Author's Note: If you have any tips writing tips, please feel free to comment.

As always, I continue to hope that I am doing justice to the spirit of Star Wars as well the respective authors and characters from which I borrow. Again, I gratefully accept constructive criticism as a means to help me develop my skills further as a writer.

Mandalorian (Mando'a) words

Ba'vodu (BAH-vod-oo): uncle (plural bavodu'e) or aunt (plural bavodu'e)

Di'kut (DEE-koot): idiot, useless individual, waste of space (lit. someone who forgets to put their pants on)

Ika (EE-kah): diminutive suffix written as 'ika - also added to a name as a very familiar or childhood form, e.g, Ord'ika - Little Ordo

Ner vod (nair-vohd): "my brother/sister"; colloquially also "my friend"

Ni vore (NEE-vor): "I accept"

Shabla (SHAH-bla): screwed up  

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Chapter 35

I wanted to give you a moment in time, an opportunity to remember. You needed to know who you fight for, not just what and why.

Cerina Browlin, liaison to RC-1168, "Dusty," during the Denon Mission

Tochin Moon III, 786 Days ABG

Gath ran a gloved hand over his hair, scratching at an itch he didn't really believe he had but felt inclined to get rid of anyway. He was worried about Jas and how his brother seemed to have shut down from them. He tried to warn him and prepare him that such an attachment would only lead to emotional agony. Even though Gath never had the opportunity to experience any kind of relationship with a woman, he had his own experience with attachment when he was still only about four years old chronologically.

Gath remembered back to one night when he couldn't sleep due to a particularly hard day with blaster training. For whatever reason, his mark was off, and he could only graze the targets. The Kaminoans ushered him to get his eyes checked as well as a full physical, and everything had resulted in normal ranges. He managed to avoid the reconditioning chamber thanks to Gan telling the Kaminoans he was just having an off day and that he would pull out of the uncharacteristic mood after a good night's sleep.

Gath had taken Ba'vodu's advice and gone to bed early that night. However, his sleep was interrupted as he felt something scratching under the blanket near his feet. Waking, Gath had discovered a small, comlink-sized rodent scurrying around beneath the covers. Rather than call an alarm or simply kill the small leathery creature, he caught it in his hands. Gath remembered waiting to be bitten, but the tiny mammal simply sniffed at him as though looking for food and warmth. Offering what he could, Gath allowed the creature to curl up within his blanket. Over the next couple of days, he had sneaked in small portions of food and took care of the mammal-like any other curious boy his age would have.

His brothers in Crimson, who shared the room with him, simply ignored Gath's newfound pet. They decided that if he wanted to get into trouble for having it, then they would feign stupidity and offer no knowledge of the creature. In fact, neither Crimson nor Gath ever told Gan about the rodent for fear that he would be resentful of the creature since Gan had openly admitted once that he hated rodents.

Gath had successfully cared for the creature for nearly two weeks. Then, one day as he returned from a particularly fine day of training, he returned to his room exhausted but feeling good and looking forward to playing with the rodent. Unfortunately, when he arrived in the room, he saw that one of the Kaminoans had already discovered his tiny pet. Without so much as a blink of regret, the Kaminoan injected the rodent with a small vile, and the creature had died within just a couple seconds.

Gath had tried not to scream and cry, but the child within him had done just that. He yelled and screamed every foul Mando'a word he had ever heard Gan and the other training sergeants use. At the very least, he wanted the closure of taking the body to a proper burial. Instead, the Kaminoan tossed it down a garbage chute without so much as a kind word. By the time Gan and the rest of Crimson arrived to see what the commotion was about, there was nothing more for Gath to do but close himself down in his numb state and never look at anything but his brothers with so much concern again.

"Jas needs this," Dusty commented as his voice suddenly awoke Gath from his memories of that small creature and the heartache it left him as a child. Proceeding to take off his helmet and check Zech's pulse to make sure that their prisoner was still adhering to the tranquilizer safely, Dusty finished, "He has to say goodbye to her on his terms."

Gath felt a flash of sudden jealousy because he realized that Jas would have the opportunity for closure that he never had. Forcing himself to mentally change the subject, concentrating instead on their present situation, Gath focused on Dusty rather than his memories. "You've supported Jas' attachment to her from the start, ner vod. Why?"

Dusty turned away quickly and feigned checking Zech's restraints. Every time he saw Jas and Les'ika together, he had flashbacks to his own attachment, his one single night with a woman. It wasn't anything more than a "date" that included a long night afterward, but still, it was an attachment. It didn't matter if the attachment lasted for a couple days like Jas was doing or for a few hours like Dusty had experienced, it was still against the regulations.

Dusty shook his head silently. He was certain that a starlight kiss was all either Jas or Les'ika wanted. Instead, they grew closer with every passing moment, consumed by a bond that was refusing to release them from its grasp.

Turning back to Gath now, Dusty told him, "You saw how they looked at each other."

"But how did you know..."

Dusty shrugged off the question, interrupting his brother's thoughts. "Maybe you should start watching holofilms. They tell a lot about people."

"Then, what would yours be about?" Gath asked.

That made Dusty laugh. "A blaster-firing psycho."

"Doesn't that cover all of us?" Mouse threw in as he stripped another wire and twisted the ends, attempting to wrap them onto one of the screws of the power supply. The gray box he had been reworking was already starting to show signs of life as a set of lights blinked on for a couple seconds before shutting off again. Mouse had been trying to gently ease power into the comm. so that it wouldn't fry out the circuitry and leave them with nothing more than a useless contraption.

Gath's voice grew serious, the concern was obvious as he addressed Dusty again. "Are you jealous over Jas?"

Dusty stepped back from Zech and moved towards his kit that had been left on the ground. He started to put away the supplies he had pulled out earlier while he was looking for the tranquilizer. "You're not serious Gath? Did you forget why I told you I had the bruise on my face? I merely teased Jas about Les'ika, and he did this."

Gath followed his brother and put a solid hand on his shoulder. His voice was calm, trusting. "Well, I know that you've been hiding something for a while now. I haven't pressed on it, but..."

Dusty thought he could get away with omitting the fact that Jas punched him because of his admittance to his involvement with Cerina on Denon. Unfortunately, it seemed that Gath was sensing more than Dusty wanted to reveal. Brushing his hair from his forehead with his fingers, Dusty gave Mouse a quick glance before looking back at Gath. Maybe the time had finally come to confess to his brothers how he risked their lives for his own selfish curiosity so many months ago. Part of him truly was jealous, but not at Jas or Les'ika. Instead, he was jealous because they were able to express their emotions openly in front of Crimson and not live a lie every moment of every day.

Even though Dusty had no intentions to pursue Cerina again, he was tired of hiding that moment in his life from his brothers. He still believed that the truth would come out eventually, and it was better to do so while they were alone and secluded in this forest than wait until their unit was shuffled back into the Army again, trying to maintain their independence and secrecy amongst their more distant brothers.

Quietly, Dusty uttered, "Denon."

Gath's eyes widened in surprise at the mention of such an old mission, but he still didn't entirely understand the significance.

"Cerina," Dusty elaborated carefully. He knew he had to delicately word his accounts of that night. "When my communications went silent, it wasn't due to a device malfunction. She and I...well, I didn't think you'd want to hear what was going on, because we did more than you'll ever have to worry about Jas trying with Les'ika."

Gath's jaw suddenly clenched tightly and his hand came from Dusty's shoulder, closing into a tight fist that was ready to strike. The comm. conversations that had taken place that night flashed through Gath's memory in a mere moment. He remembered how Dusty had suddenly disappeared from the comm. grid and they debated whether it would have been worth it to raid the apartment. Gath often wondered why he hesitated to do so, and now he understood what his instincts had told him during that mission. Unable to speak, Gath merely allowed the disappointment in his irises to bore into Dusty like one of those Jedi's lightsabers would into his flesh.

Mouse looked up now, and his fury clearly covered his features. "You risked us all to be with that woman?"

Dusty's eyes passed from one brother to the other, knowing that he deserved whatever they wanted to throw at him now. He had endangered all his brothers – the entire Clone Army – just for the chance to know humanity for one night. He should have returned right away to Crimson in their hidden apartment to give them the data that Cerina had supplied to him. Instead, he stayed with her for a couple hours, learning about the intimate relations that clones weren't allowed to experience.

Dusty had enough of hiding that night, and if his squad brothers wanted to sentence him to some fly-by-night reconditioning chamber or to a Deece-induced court-martial, then he knew it was always just a matter of time before they would discover the truth and saw that he was punished for his actions in a manner that they deemed appropriate.

Dusty kept his arms loosely by his sides and made no attempt to defend himself as he maintained a voice that was soft and even. "We both know that it was one of our first real missions, and I was younger, stupider. Now I carry the guilt with me every moment of every day of how I could have killed us all if it had worked out differently. You have no idea how many times a day I run through the what-ifs of what could have happened."

"There's no 'if' about it. None of us would be here now, wanting to kill you for your traitorous actions if you didn't get that data to us," Mouse seethed, his voice replicating a Nexu ready to strike.

"Jas basically said the same thing," Dusty admitted. "But, I know what it's like to be in his place. If I would have let Jas walk away from Les'ika without so much as holding her hand, then that regret would be eating him alive worse than his accelerated aging ever could. I don't regret what Cerina did for me, but I would have regretted it if I walked away from her."

Gath closed his eyes and dropped his fist, exhaling deeply. Were they all doomed to attachments that none of them could have? He rubbed his face hard with his hands and fought every instance of jealousy that tried to flare up within him. No, Dusty wasn't jealous, not by a long shot, he realized. It was Gath who had developed that emotion. He was jealous for not having an attachment and for not being able to bring closure to the only attachment he had ever known from back when he was a child.

Mouse, however, was not going to sit by idly while Gath went into one of his silent philosophical debates. He placed the communications parts on the ground next to him quickly, with the organization of an obsessive-compulsive scientist. Then, without warning, he slammed Dusty onto the ground. He raised his fist to strike him in the face, preparing to pummel his brother until his frustration passed. However, he hesitated to strike as he saw Dusty staring up at him without any spark of defense from the beating he knew he deserved.

"Di'kut!" Mouse growled, slamming him into the ground again. "At least pretend to fight back and make it worth something."

"No," Dusty told him calmly.

"Stand down, Mouse," Gath ordered wearily.

Mouse ignored Gath and kept Dusty pinned, refusing to relent the fist that still hovered with the urge to strike. However, before it could move, something grabbed it and restrained it behind his back. Mouse spun his head to see Gath behind him, holding him from striking Dusty.

"I said stand down," Gath repeated, his voice dropping a notch and allowing the edge to get sharper.

Jas and Arlesse had come around the trees and shrubs, encountering the scene of Crimson in a gut-wrenching standoff, and Arlesse grasped Jas' hand stronger, not knowing where to even begin placing her sympathy. Her stomach plummeted at how there was anger and resentment deep in these soldiers' eyes. Her eyes glanced quickly at the unconscious form of Zech as he remained unmoving with the restraints behind his back and a thick strip of medical gauze wrapped around his mouth, tied tightly in the back.

Eyes coming quickly back to Crimson and not certain why or what possessed her to do so, she simply begged, "Please don't do this."

Crimson turned to Les'ika, her voice the last sound any of them expected to hear in the quiet of the forest. They responded instantly to the sadness in her voice for them, able to hear the concern she exhibited as she saw that they had suddenly become enemies rather than brothers.

Arlesse took a shaky breath, aware of these soldiers instantly giving her their full attention and she wasn't exactly sure what she was to do now. She hadn't planned on them even listening to her, but they had. They respected her enough to heed her words, and now she had no idea what to do about it.

"What happened?" Jas asked, trying to get a sense of why his brothers were suddenly at each other again. It wasn't uncommon to him, but it had obviously given Les'ika cause for concern.

Gath continued to keep Mouse away from Dusty as he wearily explained, "Denon. We finally know the truth of that night."

Jas gently released Les'ika's hand and moved towards Dusty. He reached his hand out and allowed his brother to grasp his, hauling him to his feet. "Then, we can finally put it behind us and move on."

"Dusty nearly killed us," Mouse argued, trying to pull his arm free without harming Gath.

"And, so have a number of others," Jas shot back. "Did you forget all the times we received bad intel? Or, what about that Jedi Padawan who didn't follow his master's orders?"

"Jas is right, ner vod," Gath agreed, easing his grasp on Mouse while keeping his voice calm. "Dusty screwed up. We all screwed up. This whole shabla war is screwed up."

Mouse took advantage of Gath releasing him and moved towards Zech, rolling him over with his boot. "And because of di'kuts like this one who harm innocent girls like her, we're expected to fix the galaxy's screw-ups."

Arlesse finally spoke, watching Crimson settle down from their outburst. "We're humans. We make mistakes. Why is that so hard for you to accept?"

"We were trained to be better," Dusty told her. "Mistakes weren't tolerated and were often deadly."

"And, being a traitor meant 'shoot on sight,'" Mouse grumbled, the hatred in his brown eyes forcing Arlesse to step back a few inches. After a moment, he realized the fear he had prompted in her, and now he saw that fright again, the same fright that men like Hazar and Zech had instilled in her. Dropping his voice and looking at her with regret for being yet another man who would scare her, he told her, "I'm sorry, Les'ika."

"Why is Dusty a traitor?" she asked softly, her eyes darting around Crimson. She saw the genuine regret in Mouse's eyes for snapping at her, but she had already decided that she would never do anything to cross him if she could avoid it.

"He broke protocol on a mission to be with a woman," Gath explained, deciding not to get into any more details.

Arlesse felt her fear change from the ire of Mouse's intentions towards Dusty to suddenly fearing for Jas' life. Her voice was now shaky and tight. "Will you treat Jas like this after you leave Tochin? Will you punish him because I made the mistake of caring?"

"What?" Gath asked, obviously taken aback by the questions.

Jas moved to Les'ika and took her hand in his, squeezing her fingers gently with reassurance.

"It's not the same," Mouse told her.

"How?" Arlesse dared to ask. She needed to understand what her actions with Jas would cause him. Bringing him harm was the last thing she intended, and if someone had him killed because of her... She closed down the thought, praying it would not come that.

"You don't hold the Clone Army's survival in your hands," Mouse rationalized.

"No, but she cares just as strongly for us as Cerina does," Dusty answered. "Cerina's only fault was that she was too close to the war and chose to partake in it. Les'ika was a bystander, an innocent, who was dragged into this mess against her will. Besides, I thought we were the Reject Squad. Since when did breaking and bending rules no longer apply to us?"

"This is why I hate people," Mouse complained as he moved away from everyone and went back to his work on the communications device. "Too many shabla contradictions."

"I think you're forgiven," Jas said, looking at Dusty. "Mouse let you live, and he wouldn't have if he didn't want you to."

"He just better not screw up again," Mouse muttered, picking up the electronic and mechanical pieces that he hoped would restore their communications.

Gath exhaled heavily, trying to weigh the last few days as well as the months that Dusty had been holding in his secret. Perhaps, each of them held their own secrets, and eventually, each of those secrets would come to light at some point in their lives. He just hoped that they would all find forgiveness and closure before it was too late for any of them.

As though realizing an answer to a question Gath was just aware that he had, he reached forward and took Dusty's forearm in his hand, the Mandalorian way of making a vow. The time had come for closure and forgiveness, and it had to start with him. With a voice that was sincere and calm, Gath promised, "We bury it here and mention it no more."

Dusty nodded with respect, accepting his brother's vow. It was time for them to become brothers once again. "Ni vore."

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