I don't know if a person can have a fear of leaving other people behind, but my life had forced me to endure, far above the average goodbyes anyone, could in a lifetime. With that particular realization, in the back of my mind, naturally, I decided to get everyone in my circle, a little something to keep our bond just as strong, at our own graduation party.

Alice priced herself for being connected with the supernatural -runes, tarot cards, Ouija boards - it was all her jam. So I fell in love with the perfect inverted pentacle pendant, to gift her.

 Steven ... That was a tricky one. I never quite figured out how this guy's mind functioned, but one thing was for certain, he needed a boost of confidence when it came to feeling manly and not just, due to lack of a better expression "a quiet geek". Hiking, the pocket-knife was playing it safe but respecting his wishes too.

Julie... She always gave you the impression, that she was, as they say, "born an era too late", with her long skirts, exquisite gowns, ballroom dancing, historical romance books, lady etiquette, and every detail in between. I found a medallion at an antique shop, with a lady in waiting, admiring a rose, engraved on it.

Picking something for William, while not knowing where we stand, and having in mind our most recent fallout We were not on speaking terms! So choosing something to gift him, proved to be the greatest challenge.

Every time, when I thought we were all good, and happy, he proved me wrong I felt like I was walking on ice half the time around him, he acted like he wanted a future for us one day and, truly ashamed, to be seen with me, the next. His head was in constant war, with his feeling, which he never expressed nor listened to. This all, left me spinning around, with no direction nor answer, to the burning question. : Was this my something to remember us by, gift? Even if I wanted to stay, at the expense of my own mental and emotional health, to try and make Us work, was there going to be a William for me to stay with, at all?

As ironic, as it all felt, I found myself, forced to ask, the person I was supposed to know better than I do myself, my first love, what gift to get him. It all resulted in a disaster of a fight, between us. The first sign that our lives were, already splitting into different directions, as it is!

I could still recall all the major moments and red flags between us. When I worked up the courage to confess my love to him, he responded as if I was awarding him a medal!

I was 16. Every emotion was overwhelming! At 16, I was under the false impression that, when love hurts that's when you know it is real!"William, I need you to know I am in love with you, and I hope it is OK for me, to say it!" - I remember blurting out during one of our cramming sessions in the library.

He'd looked ... Taken aback. Completely out of his element, ready to run for it! ''If we lived in the fairy tale Clara, I'd be the villain who messes you up! Not the prince, out to save you..." He'd at that moment, pulled out a hand for a handshake and bowed. "It was an honor, to hear that kind of high praise, from you even if we live in different fairytales..." And he walked away, leaving me confused, hurt, and alone, for a good half an hour, talking to myself, by the time Julie and Alice had found me.

As I was contemplating, what to get him an avalanche of flashbacks came back to me.

Like, that time when I hit my head, cutting it and leaving a blood trail to the nurse's office, before being sent to the emergency room and then, tied to my bed for recovery for ten days. He never even noticed I was gone.

The fact, he'd "secretly" leave me a rose on my desk, each valentine's day, but found my poetry silly and too emotional, and never dared to show affection in the hallways or in school premises. The fact he never expressed an interest to, stop by my home and usually, just met me somewhere spoke volumes, yet somehow I never wanted to see it.

I hated the way he looked down on me and Julie, because of our paralysis diagnosis, as much as I loved his old-school gentleman vibe and frightening levels of IQ.

                                                                                     * * *

My dilemma was, that half of me wanted to keep and fix, whatever it is we had. while the other half wanted to tear him out of my heart and forget that he exists, as soon as graduation was through.

"Will...." I picked up " I want to get you, a little something to remember me by after graduation, so is there something you'd love?"

"I don't need anything from you, Clara!"

"Oh, so you want to test me, how well I know you? Challenge accepted,I know what to get you, in this case, since I know you like the back of my hand!''

I got him a compass and tried to break the ice, one last time and tease him about it. He was brutal and rude, and as a result, he left me in tears.

"Know me?! " He was screaming over the phone. "Whatever, gave you the idea that you know, the first thing about me, Clarissa ?!"

I was speechless. Numb. Broken. On top of it all, we were graduating, the next morning! This was my moment of truth, no matter how hard that truth was to swallow!

                                                                                       * * *

Our Graduation Ceremony, was the first in the last eight years of the school, to be held during a tornado watch! Thus, there wasn't much room for celebration or entertainment programs to begin with.

My dress was an original design, strapless peach silk, a short skirt, and the back cut out, leaving my skin exposed. My heart was professionally done up in a crown of curls, while my shoes were classic high heels I barely could walk in.

"If you are looking for William, Clara, he is in room 402, complaining about having to partake in the class photo." I hear Steven as I walk in, trying my hardest to balance correctly in these shoes, and cursing that I wasn't allowed to wear flats today." He is selected to give a speech as valedictorian. You look breathtaking. by the way!"

"Thank you! You look, rather dashing yourself! " I smiled. pilling out a small gift package out of my purse. "Before I go find him, and the others this is for you" I handed him the wrapped pocket knife. "I hope you like it, and that we stay in touch Steven! I mean that! Happy graduation!"

For a moment, I studied the features of his face. He was flattered and surprised. Just the effect, I was looking for!

"Go. Find him!" He winked. "We will, Clara doesn't worry about that! Stay in touch, I mean. Happy graduation!"

I left my feet to lead me to him. gift bag, with the compass, dangling from my wrist.

William was leaning on the lockers, waiting for me and having an animated conversation with my childhood friend Rachel, in the meantime. I rubbed my eyes, wondering if all this was true or an illusion.

"Polly? Rachel? What are you girls, doing here?" I wrapped my hands around them instantly!

"We came to surprise you, and when we came in looking for you, this other guy Steven, told us, most of the time you and this dude over here are tied to the hip."

Their playful comment reminded me why I was looking for Will in the first place!

I turned to face him.

"I know, we had a fight about this earlier, but I really want us to part on good terms, so don't get mad but I got you a present anyway."

He arched a brow in anticipation, peeking into the small gift bag.

"A compass?"

I nodded. A powerless, simple nod.

He took a deep breath, followed by a couple of minutes of awkward silence, between us, which cut me like a knife.

"I confess, you passed my test and apparently you do know me, on some level ."

Was this guy for real?!

Rachel looked ready to punch him. A part of me no matter how small wished she did!

A second later, he was gone.

"Couldn't you at least fall for someone a bit warmer, who actually was capable of feelings?" The girls asked in one voice.

"What test? What falling out?" Rachel felt uneasy, and at the same time reached out to comfort me with a hug.

"It doesn't matter now. It is over!" I shrug.

"High school? Or....This Situationship ?" She gestured in the direction, he'd disappeared.

"Both, I guess..."

"Chin up, queen, or your crown will slip!"