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chapter thirty-six: happy beeps
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    DESPITE THE ACUTE SENSE of panic that he feels building in his chest, there is something incredibly soothing about being in the cockpit of his X-wing for Poe as he approaches the First Order fleet. Regardless of how much danger he might be in, Poe knows that he would much rather be out here — soaring over the stars and skies of the galaxy, with his hands behind the controls of a ship — than trapped inside the Raddus, unable to do anything but watch and twiddle his thumbs with worry. Especially after being sidelined for weeks by the general. Sure, this could be the last mission that he ever flies, but at least he won't be going down without a fight.

And really, three First Order cruisers shouldn't be that difficult for him to handle. In fact, the more that he thinks about, the more confident Poe becomes that he's faced worse odds than this. The first example that comes to mind is the time that Agent Terex sent an entire fleet of his thugs after Poe on Kaddak to take him out and he still managed to escape with his life intact. Then again, on that particular mission he'd had his team with him and it hadn't been successful without a cost. Black Squadron had lost one of their own that day — L'ulo Lampar — and it had haunted Poe ever since.

Even so, he knows that this mission is different. This plan is his and his alone; no other lives at risk, aside from his own. His only goal right now is to stall the First Order for as long as he can — and maybe draw some of their fire onto him — so that there is a secure path to safety from D'Qar for the remaining rebels on the ground. Nothing else matters to him aside from getting the people below him to safety.

That is, until the massive fucking dreadnought materializes right in front of him out of hyperspace.

"Holy shit," he swears, grateful that his comms aren't turned on yet. "BeeBee, buddy, please tell me that I'm just seeing things and that you're not seeing that ship."

Unfortunately, his droid confirms for him that he is not hallucinating and Poe swears again before flipping on his comms. "Uh, hey, so this fucking sucks," he complains over the radio to whoever is listening back on the Raddus. "Any ideas on what exactly I'm dealing with here?"

"Poe, thank Force," a familiar female voice crackles to life over the static and — despite the shit that he knows is about to go down — the pilot smiles. "Nhagy says that ship is the First Order's newest dreadnought, the Fulminatrix. It's a fleet-killer equipped with cannons strong enough to launch a full-fledged planetary assault from deep space."

"Well, that makes me feel much better," he says as he fiddles with the controls on the dash. "Hearing your voice, that is. The rest of that did not make me feel any better."

"Dameron, if you can take out their surface cannons, we might be able to launch a real tactical assault against them," Leia's voice interrupts him, cutting off his chain of thought. "Do you think that's something you could manage?"

     Poe hesitates for a moment, silently weighing his options in his head. If he's fast and keeps himself close to the surface of the dreadnought, the massive ship won't be able to target him with their cannons without risking damage to their own fleet. It's insane and dangerous, but not impossible.

     On the contrary, it just might work.

     "I'll see what I can do," he says, finally, arming the guns and raising the shields on his ship. "Beren, how fast do you think Black One can accelerate with the new booster you put on the engine?"

      He can almost hear the technician thinking in the silence on the other end of the line before she replies. "Tico and I never got to test it out. So it's all hypothetical, but theoretically, you could reach up to one-fifty megalights per hour."

      "Perfect," Poe beams. "Let's do this."

     "Be careful," she pleads. "Please."

     "I'm always careful," Poe replies. "But, I will make sure to be especially careful right now just for you."

     "Always careful, my ass," Indira mutters under her breath and it makes him laugh — albeit a bit nervously — as he fires up Black One's thrusters and starts to load the charges for her engine.

In the back of his ship, Poe can hear BB-8's nervous chatter. He takes a deep breath and squares his shoulders. "Happy beeps here, buddy, come on," he encourages as he switches on his long-range broadcast signal. "We've pulled crazier stunts than this."

     "Just for the record, Commander Dameron," Leia's gravelly voice cuts through his comm. "I'm with the droid on this one."

     Poe resists the urge to roll his eyes. "Thank you for your support, General." He inhales deeply one last time, expelling as much of his nervousness as possible with a large exhale, before flying directly towards the incredibly menacing dreadnought. "Happy beeps," he repeats, more for himself than BB-8, as fear threatens to overtake him.

     Before he can lose his courage, Poe clears his throat and presses the transmitter on his comm. "Attention! This is Commander Poe Dameron of the Republic fleet. I have an urgent communique for General Hugs."

     And yeah, General Hugs isn't his best insult, but quite frankly he's nervous and on edge and he thinks it might piss the pasty looking bastard off anyways, so he decides to just run with it.

     A burst of static comes through the comm before he receives a reply. "This is General Hux of the First Order," a man's voice sneers and gods just the sound of his voice alone makes Poe want to punch him in his smarmy face. "The Republic is no more. Your fleet are rebel scum and war criminals. Tell your precious princess there will be no terms, there will be no surrender!"

     Poe rolls his eyes at the theatrics and waits. "Hi," he says a few moments later. "I'm  holding for General Hugs."

     He can almost hear the scowl on the man's face. "This is Hux," he snaps. "You and your friends are doomed! We will wipe your filth from the galaxy."

      Poe resists the urge laugh as he hears the others back on the Raddus stifling their own giggles in his earpiece. "Okay, I'll hold."

      There's a pause on the other end. "Hello?"

     "Hello?" Poe replies. "Yup, I'm still here."

     "Can you ...." Hux mutters over the transmitter. "Can he hear me?"

      "Hugs?" Poe says again. "With an H. Skinny guy. Kinda pasty."

     "I can hear you," Hux snarls. "Can you hear me?"

     "Look, I can't hold forever," Poe says, feigning exasperation as he watches the bar on his cockpit's screen approach full charge. "If you reach him, tell him that General Organa has an urgent message for him."

     "I believe he's tooling with you, sir," a different man's voice mutters across the transmitter and Poe smirks slightly. Evidently, not everyone in the First Order is as incompetent or as stupid as Hux, but man was it fun to mess with him.

     "Not tooling," Poe agrees, seeing that the bar on his screen has reached full power. "Stalling. There's a difference."

     Hux lets out an enraged scream. "OPEN FIRE!"

     "BB-8, punch it!" Poe orders his astromech droid before Black One takes off with a lurch, zooming straight at the dreadnought faster than Poe has ever flown her before. The force from the acceleration is enough to send his head back in his seat before he straightens up, feeling unbelievably energized and incredibly alive. "Woohoo! That's got a kick!"

     He soars over the dreadnought, dodging blasts from the vessel's guns while firing his own weapons on the surface canons, eliminating them one by one with speed and efficiency. "Alright," he reports back to Leia and the others on the Raddus. "Taking out their cannons now."

     "Good work, Dameron," Leia congratulates him and his lips twitch into a faint smile at the praise. He could do this. He could do it this. "We're sending in Cobalt Squadron behind you. Tallie, start your approach."

     "Copy that, General," Tallie, the leader of Blue Squadron, replies enthusiastically. "We're with you, Poe!"

     "One cannon left," he warns them as he sends another pillar on the dreadnought up in flames. However, before he can get to the final cannon, a swarm of incoming TIE fighters force him to shift his course slightly and recalculate. "Here comes the parade!"

     Without warning, one of the TIEs sends a blast straight into the back of his ship that leaves Poe shaken, scrambling Black One's systems. "No, no," he mutters as he tries to fire his ship's guns and finds them unresponsive. "Dammit! BB-8, my weapon systems are down. We've gotta take out that last cannon or those bombers are toast. Make your magic work, buddy!"

     As his droid scrambles to fix Black One, Poe concentrates on avoiding taking any more hits. He dodges and swerves, bobs and weaves, rolls and twirls until his head is nearly spinning but gods if he doesn't love it.

     "You did it, Poe," Leia's voice crackles in his ear. "The last transport just cleared the base; the evacuation is complete. Now, get back here so we can get out of this place."

"No, General, we can do this!" He protests. "We have the chance to take out a dreadnought. This thing is a fleet-killer; we can't let it get away."

"Disengage now, Commander. That is an order."

     Poe hesitates, seeing just how close they are to being able to take out the dreadnought. We could do it, he thinks. If we take this ship out, it's one less ship for us to worry about fighting again in the future. He'd trained most of these pilots himself. And sure — they were still pretty green — but he thinks they can rise to the occasion. They aren't his team, but maybe they could be and he doesn't want to turn around now. Not when there's so much at stake ... not when they're so close ... and definitely not when Leia has been pushing him to the side and forcing him to stay behind for weeks on end. Sometimes, it's better to ask forgiveness than permission. The general would understand. Hopefully.

He shuts his comms off as he approaches the last cannon, knowing that he has to take it out in order for the MG-100 bombers, slow-moving and fragile as they are, to be able to make their assault. "Let's go, BB-8," he warns the droid as he nears the target. "It's now or never!"

     The droid lets out a long stream of chirps and whistles before Poe's weapons systems turn back on at the last second and he fires, taking out the last canon in one final sweep. "Yeaaaah-hoo!" He yells triumphantly, tugging on Black One's controls before pulling her back around to face the fleet. "All clear, bring the bombs!"

From a distance, Poe watches as the bombers approach under Tallie's orders; keeping an eye on the Fist Order ships. "Tallie," he warns when one of the vessels fires up its guns. "They've targeted the fleet and begun the priming sequence."

"Copy that," Tallie says. "We're almost there. Bombadiers, begin your drop sequence."

It's all going right. Poe thinks they're going to be able to make it until — it all starts to go wrong. A swarm of TIE fighters descends upon Cobalt Squadron. Several of the bombers come under heavy fire, exploding in bursts of flame while the fighter ships spiral down into dead space.

     "No," Poe mutters, feeling sick as he watches everything begin to collapse in front of his eyes. "No, no, no!"

     It wasn't supposed to happen like this, he thinks desperately, watching the ships burn around him. Not like this!

He fires up his engines and soars down into the midst of the fighting, where the last MG-100 bomber remains, praying that they can somehow salvage a victory out of this. Everything they'd done and everything they'd lost would be for nothing if they didn't stop those cannons from firing. He can't allow that to happen.

     Poe flanks the one remaining bomber on the left side while Tallie comes up on the other side and flanks ship from the right. "Cobalt Hammer, do you copy?" Poe shouts over his comm link to the MG-100's crew. "Come in, bombers, you're the only ones left!"

     "It's just me," a female voice shouts in response. It takes him a moment to recognize it, but Poe realizes that he's talking to Paige Tico, Cobalt Hammer's gunner. "I'm alone! My pilot is dead — I'm the last one alive on board!"

     "Paige, we're nearly over the target," Poe shouts as the three Resistance ships approach the weak spot at the center of the dreadnought. "We don't have much time left — you'll have to be the one who opens the bay doors and releases the payload. It's all down to you, Paige!"

"I'm going," Paige replies, voice filled with stubborn determination. "Climbing the ladder now. It'll only be —"

Out of nowhere, another TIE fighter comes swarming in and fires on the last bomber. Poe shouts in distress, reaching out to touch the glass of his window as if that can somehow prevent the incoming assault, but he can't. He's powerless, unable to do anything but watch as the blast barrels into the top of the MG-100, sending it slowly sinking downwards before the bombs inside can be released.

"Paige!" Poe screams desperately into his comm. "Paige, come in! Damnit, Paige!"

"Please, Paige! Come in!" Tallie begs from the other side of the ship. "Paige, answer us!"

For several horrifying seconds, there is no response. Poe thinks that it's over for them then and hangs his head low — until hears a faint voice over the comms. "I'm here," Paige Tico croaks faintly. "The blast knocked me off the ladder. My back —" she swallows thickly. "I've got the detonator. Tell — tell Rose I love her."

"Paige," Poe says and his voice breaks, knowing this is all his fault. "Paige, you did —"

He doesn't get to finish the sentence.

Cobalt Hammer drops it's bombs without warning and they all come crashing down atop the surface of Fulminatrix, igniting the massive warship in a monstrous explosion that engulfs Paige and her ship in a deadly, blazing inferno. From his X-Wing, Poe can do nothing but watch as it all burns.

"Get back to the fleet, Tallie," he says when he finally finds his voice. "Tell anyone who's left to do the same."

The female pilot doesn't question him; just turns her ship around and sets her guns blazing, full speed ahead, as she goes zooming towards the Raddus and the rest of the fleet. Poe hangs back for a moment, watching over the charred, floating shards that remained of Cobalt Squadron as the dreadnought burns below him. They'd won today, just like he'd thought they could; that much was true. But at what cost?

It wasn't supposed to be like this, though, he thinks, as he forces his ship around and joins the others. Not like this.

    "DREADNOUGHT DOWN!" SHOUTS one of the Resistance crewers and the room is filled with victorious cheers as the massive vessel goes down in a powerful explosion. From the window of the Raddus's bridge, Indira Beren watches as the rebel ships make their return, exhaling sharply when she realizes that they've won. She can't let herself revel in that victory, though. Not when she'd seen what Poe had done — how his blatant disobedience and recklessness that had gotten so many others killed and nearly gotten himself killed as well.

Amongst the cheering faces, Indira sees that Leia is not celebrating either. She follows her aunt's gaze, finding it focused on the monitor displaying the damage that had been done to Cobalt Squadron. The terminated ships blink red, showing just how destructive the mission had been for them. All of the MG-100 bombers are gone and several X-wings with them. The Resistance's already scarce navy had been depleted even further. The new losses were unmistakably devastating.

     "Make the jump to light speed," Leia orders the captain once the final returning ship has made its landing in the hangar. "Get us the hell out of here."

      The captain nods obediently, setting new coordinates for the fleet before pulling the switch for light speed, and the ship is engulfed in a vibrant flash of blue light as they enter hyperspace. As streams of neon light race past the windows, Indira approaches her aunt. She settles a hand on the older woman's shoulder, squeezing gently in an attempt to comfort her. Leia reaches back without turning around and squeezes Indira's hand in response before letting go. An unspoken truce settles between them; their past disagreements fading away in the face of the newfound conflict brewing before them.

      "Find Dameron," the weary general instructs her niece, mouth forming a hardened line. "Tell him I'll summon him for a debrief when I'm ready."

     Indira nods. "Already on it," she mutters, turning on her heel before running towards the hangar where she knows Poe will be waiting with his ship. She isn't sure what she'll say to him when she finally gets there, but she knows it isn't going to be pretty.

Indira finds him still in his cockpit, shrugging off his helmet and tossing it somewhere in the back of his ship with a frustrated grunt. Poe runs his hands over his face, pushing his hair back from his forehead before forcing a smile onto his face. "Well done, pal," he tells BB-8, but the cheery sentiment doesn't reach his voice. He sounds hollow and he sounds sad. It makes it harder to be angry with him, but not impossible

      "Poe!" Indira yells, matching towards Black One and stopping just below the ladder to the cockpit. He catches her eye and scrambles with the buckles of his seatbelt, freeing himself from the ship's constraints before climbing down the ladder with haste.

"Indira," he begins. "I can explain —"

"What the hell was that?!" She explodes, unable to stop herself from screaming. "You — you could have died! You promised me you would be careful and then you just — you just —" she takes in a heaving lungful of air, shuddering slightly. "How could you do that, Poe?" Indira demands, choking on a sob she hadn't even realized was there. "How could you?"

"I know and I'm sorry," he admits. As soon as his feet touch the ground, he reaches for her, but she shoves him away. "Indira, I'm sorry."

Angry tears well up in her eyes, threatening to spill over. "You could have died, Poe."

His face falls. "I know," he says again, softer this time, before offering a hand to her. "I'm sorry."

Indira hesitates, not quite ready to forgive him, but when she sees the remorseful look in his eyes she caves. Her hand slides into his and he pulls her against him, wrapping his arms around her tightly. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he repeats, face buried in the crook of her neck as her shoulders shake. "It wasn't supposed to be like that — I didn't mean for any of that to happen. I'm sorry. I was wrong."

"All those pilots," Indira mutters into his shoulder, clinging tightly. Part of her still wants to slap him for his stupidity, but she'd also come so terrifyingly close to losing him that she can't bring herself to do it and she knows he already feels bad enough as it is. "You could have been one of them, too."

      "We lost so many," he croaks. "Some of them I trained. All of our bombers ... it wasn't supposed to happen like that!"

     "The bombers," Indira repeats, feeling her heart sink as she takes a step back. Her eyes meet Poe's as she realizes what that means. "All of them ..."

     "Dead," he repeats lowly, clenching his jaw. "They're all dead."

     "Paige," Indira mutters, feeling her heart sink fast.

She'd said goodbye to the other girl not even an hour ago and the two of them had laughed and joked with each other then; as if they'd had all the time in the world left to live. It had never even occurred to Indira that she wouldn't see her again. Her stomach churns as she thinks about it — the casual wave Paige had given before turning back to her ship, leaving Indira behind in the dust with ...

      Her heart nearly stops. "Rose."

a/n: and so — the last jedi rewrites begin! let it be known that i absolutely despise poe's characterization in that movie; especially when he's portrayed as this chauvinistic, remorseless loser who doesn't give a shit about people dying under his command, so i'm gonna be changing that. originally, i wanted to change all of his characterization from the film, but i do feel like some of it is still necessary for the story. that still doesn't mean that i like or agree with r*an j*hnson's interpretation of his character at all, but i'm lazy and don't have the time or energy to rewrite the entirety of his shitty movie for him.

anyways. STAN THE POE COMICS!

— you figure it out yet,
commander dameron?

— i think so, general organa.
this isn't MY fight.

EDITED ON:
10.29.19