█▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀█
chapter thirty-eight: the impossible
█▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄█

     "SHE DEMOTED ME," Poe says, sounding shell-shocked. The pilot is sitting on the steps of the Raddus's bridge, knees pulled up to his chest in a way that makes him look impossibly small. As angry as she had been only a few minutes ago, Indira can't help but feel a twinge of sympathy for just how pitiful her boyfriend looks and she sighs. "I can't believe it. General Organa actually demoted me."

She doesn't want to say that she told him so, but ... she totally told him so.

"I'm not going to gloat," Indira announces, setting a hand on his shoulder before taking a seat next to him on the steps, "because I know you're already beating yourself up, but are you starting to regret not listening to me now?"

He groans and presses his face into his knees. "Totally regretting it."

"You lied to me, Poe Dameron," she scolds him, poking his bicep with her index finger. "That was uncool."

"I know," he says, the words muffled. "Totally uncool."

Seeing Poe so miserable makes her anger dissipate faster than smoke in the wind. In fact, Indira can't even find it within herself to properly chew him out any further. Commander — or, more accurately, Captain — Poe Dameron was a truly pathetic sight to see. There was no point in her making him feel even worse.

"I'm sorry, flyboy," she tells him with a sigh, rubbing his back.

"It's my fault," Poe mutters, lifting his head to look at her. "I shouldn't have disobeyed Leia. It was stupid. I just really thought I knew what I was doing."

"Well, you won't do it again, right?" Indira asks, raising her eyebrows. "So at least there's that."

His face falls. "Yeah, I guess," he mutters. "But Leia's really pissed at me. I've never seen her so angry before. You should have heard her. She told me to 'get your head out of your cockpit' and that 'there are things you can't solve by jumping in an X-wing and blowing something up!' and that "you weren't a leader out there"... she really didn't hold back."

Indira pinches the bridge of her nose. "Kriff, Poe."

"And she demoted me, on top of all that," he finishes glumly. "I shouldn't be surprised. I mean, Leia has threatened to demote me more times than I can count, but I never thought she'd actually do it. So, I'm officially a captain now, Indira. I haven't been a captain since I was flying with New Republic. That was years ago. It's humiliating!"

"Poe," she admonishes.

Truth be told, even Indira hadn't expected her aunt to react so strongly to his insubordination. She'd known that Leia would be cross with him, but her reprimand was harsh. For as much of a pain in the ass that Poe could be, Indira had always thought that the general and her most trusted commander understood each other better than anyone. Now, she wonders if she seriously misjudged the relationship between them.

"You really pissed her off."

"I know," he practically wails. "I'm so stupid!"

"A little stupid," Indira agrees, patting his head sympathetically. "But I still love you."

     As soon as the words leave her lips, she freezes and her eyes widen. She looks at him out of the corner of her eye, hoping that he didn't notice that she dropped the big L bomb without even meaning to do it. Please, she silently begs, feeling her stomach twist with dread, ignore it, ignore it. Pretend you didn't hear it. I didn't mean to say it — not now, not yet, not like that.

For a moment, his expression remains blank before his brow furrows. "Wait a minute," he says, eyes narrowed. "Did you just say that you —"

"Whoa," Finn — sweet, wonderful, lovely Finn — interrupts their conversation as he comes wandering into their area of the bridge. "We're really nowhere."

Oh, thank Force. Indira almost cries tears of gratitude for the blessed change of subject as she scrambles off the ground and to her feet. "Still in hyperspace," she confirms, approaching her friend. "We've got a bit more time to kill before we pull out."

"We must be far away from D'Qar," Finn says. "How's Rey going to find us now?"

"With this," a voice says behind them, causing both Indira and Finn to spin around quickly. Standing there is General Leia Organa herself. On her wrist, the general is wearing a bracelet that has a small, blinking beacon attached to it; one that Rey would be able to use to find their location when she returned to the Resistance with Skywalker in tow.

"A cloaked binary beacon," Finn breathes, marveling at the sight.

Leia smiles at him; eyes softening and losing some of the hardness that had put a tight strain on her weathered face. "To light her way home."

Out of the corner of her eye, Indira can see Poe slinking away from the general; too embarrassed to be in her presence. He leaves the bridge without a word. Indira hopes that he'll take the time away to shower and possibly get some rest, even though she knows it is highly unlikely.

"Beren," her aunt says, finishing up her conversation with Finn. "May I have a word with you?"

Indira nods quickly, allowing herself to be pulled aside. "What's up?" She asks her aunt, shoving her hands into the pockets of her uniform.

"I trust you heard about what happened," Leia begins, raising a quizzical eyebrow at her.

Indira's lips twitch slightly. "Yes, the captain was very upset," she replies, resisting the urge to laugh when she knows it really isn't funny. "I told him not to come bother you, but he did it anyways."

"Ah, so then it's justice." Her aunt smiles faintly. "It's good to see the men in our lives humbled from time to time; especially when the situation could have been avoided entirely if they had simply listened to the advice of a woman."

Indira laughs before shaking her head. "It's not permanent, is it?" She asks, referring to Poe's demotion. "I know he was being stupid, but his heart was in the right place. He really does feel ... bad."

Leia purses her lips. "No — it's not permanent, but I need him to remember his place. We have no place for mutineers or reckless leadership in this rebellion right now." She sighs and rubs her temples. "I've known Poe for years, Indira — ever since he was a child. He has always been a very resilient and determined person; even after losing his mother at such a young age. I've always been impressed by his skill and his natural ability to connect with people. It's what makes him a good candidate for leadership."

She pauses for a moment, staring out at the neon blue lights of hyperspace. "But Poe can also be impulsive and rash. He doesn't always think things through. I demoted him today for the same reason that I grounded him after we lost L'ulo; so that he would be forced to take some time to breathe and get his head back in the right space. When I think the lesson has sunk in, I'll reinstate him. For now, though, let him stay humbled."

Indira nods before clearing her throat.  "Speaking of being humbled," she says, crossing her arms over her chest before looking down at her shoes. "I spoke with Raena Nhagy earlier today and she told me her story. I assume you know it already?"

Leia glances over at her and nods slowly. "I do."

"You let her go, back on D'Qar, so that she could give a message to ..." Indira lets her voice trail off, leaving Ben Solo's name unspoken. "Didn't you?"

"Yes," her aunt admits with difficulty. "I thought that there was a chance that the Light was returning to him because of that girl." Her eyes turn misty as her shoulders slump in defeat. "But I can see now that I was wrong. He murdered Raena Nhagy in cold blood. There is no Light left in him."

"I'm sorry," Indira murmurs; not because she particularly cares about her estranged cousin's soul, but because she knows that — in spite of everything he has done — her aunt still mourns for him. "I know it must be very difficult for you."

"Less difficult with you at my side," Leia replies, clearing her throat and forcing a smile onto her face. She pats Indira's face affectionately. "Now, I've got to get back to work. We're still searching for a new planet for our base — although I think Commander D'Acy might have found something promising."

Her voice trails off as she begins walking in the opposite direction, clothing swishing with every step she takes. Indira watches her go; a faint smile on her face as she watches her aunt assume her role as the Resistance's fearless leader once more. If any one person had the ability to win a war through the sheer power of their own will, it would be Leia Organa. They would pull through this, like always.

As long as we have Leia, we have hope, Indira thinks, feeling the tiniest spark of optimism flickering inside her. We're going to be just fine.

    THE MESS HALL is nearly empty when Indira finds her way into it, wiping grease stained hands on the fabric of her uniform before picking up a tray. She hadn't expected to see any familiar faces while eating so late, but she was evidently not the only person who was late to dinner. At an empty table, Raena Nhagy is sitting and pushing her food around sullenly. And, much to her surprise, Indira sees Poe in the dining hall as well.

     He looks better than he did earlier; freshly showered and wearing a clean uniform. Between the two of them, Indira now looks like the hot mess, with her hair unkempt and her uniform covered in engine oil. Even so, she smiles when she sees him, waving him over as soon as he has a plate filled with food.

     "Hey," he says, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek while taking care to not spill his plate. "You look like you've been busy."

     "And you look better," Indira notes nodding her head for him to follow her to a table. "I was finishing up the repairs on Black One. She should be fully operational now."

     "That's great!" Poe replies, eyes brightening. "Thanks for that. I think the job was a little much for Bee to handle on his own."

     "You're very welcome," she says with a smile, nudging him in Raena's direction. "You smell nice, too. Finally took that shower?"

     Poe shoots her a rueful grin. "Better late than never, I guess." However, he stops when he realizes who they're walking towards. "Indira, no," he hisses. "Nhagy's a weirdo; we don't want to sit with her."

     Indira rolls her eyes at him. "Raena is my new friend," she whispers back. "So be respectful, flyboy, or go sit by yourself."

     Poe sighs dejectedly. "Fine," he huffs. "I'm only doing this for you, though. I still feel like she might try and murder us in our sleep."

     Indira gives him a wary look. "Some of us, maybe," she agrees and he scowls at her just before they take their seats. Their presence startles Raena out of her intense introspection and the blonde gives them both suspicious looks.

     "What, are these seats taken?" Indira asks, arching a brow at the assassin as Poe mutters an unconvincing Hey, Nhagy under his breath as a greeting.

     "Hah," Raena replies, barely barking out a laugh. "Hilarious."

      "You look upset," Indira observes. "Why do you look upset? Telter noodles can make anyone happy."

     Raena frowns. "I had a meeting with your general," she replies, not meeting Indira or Poe's gaze as she pushes her food around. "And now I can't stop thinking about it."

     Poe drops his fork with a clatter. "You had a meeting with the general?" He asks in disbelief. "What did she say?"

     Indira elbows him gently to get him to be quiet. "Was it confidential?"

      "Kind of," Raena mutters.

    A heavy silence hangs over the table, leaving the atmosphere tense and awkward. All three of them attempt to eat the food on their plates, leaving only the sound of their forks clinking against their dishes and their chewing to fill the air for several agonizing minutes. It's so painfully awkward that Indira thinks she might actually explode if someone doesn't speak soon.

     "The general wants me to go back to the First Order!" Nhagy finally blurts out, unable to stop herself from saying it.

     Without meaning to, Indira spits her food out of her mouth. "She wants you to do what?!"

     "I can't believe General Organa would ask you to do that." Poe frowns. "It's so dangerous."

     "She wants me to infiltrate them," Raena confesses. "Gain information on their plans so the Resistance is prepared for their next strike. You guys took some heavy losses out there today. Having someone on the inside who could warn you about any planned attacks could be useful."

     "But why would you go back?" Indira asks. "Kylo Ren tried to kill you."

     "Hux is the reason I'm still alive," Raena says grudgingly. "He gave me the reanimation serum because he wanted me to come back. I don't think he'll be very surprised if I do."

     "So, are you going to do it?" Poe asks, brow furrowed. "Because it could be a huge help, if you did. No more surprise attacks; no more last minute evacuations — it isn't an overstatement to say that this could change everything for us."

     Raena wavers as fear flickers over her face. "I don't know," she replies, avoiding their stares.

     Indira frowns. "I think you do," she replies, arching a brow at the other girl.

     "No, I don't," Raena scoffs. "I'm obviously distressed because I don't know what I should do."

     "You know you need to go, Raena. You have to," Indira says, her tone leaving absolutely no room for argument. "Not only is this your one big chance to get revenge on Kylo Ren — something I know you want — but this is also your opportunity to make a difference. You said you were trying to make up for your past? Well, here's your chance. Are you going to accept it or are you going to cower away from it?"

     Raena glares at Indira from across the table, though in her eyes she can see that the other girl knows what the right choice is. Whether or not she will be brave enough to make that decision is an entirely different story.

       "I have to go," Raena mutters, clearing her tray and leaving the table as quickly as she can.

     Indira watches her leave, one eyebrow raised as she studies the Raena's retreating figure. Beside her, Poe nudges am elbow into her ribs. "Why the hell did you do that?"

     "Because I'm right," Indira replies, crossing her arms over her chest. "And she knows it."

     "Damn, Beren," he mutters, rubbing a hand over his half-shaven face. "This war is making a real soldier out of you. You'll be barking out orders to the troops in no time."

     "Sir, yes, sir," she replies with a sarcastic salute, standing to dump her picked-over food in the garbage. "I hope we find a new base soon. The food on the Raddus is making me miss D'Qar's dining options."

     "Even the mysterious gray slime?" Poe asks, mirroring her actions and dumping his tray into the bin.

     "Even the slime," she confirms mournfully, allowing him to take her hand and pull her out of the deserted mess hall.

     They walk hand-in-hand together in silence, making their way down the many corridors of the ship. Neither of them are quite ready to go back to their rooms; especially since they're in separate quarters for the time being. As they wander the halls, Indira draws them to a stop just outside of the hangar. When she peers inside and finds no one else present, she punches the code on the door and quickly tugs Poe inside with her.

     "Where are we going?" Poe asks, surprised.

    Indira smiles at him mischievously. "To the stars," she says, pulling him towards the large bay windows.

     Outside of the ship, the cool glow of neon blue light surrounds them as they speed through hyperspace. Soon, their fleet would exit its cocoon of speed and light, but for now they were safely tucked in its embrace, where it was impossible for them to be attacked. Indira takes a seat on the floor of the hangar, propping herself up on her hands in front of the bay windows. Poe mirrors her position and she rests her head on his shoulder; neither of them speaking for several quiet minutes.

     "It's been one helluva day," she finally says, feeling her tiredness beginning to catch up with her.

     "Yeah," Poe agrees. "Feels like we left D'Qar a lifetime ago, but it hasn't even been a full day."

     "Do you think our friends are alright?" Indira whispers. "Do you think they even know that we're gone?"

     His mouth curls downwards. "I don't know. But I hope they're safe, somewhere far, far away from this shit show."

     "I'm worried about Rey," she admits, swallowing past the lump in her throat. "She should have returned with Skywalker by now, don't you think?"

     "Rey is probably off becoming the galaxy's tiniest and most terrifying Jedi," Poe replies. A small smile makes his lips quirk upwards. "She'll be back soon. With Skywalker, too. Hopefully by then, we'll have settled onto our new base."

     The idea of Skywalker returning makes Indira's stomach twist. This man, the father that she'd never had the chance to know, would be returning back with her friend. Indira wonders if he ever thinks about her? If Rey told him about her and if he knew, right away, that she was speaking about his daughter? The prospect is so intimidating that her heart rate immediately begins to climb and her breathing starts to come in short breaths.

     "Poe," Indira says, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the urge to tell someone — anyone — the truth after keeping it bottled up for so long. "There's something I need to —"

     Before she can get the words out, the ship comes to a lurching halt, pulling out of hyperspace without warning and jolting the pair slightly. The blue light outside vanishes in an instant, leaving nothing but the inky black abyss of the galaxy's stars and skies staring back at them.

     "We're out of hyperspace," Poe mutters, scrambling off the ground. "They must have found a new base — come on, let's go to the bridge and see what's going on."

     Indira swallows, feeling disappointed yet also relieved that the moment had passed. In hyperspace, she'd felt safe enough to divulge her greatest secret without fear, but now that they were back in deep space, she no longer felt secure enough to do so. Telling Poe the truth about her father's identity would have been a mistake that she wouldn't have been able to undo. She wasn't ready to tell him. Not yet.

      "I wonder where we are," Indira asks as they leave the hangar. "What system we're in, I mean. What do you think the new base will be like?"

     "Hopefully, warm," he replies, shuddering slightly at the thought of being stationed on a frozen wasteland. "Please, don't let it be Hoth ... please, don't let it be Hoth." His eyes light up. "Oh! What if it's Bespin? General Organa was good friends with Lando Calrissian back in the day. Maybe we're headed his way."

     They round the corner of the hallway together, trading off possible destinations with one another while laughing at the suggestions; each one more ridiculous than the last.

     "Tatooine?"

     "Too hot. Naboo?"

     "Too sacred. Kashyyk?"

     "Too many trees. Dagobah?"

     "Eugh, too swampy!

     As soon as they get to the bridge, their laughter stops and they sober up quickly. Down below them, the Raddus's command center has descended into complete and utter chaos. Indira frowns as she watches people run back and forth, barking out orders while shouting at one another non-stop.

     "Proximity alert!" Admiral Ackbar is yelling over the din. The Mon Calamari male waves his hands in the air wildly. "Proximity alert!"

     One of the Resistance monitors starts beeping like crazy, displaying visuals of an approaching fleet of ships on the screen. "They've found us," a woman says, her voice filled with dread. Immediately, Indira feels her heart sink as Poe lets go of her hand to approach Admiral Ackbar.

     "That's impossible," Poe mutters under his breath, studying the holograms of the First Order fleet hot on their tail. "That's Snoke's ship! You've gotta be kidding me. Can we jump to lightspeed?"

     Indira's stomach twists as she comes to a horrifying realization — that they had been forced to evacuate while low on fuel. "We only have enough resources one more jump."

     "Do it," Poe orders, pointing to Connix. "We have to get out of here."

     "Wait."

     General Leia Organa holds up a single hand, silencing the room and ending the chaos with one word. Her eyes narrow as she examines the situation before her, lowering hand as she comes to a chilling conclusion.

     "They've tracked us through lightspeed."

     "But that's impossible," Finn interjects, seemingly appearing out of nowhere at Indira's side out of nowhere.

     "Yes," Leia agrees. Her eyes meet her niece's and, for the first time in her life, Indira doesn't feel reassured by her aunt's presence. For the first time in her life, she looks into General Leia Organa's eyes and she sees fear. "And they've done it."

a/n: this is a lil embarrassing but i made indipoe on zepeto and ... i love them 🥺

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! 🎃

EDITED ON:
10.31.19