"Belief is not a matter of choice, but conviction." -Jedi Knight Obiwan Kenobi

                            KYLO REN

My
dark hair curls into soaking tendrils as they stick to my face from the suction of hot sweat. Muscles taut, back tensed and lightsaber in my right hand. I slash downward once more at a random adjacent wall, completely tarnishing it's frozen solid, gray exterior into nothing more than black, burnt debris.

I let a frustrated scream escape my lips as my heart tugs at the corrupted side of my mind.

'I know what I did was wrong... No, it was right but in who's eyes? Mine or Snoke's?'

My heart answers quickly;

'Your's...'

Another raged filled, spastic scream rips through my pale lips as I take my red illuminated saber and crack down another slash to the left side of a computer monitor that transmits from my personal quarters. Now it sends out a sardonic siren for help as it coughs and spits out sizzling sparks like blood.

'Great.'

Not even seconds fly by until the door to my chambers opens revealing two stormtroopers clad in their usual white.

"Sir! Do you need anything-"

"GET. OUT!" I roar at them, not even turning to look, but compelling them to obey and retreat back out into the open corridor. Simply hearing someone else's voice at this moment was enough to set me off.

I huff out a long breath through my nose as the door falls to a close and recluse to a sitting position on the edge of my bed. I dig my elbows in my knees and rest my grieving head in my hands. I clench my jaw, grinding my teeth.

'Did grandfather ever feel this way? This much emotional pain?'

I'm sitting here lapping up fear and pain like water, 'I am Kylo Ren. I am better than this!'

Snoke knows, I know he knows what I've done.

Thinking back with shame. I helped Kira, or now known as Rey. I warned her! Why? Why did I do that! I take the beds of my fists and wrench them to my sweaty head as my breaths become uncoordinated and choppy. I repeatedly try to knock some sense into myself over and over again until the pain from my white knuckles becomes too much to handle.

'He thinks I'm going soft, I know that's what he thinks of me! All of them do! Gath, Hux, Snoke they're all the same!' My mind screams internally for a long while, arguing with me about which path is the correct one. I eventually grow tired, the sweat now sticky and dry on my face.

'Would it ever be possible to just travel in between the light and the dark?'

* * *

The Finalizer is a quiet place. The white noise of clicking and the hisses of doors being opened and closed soothes my mind into its rare easy state.

It's like a living, breathing organism. All of the pieces fitting together and working as one, creates this electronic being, a wonderful image of engineering.

I can't sleep. My lights are off and my eyes are closed, yet, I cannot lay my mind to rest. Too much conflict and pain reside in me, I'm just like this ship. A vessel that looks complicated and even wonderful from the exterior, but carries something truly ugly beneath its innards.

My mind wanders through the ship's drives, into every room within. I see storm troopers stalking up and down the empty halls as they speak amongst themselves. Traveling through wires and ports, entering from the ceiling above, I now see General Hux standing hands clasped behind his back as always.

Unexpectedly using more focus my mind leaves the ship, my physical neck flinches back against my pillow at the sudden bright light of stars race past my vision as if I'm in hyperspace.

Soon the curtain of stars pulls back and unfamiliar planet launches into view, it's surface is covered with foliage of mixed greens and I can see the high mountains that reach up to the atmosphere.

As if a camera zooming into focus, my vision propels down to the planet's ground point. White flashes across my mind's eye as I'm now in a lushes green pasture. I can't see my physical body, due to the fact this is not a physical plain.

I turn my sight over to an all to familiar ship, the YT model Corellian freighter my father use to cling to more than his own son. I grow closer to it, studying its features and remembering every port, every dial, every wire on this blasted material object. The memories of my childhood try to resurface themselves, but like always I push them back.

I hear a high scream coming from the external ramp. A man dressed in old renegade armor stands knees apart with a gun held to the temple of a tall girl with fair skin and chestnut brown hair. Although clad in different clothing I notice it's the same girl that's been in my nightmares since the implosion of Star Killer Base, except this time it isn't a nightmare. This is real.

Mustering all of the force energy I have left, I focus on the armored man. I can feel the sweat beginning to resurface on the skin of my back and face as I still lay on my bed but paralyzed by the live vision. The Mandalorians movements become less swift and more robotic as he tries to shoot Rey.

A muffled scream crawls from my throat as pain rattles against my skull like a savage, caged animal. Nausea comes next, the throbs hurt so badly it's a wonder why my skull just didn't crack open from the pressure. But I keep going while the vision is still clear.

Rey struggles to free herself as the man wraps his still shaking arms around her waist to keep her from running.

"Chewie!" I hear her accented, girlish yell for help ring in my ears. The name of that cursed beast echoes on and on in my head until it finally fades.

My physical body jerks slightly as its still caressed by my mattress. My brain realizes it's in pain, but the Force paralyzes me.

Rey wriggles her arms free and shoves herself from the bounty hunters clutches, but I wasn't finished. Anger boiled beneath my skin and through my veins making my face turn a light shade of red. I grit my teeth, still clamping my eyes shut with all my might as in hopes to not lose sight on them.

I use the force to shoot a strand of pain up the hunter's spine as he robotically tries to stagger over to Rey. A roaring scream rips through the air as well a sickening crack.

His knees buckle from under him and his body falls limply to the ground.

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A/N
This chapter was not based on any news I have heard about Episode Eight. Although, this strong force user ability that Kylo has just used was not just a figment of my imagination haha, I have read many StarWars books and this is actually a very special Jedi power that one can possess.