Ghosts Of Him
University clarified a lot of things in my self-searching over the years. Yet, the trauma made me completely stray away from love and the perspective of letting someone in. He was like a ghost, haunting me every time I came close to being happy with someone. Either I'd see a flicker of his disrespect in a guy, or recognize his eyes, or I'd shut down any complement or hint of desire someone had, to sweep me off my feet.
I became cynical, and not emotional, doubtful as opposed to trusting, and built armor around my heart without any loopholes for love and vulnerability to sneak in, through.
I graduated from Architecture, with a prestigious job offer, which was overruled, however, by a fellowship in Germany.
My solo, sad attempt at a relationship, with an outlaw named Ben led me to some very dark and purely toxic choices, but luckily I cut the chains and moved to Berlin to start over,10 months into the situation. The jerk I was dating, turned out to have friends and connections in all the wrong places, on top of a short-fused temper. Then there was Mario, the coworker who, apparently did not believe in romancing and swooning, and would rather, propose marriage directly, each time held had a drink too. Not exactly reassuring. This combination further endorsed my trauma and resilience to Love and romance as a whole! The job in Berlin, halfway across the world was my clean slate and a new beginning.
I was twenty-one, with many years and experiences around my belt, when William and I crossed paths again, at a Physics and Astronomy conference back home. I guess old habits die hard.
The only reminder of William Goldheart,I kept in my life was working on science projects, related to Astronomy, and respectfully competing for grants at conferences. This year I was presenting a combination of Architecture, my career, and planetary science which was my secret passion. Working restlessly for weeks, I pushed away, to the corner of my mind every, thought circling around, the two of us supposedly meeting, at some point during the event. My team and I were selected as finalists, in a NASA research, centering around Mars habitat design.NASA and partner Bradley University of Peoria, Illinois, have selected the top five teams to share a $100,000 prize in the latest stage of the agency's 3D-Printed Habitat Centennial Challenge competition. Winning teams successfully created digital representations of the physical and functional characteristics of a house on Mars using specialized software tools. The teams earned prize money based on scores assigned by a panel of subject matter experts from NASA, academia, and industry. Our design was , miraculously among them. The judges interviewed and evaluated submissions from 18 teams from all over the world and selected these teams: Team Zopherus of Rogers, Arkansas - $20,957.95
AI. SpaceFactory of New York - $20,957.24
Kahn-Yates of Jackson, Mississippi - $20,622.74
SEArch+/Apis Cor of New York - $19,580.97
Mars 25 + JPL ,California -$17,881.10
Since a word about my team's success spread quickly, I landed an honorary invitation to this year's Visionary In Physics & Astronomy conference. What William was doing here, however, remained a mystery.
I followed my intuition and, clenching my laptop and folders, I strolled casually by him.
"Clara, wait up!"
I didn't wait for him. Instead, I found my assigned speaker spot and settled everything, before starting my speech. My peripheral vision resumed studying his expressions I got ready. I touched a tender spot on my temple and began my presentation.
"We developed these technologies for space, but they have the potential to transform the way we build on Earth, using natural, biodegradable materials grown from crops, we could eliminate the building industry's massive waste of unrecyclable concrete and restore our planet."
His gaze was locked on mine, expression lifeless and still. He rose his hand in the air.
"How did the final alterations, overcome the natural challenges in such proposals?" He acquired a tone, that suggested we were perfect strangers.
"The final milestone of this competition is a culmination of extremely hard work by bright, inventive minds who are helping us advance the technologies we need for a sustainable human presence on the moon, and then on Mars."
I nervously went through the values of
radiation and final data in the project, in my mind. 934.23 milliliters- too high. While thinking about the absorbents of ultraviolet rays, someone's gaze, right at the nape of my neck, I detached from these thoughts ...
"Let's try this again," William spoke. I wasn't sure, I had the proper words to describe his face. "Hello Clara, it has been a minute! I was rather impressed, by what you pulled off back there, just now!"
He was wearing a dark gray T-shirt, and pale jeans, standing so close I instinctively jerked away, to restore the distance between us.
Whatever he was hoping for, was useless to even try, because I wasn't one known for forgiveness or giving out, second chances. Moreover, all those bottled-up, unresolved issues, rooting from senior prom, were suddenly threatening to resurface.
All my. body found the strength for, was to stand there motionless, staring at him, no right words to say, to the one who got away...
The last time I saw him, years ago felt like death from a thousand cuts, and him coming back right when I had my life together and was a well-known success with my name up in the lights, actually cut, even deeper!
"I don't have time for this Will! The jury is waiting for me and I need to be with my wits, rather than a mess because of your mind games! " I squeezed past him, the first chance I got, trying to gather myself and not fall hostage to, the mindset of that naive teenage girl, he left in peace at prom.
"I am sorry! Not for walking away, but for the way I left mishandled the situation!"
"It was a prom, not a situation . You broke me from the inside out and abandoned me, absolutely willingly, not to mention, your apology is over five years too late! Goodbye William!" I rushed back into the institute before he could react.Astronomy had now, officially become the only gosth of him, I'd keep close to me.
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