I stared at my device like it suddenly sprouted horns and a snout. Hindi ako magkakamali, that was Maria on the other line.

"Ali, meet me please? Just like last time. I'll be waiting for you."

I know it's a trap. From the slight tremor in her voice and the rustling of cloth and paper on the background. I know may nakatutok sa kaniya. 

 "Are you okay?"

"Yes." There was a slight hesitation in her voice and I ached to hold her and tell her it's going to be okay.

"Fine. I'll be there." I pinched the bridge of my nose as I made the decision. Rika looked at me like I lost it. I most definitely did. The line died and I immediately used a program to erase all traces of it and whatever virus or program they've sent to trace my whereabouts. Wala pang isang minuto ang tawag. The best they could track my whereabouts is in about three minutes. Unless na-leak na ng double agent nila ang impormasyon tungkol sa HQ.

"You're mad," Rika said matter-of-factly with a toss of her dark hair. 

"You are going to cover me."

She blew an exasperated breath and I could hear her muttering but she still followed me as I made my way down to the basement parking.

***

The flowers that lined the streets looked cheery but their beauty is wasted on someone like me. If I could, I would take my time to walk the short distance from Serendra to High Street but since I am bugged and I am pretty sure there are people watching, I have to maintain a constant pace.

Nanghihina pa rin ako sa mga pasang natamo sa pagdala sa akin ni Brian from my condo to his pero kailangan kong kumilos. 

Para sa aking pamilya.

Just thinking about how the Tius will kill my family if I fail to give them who they want is sending a shiver up and down my spine. Kung di sana kami nagkakilala ni Ali...

But it is too late for regrets. 

I didn't even know what I was getting myself into. I feel so stupid and useless. Tamang-tama lang doon sa mga mahihinang babaeng bida sa mga soap opera, only I have the uncanny luck of falling for someone who might not even be in love with me. Ang sakit isipin na nagtiwala ako kay Ali pero purong kasinungalingan lang ang lahat. How terribly naive I was.

He truly is special. Kahit gaano kasakit pakiramdam ko hindi ko pa rin kaya na mapahamak siya. Even if he was lying to me I can't bear to see him in pain. I don't want to betray him. I can't. I raised my head to look back at the road where they told me to get down from the van. Nasa loob si Cassie and Andi. They have guns over my cousins's heads. 

With a deep sigh, I pushed open the glass doors of the store. Dumaan ako sa metal detector at saglit tumigil para i-check ng guard. Wala akong dala maski cellphone pero may ikinabit sila kaninang implant sa palapulsuhan ko. I can still feel a throbbing on my pulse sa ilalim ng bandage. Saglit na napatigil ako sa bahagyang pagkahilo. I closed my eyes and tried to orient myself. Walang makakatulong sa akin ngayon kundi ang aking sarili. I need to save my cousins and the man I love.

I need to steel my nerves.

"Ma'am are you okay?" narinig kong tanong ng isang saleslady. Iminulat ko ang aking mata at bahagyang ngumiti. 

"Yes, I'm fine." Isang hilaw na ngiti ang iginawad sa akin ng babae. Halatang hindi siya kumbinsido pero hinayaan na lamang niya ako. I scanned the place. 

Hindi ko alam kung nandito siya. Half of me is praying that he came so I can bargain for my cousins's freedom, but the other part of me is wishing that he wouldn't fall for the trap. Naglakad ako patungo sa section kung saan kami huling nagkita pero wala ni anino niya doon. I stayed for a few minutes pretending to peruse the books pero sa sobrang lakas ng kaba ko, ni tignan ang mga title ay hindi ko magawa. Everything felt like a dream.

Breathe Ria. Think!

I took one breath then another, willing the tension away from my body. Unti-unting kumalma ang pakiramdam ko. I stared at the spines of the books.

Escape from Freedom

To Have or To Be?

The Art of Loving

The Art of Listening

The Forgotten Language

The Revolution of Hope

On Disobedience and other Essays

I felt something like a laugh bubble from the pit of my stomach. Am I reading too much into things?

I pulled up the first volume of Fromm's works on the shelf. Isang piraso ng papel ang nahulog sa lupa. I stared at the jumble of letters and numbers.

1 = 2, 2 =4... ABC = 123

TPPJ TP. FUUS NJ JDP ONJ.

- Azrael

Sumikdo ang dugo ko. Natitiyak kong galing kay Ali ito. Naglalamig ang kamay ko habang hawak ang papel. Anong ibig niyang sabihin? Mabilis akong humakbang palayo sa section na iyon habang nakakumuyos ang papel sa aking kamay.

ABC = 123?

Puzzles. He is sending me a message without making it obvious.

Damn Ali.

"Miss ayos ka lang?" Napatigil ako nang muling makasalubong ang saleslady kanina.

"Actually may ballpen ka ba?" Tipid siyang ngumiti bago iniabot sa akin ang ballpen na nasa bulsa sa kaniyang dibdib. Napatingin ako sa direksiyon ng pintuan kung saan may dalawang matangkad na lalaking pumasok. They scanned the shelves with a practiced eye. I ducked bago magtama ang aming paningin. Nanginginig na naupo ako sa pagitan ng dalawang shelf at inilabas ang kakaibang mensahe galing kay Ali.

Ciphers. 

I took a deep breath. 123 = ABC. Ibig sabihin ang bawat numero ay katumbas ng titik pero puro titik ang kaniyang ipinadala. 1 = 2, 2 = 4. Even numbers. Anong meron sa even numbers? I started writing each letter of the Alphabet on the piece of paper. 

A, B, C...

1, 2, 3...

If each letter corresponds to a number...

I tried matching the letters to numbers. One is A, two is B and so on pero wala akong ideya kung paano sila ilalapat sa mensahe. 

1 = 2, 2 = 4...

I stared at the letter A. If A is 1 and 1 is equal to 2. I started scribbling a furious conversion pero twenty six ang letters ng alphabet. Should I double back when I reached the end? Do I start with the first letter again or mirror?

Tagaktak ang pawis ko habang sini-solve ang puzzle. Shit naman na lalaki ito, ngayon pa naisipan na magpaka-vague! Ugh! Halos dumulas ang mga daliri ko sa ballpen habang pilit sinisiksik ang sarili ko sa pagitan ng mga shelf. Panaka-naka akong sumisilip sa pagitan ng mga libro para i-note kung nasaan na ang tauhan ni Brian.

It took several tries pero unti-unting lumabas ang mensahe. Halos mapaluha ako ng mabasa ang translation. I stepped from where I was hiding from to stare at the larger than life installation.

Napatigil ako habang nakaharap sa mga tore ng librong naka-stack na nagsisilbing palamuti sa loob ng bookstore. Naroon pa rin ang nakapintang pusa at tao sa tabi nito na nagbabasa pero tila may kakaiba dito. My eyes took in the cat. Only it was no longer a cat. Maaninag ang salitang UP na naka-camouflage sa disenyo ng orange at itim na balahibo nito.

 I raised my eyes up to the upper floors. He's here!

Agad ko siyang hinanap pero sadya yatang ayaw niyang magpakita. I turned back to the message painted on the spines of the books.

I looked at the two men. They have taken the escalator going up. Hindi nila ako napansin. I'm sure I only have a few minutes before the rest of Brian's team storms this place. I took the elevator to the top floor.

When the elevator doors opened I didn't have time to process what happened. Naramdaman ko na lang ang isang bulto na biglang yumakap sa akin kasabay ng muling pagsasara ng mga pintuan. I breathed in his scent as he hit the emergency button. Tumigil ang elevator.

"Darling," he whispered against my neck. "I'm so sorry."

"Ali. Papatayin ka nila. Why did you come?" Napahigpit ang kapit ko sa kaniyang jacket. I want to push him away but at the same time I needed answers.

"Because you need me." I felt him kiss the top of my head. His strong arms encircled me and I would have given anything to stay in his embrace much longer. "Didn't I tell you I would come for you?"

"Tell me the truth, noong una tayong nagkita sa Gaia did you know who I was?" I needed the truth as much as I needed to feel safe again. I feel so lost and afraid.

"No." Mariin siyang napabuntong-hininga. His eyes sought mine and I can see the pain in them. He looked so conflicted and far from the cocky man who seemed like he could do anything. "But I connected the dots when your grandmother revealed who you are. Maria, I swear, it's not my intention to hurt you."

"Pero ginamit mo ako." Nanghihinang napabitiw ako sa kaniya.

"I needed an opening and it came to my lap. My duty had to come first." He tried to reach for my hands but I pushed him away.

"I can't believe you. So ginagago mo lang ako? Hindi... hindi totoo lahat ng mga sinabi mo?" nanlulumong napaupo ako sa malamig na sahig ng elevator. A sudden vibration could be felt on the other side of the door. Parang may pumipilit na buksan iyon. Any minute now.

"No... hindi ganoon. I stopped playing a long time ago." Ali touched the side of my face. His fingertip lingered on the cut on my lip. "How dare he?"

"Stay away from me. Please, for your own good. Stay away from me Alistair."

With a reluctant nod he stepped away and jumped to tap the panel on the elevator ceiling. I could see a woman waiting there. Walang sabi-sabing inabot nito ang kamay ni Ali and he climbed with ease outside of the elevator box and hopefully away from my life forever.

***

"Um, are you sure about this?" I looked the blue prints over.

"Yes. Turn it into something my brother can't refuse."

Napalunok ako habang pinagmamasdan and seryosong mukha ni Jaguar. Mula pagbalik niya dito kahapon e parang tulala na siya pero ngayon tila nagbalik na yung famous poker face niya with an additional evil glint.

"B-but..."I fidgeted as he scrutinized me. I always feel like a mouse being eyed by a hawk whenever Boss Ali looks at me. I still can't shake the feeling from our numerous training sessions. Finally, we seem to be slowly gaining his trust.

"Can't you do it Luna?"he drawled in a dangerous tone.

"Of course I can! It's just that maybe we should ask permission first,"I said in a small voice. Nanliit ang mga mata niya sa akin. Nakagat ko ang aking pang-ibabang labi.

"No time," he said with a tone of dismissal. "Remember: He has to like it. No, he MUST thank me for it."

"Can I at least get some help?" Habang tinitingnan ko ang blue print ay nagca-calculate na ako kung gaano katagal ang mag-fabricate ng bagong parts. Shan needs to work overtime in the lab for this. Tiyak na walang tulugan para maabot ang deadline. The sleek design in my mind needs to be perfect. Efficient, fast, and beautiful. Perfect for the 'Lady'.

"Is there any available agent left?" he asked.

"After cracking the Myght, Reaper is not doing anything right now."

His mouth lifted a little. "Fetch the kid then." He gestured with his hand. I bowed before leaving the room.

Excited na akong magbalik sa talyer. If Jaguar wants a masterpiece, I'll give him one.

***

What is family? For some, family has been the source of their strength, while for others family has been the source of their downfall. In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, belonging comes after the baser needs of food and safety. A family is like a security blanket—a fallback when one is exhausted in life and in need of assurance or a place to call home. Good or bad, there is a universal need to belong.

The greatest betrayals, wars, and bloodshed have all been in the name of family. From the bloody War of the Roses in England to the gritty streets of the New York mafia. No parent would wish a child dead or suffering. No wife would not do anything for her husband. No brother would not do anything for his brother. No sin could be unforgiven.

I've always looked at my immediate family as the sole reason for my existence. No amount of fame or achievements could rival the warmth of my family's acceptance. Without them, I would probably bitter towards the world for all the pain I got as I was growing up and how I am different from others. Without my family, I would never know what love means.

The same could not be said for Hernandez.

I heaved a sigh as I flipped through the report Sanada sent to me from the main branch.

He is a bastard through and through. His mother was a poor student fooled by a rich businessman's son who discarded her as soon as he found out she was pregnant. Her parents were disappointed as they had high hopes in her. Desperate and depressed, she took her own life a few months after he was born. Filled with guilt for his son's mistake, Alex's paternal grandfather took him in and he was raised in a rich man's household. His real father did not give him any attention and found him an annoyance.

After the old man died, Alex was forced to live with his biological father and was 'adopted'. He already had a little girl with his current wife. That child was Melanie and from the beginning they've been close like real siblings.

Family for Maria is something else entirely. Sa kaniyang pamilya walang mas mahalaga kundi ang palawigin ang kapangyarihan. Walang puwang ang pagmamahal kung ang karangalan ang nakataya. I tried to save her from her fate but it seemed that destiny is screwing with us in every step.

Well screw destiny. Kahit kailan hindi ako naniwala na may invisible forces na siyang nagdidikta kung ano at paano ako mabubuhay. A man makes his own destiny. 

"Jaguar." I turned at the sound of Rika's voice. I closed the file I was reading. "It's time. Your brothers are on their way."

I've always hated bringing my problems to my family. I'm supposed to protect them, not bring them to harm.

"Shimatta," Sanada hissed. I gave her a questioning look. She was listening intently to her transponder. "The assholes almost hit your sister."

"And?"

"Taken cared of."She had a grim look in her eyes. "Jaguar, the Dragon is going to move soon. This is going to be a trap."

"Then we need to be one step ahead of the enemy."

"Ali, I have a bad feeling on Komova." I raised my brow at Rika. "If my suspicions are correct she's the one."

"Keep her on a leash Rika. I want her close enough to watch, but not enough to cause permanent damage." I hate the feeling , but I know that we need to keep the enemy close for them to slack. Rika's had her eyes on Komova for the longest time pero wala kaming ebidensiya at appointed siya ng main branch kaya hindi siya mapaalis. I need her to feed false information to the enemy.

***

"My God this is life..." Nilanghap ko ang sobrang sarap na amoy na galing sa bowl ng ramen na kade-deliver lang. Kanina pa nagsisirko ang sikmura ko sa gutom pero dahil sa dami ng kailangang i-monitor at wala rin naman si Reaper dahil kailangan daw ng assistant ni 3X kaya mag-isa lang ako sa control room. 

Hinigop ko ang sabaw at kahit na umuusok pa sa init ay wala na akong pakialam.

Ramen is life.

Halos mabilaukan ako nang tumunog ang emergency signal. Hindi ko na alintana ang pagligwak ng mainit na sabaw sa mga daliri ko.

"Holy cow ang traydor na ostrich!"

"Clauson we ne—" naputol ang linya ng agent bago pa matapos ang sinasabi niya. 

***

End Chapter 23

A/N: I know I've run out of excuses at to why this chapter is two years late. I could apologize over and over again but it won't erase the fact that I did this to myself. So here's to hoping that the muse will finally have enough of a conscience not to leave my story again.

Trivia: Lahat ng book titles ay totoong mga books by philosopher Erich Fromm.

Ciphers - secret codes