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chapter thirty-one: the perfect night
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    "SO, TODAY'S THE BIG DAY," Poe says, voice filled with false cheer and forced optimism as he sets his breakfast tray down on the cafeteria table in front of him with a loud clatter. Everyone at the table winces at the volume of the sound — especially Kali, who is sporting a nasty hangover from the previous evening's farewell festivities. "Tonight, you all leave us."

    The words make Indira's stomach drop. She'd done her best to ignore the fact that this day had to come, but the reality is right in front of her. She can't ignore it any longer: today her friends — and her mother — would be leaving, indefinitely, until circumstances allowed them to reunite once more. For her friends, it hinged on their ability to find allies somewhere in the galaxy to aid the Resistance cause. For her mother, it depended on one monumental and seemingly impossible event: the Resistance winning the war.

     "Don't remind me," Jessika groans, burying her face in her hands. "Even thinking about it makes me want to cry. Can't we just pretend that it's a normal day?"

     Poe frowns at Jessika's obvious distress. "Aw, come on, Testor," he coaxes, putting on a brave face for his younger teammate. "This is huge — your first solo mission! You should be excited; I mean, look at just how far you've come!"

     Indira can only imagine just how difficult this must be for him as she watches him play team leader to a team that will soon be leaving him behind. Black Squadron was more than just a team to Poe Dameron; it was his family. And now, every single member of that family would be gone, leaving Poe on his own. Even so, he does his best to keep everyone's spirits up; he jokes and laughs and encourages his teammates as best he can in spite of his own stinging disappointment.

     "But what about you?" Jess asks, still sounding considerably miserable. "You're going to be stuck here. It's not right!"

     "Eh, don't worry about me," Poe says, striving for nonchalance. "I'll be fine. Someone has to keep the newbies in line while you lot are off being heroes."

     "Yeah, so who's going to be doing that?" Snap asks, face serious until he winks at Poe's offended expression.

      "I am a responsible and well-respected commander!" Poe protests, slamming his fist on the table. "I'm pretty confident that I can handle babysitting a bunch of junior fighter pilots on my own!"

     "Force have mercy on them," Karé adds, joining Snap in his teasing.

     "You know what? I've changed my mind. I won't miss any of you once you're gone," Poe says petulantly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Not even a little bit!"

     "Oh, please," Kali scoffs. "We all know you're going to cry yourself to sleep tonight."

     "But it will only be one tear," he replies, brandishing a single finger for emphasis. "Maybe two — but that's it; nothing more!"

     The table breaks into loud squabbling then, filled with loud, raucous banter and familiar laughter. For a moment, everything feels as it should be — normal, constant, and unchanging. For a moment, Indira can forget that this might be the very last time that they will all be together like this. For a moment, she can allow herself to smile and pretend like the entire galaxy hasn't fallen to shit. Just for one single moment.

     But she knows it won't last.

    SUNSET COMES FAR TOO quickly and with it brings the promise of several painful farewells. Jessika is already crying, sniffling loudly as she drags her packed bags out towards her ship. As her ever dutiful girlfriend, Kali trails behind her and does her best to make Jess laugh; teasing and taunting and even singing — loudly and terribly off-key — in the hopes of bringing Jessika's dampened spirits up.

     Snap and Karé look to be handling things much better, filled with confidence and self-assurance from the years of experience under their belts. Even so, something about this particular mission seems permanent; so much so that even the veteran pilots appear somewhat unnerved at the prospect of leaving the base. With so much uncertainty surrounding the war's future, there is no telling what the galaxy might hold for them.

     "I hate this," Poe mutters under his breath, arms crossed and leg jiggling as he and Indira stand next to one of the unused ships and watch the buzzing activity inside the hangar. "I really, really hate this."

     "Yeah, I'm not crazy about it either," Indira says, frowning. "I know I'm supposed to trust my aun — General Organa, but this plan ... something about it just doesn't feel right."

     She glances over at Poe, hoping he hadn't caught her nearly incriminating — and carelessly stupid — slip of the tongue. Thankfully, he's far too deep in his own brooding to notice her fumbling words.

     "Gods, look at Jess," he continues, as if Indira hadn't said anything at all. "She's just a kid and she's scared shitless."

     "At least she's going into friendly territory first," Indira suggests. "Yavin has always been supportive of the Resistance. She'll get to meet your dad, too, when she and Kali ..." she trails off, swallowing past the lump in her throat. "Sorry. When she and Kali drop my mother off."

     "Kriff," Poe curses, rubbing a hand over his face before he slings an arm around Indira's shoulders and presses a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm sorry. This is hard for both of us, but I've been too busy wallowing in my own self-pity to be of much use."

     "Try any use," Indira teases, nudging him in the ribs before leaning her head on his shoulder. "It's alright. You don't have to apologize. I know this isn't easy for you."

     Poe opens his mouth to respond, but is cut off by Leia striding into the hangar. Behind her, Indira's mother is walking arm-in-arm with C-3PO, who guides her through the busy hallway. A pang of sadness strikes Indira through the heart and she steps away from Poe, letting her arm fall from his side.

    "I'll be right back."

     He waves her off. "Go. I'll be fine."

     She flashes him a quick smile before hurrying towards her mother and Leia, who have come to a stop next to Jessika and Kali's ship. To Kali's credit, Jessika has stopped crying and is actually smiling as she finishes packing their things onto the transport. "Well, you guys look all packed and ready to go," Indira states in a voice that is just a bit too high and cheery.

     "Beren, it's nice to see you," Leia says, nodding towards her. "I can see that you've been hard at work," the general adds, referring to Indira's oil stained clothes and soot covered hands. "Good job, kid."

      "Thank you, General," she replies, giving her a small salute before stepping towards her mother. "Hey, Mama. How are you doing?"

     "Indira, you smell like engine oil," the older woman observes, wrinkling her nose before grasping her daughter's fingers. "You've been busy, haven't you?"

      "Well, someone has to keep things on schedule around these parts," she replies and her mother laughs. Indira already misses the sound, regretful that she hadn't spent more time with her mother when she had the chance.

     "You'll be just fine without me," Jana says as soon as she has stopped laughing; her face suddenly serious and free of its mirth. "You haven't needed me at your side for several years. You're a grown woman now, of your own making."

     "Oh, you're so wrong about that," Indira disagrees softly, shaking her head back and forth. "I was lost without you. I found my way back eventually, but not on my own." She presses her forehead against her mother's, feeling her eyes grow hot with unshed tears. "I have always needed you and I always will. But, after you sacrificed so much to protect me, it's my turn to protect you."

      Her mother sniffles, tears rolling down her cheeks. "You're such a good girl, with a good heart," she tells her, cupping Indira's face in her hands and kissing her forehead. "Your father would be proud of you if he could see you; I know I am."

     The two embrace tightly then, squeezing each other so hard that the air nearly leaves Indira's lungs. This could be the last time, she thinks, grinding her teeth together to stifle the sob that threatens to escape her trembling lips. I don't want to let go.

      It could have been hours or only a few seconds later when a light touch brushes Indira's shoulder, pulling her out of her mother's embrace. Kali is standing there, eyes red-rimmed and shining as she nods at Indira. She knows what it means — it's time.

     "Mama, we will see each other again," Indira vows, squeezing her mother's hands before pressing them to her lips. "I promise — this isn't goodbye forever."

     "I know, my love," her mother replies softly. She strokes the top of Indira's head one last time, kissing both of her cheeks and forehead before stepping away. "I'll see you soon, lovely girl."

      Kali steps forward then, filling the gap left in her mother's stead, and Indira hugs her tightly; waving for Jessika to join their embrace. Before they can break apart, Poe comes running over to join them, followed by Karé and Snap; all of them crowding into a small circle and squeezing so tightly that it's hard to breathe. Indira thinks everyone might be crying then, but she can't see many faces in their messy embrace.

      "I'm gonna miss you all so much," Poe is saying, somewhere near her left ear. "I know I said that I wouldn't at breakfast, but I lied; I already miss you. In fact, I'm going to cry myself to sleep every single night until you come back, so come back soon — all of you! You have to come back. No getting captured like me, got it? Don't make me come and rescue your sorry asses. And, make sure to call when you can, okay? I want to hear about everything that's happening — even if nothing is happening. I just want to hear your voices, alright? I love you, shitheads — way more than you know — and I'm damn proud of all of you!"

     "You fuckin' sap," Snap accuses as the group separates from the sweaty tangle of limbs. He wipes at his eyes and cheeks indignantly. "You made us cry, asshole!"

     Poe, who is tearing up himself, just laughs before clapping Snap's shoulder. "As your commander, that's my job. Now, all of you get out of here. We've got a war to win!"

Kali and Jess pull Indira aside for one last hug; the three of them pressing their heads together and squeezing each other's shoulders tight. "You'll be okay, Indi," Kali tells her when they break apart. "Don't worry about us — we'll be fine. Just take care of yourself, alright?"

Indira nods. "Alright," she agrees.

Her best friend grabs her face and presses a kiss to the top of her head. "If you ever need anything, you can always call us," Kali says and Jess nods in agreement. "Doesn't matter what it is — we'll be there to listen."

For a moment, Kali hesitates — as if she wants to say something else — but then the moment passes and it's over. Everything seems to happen so fast after that. Snap and Karé take off towards their ship, while Jess and Kali head for theirs. Indira gives her mother one last frantic hug goodbye before she's whisked away as well. The remaining pilots board their ships and fire up their engines, bringing the hangar to life in a flurry of activity before they blast off from the tarmac and disappear into the sunset. Indira watches them go, squinting at the horizon until she no longer can see any trace of them.

      She feels cold then and terribly alone in such a way that she hasn't felt in a long time. Her closest friends and her mother are gone. She has no idea if or when she will ever have the chance to be with them again. Tears burn in her eyes as she sucks in a ragged breath and exhales sharply. Just before the first tear can fall down her cheek, a gentle hand taps her shoulder and Indira spins around to see Leia standing there.

      "You're not alone," she says gently, squeezing Indira's shoulder. "Remember that, always. You're never alone — not here, with me — and you never will be."

      The younger girl nods quickly, swiping at the few stray tears on her cheeks before nodding. "I know," she says, giving her aunt a grateful smile. "Thank you."

      Leia squeezes her shoulder one last time before stepping away, letting her hand fall as she trudges back inside. As she leaves, Poe passes her by — not stopping to acknowledge Leia as he makes his way to Indira's side. Clearly, he was still peeved about being left behind, but Indira has never been more grateful than she is now to have him with her — even if it means he's in bad spirits. Her own misery is desperate for some sort of company.

     "So, I was thinking," he begins, stuffing his hands into his pockets as they watch the sunset fade to dusk, "that this all really sucks. And I don't know about you, but the last thing that I want to do right now is go to the cafeteria for dinner, and sit at a big empty table where all our friends should be, while we eat shitty food in silence."

      "No, that does not sound like much fun," Indira agrees, wrinkling her nose at the prospect.

      "Exactly," he continues. "So like I said, I was thinking —"

     "Now, that could be dangerous."

     "Indira Beren, I am trying to ask you something here," he complains, setting his hands on his hips. "Because I really want you to come to my room, so I can make you dinner, but if you'd rather we just go eat terrible, depressing food in the cafeteria and be sad together, then that's fine."

     "No!" She protests immediately, grabbing him by the arms. "I want you to cook for me." She sticks her bottom lip out in a pout. "Please. I promise I'll behave."

      Poe grins at that. "Good," he says, turning on his heel to walk backwards away from her. "Then I'll see you in my room in two hours. Go take a shower and get changed."

      Indira looks down at her messy hands and even messier clothes and sighs before nodding. "Yeah, okay," she agrees. "Anything else I should do?"

     "Nope," Poe says, grinning triumphantly. "Nothing at all. Just show up — it's a date!"

     She presses a hand to her forehead, ready to tell him that no, it is not a date! before she shakes her head and throws her hands up in the air. "To hell with it," Indira mutters under her breath. "Yeah, alright. It's a date!"

     Poe gives a triumphant whoop, pumping his fist in the air before he disappears around the corner. Indira sighs fondly before giving the darkening horizon one last glance. She takes a moment to breathe, closing her eyes and slowing breathing as she feels a familiar tug deep inside of her that she has come to recognize as the Force.

      "I don't know how this all works," she prays quietly, "but keep them safe. Please. Just ..." Indira shrugs helplessly, opening her eyes once more. "Just be with them."

     As if in answer to her hopeless version of a prayer, the breeze picks up around her, stirring the nearby grass and trees and blowing her hair into her face. It's tranquil and soft; a peaceful and private moment between herself and whatever strange energy field flows throughout the universe.

     Not alone, she thinks, remembering Leia's words as she makes her way back inside the Resistance base and leaves D'Qar's stars and skies behind. Never alone.

    "HEY, SO," POE SAYS nervously when Indira shows up at his room later that evening. The commander stands in the doorframe of his quarters, blocking Indira from entering the room as he leans against the wall. "I just want to warn you before you go in there — I haven't cooked in ... a long time, alright? Like, a seriously considerable amount of time. So, I just want you to know that before you get your hopes up too high, okay?"

     His expression is worried; eyebrows scrunched together and lips pursed into a small pout, and it's incredibly endearing.

     "I'm not here to judge," she reassures him, standing up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. "In fact, I'm one of the luckiest people on this base right now because someone was kind enough to go through the trouble of cooking a meal for me just so I wouldn't have to eat depressing cafeteria food. There's not many other people here who can say that, you know."

     Poe shoots her a rueful grin. "Luckiest person on this base, huh?"

     "Your cooking can't be that bad, can it?" She asks, ducking under one of his arms to slip into the room she'd spent the night in the day before.

     It's a far cry cleaner than it had been then. The floor is no longer a cluttered, disorganized mess and the sheets on the bed have been made up nice and neatly; not a single thing out of place. Obviously, Poe had put a lot of effort into this evening and it makes Indira feel very, very fond of him; her silly, stubborn, sweet star-pilot. Her attention is caught by the table in the kitchenette, covered in steaming plates and bowls of food.

     "Kriff, Poe Dameron!" Indira exclaims. "This is amazing!"

     The pilot ducks his head with embarrassment, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. "Well, I'm a bit rusty and it's definitely not going to be as good as my dad's cooking, but —"

     Indira stops him, spinning around and pressing her lips to his quickly. "It's amazing," she repeats, mumbling the words against his lips. "Thank you."

     He beams down at her. "Of course," he says. "Now, let's eat! I haven't eaten since breakfast and I'm famished."

     The food, as it turns out, is fantastic and Indira cannot believe that Poe willingly chooses to eat terrible cafeteria food for months on end when he could just cook for himself like this whenever he wants to. She thinks she could marry his cooking.

     "Yeah, but first of all: I'm lazy," he says, mouth full of stew and rice when she asks him about it. "And second of all: I wouldn't be able to eat with you or my team or anyone else if I ate all my meals here. Sure, the food in the caf sucks, but you guys all make it worth it."

     And gods, after that she thinks that she might really be in love with him.

     "I seriously can't believe this," Indira says in disbelief once their plates have been cleared and their bellies are full. "Remind me why you chose to become a pilot, again?"

     "Because my mom was a pilot," Poe replies, crossing his arms behind his head. "And because she was a total badass and I wanted to be just like her."

     Indira rests her chin on her hand, propping her elbow up on the table. "Tell me more about her?"

     He sighs and shakes his head. "I don't know where to begin," he says. "She was the most amazing person I've ever known. Brave, funny, kind, smart — I mean, she was the real deal. I know all kids think that about their moms, but I knew mine was ... even if I didn't have as much time with her as others did."

For a moment, Poe grows quiet and Indira reaches across the table to squeeze his hand before he starts speaking again. "You see, I was born during the Rebellion," he continues. "Near the end, but it was still too dangerous for me to be with her. She didn't want to quit fighting after she had me and neither did my dad, so they sent me to live with my grandparents."

     "Oh, wow," Indira murmurs, wondering how difficult it must have been for Shara Bey to leave her baby boy behind and go back to war without knowing if she would ever have the chance to see him again.

     "She fought right alongside General Organa and Han Solo and Luke Skywalker," Poe continues. "I mean, she was there for Hoth, Endor; all the big battles — she was up in the sky with the best of the best!"

     "She sounds amazing," Indira says softly. "I wish I could have met her."

     He gives her a sad smile. "Me too. She would've liked you."

     "I'm sorry you lost her," she adds, reaching out to take his hand. "That must have been really difficult; especially since you were so young."

     Poe looks down at their hands and squeezes gently before closing his eyes, lost somewhere in a memory. "You know, we have this huge tree in our backyard on Yavin. It's massive — you probably saw it, didn't you?" He asks and she nods. "Luke Skywalker gave it to my mom as a sapling when she retired. He told her to let it grow on Yavin, so that it could watch over our family as we grew, too. My mom always told me that it was a special tree because it had the Force and I believed her."

      Indira nods again, remembering how tree had seemed to thrum with energy when she had visited Yavin. At the time, she hadn't recognized what the feeling was, but in retrospect she could recognize it as the Force.

     "After my mother died, I used to spend all my time up in that tree," Poe continues softly. "It felt like she was there with me when I was near it. My dad said he felt the same way, too; like her spirit had become part of the tree and was watching over us. I know, it's stupid, but —"

     "It's not stupid," Indira interrupts, cutting him off before letting go of his hand to touch the necklace around her neck. "When my mother was gone, I thought this necklace was all I had left of her," she says, pulling it over her head and holding the crystal out to him. He takes it carefully, slightly awed as he studies the small stone. "Kyber crystals supposedly have the Force in them, you know. That's why the Jedi use them to make their weapons. I learned that while studying them and at first, I didn't really believe it, but sometimes when I was sad or in trouble or missing my mom, I felt like that necklace was part of her. Like somehow, it kept me tethered to her soul."

     "I wear my mom's ring around my neck," Poe says, gesturing to the steel band hung from a chain. "It's nothing like your necklace though," he murmurs, giving the crystal one last curious look before handing it back to her. "Where did your mother get a necklace like that?"

     "From her older sister," Indira says, lips curving downward slightly. "But then she lost it. My father made her a new one and gave it to her several years later."

     "Did she ever tell you anything else about him?" Poe asks. "I mean, about your father."

     In the palm of her hand, Indira feels the crystal surge with energy and she grasps it tightly, knuckles turning white. "No," she lies, slipping the necklace over her head once more. "Just that he was a farm boy who became a rebel pilot and that one day, he left and never came back."

     Poe frowns, crossing his arms over his chest. "That's a shitty thing to do," he says bluntly. "Do you remember him at all?"

     Indira pauses, pursing her lips slightly. "I don't know," she answers truthfully. "Sometimes, I think I might. I remember fragments of memories — like bits and pieces of a dream I've forgotten. I remember sad eyes, a kind smile ... but I can't tell if any of it is real."

     "Well, shit," Poe mutters, rubbing a hand over his face. "That blows. I really do know how to kill the mood, don't I?"

     "Stop," Indira chastises him, feeling guilty about not telling him the truth. "You haven't killed anything. Don't be dramatic."

     "Alright," he agrees, sitting up and crossing his arms over his chest. "But no more heavy stuff. I've got plenty of fun stories to tell that are way less depressing to talk about than our childhood traumas."

     "Then by all means, let's hear them," Indira says, relieved at the change in subject.

     The rest of the night is filled with Poe's absolutely ridiculous stories; ranging from his days as a junior pilot at the flight academy to several of Black Squadron's chaotic — if not often comical — missions. Both of them laugh until their cheeks hurt and their eyes are misty with mirthful tears. It's a relief to be able to laugh like that after spending so much time agonizing over the war and the Resistance and their upcoming futures. Having the chance to forget about all of it — even for just a few moments — is exactly what Indira had needed; especially with her friends gone, scattered across the galaxy's infinite stars and skies.

     "You know, this," Indira says, once their laughter has died down into comfortable silence, "has sort of been the perfect night."

     Poe gives her a moon-eyed grin, resting his chin in his hand. "The perfect night, huh?" He asks, leaning across the small table.

     "The perfect night," she repeats, "but there is maybe one thing that could make it better."

     "Hm," Poe observes; craning his neck so that their noses brush. "Is that so?"

     "Yeah," she says softly, closing her eyes.

     She can feel him smile. "I'm gonna kiss you now."

      "I'm counting on it."

     He leans in, closing the gap between them and captures her lips in a gentle kiss, so soft and so sweet that it nearly makes her heart break. For the first time in what feels like months, Indira isn't thinking about anything else; not the war, not her parents, not her friends — nothing but the warm feeling that has settled over her and the softness of Poe's lips against hers. It's intoxicating and liberating and she wants more of it.

     Without hesitation, she deepens the kiss, tugging on the collar of Poe's jacket gently. He breaks away for a moment, standing from his chair and pulling her up with him before pressing his mouth back to hers again. Indira lets him steer her backwards, gasping softly into his mouth when her back hits the wall and their bodies are flushed against each other.

      Before either of them can start to overthink things, Indira pushes his jacket off his shoulders and Poe does the same with hers, leaving one less layer of clothing between them. The rational part of her brain knows that this is probably moving too fast, but she doesn't really care. All she wants to do, just for one night, is throw caution to the wind and go to hell with it. She thinks Poe might want the same thing, too, and she tilts her head back as his lips drop to her neck, sucking a bruise into the skin above her collarbone. His hands slip under the hem of her shirt and she tangles her fingers into his hair, holding him closer so that there's no space between them. She closes her eyes; ready to leave the rest of the galaxy behind for just one night —

     And then, the base alarm goes off.

     Instantly, the pilot and the technician break apart; eyes widening with shock at the incessant ringing sound. The piercing noise is one that Indira has never heard before, but she knows just from the look on Poe's face that it means something bad, and that alone is enough to strike fear into her bones.

     "What does it mean?" She asks, heart thumping wildly in her chest.

     "Intruder," Poe shouts, breathless and frantic as his adrenaline kicks into gear. He grabs his jacket from off the floor and slips it over his shoulders, snatching his blaster from the wall and strapping it onto his belt before he makes a run for the door. "Someone must have broken onto the base."

     Without giving it a second thought, Indira dashes out of the doors behind Poe. Outside, the hallway is filled with people emerging from their rooms; many stumbling out of bed half-dressed and sleepy-eyed, weapons clutched in their hands in preparation for an attack.

     How naïve was I, Indira scolds herself internally as she chases after Poe, to think that, even for a moment, I could forget that we are still at war?

     A stray Resistance trooper comes barreling down the hallway towards them, wild-eyed and out of breath as he nearly runs Poe over. "Hey," the commander says forcefully, stopping the boy in his tracks and setting his hands on the kid's shoulders. "What's going on?"

     The younger boy sucks in air through heaving lungs before shaking his head. "It's an assassin," he chokes out. "From the First Order." He pauses and takes another shuddering breath before he says the words that make Indira's heart stop. "I think she's here... to kill General Organa."

a/n: hm ... i wonder who ... that could be??? 🤔🤔🤔

EDITED ON:
10.24.19