He's drunk.

The sleepy eyes, the rosy lips that he kept on biting, the redness spreading on his cheeks down to his neck and beyond that was covered under his shirt.

I only realized it after he refused to go back to the table and Andro asked him if he kissed any of the wildlife yet.

This side of Ali that I've never seen before.

"Are you okay?"

He gave a low chuckle. "Don't mind kuya Andro."

"Are you, perhaps... shy?"

He turned sharply to me. "What? No!"

"Nalasing ka sa kalahating baso ng pina colada?" Di ko mapigilang matawa. Who would have thought the mighty Alistair can't hold his drink?

"Tsss..."

"Don't worry baby, you didn't lose any pogi points." I assured him with a pat on his shoulder.

"I'm gonna kill him," he groaned.

"Let's get you to bed." I stood up and pulled him by the hand. "Baka mahalikan mo pa yung mga ligaw na hayop dito."

He was still grumbling choice swear words but he let me pull him back inside the house. I waved at Yelle and Andro who seem to be having a drinking contest at the bar.

I pushed him inside the bathroom so he could brush his teeth and do his business. I busied myself with the bed since there's only one in the room and it would be weird if I even tried to hold on to modesty when we've slept on the same bed before.

Pagkatapos niya sa banyo ay ako naman ang pumasok para makapaghanda sa pagtulog. Paglabas ko sa banyo ay naka-dim na ang mga ilaw sa kuwarto at nakabukas ang fairy lights sa may kama. Malamig ang umiihip na hangin galing sa bintanang nakabukas. Nakahiga na si Ali sa kama at nakapikit. Mas napanatag ako na tulog na siya. Inayos ko ang unan at kumot at bahagyang pinakiramdaman ang katabi. Panatag naman ang kaniyang paghinga kaya sigurado akong nakatulog na nga. I pulled the covers around me and closed my eyes.

And just then I realized what kuya Andro's comment meant earlier.

***

"Welcome back!" malakas na sigaw ng mga agents pagbukas namin ng pinto ng opisina. Dinaluhong kami agad ng mga kabutes at halos magiba ang likod ko sa lakas ng pagbati nila.

"Okay, okay, chill!" saway ko sa kanila. Sama-sama kaming pumunta sa lounge. Halos hindi mapigil ang excitement ng mga luka. Pagkaupo pa lang namin ni Trixie ay sabay-sabay na ang mga tanong nila.

"So the question of the hour: Where is Jaguar?" tanong ni Shan.

"Off-grid kasama ni Yellow," sagot ko habang nag-stretch ng mga braso. Aba mabigat yata ang mga dala naming supplies ni Trixie. "Pero ang mas importante: Tada!" Inilapag ko ang dalawang bote ng Nutella sa lamesa. Napapalakpak si Jem at nakita kong tumakbo papunta sa pantry si Rin. Si Red naman ay dinampot na agad ang isang bote at binuksan.

"Seryoso sila sa off-grid na 'yan?" Si Rin na may dalang dalawang balot ng tasty bread at kutsara. Agad na binuksan ang mga kontrabandong spread at kaniya-kaniyang gawa ang mga kabute ng kanilang sandwich. Napapikit ako habang ninanamnam ang Nutella sandwich ko. Saglit na natahimik ang lahat.

"Pero seryoso nga, hindi mo alam kung nasaan si Boss? Wala ka man lang trace Icen?" si Shan.

"Nada." Iling ko. "Alam mo naman si Jaguar, he has his ways."

"Pero tingin ko naman magpaparamdam din agad 'yan si Boss. Hinahanap na siya ng main branch saka yung pamilya ni 43," sabi ni Trixie. Tapos na siya sa unang sandwich niya at gumagawa na ng pangalawa. Aba! Nangangalahati na agad ang isang bote at... whoa, ubos na yung isa!

"Hoy, kumalma kayo. Hindi bawal huminga," saway ko. Si Red ay sinamaan lang ako ng tingin habang hinoard na niya yung isang bote. Talaga naman. Buti na lang may secret stash ako.

"E yung si...ehem...?" binigyan ako ng makahulugang tingin Jem. "Nagsalita na ba?"

Inginuso ko si Edge na tahimik na naglalagay ng palaman sa tinapay niya.

"Ah..." Tango ni Jem.

"Ang swerte naman ni Yellow," nakangusong sabi ni Rin. "Kailan kaya tayo makakasama sa vacation kasama si boss?"

"Swerte o malas?" Hagikhik ni Shan, "kasama din kaya si 43."

"Hmmm... mas bet ko si Yellow kesa kay 43," Rin absentmindedly said at hinampas siya ni Jem.

"Ow!" Hinampas din niya pabalik si Jem.

"Luka ka, baka mamaya may bug si Jaguar dito. Toast kabute ka talaga."

Namutla si Rin at napalinga-linga. "Huhubels nagjo-joke lang po ako Boss Jaguar."

Napabuntong-hininga si Yhona, "so ano na palang gagawin natin ngayong nasa bakasyon si Jaguar at tapos na ang mission?"

"We wait for new orders," si Red habang direktang kinakain galing sa bote ang Nutella. "I'm out," she declared. Tumayo na siya at lumabas ng lounge dala ang bote. Napatingin ako kay Shan.

"Well, well... at least may isang kabuteng nakabingwit ng Zabala," nakangiti niyang sabi.

Anak ng kabute ang suwerte naman ng Stein sisters!

***

            I woke up with the sun already high in the sky. The space beside me is cold. I checked my watch to make sure of the time.

I've never overslept before. It's already 9am. I've always been a morning person. There were even times during stakeouts that I don't sleep for 48 hours straight. I feel refreshed though, and I don't have any headache from oversleeping. It was the most sound sleep I've had in a long time. The soft tinkling of windchimes over the window brought me back to reality.

Where is she?

Fuck it. This is why I don't like drinking. I'm usually a light sleeper, but alcohol fucks me up. Fuck being boring. I need my wits to stay alive.

I got up and got dressed. Wala akong marinig na kaluskos sa labas ng kuwarto. Parang iniwan nila akong mag-isa dito sa bahay. I checked the kitchen and the veranda. May nakataklob na pagkain sa mesa sa veranda. I took a quick breakfast and went out to look for my companions.

Nakita ko si Yellow na nag-su-sunbathing sa dagat. Andro is out fishing. And Maria is nowhere to be seen.

"Have you seen Ria?" I asked Yellow. She shook her head in the negative. "When's the last time you've seen her?"

"Last night."

"You didn't eat breakfast together?"

"Nope. You guys were still asleep when I ate breakfast with Andro."

Realizing how futile it is to ask more questions, I went back to the house. I went to the basement and checked the camera feeds all over the island. There's very few places where anyone can hide in the island, and not for a very long time.

I found her sitting under the shade of the rocks by the fresh water pool fed by the runoffs. Her feet are submerged on the little eddies of the water. She looked to be deep in thought. I think it's fair to leave her to her thoughts for now. Ako rin naman ang nagsabi na gamitin naming ang panahon na ito para makapagpahinga. It's been a harrowing month.

***

Nalibang ako sa pagmumuni-muni sa may sapa kaya nakalimutan ko na ang oras. Narealize ko lang kung gaano na ako katagal ditong nakaupo nang tumunog na ang tiyan ko sa gutom. Lampas ala-una na pala!

Hindi naman malayo sa bahay itong sapa at sinundan ko ang tunog ng tubig hanggang sa makarating ako sa medyo malawak na parte nito. Maraming malalaking bato na half-submerged ang puwedeng upuan. Malamig pa rin kahit tanghali na dahil sa mga punong nakapaligid. Tingin ko perfect na picnic area ang lugar na ito. Ang best feature ay puwedeng magmeditate dahil walang kahit anong ingay maliban sa awit ng tubig at huni ng mga ibon. Kung hindi lang marami ang iniisip ko, masasabi ko talagang paraiso nga ang lugar na ito.

Naglakad na ako pabalik sa bahay. Nadatnan ko si Ali na nakaupo sa may verandah at nagbabasa ng kung ano sa kaniyang I-pad. He looked up when he felt my presence.

"H-hi." I stuttered like a fool. Bakit ba parang ang awkward ko bigla?

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied. "Kain muna ako," pagpapaalam ko sa kaniya. Dumiretso ako sa kitchen para i-check kung may pagkain pa. There was rice, slices of fried fish, a vegetable dish, and some roasted chicken. May saging din at naka-slice na mangga. I had some of the roast chicken and vegetables. Pasulyap-sulyap ako kay Ali na seryoso sa kaniyang binabasa. Nakasuot pa siya ng glasses kaya mukha siyang prof. A very hot prof.

Nag-init ang pisngi ko ng maalala yung nangyari kagabi.

Drunk Ali is a kissing drunk. Napalunok ako ng ilang beses. Bakit ba naalala ko na naman 'yun? Wala sa sariling hinawakan ko yung labi ko. It's something new that I learned about him. Ang hina pala ng alcohol tolerance niya! Nobody's perfect talaga, kahit si Alistair Damien Zabala pa.

Napabuntong hininga ako at tinapos na ang pagkain. Marami akong hindi alam kay Ali. I know for a fact that he hides a lot of things. It's one of the things that drew me to him; the mystery, but looking back— it scares me how much I don't know.

Hindi ko alam kung alin ang totoo at alin ang mga bagay na ginawa lang niya para mapalapit sa pamilya ko para mahuli si Bryan. Lahat tuloy ng ginawa niya, hindi ko mapigilang lagyan ng kulay.

I want to trust the man.

Pero may pumipigil sa akin at mabigat sa dibdib. Hindi ako sanay na ganito.

"Ali." He turned at my call. I sat beside him on one of the pillows. He left a bit of space between the two of us. I glanced at the screen of his i-pad. Maraming equations at diagrams ang naroon. Tahimik lang kaming nakaupo doon at naghihintay kung sino ang unang magsasalita. 

 "Sorry," he said.

"Bakit?"

"I promised to cook you breakfast yesterday and I woke up late." He had a small smile on his lips. "Let me make it up to you."

"Oh. Akala ko kung ano na." I felt the little bit of tension dissolve.

"How was the river?"

How did he know? I narrowed my eyes while he looked at me with a neutral expression. Hindi na siguro ako dapat magulat na alam niya kung nasaan ako kanina. Baka nakita niya ako pero hindi na ako inistorbo.

"Tahimik. Malamig ang tubig."

He looked like he was waiting for me to say something else. I looked away from his intense eyes. Nakakalunod kapag tinitingnan niya ako ng ganyan. Parang feeling ko e nababasa niya pati inner thoughts ko.

"Gusto mo bang mag-cliff-diving? Nagyayaya sila kuya mamaya," he asked.

"Takot nga ako sa heights tapos cliff-diving pa? Joke ka."

He smirked, "baka lang naman." He put down his I-pad on the floor. "Is there something you want to do?" Napailing ako. Wala naman akong maisip na gawin talaga. Gusto ko lang magpahinga at siguro kalimutan muna 'yung mga problema.

"Or maybe something to talk about?" he asked in a soft voice.

"Hanggang kailan tayo dito?" I blurted out.

"As long as you need to heal."

Napatigil ako sa sagot niya. I didn't realize he was thinking of that.

"Your physical wounds are healing, but I'm not so sure about the inner ones. Hindi naman ako psychologist, but I know enough by observing that you are not okay."

"Kung alam mo pala, bakit lagi mo akong tinatanong kung okay ako?" I looked sideways at him. Nakatingin siya sa gubat at hindi sa akin.

"Because I'm waiting for you... if you want to talk about it. Hindi kita pipilitin. That is part of the healing process."

"Can I trust you?"

"I want you to, but even I don't trust myself when it comes to you."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes."

"Are you going to be honest with me from now on?"

"Yes... and no."

Napabuntong hininga ako. "Paano kita pagkakatiwalaan? It's either a yes or a no."

"I promise to be honest with you, but I can't promise to tell you everything. May mga bagay akong ginagawa at gagawin na hindi ko puwedeng sabihin para proteksyonan ka at ang aking pamilya. Information is the most important commodity in my world. It's not a question of a yes or no. It's a matter of survival."

"A relationship without mutual trust won't survive." There I said it. Ito yung bumabagabag sa akin. Kung bakit kahit anong pilit ko ay hindi ako kumportable sa presensiya niya. Kung bakit ang dami kong tanong at alinlangan.

"Hindi kita pipilitin Maria. Do you want to go home?"

I bit my lower lip hard. Gusto ko ba? Suko na ba ako?

"No." I could hear him sigh in relief.

"Kaya mo bang sumugal sa akin?" He laced our fingers together.

"Hindi ko alam. Natatakot ako." I touched his cheek to make him look at me. "I just turned nineteen. Ni hindi ko alam kung anong susunod kong gagawin o saan ako pupulutin. Ang hirap magdesisyon." I paused, "pero isa lang ang alam ko. Ayoko nang bumalik kay Ahma."

"Bata ka pa nga," he commented.

"What!" tinulak ko ang dibdib niya. "Sorry ha, kung immature pala ako sa tingin mo. Ilang taon ka na nga ulit? Twenty three? You're only four years older than me but you make it sound like you're such an old man."

"I didn't mean it that way." I tried to pull my hand away from his grip but he wouldn't let me. "Maria!" he called in a louder voice when I tried to stand up. "Listen to me first."

"Sorry kung wala akong karanasan na kagaya mo. I've lived a sheltered life, I would admit. Hindi ako maalam sa mga nangyayari sa paligid ko, pero it doesn't mean I can't learn."

"Hindi nga 'yon ang ibig kong sabihin." There was a hint of frustration in his voice. "I am not insulting your intelligence, or your upbringing. I am saying that my issues might be too much for the both of us."

"Wala ka ding tiwala sa akin." I can't stop the tear falling down my cheek.

"No." He pulled me in his arms even as I tried to push him away. I can't even budge his arm and I ended up crying harder. This is the first time that I cried after my capture that all the brakes from the dam inside just broke down. His warm embrace did little to comfort me. Parang ang tanga-tanga ko. "I trust you Maria. I've put everything on the line for you. Kahit hindi ko alam kung tama pa ba o mali ang ginagawa ko. I'll probably burn in hell." I could feel him shaking, and something warm is spreading over my shoulder. 

"Kasi ako, isinugal ko na ang lahat para sa iyo—ang reputasyon ko, ang trabaho ko, pati pamilya ko." He swallowed as he chose his next words and I could feel a barrage of more tears and a lump forming on my throat. "It haunts me all the time — Aidan's body on that bridge. Aya's friends. My agents either dead or hurt. It's all my fault. But I'll do it over again. I will kill. I will manipulate. And I will burn anything on my path."

I shivered at his words.

"I don't know how to prove it to you. For all my eloquence, I also have no idea where we are going." Humiwalay siya at pinahid ang luha sa aking pisngi. "Hindi ako nagsisisi na nakilala kita, na mahal kita."

"Ali..." His eyes are bloodshot and I'm sure he's crying too.

"Pareho lang tayong immature sa relationship na ito, iyon ang gusto kong sabihin." Napaawang ang labi ko. Surprised at his revelation.

"But we can learn, right?" he nodded. I smiled and reached up to kiss him. He tucked my hair behind my ear and I leaned my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat.

Maybe this relationship started on uncertain ground, but we can make it work. I have to believe that.

-End Chapter 31-

A/N: Slow writing pa din ako. I hope mag-enjoy kung sino man ang nagbabasa nito. :) Little by little, we'll get to the finish line.