Song: "Palpatine's Teachings" from Revenge of the Sith OST

He sat in the temple that evening. The other Kaleesh bowed, conducting their prayers. As the words from the ancient texts-in a dialect of Kaleesh dead to the world and incomprehensible to him-flowed from his lips, his mind wandered.

He turned his gaze upon the ceiling, his mouth dry. Perhaps I can find a way out of it. Perhaps I won't have to give myself to someone else and betray her.

But he could not hide forever. Eventually he would bear a child that had his face mixed with hers. Could he stand to face the fact that he had failed Ronderu? That he had utterly decimated her memory by having nights of bonding with another woman, as if she had never existed?

This is silly. It will all be fine. Pretense was something you did for years with Ronderu-you fooled almost everyone. You can do it again.

He caught Shia's dreamy gaze as she sang in the old tongue. Does she realize I am afraid of her?

No. She is under the impression that she's healed all the wounds I have from Ronderu's death.

He tried to think of how he'd react if it was Ronderu he was afraid of, but that was impossible. They had known so much and so deeply about each other that nothing was new to them. He would never have been terrified of giving his spirit to her as well as his body if he could.

His stomach turned again. You were a coward once before, and now you're a liar. Don't be abusive too.

I will retain my honor. I will not betray the woman I love.

The woman I love is gone.

✺✺✺

His eyes were on his hands the next day as he tried to cook and forget. Forget everything, but he could take nothing back-his body in utter ecstasy, but his mind scorched with guilt and longing for it to be over.

He needed space. He needed time. But to admit that to Shia was to admit that he had not moved on and wasn't truly in love with her, when he'd told her he was before. Ronderu would have called him a damned liar by now, and he deserved it.

Biting his tongue, he stirred a pot of tea. All he wanted was to shout. This wasn't right. But he had gotten himself into this, and there was no going back.

She entered the room and hugged him from behind. "I'm going to work now," she said, bending down to kiss his ear gently. With a sigh, he looked over at his headscarf on the table; he'd forgotten to put it on, something extremely uncommon.

"I'll probably be with the kolkpravis," he said, squeezing any hints of coldness out of his tone. "I may not be home tonight."

"No matter," she murmured, running her hands along his chest and stomach. "It's fine."

He smiled. A gentle and quiet spirit, he told himself. That's why you love her.

"Have a nice day, busgui," he said. The word bride was at least honest-he could not bring himself to use the words nee ru with her.

"And you," she said, turning to him and kissing him again briefly before heading out the door.

✺✺✺

At various moments, Qymaen was tricked into believing that his life was normal again. He moved to the Kharankhui settlement with Shia, and they lived together as best friends, husband and wife. She was found to be with child two months after their marriage, and he'd been drowned in happiness at the news.

But lurking beneath the surface was the drifting form of Ronderu. Guilt clouded him every time he was alone with Shia. During the day, he enjoyed her company but always saw Ronderu's form at the back of the conversation, sad and meek. And at night, as his body blazed with the secret pleasures of marriage, his mind screamed for it to end.

Death greeted him like an old friend every day of his life. It had taken his mother when he was five, when she had been carted off like a trophy to the planet Huk. Then it had taken his father when he'd been fifteen. As his life moved forward, bloodied to its very core, the Huk War had ripped away everyone he cared about.

Yet this time, something was different. Something was amiss with her death.

As Shia lay in his arms one night, he allowed the cold to seep into his scales. He sighed and stood; he wouldn't get any sleep. Walking outside to meet Bent, he had one goal in mind: it was time to retake Kaleela and end the Huk war.

✺✺✺

The next day, Qymaen took the Kharankhui on the long river trek to Kaleela. The air was warm now, and flowers bloomed at every turn on the mossy floors of the craggy streams and canyons that led to the capital city. Spring had come again, yet the cold of winter still blossomed on his brow.

They found the capital city. "Carry me in as prisoner," he said to Sk'ar.

Sk'ar cuffed his hands, this time with metal bonds, prizes stolen by the Yam'rii during their many quarrels. "Careful, Your Grace," he joked. "If you resist, you'll get zapped with a voltage so high you won't remember your name for a week. Want a demonstration?"

"Hilarious." He studied Kaleela's gates for entry points. The main gate would be the best place to transport prisoners to the capitol building, where they would free all the actual prisoners of war and retake the building from the Huk.

Bent went around, handing cuff boxes to the other Kaleesh soldiers. Each person was bound and their weapons were hidden beneath their head-scarves or shawls where nobody could see them.

"Alright!" Bent barked, arranging them into a line. "Single fire, heads down, no talking. Any noise will result in a swift beating to the head. I don't work for free, y'know!"

They marched to the city gates. "What's the order number of your delivery?" the Yam asked in passable Basic.

Bent tilted his head. "I think my order number is T0A-DR3-HUQ."

Her eyes widened. "That's not an order-" But she didn't get a chance to finish, because the general wrapped a hand around her neck, snapping it in a quick swipe.

Qymaen spotted a camera. "Bent," he whispered through his teeth, nodding up at the metallic dome, and his friend nodded. He aimed his slugthrower at it and fired, disabling the camera. Let's hope nobody was on duty, Qymaen thought, though knowing his recent luck that was not a likely prospect.

Bent drew himself to his full height. "Move it! We don't have the whole year!"

◈◈◈

Did you know....

● One of my pet peeves with many fanfictions that take place during this time period is how they like to portray Qymaen as a womanizer or one of the guys that's sleeping around with every girl on the block for fun. I purposely took the story in a different route because that's not true to Qymaen's character later in the story.

● Grievous' mother was actually only mentioned once in the post-2008 canon, and it didn't specify what happened to her. However, the war orphaned so many younglings on Kalee that it isn't farfetched to imagine her being carted away.

● However, Unknown Soldier does specifically state that his father died in the war.

Tell me what you think....

● Is Qymaen losing his honor by refusing to be honest with Shia, or is it just a result of his current trauma?

● Have you had to keep reminding yourself of why you love people in healthy relationships? Is this a sign of Qymaen entering something unhealthy?