"Come in."

The door opened a fragment before a heart-shaped face framed with dirty blonde hair peeked inside. She had an uncertain smile on her lips. I motioned for her to sit across the chair from my table. On my right, Rika sat on a stool sipping her latte. Clauson monitored the HQ's mainframe remotely through her tablet. Luna waited on stand by.

Riyelle Stein placed two suitcases on top of the table.

It's so hard to imagine that such a dangerous weapon could be contained in two suitcases. I gestured for Stein and Luna to open the cases.

Rika let out a low whistle. "Good luck figuring that one out." I inspected the material resting on a glass case. It looked like a tiny universe of sparkling particles suspended in space.

"How do you think that will work?" Clauson came closer that her nose almost touched the case. Almost as if it was sentient, the particles crowded close to where she made contact. "Whoa!" Halos napatalon si Icen palayo.

"The fruit of the marriage between Biology and nanotechnology. Now all we need to figure out is how to control it and use it the way it was intended in the first place."

"Boss don't you think HQ needs to know about this?" Stein looked up at me.

"Not yet." I took a deep breath. "I need to flush out the moles first."

"Who's gonna work on the Myght?" Clauson looked around.

"Well Luna, I need you to pick up someone." I handed the file to Luna. I saw her eyes widen when she read their contents. "It's time we acquired a new talent."

"H-he's your..."

"Yes he is."

"I mean, he's underaged too!" She looked like she wanted to argue.

"Doesn't matter. He's talented and I want him." I steepled my fingers in front of me. "He broke into our defences a couple of weeks ago. So far he's had three other attempts. It's either you take him in, or you eliminate him." I gave her a pointed look. "Your choice Luna."

"I can't even imagine how I'd convince him," she spluttered and waved her arms around.

"Well you better brush up on your persuasion skills then."

***

I let out my breath when Luna and Stein stepped out and locked the door behind them. Sanada and Clauson took the seats in front of my table.

"We're safe for the meantime." Sanada toyed with her holster. "I heard that... you made contact with Tiu's fiancée?"

"That is none of your business Sanada," I replied cooly. The subject of Maria is not their concern.

"Are you letting your emotions cloud your judgement?"

"Sanada, what makes you think I don't have a plan?" Her scowl transformed into a smirk.

"You are seriously not doing this. I know you." She placed several photos on top of my desk. The first one is me and Maria kissing on Kuroneko's hood. "Have you finally met your match? The great Jaguar." She spread out her hands and laughed loudly. Nakita kong pumula ang mga pisngi ni Icen na bigla naman niyang itinago sa likod ng kaniyang tablet.

"Clauson!"

"Po?" She was visibly shaking and refused to show her face.

"Didn't I tell you to turn off the surveillance on my tracker?"

"B-but Jaguar, I can't completely close the surveillance network!" She squeaked. "A-and you were so cute..." she added in a small voice.

"Cute?"

Napahagikhik lalo si Sanada. I narrowed my eyes at her until she bit her lower lip to stop her laughter.

"There's something more important that I want you to work on. Remember our old friend?"

"XH32? Yellow just froze his little project so I don't think we have anything to worry for the moment." She stopped and gave me a searching look. "Or is there?"

"He made contact with my little sister and her boyfriend."

"Wait. What?"

I pushed a button and the screen across my office flickered to life. I played the recording I got from Diosa and Prince's mystery caller. Clauson and Sanada listened intently. I played the other file that I ran through the decoder.

"Why? He wasn't that interested in you before. Isa ka lang sa mga tinik sa dadaanan niya, but the score was between him and me."

"You see Sanada," I closed my eyes as I told them the chilling truth that I unearthed. "I'm not the only one with a sister."

"I'm gonna put her under wraps," Icen said with a serious nod. All traces of playfulness vanished between the two of them.

"Sanada, keep your eye on Tiu. I'm just going to work on some unfinished business. Clauson, I want to test Ignacio's skills in the field."

"I'll also put Edge on perimeter surveillance."

"Sanada, I need eyes on the Dragon. He is working with XH32 and he might also find out about my connection to Maria."

"Tch. I'm not gonna let that asshat ruin your chances at humanity." I raised a brow at her.

"Just glad to know you're human." She said as she slapped my shoulder. "I'll start calling her 43, then."

***   

Omaygath I can't contain my mush-mush feels!

"May girlfriend na si Jaguar." Wala sa sariling sambit ko. Nakita kong nabilaukan si Jem sa iniinom niyang strawberry shake samantalang nahulog naman ang pasta na dapat ay isusubo na ni Shanvie.

"WHAT?" Sabay nilang sigaw at nanginig ako bigla. Homaygath lagot ako!

"Uh, eh... um, wala, wala..." I gestured wildly. "Um, ano sabi ko ang guwapo ni Jaguar." Jem's eyes narrowed with suspicion at me.

"Are you sure about that intel?"

Napalunok ako sa tingin ni Jem. Yari na naman ako kay Boss dahil sa kadaldalan ko. Oh my mush-mush!

"¿Por qué? " Nagulat ako sa mukhang maluha-luhang mukha ni Shanvie. "Andito naman ako, paanong nakahanap siya ng iba?"

"Loca!" Magkasalubong ang mga kilay ni Jem. "There's no one perfect for Jaguar but moi." Sinimangutan siya ni Shanvie habang nililinis ng paper towels ang nalaglag na pasta sa lamesa.

"What do you mean he has a girlfriend?" I froze as I heard Yellow utter those words. "I was just gone for a little while and he already got a girlfriend?" She freaked out at pilit kong tinatakpan ang kaniyang bibig. Baka mamaya ay madulas pa ito tungkol sa secret mission na pinagawa sa kaniya. Huhu, lalong malalagot ang aking mush-mush head kay Jaguar.

"Aaah! Ack!" Naramdaman ko na lang ang sakit nang i-grapple ako ni Yelle sa lapag. "Stop! Nooo!"

"Magsalita ka na kabute, kung mahal mo ang iyong buhay," Red dead-panned as she chewed on a piece of toast. Pakiramdam ko ay matatanggal ang balikat ko sa higpit ng arm-bar ni Yelle.

"Oo na! May nililigawan siya." Napangiwi ako at hinimas ang aking balikat nang pakawalan ako ni Yellow.

"What the hell? Just what the hell?" Palatak ni Yellow. Sinuntok niya ang pinto at nabutas ito sa lakas. Napalunok ako. Ganoon ba kalakas ang feelings niya kay boss?

***

I let my face fall on my hands. Bahagyang sumakit ang ulo ko kay Clauson at Rika. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag though because I expected Sanada to be resentful, but she actually looked relieved and somewhat supportive.

It's not like I want to deny my attraction to Maria.

The attraction is there for anyone to see. The thing is, she is not the type that I'm usually attracted to. Power attracts me. I always liked confident, brave, and well-spoken women. My attraction to Maria's mix of innocence and vulnerability puzzles my feelings. Hindi ako mahilig sa mga damsel-in-distress, pabebe, or weak.

I turned to the surveillance system I installed last night and listened in on the recorded conversations. I smiled as I watched her kiss the azaleas I got for her this morning pero nainis ako nang marinig ko ang plans ni Tiu.

The hell is she living with that ass.

Is this just coincidence, or nakatunog ba si Tiu with the stunt I pulled last night?

I've been more reckless that usual. Am I starting to lose my cool? She's dangerous to me.

I smiled at the thought. Dangerous woman. I like it.

I've always loved puzzles, but I realized she is not a puzzle for me to solve. Instead, I am the one who is trying to solve the puzzle she made inside of me.

***

I stared at the text message as if it would magically explain the words he sent.

Azrael:

I'd meet you,
There, where there is no room;
a vacancy,
Between the heart and the mind,
Where he who does,
believe love,
Is a satisfactory answer,
To humanities foibles.
There I'd be, until one,
Or nay, a chance.

He drives me insane most of the time with his cryptic words and his actions. He makes me feel scared and excited at the same time. I studied the words once more.

"Maria, ready na you?" Andi's question shook me out of my reverie. "Hay naku, busy na naman you sa phone. Are you texting with Brian?" Agad niyang inagaw ang phone ko at halos maghilahan kaming dalawa. Buti na lang at napindot ko ang power button at nag-lock ang screen.

"Argh! You are hiding something bruh!" She tried to guess the password pero dalawang beses siyang nag-fail.

"Stop!" I pulled my i-phone away dahil baka ma-lock ito ng tuluyan.

"Ayaw lang you mag-share!" She pouted and stomped her foot.

"Andi stop that and help here!" Sigaw ni Cassie and I felt relieved. Buti na lang at naagaw niya ang atensiyon ng kapatid. I put my phone inside my pocket as I absently put some books inside a box.

"Are you bringing all of those?" Cassie nudged my box with her foot. "Ang dami!" She was referring to my collection of novels; classics, novels from Nicholas Sparks and Rainbow Rowell, a boxed Harry Potter collection that dad gave me for my gradeschool graduation, and the complete novels of Sherlock Holmes.

"Um, yes." I looked at the contents of the box. Wala pa nga doon ang books ko on contemporary Asian literature and poem collections nila Rumi and Lang Leav.

"Hay naku couz, Brian's condo will turn na into a library, noh?" Andi wrinkled her nose.

"B-but these are my things." I gestured to my treasures helplessly. I can't imagine myself leaving behind my books. Dito ako tumatakas sa mga panahong pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko kayang harapin ang tunay na mundo. Nanlulumong umupo ako sa tabi ng aking kama.

I don't even really want to move. Ang condo na ito ay pamana nila mommy at daddy sa amin ni Ate pero sa ngayon ay ako na lamang ang nakatira dito simula nang maglayas siya. These walls have been my safe place from the world.

"Come on, move." Cassie poked me on the side.

"Thing is, I don't think I really want to." I laid down on my bed and stared at the dreamcatcher hanging from the ceiling. The beads twinkled and sent bright points of light skittering across the room while the feathers swayed gently from the breeze of my open window.

I felt Cassie squeeze my hand. I looked up in time to see her throw me an apologetic look.

"Cassie did you book a flight na for us? Mama said to book na kasi baka fully-booked na ang hotels sa Macau for summer."

"Not yet. Don't worry, I'll try AirBnB para we can find discounted rooms."

"Ugh, so cheap of you! I want sa five-star hotel tapos no vacant room na because so bagal you!" Andi sighed dramatically and I froze while listening to their conversation.

Booking. Vacancy. Fully-Booked.

I opened Ali's message again.

The place is Fully-booked.

Between the heart and the mind

Does he mean a section? Heart and mind... heart and mind... irrational and rational, emotional and practical...

Where he who does, believes love,
Is a satisfactory answer,
To humanities foibles.

Psychology! I felt a thrill as each piece in his message began to unravel. The psychoanalyst Erich Fromm said, Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence. It was the only theory that was centered on love.

There I'd be, until one,
Or nay, a chance.

One PM! Napabalikwas ako nang makita ko na mag-aala-una na. I got my purse from my desk and shoved my phone and some change inside. Pinasadahan ko ng aking mga daliri ang aking buhok. I don't have time para mag-ayos!

"Where are you going?" Manghang tanong ni Cassie sa akin.

"Sa Highstreet lang," I almost smacked myself for saying the truth. "M-may bibilhin ako." I added but didn't wait for them to reply as I got my keycard and put it inside my purse as well. "Ako na tatapos niyan mamaya. I'll eat out. Bye."

***

When I spotted her huffing and puffing form by the glass doors of the bookstore, I let out a sigh of relief.

She figured it out. That's my girl. I don't understand the feeling of pride welling in my chest.

She immediately went to the customer service and asked something from the man there. Tumango siya at iniangat ang mga mata kung saan ako naghihintay sa kaniya. I've been here for the last half-hour, wishing and hoping that she'd get the message. I don't want to risk a straight out message. Baka kung sino pang makabasa.

I watched her ascend the escalator. Her walk was deliberate and she paused on the different shelves she passed by, running her fingers across the spines of the books. It may look random to the casual passer by, and I saw not one but several pairs of eyes take interest on her. She sat across me on the couch that was reserved for readers.

I put down the book I have in my hands on the table between us.

Neither of us spoke.

"You have told me,
All the things
I need to hear,
Before I knew,
I needed to hear them.

To be unafraid,
Of all the things
I used to fear,
Before I knew,
I shouldn't fear them."

She didn't look at me as she said those words. I wonder if they were hers.

"It's Lang Leav." She smiled at my unspoken question. "I guess you are more familiar with the classics." There was a playful smile on her lips.

"I told you I don't do foolish romanticism." I turned away from her gaze. It seemed she was greatly amused.

"So you say." She called me out with a mocking tone.

"I wonder if you'd care for some nourishment?" I changed the topic of our conversation. I held out my hand to her and she took it with no hesitation.

"Boss, all clear." I heard Icen's voice on my transponder. My eyes found the CCTV camera mounted on the ceiling. The camera followed my every move. Seems like my assistant is having too much fun with the training I gave her.

I think I've birthed a monster.

"Nourishment?" She gave a laugh. "You are so weird." She pouted. "Who uses nourishment in everyday conversation?"

"Why would one not use precise words to mean what they mean?"

"Because... because it sounds so academic!" She slapped my arm. "Parang ang tanda pakinggan kapag masyadong formal."

"I don't understand people's abhorrence for such terms. Bakit mas gusto ng mga taong gamitin ang generic terms like 'something', or sa tagalog naman yung word na 'ano' to mean everything else? A word is created to put meaning on everything that catches his senses. Isn't that why names are attached because man has a need to quantify everything in his environment? There is a world of meaning in their nuances that gets drowned in that muddled preference for vagueness."

She looked thoughtful for a while. I pulled the black shawl I got from Sanada earlier and put it around her head and shoulders. She looked quizzically at me.

"Are we sneaking around?" she whispered, her eyes darting around in mischief. Naninibago ako sa aura niya. She seemed too happy.

"Yes." Ipinulupot ko ang braso ko sa kaniyang baywang at sabay kaming lumabas ng bookstore.

*** 

"This doesn't have to be the last time."

Natigilan ako nang marinig ang mga salitang iyon sa kaniya. We spent the whole afternoon together. Kumain kami sa park at nagpa-picture sa mga works of art na nagkalat sa BGC. Actually, ako lang talaga kasi parati siyang nakalingon or nakatago sa camera. We also went inside the Mind Museum na kahit ang tagal nang nagbukas ay ngayon ko lang napasok kasi parating wala akong kasama.

"Bakit mo naman nasabi 'yan?" I asked in what I hoped was a nonchalant voice.

"Because I feel like you are saying goodbye."

I felt his hand find mine. His is so much larger, with calluses and a few hairline scars. Kung hindi mo ito pagmamasdan ay hindi mo mahahalata. What does he do that gave his hands such texture?

"I'm supposed to move to my fiance's house tomorrow. It might be—"

"Supposed does not equate certainty." he cut me off.

"Ali..."

"It takes another courage to live, Maria. You might be existing, but you are not alive." He paused. "At least not yet."

"I don't know if I can be that selfish." I swallowed the hard lump on my throat. I wonder why I found him when I've already been promised to another.

"It is not selfishness to love yourself; to put value in your being human."

"Easy for you to say."

"Is it not selfishness to sacrifice you for your family's prestige? No family should ever do that." He continued and I felt so small. Naiintindihan ko naman kung ano ang sinasabi niya. He is merely echoing the chaos inside of me that I wanted to calm and forget awhile.

"I'm scared."

"Didn't I tell you, I'll catch you?" I watched as he took my hand and kissed the back of it. In my eyes he looked every bit the gallant knight— a knight that wanted to save me from the evil grandmother and aunts and the dragon that wanted to consume me in its flames.

"Hindi mo kilala si Brian. My fiancé is a dangerous man." I was startled when he started laughing. Ngayon ko lang narinig na tumawa si Ali. He rarely smiles as it is tapos ngayon tumatawa siya. I was too surprised and just watched him with shocked eyes.

"Darling, I am no stranger to danger."

Can I do this?

"Creativity requires the courage to let go of certainties." He quoted from Fromm. "Now, will you take a chance with me?"

"Yes."

***

I felt wicked as he pulled my hand and we tip-toed our way into my unit. I asked the guard from the reception and they said that my cousins didn't leave.

Meaning they are sleeping in the guest room.

I put my finger against Ali's lips as we made our way to my room. Akala ko ihahatid lang niya ako but he accompanied me to my unit and before I knew it he swiped my keycard and waited for me to punch my password on the door.

Never in my life have I brought a boy in my unit. Pinagbabawalan kaming makipagrelasyon nila Ama since sila naman ang pipili kung sino ang makakatuluyan namin in the end. It saves us from the heartache, yun ang paniniwala nila.

Ipininid ko ang pinto at pinindot ni Ali ang lock.

"Are you still scared?" he asked without emotion when the lock clicked in place. It sounded obscene in the darkness.

I nodded. There is no use lying anyway. I felt him pull me in his arms and kiss my forehead.

"You don't have to be. Nothing's going to happen to you." He promised in a soft tone, pero kinakabahan pa rin ako. Nasa kabilang kuwarto lang ang mga pinsan ko. What was I thinking, letting him inside my unit, much less my room?

"Why the frown, darling?" He smoothed my brow with a fingertip. The soft moonlight seeping between my curtains cast a soft glow in his eyes. I took in the sight of this angel in front of me.

"Um, you don't think I'm..." I couldn't bring myself to say the words. He waited with an arched brow.

"Maria?"

"Malandi?" I blurted it out.

"Huh?"

"I mean, I let you in my room kahit kakasagot ko pa lang sa'yo kanina, and ilang days pa lang naman tayo nag-date and you are not yet my husband and it's the middle of the night, and I've never done this before, and..." Nakita kong nagpipigil siya ng ngiti. "and I don't want to be branded like that." I could feel my cheeks heat up. I covered my face with my hand.

"Maria," he called my name as he took my hands and placed them on his shoulders. "I know it when girls want to flirt. It's very irritating." I refused to look at him. Naramdaman ko na lang na bumaba siya and the next thing I know, his arm went behind my knees and he carried me to the short distance to my bed.

"I don't like flirts." He said as he placed me on the bed.

"Oh."

"You should change." Nagulat ako nang umalis siya sa kama. He walked over to the window of my unit and pushed the curtain away. I took the chance to get some clothes from my closet tapos nagmadali akong tumakbo sa banyo. Nagtatalo ang isip ko kung mag-sho-shower ba ako or magpapalit na lang ng pantulog, but in the end I decided to take a warm shower.

Dito ba siya matutulog?

The thought went round and round in my head.

Papayagan ko ba siyang matulog dito?

Ugh. I want to, but my upbringing is telling me a big, fat no.

He said he didn't like flirts. Sinagot ko siya kahit ilang araw ko pa lang talaga siya nakikilala. But somehow, I feel that we could get to know each other as our relationship grows.

Masyadong mabilis. Hindi kaya naghahanap lang ako ng way, unconsciously, to get out of my upcoming marriage?

And what about Brian? I feel like I'm cheating kahit hindi ko naman siya mahal. My whole family and his have been anticipating the wedding. They would be very disappointed.

I should probably do the right thing. Hindi tama na ginagawa ko ang mga bagay na ito with Ali while I'm going to get married to Brian. I should tell Ama tomorrow to call off the wedding. Bahala na kung itakwil nila ako. I still have the money I inherited from my mother's side of the family at kahit hindi ganoon kalaki 'yon, maari pa rin naman akong mabuhay nang simple.

I'm tired of being manipulated. Spending time with Alistair Zabala made me feel alive for the first time. Kahit minsan kalahati ng sinasabi niya ay mahirap sundan saka feeling ko may tinatago pa siya sa akin. He is a delicious enigma.

When I got out naghihintay siya na nakaupo pa rin sa window seat ko. I felt his gaze take on my pajama set. I feel like some highschool kid in them pero di ko naman yata take na magsuot ng lingerie. Mayghad, baka mamatay ako sa kahihiyan pag nagsuot ako ng ganoon.

"Um, do you want to use the restroom?" Gusto kong batukan ang sarili ko sa tanong ko. "Um... I mean are you staying tonight?" nakagat ko ang labi ko at nag-init na naman ang pisngi ko sa aking tanong.

"Yes." He said simply at nilampasan ako para pumasok sa banyo.

I sat down on my bed waiting for him to finish in the shower. Fear and excitement sent a delicious shiver skittering across my skin. I've never been this reckless before; not with my cousins sleeping on the next room, not with a man in the same room with me, not with us possibly spending our first night together. Someone I barely know.

Though I admit, he never really felt like a stranger to me. I've never trusted anyone the same as I trust Alistair. He feels safe. Our hands clasped together feels natural, his kisses sends the butterflies in my stomach in a perpetual state of riot, and his arms are like home.

I'm in love.

The realization is not a shock. The first time I saw him, I was already attracted to him. Not to his looks but by the amazing feelings he invoked in me... and his mind... grabe, I've never felt so challenged in my life. Marami akong kilalang guwapo, heck marami akong kaklaseng model noon sa British School kung saan ako nagtapos ng highschool and even sa college maraming umaaligid sa aming magpipinsan, pero I've never met anyone who observed the world the way he does.

The door of my bathroom opened and he stood there shirtless. The sight of his naked torso is too much for me to handle at agad akong nagtalukbong ng kumot. The bed dipped and I felt his arms slide around my waist.

"You are seriously not gonna spend the night hiding under the comforter, darling?" he asked in a teasing tone. I let him pull the blanket away from my face. "Hello, there."

"Good night, darling." He kissed my nose. Just a little peck. Hindi pa rin ako makapagsalita.

I could feel the arms around me tighten as one arm wrapped around my waist to hold me closer while his other hand stroked the small of my back. His intense gaze was directed to my lips and my breath hitched at the thought that he'd kiss me there. I licked my lips in anticipation and I saw him close his eyes tightly and take a deep breath.

"Sleep," he whispered with eyes closed. I felt disappointed. Did he change his mind?

"You should sleep darling," he whispered against my hair and I felt his arms hold me against his body. I buried my face on his chest, inhaling his comforting natural scent. I want to make everything feel right.

I've decided, I'm not going to marry Brian Tiu.

***