I could feel my heart stop at the flat tone of the unit's transponder. 

"Unit 002 what is your status? Unit 002?" Halos lumipad ang mga daliri ko sa keys ng main frame. Isa, dalawa, tatlong screen ang lumabas na nagpapakita ng sitwasyon. I hacked into all the security cameras surrounding the area. Low tech ang dalawa dito kaya lubhang malabo ang screen pero makikita ang mga kalaban na patagong lumalapit kung saan naroon si A7, ang kaibigan niya at si XH32. Kitang-kita ng aking mga mata kung paanong isa-isang mawala sa grid ang mga agent na nakapalibot. 

"Agent Komova, come in Agent Komova." Despite the fact that I already knew her betrayal, I was hoping to still her hand by reminding her that I could see her perfectly using the satellite feed. Nakita kong tumigil ang kulay green na dot na nagsisilbing palatandaan ni Komova. That is after the other green dot beside her grew still before winking out. Anim na agent, lima ang nawala. The osbitch has been busy. Bumilis ang paghinga ko sa gigil. Sa loob lang ng labinlimang minutong hindi ako nakatingin sa screen dahil sa paggawa ng ramen sa pantry ay naubos niya ang mga agents. 

Oh my mush-mush, I need to do something or else mapapahamak si A7. Papatayin kami ni Boss!

I immediately launched a distress code. "Calling all agents available near grid four. Any available agent near grid four?" Parang maiiyak na ako sa bawat segundong walang rumeresponde sa mga agents.

"I'm on grid six. I'm on my way back to HQ" Napabuga ako ng hangin nang mag-reply si Agent Jem. "ETA to grid four in one minute."

Thank you Lord! Nagbukas ako ng panibagong direct line kay Agent Jem. Agad kong ipinadala ang position ni A7. "Agent, this is top priority. Secure A7 and capture Agent Komova."

"Huh? Komova?" Litong tanong ni Jem.

"Isa siyang evil osbitch, mush-mush. Bring her back to HQ."

"Copy that. Jem, over and out." Naputol ang linya at pinanood ko sa feed kung paano mag-MMA si A7 at ang kapatid XH32.

Humaigali, kapatid nga siya ni Boss Ali.

Wait, that actually rhymes!

Omaygulay my mush-mush brain I need to focus! Kahit higit na maliit kaysa sa kalaban ay hindi patatalo si A7. She's very agile and knew which places to hit to deliver maximum damage. 

"Yeah, take that bitch!" I feel like a proud mama. Napasinghap ako ng makita ko na sa immediate vicinity si Komova. Ilang metro na lang ang layo niya pero hindi siya nakaporma dahil dumating na ang security at mga tauhan ng restaurant. Nakahinga ako nang maluwag pero alerto pa rin.

"Agent arrived at destination." Narinig kong bumalik ang linya ni Agent Jem. Whew hindi ko namalayan ang paglipas ng mga segundo. Agad kong kinuha ang satellite images at ipinadala kay Jem. Naka-park na siya sa katabing lumang bowling center na nasunog. Sa tulong ng CCTV ng banko na nasa lobby ay nakita ko siyang pumasok sa loob ng Alumni Center at tinungo ang rooftop. Her coat hid the her favorite rifle at hindi siya gaanong binigyan pansin ng guard.

"Agent locked in position. Send me the position of the hostiles I7." I could hear her slight breathing at narinig ang pag-click ng scope sa kaniyang baril.

"Sent!" In as little as a few seconds ay ekspertong pinatumba ni Agent Jem gamit ang kaniyang sniper rifle ang mga counter agents na nakapalibot sa Alumni Center. "Take down Komova Agent Pascual."

"On it." She giggled. In a space of a heartbeat narinig ko ang malakas na mura ni Lana as Agent Jem shot her gun out of her hands.

Whew. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Payback is an osbitch.

Ibinalik ko ang atensiyon sa akin ramen. Napangiwi ako dahil soggy na 'yong noodles. 

Darn. Buwisit talaga 'yong osbitch.

***

Kandahaba ang mga leeg namin ni Icen at Shan habang sinusundan ng tingin si Lana na naka-posas ang kamay habang nakatutok ang baril ni Jem sa likod niya. Mura nang mura si Agent Komova habang naglalakad patungo sa office ni Jaguar.

"Are we eavesdropping or are we eavesdropping?" may kislap sa matang tanong ni Icen sa amin. 

"Ano nga ulit nangyari?" tanong ni Shan. 

"Ano pa ba, nahuli na 'yang si Komova. Kitang-kita ko kanina sa CCTV feeds kung paano niya trinaydor yung mga ground agents natin." Hinampas ni Icen ang keyboard niya. "Muntik na malagot ang mush-mush ass ko dahil sa kaniya."

"We are eavesdropping." Nag-evil smile si Shan at naghigh-five ang dalawa. Napailing na lang ako at bumaling sa mga bolts at fiber glass na hinahanda namin ni Reaper para sa modifications na inutos ni Boss. Panakaw-nakaw na sumisilip si Reaper pero hindi nagko-komento.

Agad na nagbukas ng channel si Icen na Audio Only sa opisina ni Jaguar.

"Ay bakit walang video?" reklamo ni Shan.

"Shhhh... ito na nga lang baka mahuli na tayo! Lagot ang mush-mush ears ko kay Jaguar kapag nalaman niyang nilagyan ko ng bug ang office niya."   

"Alam mo palang malalagot ka bakit ginawa mo pa rin?" tanong ko. Inikot lang ni Icen ang mga mata.

"Ano ka ba, kailangan nating malaman ang mga nangyayari kay Boss Jaguar para maprotektahan siya," may pagmamalaking sagot ni Icen.

"E bakit di mo pa nilubos, sana kinabitan mo na siya ng tracker para alam mo na ang lahat-lahat?" Napangiwi siya bago nagsenyas na tumahimik kami. May mga nag-uusap sa linya sa mababang boses at medyo mahirap maintindihan bago namin narinig ang interrogation ni Jaguar sa osbitch.

"Buti nga sa kaniya," bulong ni Shan. Halos magkakadikit ang mga mukha namin na nakikinig sa headset ni Icen. Napatigil kaming lahat nang maputol ang linya.

"Holy kabute!" Nanlalaking-mata na napatingin sa amin si Icen. "Nahuli ni Jaguar 'yong bug ko."

***

There are several misconceptions that people have with me.

That one, I am afraid of nothing.

Two, I am a cold-blooded killer.

And three, I have a heart of stone.

It is not true that I am afraid of nothing. In fact, I have a lot of things that make me lose sleep at night. I am afraid of making the wrong choices. I am afraid of sending out people and knowing that it may be the last time that I see them.

I thread on a tightrope everyday, weighing the lives of my agents and our targets. One wrong move could kill someone. I have to make decisions in the blink of an eye, sending someone to an early grave for reasons that sometimes are not clear to me. 

I have to play both judge and executioner.

My fears are numerous and most irrational. What makes me different from others is that I am not afraid to face my fears head on. 

How many people would embrace their fear?

I am no cold-blooded killer. The truth is, I am more scared of staying my hand on the chance to save more lives. My mercy could mean death, just as it would grant life.

I do not have a heart of stone. If anything I care too much that it immobilizes me. I always fear the worst so I anticipate all possible scenarios and take the one with the least number of casualties. I take on the worst of the cases so I could control the outcome and not have to carry the death of someone in my conscience.

"Jaguar, they are ready." I turned to the source of the sound and found Sanada on the doorway. 

I hope I make the right choices tonight.

***

Napadiretso ng upo ang lahat ng agents nang pumasok si Rika kasunod si Boss Ali. I caught myself double-checking the files in my handout. Napagalitan na ako kanina ni Jaguar dahil sa bug na nilagay ko sa loob ng puncher sa lamesa niya. Kung paano niya nalaman, hindi ko alam. Minsan iniisip ko psychic si Boss. After this case I am suspended for a week without pay. At kailangan ko pang linisin ang mga banyo gamit ang toothbrush.

Oh my mush-mush, akala ko makakapagpahinga at makakapaglaro na ako ng Life Guardian pero dinelete ni Boss ang account ko. Lechugas! Ang taas-taas pa naman ng stats ko at ang gaganda na ng mga weapons na na-forge ko.

Ang lahat ng available na agent ay narito. Agents Jem Pascual, Red Stein, Edge Lawrence, Yhona Fache, Trixie Luna, Chris Blanchett, at Shan Orbe. Tanging si Yelle lamang na nagsabing hahabol sa meeting at ang rookie na si Rin Ignacio na kasalukuyang assigned kay A7 ang wala.   

"I7." Napalunok ako at in-on ang smart board na konektado rin sa lamesa. The glass of the table changed and enabled the touch screen function. Naging isang malaking mapa ang ibabaw ng lamesa. 

"The Dragon is here at Seda Hotel. He is scheduled to go back to his unit at One Serendra in T-minus one hour."

"Our intel said that the Dragon has been quiet but XH32 is seen mobilizing his teams. It seems they are amassing for an attack," Rika reported. "I have a feeling that the position of HQ has been leaked."

Nagkatinginan ang mga agents. Iilan lang naman kami na nakakumpirma ng mga galawan ng osbitch. Buti na lang at under house arrest siya sa quarters niya. Kung ako ang tatanungin dapat binalatan at ibinabad na agad sa kumukulong tubig ang traydor na higanteng manok.

Oh my mush-mush, nahahawa na yata ako sa pagiging sadista ni Boss!

"Luna, did you finish what I asked?" Seryosong tumingin si Boss kay Trixie.

"Yes Boss. Agent Reaper and I are ready for installation." Bumaling si 3X kay Reaper na tumango sa kaniya.

"Good, bring Pascual as back-up."

"Yes, Boss."

"Before XH32 makes his move, I want us to be ahead of him. Be prepared to capture the targets and this time the mission is dead or alive. Tiu has been issued a ten-million-dollar bounty, XH-32 has a five-million-bounty. We also need to capture all the politicians and local businessmen that are in cahoots with their organization. Gather whatever intel you can on the rest of their members." Jaguar steepled his hands in front of his face. "I want it clean. I want it fast. And I want it efficient." Napasipol si Jem sa narinig.

"That bounty can make me take an early retirement," she said with a smirk. 

"Also, there will be new recruits for this assignment." I flashed the agreed partners for the mission. 

"Whoa, papa..." hindi matukoy kung sinong kabute ang nagsalita. Basta nanahimik bigla ang lahat. Nakita kong kumislap ang mga mata ni Yhona, Shan at Jem sa mga larawan. 

"Agent Sanada will be in charge of the first team. You need to make sure that Tiu's men would not be able to leave the lair. Cage them, box them, destroy them. Retrieve the hostages and keep them alive."

Tahimik lang na tumango si Rika. "Is my vehicle ready?" tanong niya kay Shan.

"Since yesterday morning," sagot nito. Si Shan ang naghanda ng mga sasakyan sa HQ habang abala sila Trixie at Reaper sa special project ni Jaguar. 

"Team two will be me, Jem, and PC. Our mission is to capture XH32. Preferably, alive. He needs to be taken back to the Main HQ for questioning. If he will not cooperate, he should be exterminated."

"How about MH22?" Jem asked.

"If she gets in the way, eliminate her," mariing wika ni Jaguar. Nakakakilabot ang expression niya. Sigurado akong galit na galit siya dahil sa nangyaring confrontation kanina at muntik nang mapahamak si A7 dahil kay MH22.

"Righty-O, Boss Jaguar."

"Team three will be Fache and Luna. Yhona, you will be assigned to A6. Together with 3X which will be assigned to A3, you need to secure the bridge."

"Copy." May maliit na ngiti na naglalaro sa labi ng kabuteng si Yhona. halatang kinikilig dahil magiging partner na naman niya si Adam Zabala. Si Luna naman ay namula, bago namutla, tapos namula ulit. Gurabe ang kyootie-patootie naman kasi nilang magkakapatid. At ang mga abs... wag natin kalilimutan ang mga abs.

"Team Four: Lawrence and Stein. Red, your partner would be A5, Lawrence to Orbe. Your mission is to play decoys to their people. Keep them busy and far away from each other while we capture their leaders."

There was a knock on the door at sumilip si Agent Yelle.

"Come in Yellow," Jaguar called her. She slipped inside and took a seat. "You will relieve Agent Rin. She's been on duty for the past twenty four hours."

"Copy."

"And ang Team Bahay forever, me and Agent Reaper. We'd be taking care of the HQ and the communications. You can count on us to keep everyone up to date," I informed them. 

"Okay this is our first real mission since we were sent here. We need to prove to the HQ that we are capable of results. Do me proud, team."

We all saluted to Jaguar.

***

When all my agents went out I turned to the phone on my hand. I closed my hand over the device and breathed deeply, weighing between the danger and the need to succeed in this mission.

I can't bear to think of something wrong happening to any of my siblings. It is unacceptable. On the other hand, there are no better allies. I need Kuya Alfredo's speed. There is no better person to drive like the devil. Adam's ability to follow orders and daring matches him to make the perfect counter to take the bridge. Aidan and Red would be the bait to bring them in. Jem and Rika would guard the rooftops to take out anyone who'd try to break away with their sniper rifles. 

If only Lana did not kill our operatives, I'd have a choice.

Sometimes, I hate being myself.

I started the call from the youngest to the eldest.

***

"Shhh..." I shushed Andi who started to cry again. May busal siya sa bunganga dahil kanina pa siya nagrereklamo at nagalit na ang nagbabantay sa aming tauhan ni Brian. After they lost Ali in High Street ibinalik nila kami sa bagong safehouse. We've been blindfolded all the way kaya hindi ko alam kung nasaan kami exactly. All the blinds have been drawn and we rarely hear anything at all. Tatlo kaming magpi-pinsan na narito sa iisang kuwarto. Thankfully may sarili namang banyo at pagkain kaya lang ay nakaposas kami at parating may dalawang bantay na pinapalitan three times a day. 

I hope Ali listens to me and stays away. I've heard the things that Alex and Brian plan to do with Ali and his team. It seems Alex has a strong grudge against Ali.

Biglang may mga malalakas na sigaw kaming narinig galing sa labas ng pinto. Nagsipagtayuan ang aming mga bantay mula sa pagkakaupo sa harap ng TV. 

"Team 2, come in Team 2. What is the situation out there?" May ilang segundong tila walang humihinga sa aming lahat bago may mga narinig kaming putok ng baril!

Napatili si Cassie samantalang lalong nagwala si Andi. Napakapit ako sa kobre kama. My God sana makaligtas kami. 

"Shut up!" Isang malakas na sampal ang tumama sa pisngi ni Andi. Natanggal ang busal sa kaniyang bunganga at nakita ko ang mapulang dugo na umagos galing sa kaniyang putok na labi.

"Tama na! Tama na!" Tumakbo ako at hinampas ng aking mga nakaposas na kamay ang likod ng lalaki. Isang hablot lamang at naramdaman kong tumilapon ako at bumagsak sa glass na coffee table!

"Maria! Oh my God! Oh my God!" hysterical na iyak ni Cassie. Napaigik ako sa mga piraso ng salamin na bumaon sa aking balat-- sa likod, sa mga braso, pati na sa aking tagiliran. Medyo nahilo ako sa mga pangyayari.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Mariing mura ang narinig ko bago may mga brasong bumuhat sa akin at naramdaman ko ang pagguhit ng hapdi ng pag-alis ng ilang pirasong bubog. "Gago ka! Papatayin tayo ni Boss!"

"Malay ko ba. Nagkakagulo na."

"Maria, Ria..."

I tried to get up but the room keeps on spinning. May mga nag-uusap sa paligid pero hindi ko maintindihan ang kanilang sinasabi. I think I also hit my head pretty hard. 

"We need to go. We have an opening at the east exit."

I felt someone pull me up. "Get up!" utos nito. They half-dragged and half-carried me while keeping my cousins at gunpoint. Kabi-kabilang putukan ang maririnig na umaalingawngaw sa paligid. Several times we had to stop and our guards continued to communicate with someone outside.

"Shit, wala nang panahon. Sa South exit na tayo." Humihingal na ako at pilit na nagpapabigat para mahirapan ang mga bumubuhat sa akin.

"Fvck!" Napadapa kaming lahat sa tunog ng isang pagsabog. Dust and debris rained down on us. Isang SUV ang naroon at agad kaming pinasakay. 

In that chaos, the only thing left for me is to pray that we would escape from this.

End Chapter 24

Author's Long-winded Note which you can skip entirely: 

If you were wondering where I've been for the past two years, I'd let you in on the real story.

I never really stopped writing, I just wrote in different genres that are very different from what I've been known for in this account. I've experimented and tried to broaden my horizons. I went out of my comfort zone and pushed myself to grow.

Some of the things that came out of my proverbial pen during those two years I was scarce from this account were among the best that I've written-- I don't think I'll ever write that way again (You can read some of them in Kathbute ). When I re-read them, I can't believe that I've actually written them (and not in a bad way).

But forcing myself to grow too soon and too fast also took it's toll. In short, I grew tired. One day I realized that I lost that will to write. There are countless story ideas penned and manuscripts waiting to be edited but my will to write has been sapped.

I was, to put it simply, drained.

What used to be fun became burdensome. I couldn't keep up. The more I knew about writing, the more I questioned my skills. The more I questioned my skills, the more I knew how lacking I am. Writing became a tedious affair.

I lost it... The spark that I used to have dulled.

I think I died a little inside.

To date in the time I was away, I've written 11 short stories, 3 novels, 1 children's story and edited 2 anthologies. I have a collaboration crime fic short story with my sister kabutes published by Project NY. I have 3 novels in various stages of completion, 4 yet to be realized (I've written the synopsis but no actual story yet) and several short stories in fantasy and speculative fiction that are in the germ level.

I've read a total of 124 stories (novels and short stories, graphic novels, reference books, and every piece of Fil Spec Fic that I could afford). I realized that I've read too little and regretted it so I made up for it in the past year.

And much recently I got into painting. It's what's keeping me occupied these days.

Will I go back to full writing?

Yes, I think so. I just rested my wings and weathered the storms in my life. I may get tired but it is not enough for me to give up. I believe that there is a right time for stories to get written.

Thank you for being patient with me.

Love,

-A