had been right, and after making that revelation, Jimin knew what he needed.

He needed more Aurora.

☆☆☆

A/N: I hope you enjoyed that chapter! Like I said earlier, I was very proud of it and enjoyed writing it a lot, and it's my personal favorite so far due to how it handles Jimin's mental health (or what little is left of it).

Thanks for reading, and I'll see you in the next update!