─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

SEASON 3 EPISODE 18

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Location:

System: Sol

Faction: United Colonies

Planet: Mars

Place: Red Devils Headquarters, near Cydonia

A/n: Awwh such a cute picture. Remember when Starfield Jimin used to smile like that back in s2? Awwwwh.

☆☆☆

Jimin

Consciousness didn't take well to Jimin's battered body.

He didn't know what he felt, but he hoped he was dead. Seeing as a bright light shined above him, he thought he was. That'd be nice. Maybe he had overused his powers and got to escape early. Starborn Y/n would be disappointed. But that was okay; it wasn't the first time he had disappointed Y/n.

"Kid?"

The male voice had Jimin stiffening, and he realized he was not, in fact, dead. He didn't know if that relieved him or not. So, he rubbed his eyes with his bare hand, peeling away the crust there and turning to his left, where the voice originated. Kim Seokjin sat there with his fluffy hair alongside goggles atop his head. Thick-framed black glasses ran down his slender nose, and he had dirt on his cheeks. Old Jin would never allow such a substance on his precious face.

"Da..." Jimin trailed off, and he coughed afterwards. Jin tilted his head at that, his eyes widening ever-so-slightly. "Shit, sorry." Jimin squeezed his throat with his gloved hand as if that'd help and did his best to sit up. "Doctor Kim. What are you doing here?"

"Here? Where do you think you are?"

"My ship?"

Jin folded his arms over his chest, the white lab coat a size too large for him. "You're on Mars. Jungkook called Commander Min for help and has your crew hospitalized."

"What?" Jimin almost fell off the bed he didn't realize he was in, gripping the white handlebars that prevented him from slipping to the pristine ground. That had him scanning the area and discovering it was a windowless white box of a room. Like an infirmary. Or a place they kept insane people. "What happened?"

"You don't remember?"

"Am I supposed to?" Jimin saw Jin avert his eyes, and everything stopped. Like he had used his time power. "What did I do?" Jimin broke off to let out a strangled whimper, his throat closing up while the world around him blurred. "Jin, what did I do?"

"It's okay, kid. Minor injuries-"

"What did I do." His voice was sharper that time, and it had Jin leaning forward to place his hand over Jimin's bare one.

"Jungkook asked you to stop taking Aurora. You didn't take it well. You... you blew up the ship, kid. It's gone."

Jimin ripped his bare hand away from Jin's just as a solar flare lit up and fired out against his will. It struck the side of the wall, and Jin flinched and backed away.

Breaths turned into pants, and Jimin pressed his head against the pillow, tears trickling out. They felt like they were made of blood.

"Everyone's... everyone's okay?"

"They'll live, but you banged them up pretty well. The only one dead is that Isabelle Jungkook told me about."

Jimin remembered that. He remembered watching her dying breaths, feeling the way her warm blood squirted on his jacket and sunk through every layer of his skin. He remembered her trying to say her last words, but he didn't let her. The solar flare ensured she died within seconds.

"No..." Jimin didn't know what else to say, and he rubbed the side of his head with his gloved hand. "I didn't mean to, Jin. Please believe me, I didn't mean to."

"We know, but that doesn't make it okay."

"God dammit, I know!" Another solar flare fired at the wall, and Jimin forced the hand to press against his chest. If it happened again, at least it'd take him out instead. "Please, let me find her family. I... I want to apologize. To give them credits. Anything they want, they can have it. Anything."

"We already looked into that. She has no family, but we did recover her body and will bury her."

"Thank you." Jimin ran a trembling hand through his hair and sighed. "Am I under arrest?"

"You're in UC territory, so no, but you have a bounty in the Freestar Collective. We'll transfer the credits from your account to Neon security to pay it off for you. You're lucky you're working with Bayu, otherwise the Freestar would throw you in jail for a long time."

No words came after that. Several minutes passed that cycled between Jimin sobbing, kicking the wall, shooting solar flares, and trying to find a weapon he could use to kill himself. His powers weren't allowing him to, for some reason. Every time he turned the hand on his chest, it didn't work. But he needed it to. Isabelle didn't deserve it. Jimin did.

By the time Jimin was done with his tantrum, he plopped on the edge of the bed and gazed at the wall. He wanted his mom. He really, really wanted his mom.

"Kid," Jin said, remaining in his spot. He sat on a stool next to the bed that made him look short. "You know you need to talk to me. What happened with Isabelle?"

Jimin gagged at the thought and turned over to vomit. It brought more tears to him, but he managed to hold them back, wipe his mouth, and let out yet another cough.

"I killed her."

"I know. What happened before that? Why were you with her?"

"Sex." Jimin's tongue felt like it fell off after he admitted that. "Every time I took Aurora, I had sex with her. The Aurora made her look like Y/n, so I..."

"Kid." Jin leaned forward and held Jimin's shoulder. "Did you want it?"

Jimin's lower lip quivered, and a tear managed to slip free. His voice dropped to a cracked whisper. "No."

Jin embraced him, and Jimin became little Jimin again, bawling into Jin's shoulder. It ended with the two of them on the ground somehow, Jimin's grip so tight on Jin's clothes that he ripped some of the lab coat. Sparkles soared off Jimin's fingertips, but his powers didn't trigger that time. Something about Jin's touch kept them at bay.

"But I..." Jimin wheezed and broke into a series of sniffles, sneezes, and gasps. "But I... I said I did."

Jin stroked Jimin's hair. "Why?"

"I need her to hate me." Jimin pulled back and didn't care how messy and swollen his face looked. "I need her to hate me."

Jin still held Jimin's shoulders, his voice unwavering as he repeated the question. "Why?"

"Because she... I..." Jimin didn't want to answer. Y/n needed to hate him. It was the only way. "I need all of you to hate me. Please tell me you hate me, Jin. Please."

"I love you, kid."

Jimin buried his head against Jin's shoulder and punched his chest once. Twice. Three times. "Shut up. Just tell me you hate me."

"Why would I ever hate you, huh? Why would we? Jimin, we-"

"Stop!" Jimin pushed him back and jumped to his feet, stumbling back. "Stop it. Please..."

A tear slipped by Jin's eye, too. "Why?"

"So I don't feel bad about killing myself!"

Jin didn't reply, and Jimin didn't add anything else. Admitting his reasoning for doing everything he had done was the last thing he wanted to do, but it was the only way to make Jin understand. To make his crew understand. Everyone needed to hate him. Everyone. Otherwise, he could never bring himself to finally leave. To give the galaxy the peace it deserved.

Silence continued on for several minutes. Jimin ended up near the double doors on the other side of the room, curled up in the corner with his knees tucked against his chest. No tears came that time, only jagged breaths and more blurry vision. Aurora withdrawal began kicking in, though his emotions were high enough that it didn't bother him as much as normal.

"I'll never forget the day my dad told me the truth," Jin said, breaking the quiet from his spot on the opposite side of the room. He didn't make eye contact with Jimin. "Imagine being a ten-year-old learning you're worse than adopted: you're a clone. A duplicate of your father made for a future war. Trained from birth to be the most intelligent soldier you can be. I didn't know what it meant at the time, and maybe I still don't, but I know my father never loved me. He was fascinated by me, and he called that love. He tricked himself into thinking he cared about me.

"True parents don't leave their kids. True parents love their children unconditionally, even when it hurts. Above all else, a parent is only as happy as their saddest child." Jin picked up his head and showed his puffy eyes and how the dirt had smeared on him, all the way down to his swollen lips. "And you're asking me to hate you? That would mean hating myself. Do you want that for me?"

Jimin stifled his cries. "No. Never."

"Then what the hell are you doing? Do you have any idea what you've done? Attacking Neon security, hurting technicians, blowing up your ship, hurting your crew. All because you want us to hate you?"

Jimin pressed his hand against his chest and prayed a solar flare would come and end it all. That was the only way to atone for his sins. But his mind wouldn't let him, and neither would Jin, seeing as the doctor came over and pulled Jimin up.

"That's enough." Jin used his hands to hold Jimin's in place. "We've been avoiding this too long, but it's time we do something about it."

"What do you mean?"

Jin embraced Jimin, but it didn't feel the same. Jimin squirmed and tried to pull away, but Jin's broad shoulders didn't allow that.

"Jin, what are you doing? You're hurting me."

"Your crew said the same thing," Jin whispered before Jimin felt a prick on the side of his neck, and in that moment, his eyes bulged, and he realized what was happening.

"No, Jin!" Jimin thrashed and thrashed, but Jin completed the injection anyway, and Jimin whimpered and attempted to break free. "Don't put me in there. Please, don't put me in... please... I can't... my wife..."

"Shh, shh." Jin cradled Jimin as his body weakened and relied on Jin's to stay upright. "It'll all be okay soon."

"Jin." Jimin whined and tugged on Jin's lab coat. "I can't do it. I can't."

"Yes, you can. You have to. Your crew will never forgive you unless you do this."

"But... the mech..."

"Jungkook and Taehyung are handling all your Ryujin duties. You'll be back soon, but we need to get you off Aurora."

Jimin's lower lip trembled. "Please don't do this."

"I love you, kid, but I can't keep watching you do this to yourself."

Tears bubbled like lava in Jimin's eyes as consciousness wavered in his body. "Dad..."

Jin hesitated at that, but he placed a hand on Jimin's cheek and didn't back down. "Shh, it's okay. I've got you now. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you again. I promise, son. I promise."

And then, Jimin slipped into the void.

☆☆☆

Jimin awoke to the sound of the buzzer.

A week after Jin had drugged him, Jimin was in the looney bin. The one Jin had thrown him in to. Which, to be fair, Jimin needed, but that didn't change how dead Jimin felt.

He could escape; everyone knew that. All he needed was five minutes to blow up a few doors, but he didn't. He respected Jin too much for that. Jin had put him in rehab for a reason, and deep down, Jimin wanted to be there.

But in that moment, he wanted to flee. All because he knew what the buzzer meant.

The slim white bed didn't creak the same way Y/n's did. Hers was soft and warm, while the one Jimin sat up in was scratchy like Masako's voice. The rest of the room was gray with a white ceiling and a single light that was bright and filled every shadow of the tiny space. All Jimin had was a shower, a sink, a toilet, and a bed. Nothing else.

"Get up, Park," the male voice behind the door said. The metal door that got barricaded at night. Jimin was the only patient who received that treatment.

"I'm up, I'm up."

Jimin rubbed his eyes and brushed his hair with his fingers, washing his hands and face before knocking on the door to signal that he was ready. The guard wearing UC armor opened it and guided Jimin out. Jimin wore his silly white slip on shoes that matched the rest of his all-white outfit. Stereotypical, huh? Yeah, Jimin hated it. It felt like he was a prisoner, not someone suffering.

Speaking of...

The withdrawal symptoms were at bay for the time being. The first four days had been hell, with him firing solar flares at the walls and pissing all over the floor, followed by him needing two changes of clothes because he had defecated on himself. Twice. All of which being on accident, not on purpose. Aurora withdrawal took away his sense of self. Since he had just woken up, all he had was a headache and more sweat than usual, but as the day progressed, he'd have hallucinations screaming at him that he was a monster. Maybe they had a point.

The guard led Jimin down the narrow corridor with more guards than any other sector. Jimin was the only patient allowed in that hall, which was both a positive and a negative. It meant no other patient would risk getting hurt by Jimin's accidental outbursts he genuinely couldn't control despite his best efforts, but it also meant Jimin felt more alone. Well, except for in that moment, when the guard guided him to the lobby, which was vast but isolated due to it being Jimin's single visiting hour. They had blocked out the entire hour for him and him alone. Again so no one else would risk getting hurt.

The lobby was as gray as the rest of the facility, and it had countless tables set up with fake plants as centerpieces. Drawings made by the patients decorated the otherwise dull walls.

Jimin approached one of the tables that had Jeon Jungkook sitting at it. His throat had light bruising, but it had healed well over the past few days. Jimin didn't bother thanking the guard as he sat across from Mr. Jeon.

"Came back for day eight, huh?" Jimin asked with a chuckle, quirking a brow at the bunny boy. Somehow, Jungkook had been the only member of the crew to show up for Jimin's visiting hour. Likely for everyone's safety. Jin visited, too, just after Jungkook left. Something about not wanting to overwhelm Jimin with too many faces.

"Always." Jungkook shifted in the white chair and folded his hands together on the table. "How are you?"

"Well, I didn't piss on the floor yesterday. Got it into the toilet that time." Yes, that was the first time in a week Jimin had managed to have aim. "Wow, that sounds pathetic."

"Progress is progress." Jungkook offered Jimin a smile. "How about your headaches?"

"Pretty bad still. Got one right now."

Jungkook winced. "They give you anything for it?"

"No. It's a dry recovery. No other drugs allowed, no matter how small. Can't say I blame them." Jimin cleared his throat and pointed to Jungkook's new arm. "How about you? How's training going?"

Jungkook raised his prosthetic. "Much better. I can hold glasses of water now."

"That's great, bud. You'll be back to slaying pirates in no time."

Jimin and Jungkook shared a small laugh, but it went silent soon after. That was what always happened. First, Jungkook would make small talk about how Jimin was. Second, Jimin would ask about the arm. Third, they'd go silent until Jungkook decided to leave to let Jin in. So, they initiated step three. Or, at least, they did until Jimin couldn't stand it anymore.

"Why?" Jimin asked, his voice a whisper. A cracked one at that.

Jungkook used his real hand to hold Jimin's right one. "Because you're my best friend."

Jimin hadn't planned on crying, though Jungkook's gentle, patient tone had the moisture coming to his eyes anyway. He managed to stop them, but that didn't stop Jimin from wondering why his mother hadn't been that way. What if his mother was gentle. Patient. Where would Jimin be if she was?

"But I hurt you. I hurt all of you."

"I know, but you're not a bad person, Jimin-"

"I'm sure as hell not a good one," Jimin interrupted, and he sighed as sparkles flew off him. He moved his right hand away from Jungkook and under the table. "I'm so sorry, Jungkook."

"It's not okay, but it could be. You're Park Jimin. You took down pirates and Terrormorphs. You read bedtime stories to Cora and cry over stupid, shitty romance books."

Jimin sniffled. "They're not stupid."

"They're stupid."

Jimin cracked a smile at that. "Shut up, Jeon."

Jungkook laughed, and Jimin couldn't help but join in. No tears fell, but if they did, they would be happy ones. The first ones he had had in over eight months. Back when he had proposed to Y/n.

"The point is, I know Park Jimin. He doesn't think he's a hero, but he is. Whoever this is, he's not Jimin, but that's okay. Friends don't give up because they go away for a little while. I know my Jimin is in there somewhere."

Jimin wanted to punch him for that. A punch that said stop caring about me. A punch that would get Jungkook to leave forever and go heal on his own. Heal from the wounds Jimin had caused. But Jimin didn't move, instead opting to shake his head at Jungkook as if that said what he wanted it to.

"Maybe."

Jungkook bunny smiled. "Hard to tell through all that hair."

Jimin cackled and brushed it back, but after a beat, the amusement gave way to a quivering lower lip and shaking hands. "I'm sorry, Jungkook."

"I know." It wasn't an I forgive you, but it wasn't an I hate you either.

"I didn't realize it until now, but..."

Jungkook leaned forward. "But what?"

"I..." Jimin trailed off and met Jungkook's eyes. "I told myself I'd have nothing left to live for if Y/n died. I was wrong." He paused to chuckle. "Wouldn't be the first time." Jimin squeezed Jungkook's hand. "But it looks like my reason is right in front of me. It has been this whole time."

"And Cora and Marbles."

"Well, yeah, that goes without saying."

Jimin and Jungkook laughed again. It was the most Jimin had laughed—genuinely laughed—since Y/n's disappearance.

"You're such a fucking asshole," Jimin said, sitting back and whistling out a breath.

"Captain, I guarantee you're a bigger one."

Jimin wanted to agree and add on to it, but the use of the word Captain had him stiffening. He froze for a moment, and Jungkook gave him the time he needed to process those words.

"Don't call me that," Jimin whispered, his eyes darting around the table before he gained the courage to meet Jungkook's again. "I'm not your captain anymore."

"You are to me."

"That's a terrible decision."

"I know, but I've never been known for making good choices, have I? Or any choices at all," Jungkook said with a short snicker.

"But..."

"No," Jungkook interrupted, his voice firmer than before. "I'm not giving up on you like your mother did. You need help, and I'm done sitting around doing nothing. I failed you by sitting by and watching you go through hell. I'm so sorry, Jimin."

"Please don't apologize. It's me who should be begging for forgiveness."

Jungkook gave Jimin a soft smile. "I forgave you a long time ago. Now it's time for you to forgive yourself."

"But... after everything I've done, I don't deserve forgiveness, and I sure as hell don't deserve to be your captain anymore. Besides, how would that even work, huh? Captain? With what ship?"

"The one we just bought in your name."

Jimin's jaw slacked at that. "What?"

"Cora thought it'd be a good birthday present."

"My birthday was four months ago."

Jungkook shrugged. "Cora's never been good at math."

"Don't talk about my princess that way," Jimin said, trying to sound scary, but he knew he sounded like a pouty child. "She's better than me."

"Doesn't take much."

"Hey!"

Jimin resisted the urge to pounce across the table and scold that rascal for his words. Jimin was thirty-four, with Jungkook being thirty-two. Two years. Two years. That bastard should respect his elders. But the amusement he felt didn't remain. It gave way to what Jungkook had said about a new ship. It wouldn't replace the Starbright that they had had for two years, but it was better than nothing. Jimin didn't deserve it. Any of it.

Jungkook saw Jimin's smile drop and reached across the table with his prosthetic. "Look, I won't lie and say Constellation are happy with you, but-"

"There are no buts, Jungkook. I hurt you guys. And Cora..."

"She's okay, and she forgave you. Well, under the condition that you'd read her a bedtime story as soon as you got back."

Jimin sniffled and rubbed his lips together. "She takes after her father, huh?"

"You got that right. Speaking of, Sam wants to visit tomorrow. That okay with you?"

"Yeah." Jimin nodded a bit too fast. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Good." Jungkook leaned back to continue his first sentence. "Before I was rudely interrupted, I was going to say Constellation aren't happy with you, but they care. We all do. You're our captain, Jimin. Look at what happened when we went to Carinae. You led us without missing a beat. You came up with all the plans, and guess what? We succeeded. Not just anyone can do that."

"You could."

"No, I can't, and that's okay. Not everyone needs to be a leader, and I know I'm not one, but you are. You may not see it that way, but it's true."

It went quiet again. Jimin didn't mind it that time. For the first time since Y/n went missing, Jimin felt a tiny twinge of hope. Maybe he had a reason to keep going, even without her. Without dad. Without...

Hobi.

Jimin missed his scarf, but they wouldn't allow him to have it due to it being a suicide risk. That meant Jin kept it safe for him back on Mars. He understood the reasoning for them taking it away from him, but that didn't change how he wanted it. Not for any suicidal purposes. He just wanted to hold it for a little while.

Sweat began forming on Jimin's head, and he swiped it away. Great. More withdrawal symptoms. In an hour, he'd be shitting himself again and writhing in pain from the aches running up and down his body.

"I think you should go. I'm starting to feel the withdrawal."

"Sure thing, bud. Want me to tell Jin to come back tomorrow?"

Jimin gripped his stomach. It felt like it was about to eat itself alive. "Yeah, tomorrow. Tell him I said hello, please."

"I will, and I'll make sure he knows the reason you can't see him."

Good. The last thing Jimin wanted was for Jin to think he was blowing him off, and not in the fun way. Withdrawal was a bitch, that was all. It was a miracle Jimin could meet either of them during the day, let alone both of them back-to-back.

"Thanks, Kook. For everything."

Jungkook patted Jimin's shoulder. "I'm always here for you."

Jimin nodded, and Jungkook gave Jimin one last bunny smile before backing up and brushing off his clothes from the nonexistent dust. Jungkook had a habit of just... touching things. Meh, Jimin didn't care. Biting his nails was Jimin's habit, so he was in no position to judge.

Jungkook went over to the door and stopped in front of it, giving Jimin an overdramatic bow. "Goodbye, Park Jimin."

The three words had Jimin stiffening in his spot, and it was like he used his time power without it actually triggering. He could see each movement Jungkook made in slow motion, but he knew it was all in his head. All because of those words sparking something inside him.

"Wait," Jimin said, and Jungkook paused.

Despite the door opening, Jungkook craned his neck to make eye contact. Jimin didn't say anything for a long beat, trying to let the words formulate on his tongue. When they did, he wanted to sob, but he held back to instead give Jungkook a smile that met his eyes.

"No, Jungkook... I think you mean to say hello."

☆☆☆

Maybe Jimin isn't gone after all...