While I was working on my MA and fellowship,it felt rather impossible to completely exclude the scientist in me. So, instead of choosing one, today I balanced both. Moving to enroll in BTU Cottbus - Senftenberg, I brainstormed how to let my two passions intertwine. The field was overly competitive, and in order to get ahead, one

had to stand out. This is how, becoming a full-time Architect,I took the fellowship offer in a blink of an eye, and thus began my overwhelming preparation.

During the week I would work on the mandatory project at the office, writing and carrying out international architectural competitions. Project management, international contests, jury coordination, and a nine to five checklist to handle.Weekends were devoted to Science and management of my signature Mars Habitat proposal to NASA.CERN relied on my research for an ongoing experiment, and even recruited a member of our team, in one of their labs, whereas I pitched in and monitored the data remotely.

Getting to the final and representing myself and my team, getting my name up in the headlines because of a corporation with some of the greatest engineers and scientists, while working on creating a safe habitat for the pioneers of the new generation of multi-planet civilization, was a progressively complex responsibility and burden, as much as it was a victory of a lifetime.

I didn't have the time nor the desire to waste, thinking about a man, who took years to notice my existence, just in time for my success to, hopefully, rub off on him.

Whenever I got a free half an hour, I'd research commute options from Campus to the Office Building. Emotions messed me up and forced me to lose focus on the big picture. Thus, the only solution was to fill my day with work and self-development instead. My emotions and feelings had to be kept under lock and key.

I was expected to pass a native-level proficiency exam, in order to secure my spot once and for all. I was already on edge and at some point, I'd completely given up sleep, but nothing was too risky when my entire career, which I worked to build from the ground was at stake.

Faster than anticipated, the date of the exam, had arrived. The stress was over the top. I was thinking, speaking, and even dreaming, for sure in German. This unfortunately wasn't all. My body was tearing its defenses down, judging by my blackouts and nose -bleeds. This was my last chance, I had no room for failure. When all this pressure was off my chest, I'd catch up with rest with no guilt.

Waking up, it was no surprise I was clenching my scripts from last night's last-minute cramming. I scrambled to my feet, hoping not to look as worn out, as I felt.

One final push. One final challenge.

My roommate tiptoed around me, overly alert, my mug of coffee in hand, but I was too disoriented and exhausted, to react accordingly. My limbs felt heavy, and I was mumbling my interview scripts to myself, completely unresponsive due to the stress overdose.

"Alright, that's it!" Juju, my swiz roommate snapped. " If you don't take at least fifteen minutes, to close your eyes and shut the world out long enough to gather yourself, I am taking your car keys and locking you in here!"

"This is important Juju! My whole future is riding on the results of today's assessment!"

She arched a brow, blocking my way to the front door."Get real, will you already?! This is not your SAT-s, and frankly if you blackout during the assessment from burnout or exhaustion, you are not doing yourself a favor either!" She was relentless, and at times of crisis, I thanked the forces of the Universe, this girl was my voice of reason when I needed her most! " Now calm down, you've got this! You are the greatest hustler I know, and somehow no matter how dire the odds, you end up on top, as a winner! Germany is waiting for you, to accomplish great things there, and they would be mad not to give you, the slot regardless of today's turnout!"

Coffee, was like a liquid energy boost, the only ingredient able to replenish, in record time.

The entire assessment process was completely deprived of logic. It made no sense, but I ended up being the most put-together and focused candidate in the mix. Or at least, I appeared so in comparison. My tunnel -vision, was my greatest advantage here and now.

The vibe in the room was tense and alarming. In some components I filled in the blanks, relying on chance. I'd been so lost in my head, that I almost blocked my full potential from shining through.

As I stepped over the threshold to my interview session, I did my best impression of a native. It took me a bit of an internal debate, but I gave myself a pep talk, and later the interviewer got all her desired answers.

Three days later, my email surprised me with that much-anticipated feedback message. Still, even as my own incredulous laugh, filled the air, I was overjoyed.

"Dear Ms. Jones, we are, pleased to inform you, that you are our selected top candidate. Please call, the office and give us a copy of your CERN and NASA research timetable, so we complement your schedule as much as possible."

It was time for me to connect to my true self and highest potential, manifesting the life of my dreams. It was time to pack up and take that leap of faith. It was finally time for daydreaming and creativity.