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chapter eight: more of a feeling
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"HEY," KALI SAYS, kicking Indira's shin under the table. The brief moment of pain is enough to jar her from the trancelike state she'd been in whilst stabbing at her plate of mushy root vegetables over and over again. She looks up quickly, gaze focusing on the concerned faces of Kali and Jessika across the table in the mess hall. "What's up with you? You're acting weird."

Indira frowns. "I'm not acting weird."

Jessika looks at her pointedly. "Yes, you are. You haven't said a single word in the past five minutes and you've pummeled your food into mush."

She sighs loudly in response, dropping her fork onto the table before resting her chin on her hand. The odd exchange between her and Poe Dameron from earlier that day had been playing on a continuous loop in her head, making it nearly impossible for Indira to think about anything else.

"It's nothing."

Jess and Kali both look at each other knowingly. "Nothing?" Kali asks. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Indira replies defensively.

"Come on, Indi," her best friend pleads. "We weren't born yesterday; we can tell that something is up."

Worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, Indira leans back in her seat to look at her friends. "Okay," she admits, setting her hands on the table. "I might have a problem."

Both girls lean forward. "What kind of problem?"

"A ..." Indira pauses, looking around the cafeteria for any sight of the young commander she'd left behind in the hangar, "... guy problem."

The corner of Kali's lips turn up into a smile. "Oh, really?" She asks teasingly. "Could this have anything to do with the person who sent you flowers?"

"I don't like him!" Indira says immediately, already feeling defensive.

"I didn't say that you did," Kali reassures her. "But do I still think that he likes you."

Indira sighs again, slouching down in her seat at the table. "Yeah," she caves. "I'm starting to think so, too."

"Aha!" Kali says triumphantly. "Didn't I tell you this a week ago?"

Scowling, Indira shoots her a dirty look. "No need to rub it in."

"Okay, okay," she agrees, raising her hands up slightly. "I won't rub in the fact that I was right and you were wrong any longer."

Jess elbows her gently to make her shut up. "Why the sudden change of heart?" She asks. "Did something happen?"

"We ... talked," Indira says haltingly. "And by talked, I mean that we really only exchanged a few words."

"What words?" Kali asks, sitting up straight and abandoning all pretense of a pout. "I need details, woman. From the beginning; the very beginning. And don't leave anything out!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Indira interrupts, waving her fork at her friend. "Before you get ahead of yourself, let me make something very clear. First of all, there are no details. And second of all, there is no beginning. Because nothing happened, alright?"

Kali and Jessika turn and look at each other skeptically before immediately starting to talk over each other.

"Please, do you actually expect us to believe that —"

"— there's obviously something going on."

"I mean, really, Indi. We know you better than that —"

"— seriously, what do you take us for?"

"Enough!" Indira interrupts them, rubbing her temples. "Gods. I seriously only spoke to him for three minutes! Nothing happened. He was just acting ... weird earlier and I wanted to know if you knew why."

"Define weird for me," Jess says through a mouthful of bread, knowing damn well that when it came to Poe Dameron weird could mean a lot of different things.

"I don't know," Indira replies, looking down at her plate of root vegetables and pushing the mashed food around with her fork. "He was acting all nervous and then he told me that he thought my face looked nice and then —"

Jessika nearly spews her bread across the table. "Oh, my gods!" She bursts out laughing before covering her mouth with one hand. "He said what?!"

"That my face looked nice," Indira repeats, feeling the corners of her mouth twitch.

"He didn't," she cackles. "This is the best day of my life. I'm never going to let him live that down."

"No, you most certainly are not," Indira frowns, "because this conversation is not leaving this table."

Jessika whines. "Indi, please," the pilot begs. "I could give him so much shit for that. You don't understand!"

Kali nods in solidarity with her girlfriend. "It's true," she agrees. "We'd be able to use that one on him for years."

For a very brief moment, Indira is taken aback by the thought that any of them would even still be together a few years from now. The Resistance had yet to feel like a permanent home for her — still something fragile, flighty, and fleeting. But wars were not won over night — hell, some wars weren't even won in entire lifetimes. It's an odd thing to consider, but she doesn't give herself too much time to think on it.

"I didn't tell you guys this to embarrass him," Indira says firmly, "so I'd rather it just stay between us, alright?"

Both girls give long-suffering sighs, but nod in agreement. "Alright," Jessika exhales glumly. "I'll just have to find another way to humiliate him."

"Thank you, Jess," Indira replies, giving her a grateful smile.

"So, what happened afterwards?" Kali persists, nudging her shoe beneath the table. "What did you say?"

Indira pauses momentarily. "I ... didn't," she admits. "I just left.

Kali's eyes widen. "You left?"

"I panicked!" She says defensively. "He was being awkward and it was making me feel awkward, so I just ... left."

Kali pinches the bridge of her nose in exasperation. "Indira," she says tiredly. "Please. You're killing me."

The younger girl rolls her eyes in response. "Good to see that you still have a penchant for the dramatic, Kali."

Kali shoots her a glare, ready to respond, before her mouth snaps shut. Jessika's eyes widen at something behind Indira, making the young technician whip her head around quickly to see what they're looking at. For a moment, she feels acutely terrified that it could be Poe himself, but breathes a sigh of relief when she sees General Leia Organa standing behind her.

"Afternoon, soldiers," the older woman says in greeting.

Both Jessika and Kali move to stand out of respect, but the general waves them both off. "Sit down," she says. "I'm not staying for long. Pava, I need you to lead flight drills this afternoon."

Jess nods quickly, though her brow furrows ever so slightly. "I thought Commander Dameron was scheduled to run drills."

"Commander Dameron is unavailable," General Organa replies vaguely. "I have another job for him."

"Oh," Jess says, though she still looks confused. "He didn't mention it when I saw him earlier."

"It was a surprise on my part," the older woman chuckles, smiling wryly. "Decided to spring some paperwork on him."

Jessika snorts. "He hates paperwork."

The twinkle in the general's eye doesn't quite seem sincere. "I know," she says. "That's why I have him do it every so often. I like to think that it helps keep him humble, but I'm not sure that's true."

Both of them start laughing and Kali joins in, so Indira forces a smile to avoid suspicion. Still, she can't quite ignore the feeling that the general isn't being entirely honest about the pilot's whereabouts. As if sensing her thoughts, General Organa's eyes meet hers. For a moment, her gaze narrows before she nods her head slightly, gesturing for Indira to come with her.

"Walk with me, Beren," she requests, turning from the table before Indira can give her a response.

Kali and Jess both shoot her curious looks, but Indira just shrugs and follows after the general as quickly as she can. Just as the older woman exits the mess hall, Indira falls into step beside her, noting that despite her age in years and small stature, the general is very quick on her feet.

"How's the jaw healing up?" General Organa asks, eyes straight ahead as she walks.

Indira touches the spot on her face where the bruise has faded to a dull yellow color, nearly invisible unless you were really looking for it. "It's healing well," she replies, letting her hand fall away.

"And how is working with Oddy Muva?" General Organa continues, glancing over at her as they turn down another hallway.

Indira tries not to pout. "He had me checking fuel levels," she complains. "All day."

The older woman laughs. "Oddy can be a bit cautious," she admits. "He probably just wanted to make sure you were up to par with his standards. Try not to take it too personally."

Her frown deepens. "I know what I'm doing," Indira protests.

"I know that," the general reassures her as they walk, leaving behind the more crowded hallways for a secluded corridor, drawing to a slow stop. "Just give Oddy a chance to get to know you better. He'll come around."

      A sigh escapes her lips before she nods in agreement. "Fine."

"Good," General Organa says, giving Indira a knowing look. "Now, I take it you weren't convinced by my explanation earlier?"

Indira grins sheepishly. "Will I be in trouble if I say no?"

Organa returns her smile. "Not yet, but we'll see. How'd you know?"

"Know what?"

"That I was lying," the general clarifies.

"Oh," Indira says, scratching the back of her head. "I'm not sure. It was more of a feeling than anything else."

"A feeling," General Organa echoes, looking at her intently. Underneath the collar of her shirt, Indira feels her necklace turn warm against her skin. A strange look passes over the general's expression before the older woman shakes her head, chasing off whatever trance she'd fallen into. "Well, your feeling was correct. As much as I'd like him to be, Commander Dameron is not locked away in an office doing paperwork, but I'd rather keep that between us."

Indira's brow furrows. "Where is he?"

"On a reconnaissance mission for me," the general replies, rubbing a tired hand over her face. "I think we might have a leak."

Frowning, Indira crosses her arms over her chest. "A leak?" She asks, feeling her face draw tight with concern.

"A First Order spy," General Organa confirms. "Dameron found a tracker on his ship after his last mission. Each time I send him out with Black Squadron, the First Order seems to magically show up as well. I figured sending him out on his own would be safest for now."

Indira's heart sinks. "You think someone in Black Squadron is the spy?"

The general grimaces. "I all but know that someone in Black Squadron is the spy."

"That's why you lied to Jessika," Indira says, feeling the realization dawn over her. Her stomach feels a little sick at the thought of Jessika possibly being the spy. No, she thinks immediately. Jess would never. "You don't think it's her, do you?"

"I'm not sure who I can trust right now," General Organa admits with a shrug.

"I don't think it's Jess," Indira speaks up. "She would never betray the Resistance. You guys are her family."

The general's gaze softens slightly. "Your dedication to your friend is admirable," she says. "And believe me, I want to think that that's true as well, but until I know with absolute certainty who the spy is, I'll have to hope that Poe will be capable of handling these missions on his own."

Indira purses her lips in concern at that. Poe Dameron is an indisputably excellent pilot, but field operative? She isn't so sure about that. From what she's heard, the young commander is prone to following his impulses, often acting on untempered reckless instinct. Without a crew behind him, there would be nothing to hold him back from playing the hero or doing something equally rash. Something about that thought is troubling. More troubling than she'd like to admit. Her brow furrows with annoyance — why the hell did she care, anyways?

"Try not to worry about Poe," General Organa says, as if reading her thoughts. "He always manages to come back."

Indira opens her mouth to protest — to say that she wasn't even about him to begin with, but closes it quickly in favor of asking a different question. "General, if you don't mind me asking," she begins, "what is it that you're having Dameron look for?"

The general's eyes turn a bit misty, taking Indira off guard, before the older woman blinks quickly and offers Indira a weary smile. "Hope," she says and for a brief moment, that one word seems to support the weight of the entire galaxy alone.

EDITED ON:
08.15.19