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chapter thirty: a proper sendoff
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    IT DOESN'T TAKE LONG for the entirety of the base to learn of the general's upcoming plans. One by one, General Leia Organa summons her chosen operatives to her office and meets with them, selecting pilots from all of the different squadrons — black, blue, cobalt, crimson, green, rapier, red, and stiletto. She stops at a total of sixteen; each assigned a partner in order to split them up into teams of two. The teams are given assignments in different corners of the galaxy, spread thin across the cosmos. Some are assigned to strictly diplomatic missions, whilst others are given more covert and combative assignments. None of them are allowed to share anything more than that with those on the outside — much to the frustration of a certain commander.

    Even so, the news leaves the base buzzing with a nervous sort of anticipation. There's excitement, yes, but also an underlying sense of anxiety; one that leaves everyone jittery and filled with restless energy. Small arguments break out amongst the troops, none of the trainees are able to focus, and even Indira finds herself distracted while working on repairs in the hangar. By the end of the day, nearly everyone on the base is tense, stressed, and uneasy — which, naturally, leads to one of the cadets suggesting the idea of a "farewell kickback" to help everyone blow off some steam and to give the pilots a proper sendoff. And once they garner approval for their half-baked plan to get drunk, everything sort of snowballs from there.

    It's a fairly chaotic function; one held outside underneath D'Qar's two moons and all of its stars. There's dancing and music and lots of alcohol. Yet no matter how much fun everyone else is having, Indira Beren is definitely not in the mood to party. Both Kali and Jess will be leaving her — Snap and Karé, too — and there's one more person Indira knows will be leaving with them that makes her heart ache even more.

    Both she and the general had agreed that it would be best for her mother — for the sake of her safety and her health — to be moved to a location off base that isn't part of an active war zone; somewhere she'd be able to fully recover without the threat of war hanging over her head. Indira knows that sending her mother away is the right thing to do — no matter how much it might hurt. She hadn't discussed it with her her, but she knows it's a conversation that has to be had sooner rather than later.

    Kali finds her in the midst of mulling these things over, face flushed from dancing and a bit tipsy as she slings a sweaty arm around Indira's shoulders. "Hey," her roommate shouts over the music. "What are you doing over here all by yourself?"

    Indira gives her a wry smile. "Brooding," she replies, taking a sip from her cup before wrinkling her nose at the foul taste.

    "Why am I not surprised," Kali says, bumping her hip against Indira's. "Where's your boyfriend?"

   "Sulking." Poe had disappeared after their meeting with the general earlier that afternoon, shutting himself inside his room with no one but BB-8 to keep him company. She hadn't seen him since. "He's not here."

    Kali frowns. "Do you want to dance with me and Jess?" She asks, nodding her head over to the makeshift bar where Jessika is in the midst of doing shots with Snap and Karé. The short, dark-haired pilot downs her drink quickly, shaking her head and whooping before slamming the glass down onto the table and demanding a refill.

    "Actually, I'm good," Indira decides, setting her drink down on a nearby table. "There's something I need to do right now. You guys have fun, though."

    Her friend's brow furrows. "You okay?"

    Indira nods. "Yeah, I'm okay," she says confidently. "I'll see you tomorrow, though."

    "Okay," Kali agrees. "Have fun doing," she pauses, nose wrinkling slightly, "whatever it is that you're doing."

    A grimace crosses Indira's face as she walks away. "Yeah," she says under her breath. "I'll try."

    THE MEDBAY IS NEARLY empty at such a late hour. Indira's mother is the only occupant present save for Doc Cosimo, who is shut inside of his office. Indira gives him a small wave as she steps in the doors and he acknowledges her presence with a subtle nod of his head through the glass before returning to his reading.

    Indira approaches the bed where her mother is sitting up, still awake despite the late hour. EV-1 is chatting away in binary, but the droid stops mid-sentence when it catches sight of Indira. Instantly, her droid lets out a loud string of beeps before zooming towards her. The technician can't help but laugh, tweaking its antenna affectionately before taking a seat on the edge of her mother's bed as the droid beeps excitedly, bringing Indira up to speed on everything she'd missed over the past few days.

    "Sounds like you've been very busy around here, hm?" Indira asks when the droid finishes its story.

    Her mother smiles. "Busy?" She asks. "Not exactly. Although, I've heard that you have been busy."

    Indira takes her mother's hand. "Very," she says. "Things have been crazy lately and they're about to get a lot crazier."

    "I know," Jana replies, raising her eyebrows. "Leia stopped by to see me. She told me of her plans for the pilots. Some of your friends are leaving, no?"

    Indira sighs, shoulders sagging at the reminder of the conversation they still need to have. "Unfortunately."

    Her mother makes a sympathetic noise. "You're worried, aren't you?" She observes. "About your friends."

    "Yes," Indira admits, biting her lip. "Worried for them and worried to be without them. They're all leaving; Snap, Karé, Jess, Kali ..."

    Kali Kilam had been a constant star in Indira's life for so many years; something to keep her centered when the rest of the world seemed like it was falling apart around her. Even when she'd had nothing, Indira had Kali. But now her friend is leaving and she isn't sure what she'll do without her.

    "But not your boyfriend," her mother points out, finding the silver lining.

    Indira sighs. "No, not him."

    "And how is he handling that?"

    She snorts. "Poorly."

    "Of course he is." An amused smile crosses her lips. "He's a pilot. They're always the most stubborn and their pride is not to be messed with." She squeezes Indira's hand. "He'll get over it."

    Indira sighs again, pulling her legs up onto the bed and wiggling into the space next to her mother; the way she used to when she was a child. Jana Beren pulls her daughter close, tucking her head under her chin as they sit in silence. Each second seems to stretch on into an eternity, drawing out the quietness between them until Indira can't take it any longer.

    "Mama, there's something I need to talk to you about," she begins hesitantly, feeling her stomach twist before she can even get the worst of the words out.

    The older woman's brow furrows, catching the troubled note in her daughter's voice. "What's wrong?"

    Indira exhales deeply. "I want you to listen to me first," she says. "Please don't be mad."

   "Indira."

    She worries her lip between her teeth before releasing it. "I spoke with General Organa already and she agrees with me," Indira prefaces the announcement, voice already beginning to shake. "And I don't want you to think that I'm doing this to hurt you because I'm not —"

    "Tell me."

    "It's not safe for you to be here," she blurts out, unable to keep the words trapped inside any longer. "When the pilots leave the base, I want you to go with them."

    Instantly, her mother's posture becomes rigid; stiff and unyielding as she takes in the impact of her words. Indira waits for her to speak, but when she's met with silence she decides to continue.

    "Jess and Kali are going to be flying right through the Yavin system and Kes said he would be more than happy to let you stay with him for the time being," she continues. "I know it's not ideal, but you would be safer there than here and it wouldn't be forever. Just ... until the war is over."

    There's more silence; heavy and tense between them until her mother finally speaks. "You want to send me away?" She asks, sounding wounded. "We only just found each other again."

    Her eyes burn, but Indira blinks quickly to keep the tears at bay. "I don't want to, but it's the right thing to do," she says, fighting past the tremor in her voice. "It's not safe for you here, Mama. This is a military base — one that could be attacked or invaded on any given day without warning. If anything were to happen to you — anything — it would ruin me. I would never forgive myself if I lost you a second time."

    "And if I lose you?" Her mother responds, voice stricken. "No mother wants to live on without their child, Indira."

    "Nothing is going to happen to me," Indira promises, even though she knows it's a promise she has no right to make in the middle of a war. "It'll only be until the war ends and then we won't  ever have to be apart again."

    Tears well up in Jana's eyes, but she does nothing to stop them from rolling down her cheeks as she wraps her arms around her daughter and pulls her into a tight embrace. She had known that things were different; that her daughter was no longer a child that she could keep hidden from the worst evils in the galaxy. But having to let her go — to leave her only daughter behind in the midst of a war — is the hardest thing she would ever have to do.

    She presses her lips to the top of Indira's head, inhaling the scent of her hair the same way that she used to when Indira was a baby. "You've grown so much, my love," she whispers into her daughter's hair. "And I'm so, so proud of the woman you've become."

    Hot tears spill down Indira's cheeks despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. "Mama, I —"

    "I wish everything had been different," Jana whispers, thinking back to her youth; the hopeful years after the end of the first war. "That I could have given you the life you deserved."

    "Don't say that," Indira sniffles. "We were happy with just the two of us."

    "Still," the older woman replies wistfully. "I wish you could've known your father — who he was when he was younger." She presses her lips together to stop them from trembling. "We're all so very different now."

    Indira knows nothing of her father; not his voice, not his touch — only his name and the legacy he'd left behind. She knows the stories of a farmer boy, a pilot, a Jedi, and a general, but she doesn't know him; a fact she'd made peace with long ago. Yet she cannot help the childish bit of hope that burns within her; the part of her that has always wanted to know her father, the part of her that wants to know him still. She wonders if the future will be kind enough to grant her that one small request.

    "Maybe someday," she begins, voice trailing off as she searches for words to say. "When this is all over, we can all be together. As a family."

    Her mother gives her a tremulous smile. "I would like that," she says, kissing the top of Indira's head. "But for now, I'll listen to you. I'll go with your friends."

    A wordless sigh leaves Indira's lips as relief washes over her. "Thank you," she breathes. "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

    "You have to keep in touch, though," her mother interjects, voice firm with no room for argument. "At least once a week, I want thorough updates — and no keeping secrets from me! If you so much as stub a toe, I'd better hear about it ..."

    They stay curled together in the tiny hospital bed like that for a long time, laughing and talking and crying together until they're both fully exhausted. By the time her mother drifts off to sleep, Indira feels so drained emotionally and physically that she wants nothing more than to fall into her bed and sleep for days. She trudges down the hallway of the base in a lifeless state, putting one foot in front of the other with the knowledge that her bed is waiting for her just a little ways down the hall. It's a little after o'two hundred and she figures most people are still partying. From how things had been going earlier, she is almost certain Kali will still be out with Jess and she will have the room to herself.

    However, just as she reaches for the keypad on the door to her room, she catches sight of a sock that has been rather intentionally stuck to cover the buttons. It takes her tired brain a moment to reconcile the sock and its meaning before Indira lets out a loud groan and thumps her head against the wall. They weren't living in a dorm anymore, but Indira knows well enough to understand the message her roommate had left behind. She would need to find somewhere else to bunk for the night.

    Indira groans again and considers just sinking to the floor and falling asleep right there. However, the thought of being tripped over or stepped on by drunken pilots is enough to dissuade her. She debates her other options for a moment before making an executive decision, allowing her feet to carry her away from her room as if she is walking on autopilot.

    She hesitates for a moment when she reaches her destination, stopping just outside the room she'd visited a handful of times before. For a split second, Indira thinks about turning around before shaking her head and straightening her spine. Determined, she walks right up to the door and knocks firmly, hoping the person on the other side will still be awake to let her in.

    POE ANSWERS THE DOOR on the third knock, eyes bleary and hair tousled as it slides open abruptly. If she were less drained and exhausted, Indira would notice the fact that he isn't wearing a shirt and that the lean, muscled planes of his body are all on display — but she is drained and exhausted. And cranky. And the only thing she really wants right now is to sleep, dammit!

    "Sock on the door," she complains through a yawn. Indira gives him her most pitiful look; eyes wide and pleading as she sticks out her bottom lip. "Please."

    She doesn't have to say another word. Poe tugs her by the wrist, pulling her into his room as the door closes behind them. His quarters are dark but Indira can just barely see a faint blue glow radiating from BB-8 as the droid recharges itself on the makeshift bed Poe designed for it, resting peacefully in a secluded corner of his bedroom. As he walks them towards his bed, Poe does his best to guide Indira around the mess he'd left scattered across the floor; shoes and clothes and other varying objects tossed to the ground with little care.

"Watch your step here," he instructs, tugging her to the left, then sharply to the right. "And here. And don't step there!"

    "What the hell, Poe?" She whispers, doing her best to follow his instructions without tripping over her own feet. "Do you ever clean around here?"

    "Sorry, sweetheart," he shoots back when they finally reach his bed and he guides her to it, allowing her to sit for a moment before he disappears in the darkness, somehow navigating his way to his drawers without stepping on anything. He fumbles around in the dark before pulling a clean t-shirt out from top drawer, tossing it blindly in her direction. "I wasn't exactly expecting company."

    The shirt hits her square in the face without warning and she yelps indignantly. "Hey!"

    Wincing slightly, Poe returns to the bed and takes a seat beside her; patting her face in a way that he must think is soothing. "Sorry," he says again. "Just thought it might be more comfortable to sleep in than your uniform."

    Indira can't disagree with him on that and, since it's too dark for him to see much of anything, she slips out of her uniform and pulls the shirt over her head. The worn material falls just to her thighs and it's long enough that she feels comfortable slipping off her pants, too, leaving herself clad in just socks and underwear from the waist down.

    As soon as her clothes have been tossed to the floor, Indira rolls onto her back. As she settles in, she feels the mattress dip beside her and she turns onto her side, meeting Poe in the middle of the bed; his position mirroring hers as their knees brush. It's too dark to see anything aside from the faint profile of his face and the glimmer of his eyes as he blinks at her. They've never shared a bed before. It's intimate and it's new, but it's good, too.

    "Did I wake you?" She asks, feeling the need to whisper for some reason.

    "Nah," Poe says. "Couldn't sleep."

    "Still sulking?"

    She can practically see his scowl. "I wasn't sulking," he protests as she finds his hand in the dark, weaving their fingers together. "I just don't like all this being separated stuff. It doesn't feel right."

    The smile on Indira's lips dies as she thinks of her mother. "Yeah, I know," she agrees softly. "My mother is leaving, too. Leia arranged for her to stay with your dad until it's all over."

    Poe brushes his thumb across her knuckles. "How'd that go?"

    Indira lets out a shaky exhale. "As well as I could have hoped for," she says pausing to sink her teeth into her lip. "I told her that it wouldn't be forever, but —" she swallows thickly, "— what if it is?" It's easier to speak of the things that scare her in the dark; things she never has the courage to say in the light of day. "What if the war doesn't end? What if we can't win?"

    He cups her face with one hand, brushing a thumb across her cheek. "We will win," he says firmly. "The Alliance barely stood a chance against the Empire, but they won. I know we will, too. We can't give up hope."

    Indira sighs heavily and presses her lips to the palm of his hand, but says nothing. Hope. In the past, hope had been enough for people to build rebellions on. In the past, hope had been enough to topple the most tyrannical empire that the galaxy had ever seen. As she rolls over in the bed, tucking her head beneath Poe's chin, Indira wonders if hope will be enough for them, too.

a/n: HELLO EVERYONE THIS IS ME INTERRUPTING YOUR SEMI-REGULARLY SCHEDULED MEME ...

... TO BRING YOU SOMETHING EVEN BETTER!

EDITED ON:
10.23.19